Chapter 15 – Deadly nightshade
December 1976
"So, does your sister seem to enjoy her life as a married woman?" asked Ted.
Andromeda raised her head from the letter to him and smiled. They were sitting together on the window shelf in the owlery with a magnificent view over the winter landscape. The moors around Hogwarts were once again covered with a thick layer of white snow and everywhere inside the school, there was an excitement among the students which told everyone that it would soon be time for the winter holidays. Andromeda could hardly believe how fast the semester had passed.
"Yes, she does," she answered. "They have come back from Venice now and apparently, Rudolphus has given her more presents than she knows what to do with. So I think it suits her just fine. They are in France now, but they will come to London and spend the holidays with the rest of us. A pretty long honey moon to say the least."
"Perhaps it gives result. Who knows? By this time next year you could be an auntie."
Andromeda cringed. "Yes, that's what my parents are hoping for at least. They are probably going to start questioning poor Bella the moment they see her again at Christmas."
"Christmas..." mumbled Ted as he pulled closer and wrapped his arm around her. "You know, for the first time in my life, I am not looking forward to the holidays."
Andromeda turned her head, looking into his blue eyes. She gently touched his chin. "I usually don't look forward to them at all. And less than ever this year."
She bent forward and allowed her lips to carefully touch his. She heard him sigh as his arms closed in around her waist, pulling her close. They kissed deeply for a few minutes and Andromeda wrapped her fingers into his blond hair. Then he gently pushed her back, laying her down on the window shelf.
"Andromeda..." he mouthed as his lips slipped down her throat and he opened her robes.
"Be careful," she whispered in amusement. "Suppose we should fall?"
He raised his head, looking down at her with a grin. "I have already fallen."
Their lips met again. This was the kind of moments they lived for, when they were allowed to show their feelings openly to each other. Even though they had been seeing each other for most of the semester, they were always forced to be on guard. No one could know that they were together.
Their sneaking had been exciting in the beginning, but it was becoming tiresome. Ted rarely complained, but Andromeda knew that he was sick of it. But as she saw it, there was no other way. It was necessary to keep things secret, both for Ted's and for her own sake. Still, she couldn't help but wonder how much longer they could go on before someone caught them and let the gossip spread.
She did not want to think about it. During the months they had been together, she had gotten to know Ted better and her feelings for him grew deeper and deeper. She was simply fascinated by everything about him. She had never believed that she could feel this way about anyone.
There was a sensible part of her that warned her from seeing him. She was putting them both at risk and there was no future for them. They would inevitably be forced to split and the more time they spent together, the harder it would be. But she didn't want to listen.
His hands pulled her shirt out of the hem of her skirt and his warm, strong hands stroked the exposed skin on her stomach. His hands carefully moved up with long, firm caresses. She heard him moan slightly as he touched her chest. She closed her eyes. This was a new sensation to them both and it created small stirs of pleasure inside her.
But as he began to fumble with the clasp of her bra, she felt that she had to intervene. Even though her body was screaming for his touch. "Ted," she whispered in his ear. "You have to stop. Someone could come."
"I know," he mumbled reluctantly and pulled away, allowing her to sit up again. He glimpsed at her with a look of deep suffering in his eyes. Andromeda did her best to rearrange her clothes and her hair.
Ted looked thoughtful. "I don't think it's fair that we should have to part," he said. "Why don't you come home with me over the holidays? Then we could be together the whole time and we wouldn't be forced to hide anything. Mum and dad wouldn't mind."
Andromeda gave him a look of surprise. "You know I can't do that. My parents would never allow it. Not even if you weren't a..."
"They don't have to know. You could tell them that you have decided to spend Christmas with one of your friends from Slytherin."
He sounded eager and it was a tempting prospect. But Andromeda knew that it would be impossible. "That wouldn't work. They would insist to know who and where. And they would demand proof that some adult of the right blood would keep an eye on me."
"But if..."
"And besides," she continued quietly. "I don't want to lie."
Ted scoffed sarcastically. "You don't? That's strange since you seem to be lying every time you sneak off to see me. But I guess that is not the same thing, is it?" He gave her a challenging look.
Andromeda blushed. "Please, don't be angry with me. There is nothing I can do."
"Oh, I think there is," he answered coldly. "But it's a matter of wanting."
Andromeda sighed. "Ted, I want to be with you, more than anything. But I just can't... " She shrugged helplessly. "Call me a coward if you like, but I just can't take this battle right now. Don't you understand?"
He gave her a look of disappointment, anger and frustration and sighed deeply. "I knew the terms."
"Severus?"
The oily-haired book looked up, somewhat irritated to be disturbed from his studies. He seemed surprised to see that it was Narcissa who slumped down in front of him. "Yes?"
She tried to give him a natural smile. "Are you looking forward to the holidays?"
He made a face that twisted his face. "Since I am going to be here studying as always, I am pretty indifferent. You will be going home as usual, I suppose?"
"Yes..." mumbled Narcissa.
She didn't say anything else and he looked up at her in surprise. They had not been very close for the last few months. She had been trying to avoid him. She didn't need to hear him telling her I told you so.
"Well, did you want anything special? I am pretty busy?"
"Do you know where I can find some Belladonna roots?" asked Narcissa.
"Belladonna?" Snape actually flinched and looked up at her in astonishment. "The deadly nightshade? What do you need that poisonous stuff for?"
"I got a special assignment from Professor Slughorn," answered Narcissa, just a little too quickly, "since I have not done so well at potions lately. I am supposed to examine the root and write an essay about its toxic qualities. It's a bore but I have to do it."
He frowned. "Well, if Slughorn gave you the task, he must be able to provide the root."
"I asked him and it was all out. I came to you because I know you usually keep a supply of this kind of stuff. And it's a bit tricky to find any of it outside at this time of year."
Severus glared at her in suspicion, but finally seemed to decide that he would be generous. "Yes, I think I have some of them. I can give them to you later when I get back to the house."
Narcissa smiled quickly. "Fine. Thank you, Severus. I really appreciate it." His imposing eyes bothered her and she quickly left the table and the library. She could feel him watching her as she left, but she tried not to care about it.
"Hallo, stranger.
Andromeda looked up in surprise and found Sirius looking into the niche where she was studying, even though her concentration was not on the studies. "Oh, hi..." Automatically, her eyes began to search through the corridor.
He smiled sarcastically as he settled down next to her. "Don't worry. No one is around to catch us. I already checked."
Andromeda felt stupid. "I didn't mean to... I am sorry that I've been avoiding you. I didn't really mean to, I just..."
"It's okay," he said dismissively. "I realize that it can't be very easy to be forced to stash away both your boyfriend and your cousin."
"So, you have seen us..." sighed Andromeda.
"I saw you back at the World Cup, didn't I? And yes, I have observed the two of you this autumn. I wouldn't worry though. I don't think anyone else has been watching close enough and I haven't told anyone about it."
She nodded quietly and scrutinized him. His mother would probably be disappointed to hear that Sirius hadn't fallen down and died without his family. He was actually looking rather fine and proper. As always, he was very handsome with his black hair hanging down his cheeks.
"How have you been?" she asked him.
He shrugged. "The feeling of being free is worth more than anything else."
"Where do you plan to spend the holiday?"
"Here. James can't bear to part from the lady of his heart so I will stay here with him and Remus and Peter." He nodded out through the window and Andromeda caught a glimpse of James Potter and Lily Evans. They had been inseparable since the World Cup and the red-haired girl seemed to have developed a considerable influence over him. He seemed to have calmed down quite a lot.
They were walking together across the school yard, hand in hand. Lily's head was resting on his shoulder and his cheek on the top of hers. They were walking slowly, blind to the world around them. Andromeda couldn't help feeling jealous. James and Lily didn't have to sneak or hide. They could show their love for each other openly. It was not forbidden and they did not have to risk being thrown out of their families.
"I will be going home," she told Sirius.
He raised his eyebrows sarcastically. "Back to 12 Grimmauld place? Give my dear parents a hug. And Regulus can probably not believe his own luck. He didn't even have to kill me to take my place as the heir. They have burnt my name off from the tapestry, I suppose? Just like old uncle Alphard. Join the club." He laughed harshly.
Andromeda did not. "Is it really so uncomplicated? Breaking all the bonds with the family? Cutting the ties with all the traditions, everything that made you what you are?"
His smiled stiffened. "They have not made me. They gave me life, nothing more." His voice softened. "I know it's different for you. Unlike me, there are people in your family that you actually care bout."
"Yes, but still..." mumbled Andromeda. "How can you be sure that there won't be a day when you will regret that you ran away? Then there will be no way back."
"Why are you asking me this?"
Andromeda bit her lip. "Ted wanted me to come home with him for Christmas."
"Oh dear..." sighed Sirius.
"Yes," said Andromeda grimly. "I tried to explain to him that it's not possible, but I am not sure that he understands. How can I ever make him understand what kind of family we are?"
"What kind of insane family," sneered Sirius. "I don't think you can – unless you let him meet them."
"And I definitely can't do that," said Andromeda wryly. "Just imagine what would happen if I brought Ted to Grimmauld Place. Mother would swoon and Regulus and his mad friends would probably put the torture curse on him."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I love Ted, but I am not sure that I can..." She stopped the moment, she noticed that a blond girl was coming their way through the corridor. She quickly bolted to her feet. "Narcissa! Sirius and I were just..."
For a moment, Narcissa looked stunned to see her former betrothed. But she composed herself in less than a moment. "I am not blind," she said coldly. "If you excuse me I have some things to study." She held a thick potions book in her arms.
Sirius took one, hesitating step towards her. "Cissy..."
"See you later, Andromeda," said Narcissa coldly. She did not acknowledge Sirius' presence in any way. He could have been a ghost.
"Another one of my headaches..." mumbled Andromeda as Narcissa turned on her heel and left.
Sirius frowned as he watched Narcissa's retreating back. "Is she still like this?"
Andromeda nodded wearily. "To be honest I don't know what to do about her. She tried to be cheerful at Bellatrix's wedding, but nothing has changed."
"I really am sorry," he said honestly. "I wish she could move on."
"Yes, so do I, believe me. Anyway, I think I should get back to Slytherin. It would not be so good if she thought I was talking with you."
Sirius watched Andromeda closely. "Is a tapestry really worth it?"
"Huh?" She frowned din confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what I am talking about," said Sirius, gently, but firmly. "You are trying to sit on two chairs, Andromeda. Sooner or later you'll be forced to choose side. And deep inside, you know what side it must be. You are not like them."
He smiled mildly and left her.
Narcissa watched the goblet on the table. The potion looked like black, oozing mud and the sharp smell made her head spin. She had cooked it in the kettle over the fireplace in Slytherin's common room. It was way past midnight and everyone else was asleep in their dormitories. Everything was quiet around her.
She had waited long enough. It was time to get it over with. Slowly, she pulled out an envelope from her pocket and placed it on the table. Bellatrix and Andromeda was written over it. It was meant for the only people in the world that she cared enough about to realize that they would be hurt by her loss.
Please forgive me, she had written in the letter. But I am just not strong enough to go on.
For a moment, she thought about them. Bellatrix was in France, enjoying her honey moon. Bellatrix was strong. She had not fallen apart because her intended husband didn't want her. She had pulled herself together and went on with her life. She had found another man and it didn't matter to her if she didn't love him. She was not a miserable coward like her little sister.
And Andromeda... Narcissa sighed. Andromeda had come back from her meeting with Sirius, full of regret and excuses. Narcissa had assured her that she was not upset. She had sent her sister upstairs to go to bed and told her that she would soon come after her. She just had some studies to take care of.
She imagined the look on Andromeda's face as she came down from the dormitory the following morning and found her sister's dead body. She tried to imagine what Andromeda would think and feel. She heard her scream of horror and despair.
And Andromeda would be forced to tell their parents. She would be forced to tell Bellatrix.
"I am sorry," whispered Narcissa quietly. "But I have to."
She casually thought about Sirius. What would he think? Would he care? Would he actually be sad? The thought bothered her more than she wanted to admit. She needed to push him out of her mind or she might not be able to do it.
Slowly, she lifted the cup in both her hands. Taking a deep breath, she put it to her mouth and drank it. She emptied the goblet in one single stroke and sank back into the couch, waiting for the effects to start feeling.
"It won't work, Narcissa."
She flinched and nearly jumped out of her skin. Severus Snape stepped out from behind the door frame that led to the boys' rooms. His eyes looked cold. "It won't work," he repeated. "You won't get what you want."
Narcissa stared at him, still shocked to see him. "What do you mean? What have you done?"
He sighed deeply. "Just how stupid do you think I am? Did you think I was going to assist you in some wretched seppuku ritual? Did you really think I would entrust you with the Deadly nightshade root?"
"You didn't give it to me," she whispered slowly. "It was something else. What was it?"
He smiled wryly. "Oh, don't worry about it. You'll probably suffer some stomach pains in the morning but hopefully it will clear things up inside your brain."
Severus grabbed the letter to her sisters that she had put on the table and snatched it away. Before she had a chance to stop him, he put it on the fire. He looked grimly at her. "If you really think that werewolf and muggle lover is worth killing yourself for, then I won't try to stop you. It is your life to waste. But don't bring me into it."
A/N: Happy Holidays everyone! Since I have suffered a little bit of a writer's block I will be very grateful for any reviews.
