Soldier's Attendant - Ch. 4 – Steps in The Right Direction
"Hi, Mom." I spoke into the phone when she answered.
"Hey, Clarke. How are you? Are you ready to have a talk?" She replied and I felt my eyes roll - direct as always.
I was on the upstairs balcony of Bellamy's bedroom, leaning against the railing and looking up at the stars. It had been a relaxing day spent with Bellamy at his house, and another very amazing evening in his bedroom. But, just after Bellamy had dozed off, I noticed an alert on my cell. I knew I had to call her before she blew up my phone and woke Bell. With that thought in mind, I wandered out onto his bedroom balcony to make the call.
"I suppose so." I sighed. "But first, I really want to thank you for what you did this morning - and for how quickly you did it without a full explanation. I didn't feel I had time to waste and I was right." I confided, shaking my head of the worry I'd gone through earlier.
"You're welcome, sweetheart. This may be hard for you to believe but I was happy to do it." She said with a slight chuckle but she was right - I didn't believe it. She must have taken my silence as confirmation.
"I mean it. I was happy to help you today, Clarke. I know that I gave you a hard time when you wanted to slow down to help your father." She sighed and took several seconds to collect her thoughts before going on. "I should have told you this long ago. Instead, I imposed my opinions without ever explaining myself." She confessed but I wasn't sure I knew what she meant.
"Mom, what?" I asked feeling confused about her rambling.
"Clarke, there are some things I need to get off my chest - if you'll let me. I can't let any more time pass without telling you." She spoke stoically.
"Sure, if it's really that important to you." I answered with a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"You're my only daughter and I love you so much, Clarke. I've only ever wanted the best for you. At the time, I truly and firmly believed the Residency Program was best for you. You see, I thought Jake would be fine with a regular Attendant and that you belonged at the hospital instead. It never occurred to me that spending that time with your father was for the best... not until after. I never imagined that Jake would … I never thought we'd lose him so soon." She sniffled and I felt tears slide down my cheek.
"Mom, we couldn't have known." I reminded her as I tried to swallow.
"I know, Sweetheart, but that's just it. No one could have predicted what was to happen... not even you. Yet, you were right to have worked so hard to be there for him, even if you had to fight me and my ideals to do it. I should have been the one to carry that load instead of you. Or at the very least, I should have facilitated things for you instead of being so hard on you." I could hear her weeping and I wanted to disagree but she was right, and I still held resentment for it.
"In the end and after everything, I was glad you had that time with Jake before we lost him. I know it meant the world to him. Then, after he was gone, you were all I had left. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that I had pushed you too hard for too long, and way too far. I still hate myself for not being more helpful with Jake, and for not being at your side after he was gone. I know I'm to blame for the rift between us, Clarke. It's a hardship that I've had to live with ever since. I'm so sorry, Clarke, for all that I did and all that I didn't."
In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to hug my mom. In my heart, I knew she was being honest and as heartfelt as I'd ever heard her. She had never been this open with me before and as sure as I could feel the tears falling, I knew in my heart that I was forgiving her. It would probably take some time for us to mend our relationship, but this was one hell of a first step in that direction.
"Oh, Mom. Please don't cry any more. We'll fix this, okay? We will. I already feel better knowing more of your side of things. It helps me to understand you a little better." I told her as I wiped at my cheeks.
"You've always been much more level headed than most your age. You were never frivolous and you were always more self-sacrificing and mature than anyone else I knew, despite your tender age. I should have taken that into consideration when you asked to slow down the first time, instead of assuming you'd be throwing away your future. But oh, Clarke, I was still so proud of how you got your life back on track after everything you went through - even watching from afar. I just wish I hadn't pushed you too far, and that I had been more of a help instead of a hindrance. " She lamented but I stopped her.
"It wouldn't have changed anything, Mom. You can't keep doing this to yourself. Dad would be so pissed if he could see us now." I said through my tears as I pictured my dad.
"Stop with the water-works, Girls!" Mom added mimicking Dad's voice and a laugh burst through me before I could catch it.
"Crying is for babies asking for a bottle." I mimicked his voice with a giggle and I had to admit that it felt good to think of my dad with a laugh instead of sadness.
"I missed hearing you laugh, Sweetheart." She told me and I had to agree that I felt the same way.
"I missed hearing you laugh too." I told her with a smile.
"Okay, so tell me about Mr. Blake." Mom said and I my eyes closed at her mention of him, then I sighed.
"Mom, I don't even know where to start. I guess I should tell you that he's important to me." I told her, trying to gather all my thoughts and figure out what else to say.
"Well, that a given since you're his Attendant." She chuckled.
"Ok, I'll start there. Mom, when you met Bellamy, I wasn't his actually his Attendant at the time. You see, I was only seated next to him at the ceremony when his assigned Attendant abandoned him there."
"What?" Mom interrupted me and I could tell by her tone, that she was not happy about that.
"More on that later. She turned out to be the third Attendant to abandon him and that needs to be addressed with the program. Anyway, I met Bellamy there. We got into talking and seemed to really hit it off." I felt my cheeks getting warm as I was nearing the embarrassing topic with my mother about of hooking up with Bell.
"Ok, we'll put a pin in the matter of the past Attendants for now. Why didn't you just tell me you weren't his Attendant?" She asked curiously, but at least she didn't sound judgmental.
"Well, you sort of announced your assumption on us and wandered away before either of us could say much of anything. By that point, he and I had already spoken about me having been Dad's SA. However, I still wasn't aware he was being up for the Winter Ceremony Fortitude Award until you mentioned it." I said as I exhaled.
"Oh, Clarke … I think that was partially why I waked away so quickly after meeting him. Initially, I was shocked to see you there at all. Then I was also surprised by my assumption of you being SA to a man with such similar circumstances as Jake. Too many painful memories come to mind and as I told you earlier, I've felt horrible about my past behavior. So, when I saw you there with him, I guess it all hit me at once and I had to get out as quickly as I could." She explained and I realized how it must have looked to her.
"I can understand how it looked." I responded with a chuckle. "After you left, I sort of lost it over the similarities between his case and Dad's. Once I explained them to him, Bellamy was really great about helping me through my feelings. He helped calm me down and promised to call you in the morning to clear things up with you. I was the one that begged him not to."
"Oh, Clarke. That … I'm so sorry, Sweetheart." She lamented but I wanted no pity.
"Mom, his Attendant had just abandoned him there. Then after learning more about him, I reached the conclusion that he deserved everything Dad did - even if that meant doing it myself. I wasn't technically his Attendant that night, I am now.
"Clarke, Sweetheart. Maybe you should …" Mom tried to interject something but by her tone, I was sure I knew where she was going.
"I think I know what you're going to tell me. No - I don't' feel forced or guilted into this. Yes - I can see how this will be hard for me in some ways. But Mom, I need to do this for me."
"I'm sorry, Sweetheart. You're right, I was thinking along those lines but I can also tell that you've made up your mind about this. As long as you're also doing this for you - because you want to - then I will be behind you. This morning, I mobilized everything out of the guilt I carried for not having helped before. Now, I'm even more glad I was able to help you out. Mr. Blake has snagged himself the best Attendant anyone could ask for and you have my full support, Clarke." She told me and it felt great to hear.
"Thanks, Mom. You don't know what this means to me. I felt bad for the rush of everything this morning too. I planned to take my time arranging things better. Unfortunately, a call from Bell that morning really worried me. I couldn't think beyond it and just reacted. I'm so grateful that your help was fast. I shudder to think what I might have found if I'd taken longer to get back to his place." I told her without thinking.
"Bell? Back to his place?" She questioned and I immediately realized the words I'd used. "You've called him Bellamy a few times already instead of Mr. Blake. But, you only just met him yesterday and agreed to be his Attendant this morning. Yet, you went back to his place … Does that mean that you and he..."
"Please don't over-react, Mom." I begged, hoping to avoid spoiling the first decent conversation we'd had in a very long time. "Yes - I called him Bell. It's short for Bellamy because we're definitely on a first name basis. Yes - I said I returned to his place this morning because I spent the night with him yesterday. And No - I won't go into details about our night because I'm sure you can work that one out on your own." I rambled and took a breath before continuing.
"Bell and I know how very fast we moved, but it feels very right. We've talked the serious talk and we know the realities of moving fast. Bell and I still have a lot to learn about each other, but we are both prepared for the bumps that are sure to come from having done things out of order. Like I already told you, he's important." I felt like I could finally breathe after having said all could think of.
"Wow! You know Jake would get a major kick out of this, right?" Was her reply and then she laughed. "I've never met anyone more stubborn than you, Clark. I won't even ask if you're sure, because I can tell that you are. Jake always said he'd try to find a man almost as good as him for you … maybe he did." Mom's words were light and filled my heart with lightness too.
"I think you might be right, Mom. I wouldn't know how else to explain this, or any other way for this to have all happened so quickly." I told her with a smile.
My smile widened when I felt arms hug me from behind. I had Mom on speaker with the glass door closed, hoping to avoid waking Bellamy.
"Good evening, Princess." Bellamy spoke lightly and into my ear, but Mom still heard him.
"Is that Mr. Blake?" She asked but before I could respond, Bellamy spoke to her.
"Yes, Dr. Griffin, it's me. I'm sorry to have intruded on your conversation with Clarke." He told her.
"No apologies needed. I've monopolized her long enough for tonight, anyway. Also, you can call me Abby." She told him nicely and I was grateful.
"Ok, Abby, but only if you call me Bellamy." He told her while smiling at me.
"Deal. I'll let you go for now. Clark, let's talk over the next couple of days, yeah? Aside from the ceremony plans, I don't to lose any more touch. I love you." She told me, and I nodded before speaking.
"You got it, Mom. I love you, too." I told her genuinely.
"Oh, before I say goodnight – Bellamy, can I ask a favor of you?" She asked suddenly.
"Of course." Bell replied with a shoulder shrug towards me.
"I accept that you kids are moving at lightning speed, but pleas be safe. Not exactly ready to be a grandma, just yet." She said and everything was quiet for the longest seconds of my life.
"Mom!" I finally exclaimed just as Bellamy sputtered, only to hear her cackling laugh through the speaker.
"That was for Jake. He would've wanted to say that himself, so I had to." She laughed into the phone.
"Oh, God!" I exclaimed with a laugh and saw Bell was failing at holding in his laugh too. "He really would have said that." I admitted with a smile, still partially mortified but also amused by that truth.
"Alright, good night, you too. Maybe when we speak next, we can set up a lunch with Bellamy too, so I can get to know him as well." She said and I could hear the hopeful tone as my eyes found Bellamy, who was nodding with a smile of his own.
"Okay. We'd love to. Good night, Mom." I replied before hanging up.
"Well, that was interesting. I didn't really mean to interrupt. I woke up without you and heard you out here. I only wanted to check that you were ok. Once I knew you were, I just needed to feel you in my arms." Bellamy admitted from his stance across the balcony, so I placed my cell on the chair and walked into his waiting arms.
"I really like being in your arms." I told him as he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to his shirtless chest. "You're so warm." I snuggled into him, which made him chuckle.
"The bed is warmer. Can I interest you in …"
I cut off his innuendo with a passionate kiss. His arms made quick work of removing his tank top from me, leaving me just as topless as him. I loved the feel of his chest against mine but I pulled away and grabbed his arm to pull in into his bedroom. He caught and lifted me from behind, just before I made it to the bed. Then, he placed a kiss on the center of my back and started kissing up my spine as he lowered me to the ground. I felt his hardness as my body slid down the front of his, making everything feel sensual and very erotic. By the time his lips made their way to the back of my neck, I was a hot mess of want and need.
"Bell, I need you." I said on an exhaled breath, and he growled into the back of my ear.
Without releasing me, he pushed us onto the bed with his body over mine. Then, he began lightly licking and kissing his way down my back again, while his hands moved to remove his boxer shorts from my body. His hands and his mouth had me quivering and crying out his name in no time, and the night was far from over.
"BELL-BELL! Rise and shine, Solder Boy! Your better half is here!" A loud and female voice startled me awake the next morning. Bellamy jumped to a sitting position beside me and turned to me with wide eyes. Sleep vanished from my head as I registered the woman's voice combined with the look on Bellamy's face.
"What the hell, Bellamy" I whisper yelled at him, assuming the worst, and trying to untangle the sheets from me so I could flee his bed.
"Clarke, no! It's not what you're -" He tried to say when suddenly the door flew open and the woman in question spoke again.
"Oh shit! Bell, who is this?" The woman questioned, dragging my eyes from Bellamy's, to hers.
This girl was, for lack of any other fitting word, beautiful. Long brown hair, amazing body, and a playful smirk on her face. If I was in any mood to revisit my college years, I'd totally be in to her. I shook that train of thought at once, realizing that she'd caught me in bed with her …
"Clarke, this is Octavia - my annoying and barge-into-any-room-without-knocking, but I love her anyway – sister." Bellamy said in a sarcastic tone I'd never heard from him before, so I tore my eyes from the girl in front of us, back to him. He wiped a hand down his face as he spoke again. "O, can you please give us a moment?" He told her in exacerbation, as he let his head fall back onto the pillow.
"Sure." She chimed with a giggle, so I looked back to see her smirking at him before she said, "But don't keep me waiting, Bell-Bell." Then she looked at me and smiled. "Hi, I'm Octavia and I'll see you two in a few." Then she was gone, having closed the door behind her.
"Clarke, I'm so sorry. I had no idea she would be in town. This wasn't exactly how I'd hoped to introduce you girls." He told me, turning his body towards me to look me in the eyes.
"No, Bell. I'm the one that should apologize. For a minute there, I thought the worst, despite you never having given me any indication that you're untrustworthy. So, I'm sorry." I told him as I snuggled back down beside him.
He kissed the tip of my nose sweetly, which made me smile. "Nothing to forgive. With what you've told me of your past, and the way she waltzed in here unannounced... If the situation had been reversed, I would have thought the same thing. O has just never been too great with boundaries." He somewhat chuckled, so I relaxed with his explanation and kissed his lips.
He was just about to deepen the kiss as he rolled above me when "Don't think I won't go back up there!" Octavia called before cackling into a fit of laughter. When Bellamy growled in frustration, I laughed. We'll be right down." I called to her, finally untangling myself from Bellamy and climbing off the bed.
"I suppose we can continue this later." Bellamy grumbled when he saw me putting on another pair of boxer shorts and t-shirt I'd borrowed from him.
"Definitely." I confirmed while pulling out some clean clothes for him before making my way into his bathroom to wash my face and use some mouth rinse.
"I'll hold you to that. There's a spare toothbrush the right sink drawer, if you need it. I'll use the hallway restroom and meet Octavia downstairs. Take all the time you need." Bellamy told me from the door, so I thanked him and went about my business.
After I was as ready and as presentable as I was going to get, I headed downstairs. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about officially meeting Bellamy's sister. From what he'd told me, and however brief our earlier encounter, I knew she was strong-willed and outspoken.
"I hear what you're saying, Bell. But, despite how fast it's happened, if she's already that important to you, then you won't mess it up. Have a little faith in yourself... and in her, will you?" I heard Octavia telling Bellamy in a gentle voice.
"Thanks, O. I just worry about some stuff you don't know about her and her history as an Attendant. I don't want to be more than she can handle or the reason she hurts, you know? Besides, she's already sacrificing so much more than anyone ever has for me, O. That's hard for me." He responded and I felt my heart warm at his sentiment.
"Bell, I told you not to underestimate me. I can handle much more than you know, and it's not a sacrifice if I'm doing it willingly." I told him sweetly, coming to hug his side by the kitchen counter, then placing a kiss on his cheek.
Octavia beamed at me and it felt good that she seemed to approve of what I said. I offered to make everyone some breakfast, but Octavia told us she'd ordered breakfast delivery which was sure to arrive in a short while.
A/N: And that's how Clarke met Octavia. LOL! I'm so Sorry it's taken me so long to update. Real world gets busy, sorry! I will do my best to update at least weekly.
