Chapter 22 – The only way out

Her body felt heavy and numb. When she tried to open her eyelids, the effort made her head spin. Someone was sitting by her bed, someone was touching her hand. Her lips instinctively formed his name. "Ted." but when she slowly managed to open her eyes, she looked into a pair of concerned, grey eyes.

"Sirius?" she whispered weakly.

He nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Not so good..." Andromeda glanced around with wide eyes and realized that she was lying in a bed, in a room whose walls were so white that they almost stung her eyes. "Where am I?"

"At St. Mungo's. Dumbledore used one of his port keys to get you here as quickly as possible."

Suddenly, everything came back to her again, clearly, unmercifully. She remembered how she had felt when she had lost her balance and tumbled back over the stairs. She remembered the sharp pain and the realization that was almost too much to bear. "It's more than I deserve," she whispered in a choked voice. "The baby... It's gone, isn't it?"

Sirius quickly shook his head. "No, no, it's fine, one of the healers just told me."

Andromeda's eyes grew round when desperate hope clenched her heart. "But how can it live? I could feel the blood..."

Sirius shrugged. "If you had come to a muggle hospital it would probably have died, but fortunately the healers of this place have more knowledge."

"So it is really alive then?" When her cousin nodded, she let out a deep sigh and sank back against the pillow for a moment. "Where is Ted?"

"He is on his way. I sent an owl to tell him." He peered at her with a mix of curiosity and embarrassment. "It's his I suppose?"

"Who else would it be?"

"I don't know. I just wonder why you haven't told me about this."

"I haven't told anyone except Ted and that was hard enough. For a long time, I did my best to pretend that it wasn't really true."

"But it wasn't so easy, was it?" She shook her head and Sirius clutched her hand hard enough to break the bones. "Merlin, Andromeda, when I saw you lying there by the stairs... I just didn't understand how I could go on without my favourite cousin... My only cousin now." His fingertips gently stroke her cheek and Andromeda managed to give him a sad smile.

"Well, I suppose I should tell everyone else that you have woken up. They will be relieved."

"The others?"

"Yes, my friends all came with me here. James, Peter, Remus, Lily... They were as shocked as I was to see what happened to you."

Andromeda was very surprised since she knew that Sirius' Gryffindor mates had never been particularly fond of her. And that had been mutual. "That was very sweet of them, but they don't need to worry." She swallowed nervously. "Is there... anyone else waiting?"

Sirius squirmed. "Narcissa is down by the reception. She was relieved that you are okay. I heard that she was going to send word to your parents and to Bellatrix. But she... she didn't want to come with me to see you. Maybe she was too nervous. Regulus was down there too and he did not look very well."

"He wouldn't I suppose," sighed Andromeda.

Sirius' eyes narrowed dangerously. "Some Slytherin people were saying things I just couldn't believe... that he pushed you down those stairs. I tried to ask Narcissa, but she still refuses to speak to me. Is it true?"

Andromeda cringed. She didn't want to remember the scene in the common room. "It was an accident... He had found out about me and Ted and consequently went ballistic. He tried to throw a Cruciatus curse on me and Narcissa intervened. But somehow, the force of the spell hit me."

Sirius' grey eyes started burning with fury. "That little worm! I'll murder him for this! If Ted doesn't beat me to it, I suppose."

"Don't bother, Sirius, it won't make any difference," she said indifferently. "Besides, some of the blame was probably mine. If I hadn't provoked him..."

"How can you say that!? He tried to throw an unforgivable curse on you! The ministry would send his skinny ass into a stinking cell in Azkaban for life! Even that is better than he deserves."

Andromeda wearily shook her head. "Sirius, please don't touch him. I don't want to make a family war out of this. It's not worth it. Regulus is too sad to even care about. But I want to see my sisters... I can't let Regulus fill their heads with lies. I have to explain this to them. I have to make them understand why I did what I did..."

She clutched his hand tightly and he nodded shortly. "I'll get them for you."


A loud bang was heard as Bellatrix tossed the door to the hospital entrance wide open and ran in, almost tipping over two janitors on her way. Casually, Narissa noticed that her sister had not even bothered to pull a comb through her hair. She looked like she had come straight from her bed and her face was pale and shaken.

As soon as she saw Narcissa, she ran up to her and started firing questions like canon balls. "Where is Andromeda? How is she? What on earth has happened? I could hardly believe my eyes when I got that owl from you. Our sister in a hospital? Blacks are never ill! What on earth is wrong with her? Is she okay...?"

"Bellatrix, I..." Narcissa swallowed tightly. She had been thinking about how she was going to tell Bellatrix about a hundred times. But now, her tongue didn't want to obey her. "There are some things you must know..."

"Just tell me! Is she or is she not!?"

"She is all right. The healers assured me that she will be fine."

"Good." For a moment Bellatrix looked relieved. Then she noticed the look on Narcissa's face. "But then why aren't you with her? Why are you looking so strange? Have there been any complications?"

"Bella, I... No, she will be all right, but..." She just didn't know how she was going to continue.

"Yes, she will be all right," interfered Regulus coldly. "Unfortunately." He had just come out of the bathrooms and his face was not looking nearly as greenish as it had when the healers had carried off Andromeda's limp body. He seemed to have composed himself and his face was tight and hard. "If there was any justice, she would have died. That's the punishment all treacherous scum should have."

Bellatrix grabbed his collar, quick like a cat. "Our sister is in a hospital, you little git. I will thank you to show some bloody respect when you talk about her."

Usually, that sort of menacing reprimand from Bellatrix would have made Regulus shiver. But this time, he simply pushed her away, looking cold and superior. "You know nothing, Bellatrix. I would have thought that you of all people would have stopped something like this from happening. Maybe you aren't much of a role model after all."

"What are you babbling about? If you have something to say about Andromeda, then spill it out. She will always be worth ten of you anyway."

"Well, ask Cissy then," challenged Regulus. "Let's see if she doesn't agree with me."

Bellatrix looked suspiciously at her youngest sister. "Narcissa? Will you tell me what is going on?"

Narcissa felt miserable. "Bellatrix..."

"I know my name! Just tell me!"

But Narcissa just couldn't bring herself to say anything. "I'll tell you," said Regulus coldly.

They were still standing by the reception about an hour later when Sirius came down. He gave his younger brother a disgusted look and turned to Bellatrix and Narcissa. He frowned as he saw the pale, numb look on the faces of the two sisters.

"Andromeda wants to see you," he told them flatly. No one answered or even acknowledged his presence. That was nothing unusual of course, but since this concerned their sister, he was surprised. "Did you not hear me?"

Bellatrix demonstratively turned away. "I think we should go home. Mother and father will be waiting for us."

"Yes, you are probably right," mumbled Narcissa. She was not as good an actress as her sister and Sirius could tell that she had heard what he said.

Angrily, he went pass them and blocked their way. "I don't believe this. Your sister almost died and you are still determined to continue this silent war against me. Or have you declared war on Andromeda too now?"

"Out of our way, scum," said Regulus warningly. "We don't have to explain anything to you."

Sirius looked hard at his cousins. "And he was the one who almost killed her and yet you are siding with him? What the hell is wrong with you? I can understand if you hate me, but will you rather believe this stinking little rat over your own sister?"

"You vile..." Regulus furiously reached for his wand.

"Go on then!" Sirius reached his hands out, making himself an easy target. "You didn't manage to kill Andromeda off so let's see if you can do better against me. I am sure dear mother would be delighted if you brought back my head like a trophy."

He smiled mockingly at his younger brother, who still aimed his wand against him. "Regulus," said Bellatrix coldly. "Don't defile your wand. Let's go." She took him by the arm and led him towards the exit.

Sirius could just shake his head. "Like she said. It's not worth it." He scowled at Andromeda's sisters. "I just hope she will realize that you are not worth it either."


Once again, someone was holding her hand, but when Andromeda opened her eyes, she looked into the face she had desperately been longing to see. His blue and greenish eyes were looking down at her, worriedly, lovingly. How long had it been? Two days, three days? "You came..." she whispered.

"Of course I came, as soon as I heard. When I read Sirius' letter..."

His voice died and she tried to smile. "I am sure he exaggerated. He has been playing nurse for me ever since I came here."

"He cares so much for you..." smiled Ted as he stroked her cheek. He glanced around in the room. There were some flowers standing on the bedside table, but they were all from Sirius and his friends. "Has no one else been here?"

Andromeda bit her lip tightly. "No. They wouldn't come."

"Sirius told me about Regulus. Did he really try to use the Cruciatus curse on you?"

"That's not important. No harm was done." Andromeda didn't want to talk about Regulus at all. She knew they had more important things to discuss. Unbelievably important things.

Ted looked down at her as he tried to read the look on her face. "Everything is all right then?"

She nodded quietly. "Yes, I am fine... We are fine."

Ted's hand slowly slipped down to be gently placed on her waist under the blanket. "The baby..."

Andromeda sighed and slowly took both his warm hands into her own. "Yes, the baby. It still lives. Perhaps it was fate, or the muggle god... But when I thought I would lose it, I suddenly realized that I didn't want to lose it. I realized that I wanted it. I realized that it was a part of me... and of you. I could see it before me, laughing, smiling with your smile..." She didn't know how to explain and realized that there probably was no reasonable explanation. "It lives and I can't kill it now, Ted. I know it's crazy, I know it's not the right time, but it doesn't matter to me. I still want it."

She didn't add with or without you, but they both knew that it was an unspoken fact. He could not stop her from having the baby, but nor could she stop him from walking away from them both.

Ted was quiet for some time. "Andromeda," he finally said. "I love you. If this is what you want, then it's what I want too. No matter what you do, I will stand by your side."

Andromeda smiled up at him, realizing that she had never doubted him. "Just as long as you don't feel that I forced you..."

He firmly shook his head. "Don't ever think that. You and I are one, Andromeda. Wherever you go, I will follow."

She wrapped her arms around her, pulling him down in a tight embrace. "Thank you..." she whispered against his broad shoulder.

They were still sitting tightly together, talking and making plans as the door was opened.

"I am sorry," said Sirius in embarrassment as he saw them. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's all right." Andromeda frowned as she noticed the wrinkle on his forehead. "What's happened?"

Sirius held up a piece of parchment. "Your family finally seem to have recalled your existence. They want to see you tomorrow at Grimmauld place 12."

"Are you going?" asked Ted.

Andromeda nodded. "Yes, I will. I have to go."

Sirius did not like to hear that. "You are not strong enough yet and besides, Merlin knows what kind of treatment they have prepared for you..."

"I must go," said Andromeda firmly. "I need to explain this to them and maybe I won't get another chance. They are my family and I owe them that much at least. I must go."

Sirius glanced at Ted as if he was hoping for support, but the blond boy just nodded quietly. He gave up and sighed. "Let me take you there."


Sirius dropped her off right outside the elegant house that belonged to his parents. He realized that it wouldn't be very wise of him to cross the threshold, but he promised that he would keep watch for her in a disguise they would never be able to recognize him in. She wasn't sure what he meant, but she felt safer to know that he was around.

Andromeda had been to Grimmauld place 12 hundreds of times. She had spent birthdays and holidays inside the house. But this time she felt like a stranger, like an intruder. Regulus opened the door for her. He didn't say one word or hardly even looked at her when he led the way to the drawing room.

"The mudblood's whore has arrived," he announced sarcastically.

No one answered. No one protested. Andromeda found that her parents were sitting by one of the tables along with her aunt and uncle. Her Aunt Walburga's eyes were cold and narrow. Her heart fluttered slightly as she noticed Bellatrix and Narcissa sitting on a couch in a corner. They both looked cautiously at her.

Cygnus Black nodded at his daughter. "Andromeda. Daughter. Sit down." She sank down on one of the chairs. No one else greeted her. No one asked how she was feeling after four days in the hospital. Over everything, Andromeda was aware of the tapestry hanging on the wall. Even from distance, she could see the burnt mark where Sirius' name had once been.

"We have heard some rather extraordinary things about you," her father began in a strange tone of voice. "Regulus has told us that you have been keeping some very bad company. He claims that you have been romantically involved with a muggleborn wizard. He says that you have been sneaking around with this creature behind the back of your entire family and class. I cannot believe that my own daughter would commit such a horrible crime and I will not judge you on hearsay. I ask you openly and I would like an honest reply. Is this true?"

Andromeda swallowed. Under her family's eyes, her confidence was getting weaker. "It's not as simple as..."

"Just yes or no," her father demanded sternly. "Is it true?"

"Yes, it's true."

Her father said nothing more. He looked like he had completely lost his voice. Her mother Druella sat quietly with her lips tightly pressed together. She was watching her daughter but it seemed like she was looking straight through her.

Aunt Walburga continued the interrogation. "After what we have heard, you have sunk even deeper than that. We have heard that you have had..." She made a face of disgust. "...carnal knowledge about this creature."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Andromeda could hardly contain a smile at her choice of words. "Carnal knowledge, aunt?"

"In English," hissed Walburga icily. "Have you given yourself to that filthy mudblood?"

"No, I haven't," answered Andromeda honestly. "I made love to him."

Her aunt snorted. "I have also heard that you are carrying his filthy half-blood offspring."

"That is also not true. I am carrying his child – and mine."

"A half-blood abomination," stated her aunt. "A monstrous freak."

"A child," said Andromeda empathically. "A child of a wizard and a witch, of a man and a woman, of two humans, whatever you like." No one answered. Her uncle Orion looked sad, her parents just shook their heads in dismay and her aunt looked at her niece like she was some strange and infectious insect.

"We are getting married if that will make you feel better," said Andromeda, since she didn't know what else to tell them. "You won't have to suffer a bastard in the family at least." She tried not to sound sarcastic, but she didn't do very well.

"Bastard?" Suddenly her mother stood from her chair. Her blue eyes were blazing. "What do you think we are? I would welcome a hundred bastards rather than a single mudblood spawn!"

"You have betrayed us all, Andromeda," agreed her husband. "You knew very well the rules we set for our children and you knew what happens to those who break it."

Andromeda nodded quietly. "Yes, I knew that. I suppose it doesn't make any difference, but I never planned for it to happen. I never wanted to hurt any of you. But I fell in love."

"You don't fall in love with filth!" spat Druella.

Andromeda realized that she was wasting her time on her parents. "I guess there is nothing I can say for myself then?"

"No, spare us," said her father as he shook his head at his daughter in absolute revolt. "Just thinking that I fathered you makes me sick. You have shamed our family and betrayed your own race. Now you will have to live with the consequences."

"Go away with your mudblood lover and try to scratch a living for yourselves and your little half-breed," said Druella coldly. "And don't ever come crying to us for financial support. Our house will be closed to you."

"And so will this house be," added Aunt Walburga. "If you ever approach my doors, I will put the holy Black curse on you. You are no better than that worthless swine I used to call my son. You will both be punished for your sins one day."

"Perhaps sooner than you imagine," said Regulus smugly.

Andromeda slowly took in what they had told her. Did they expect her to fall down on her knees and cry and beg for their forgiveness? Did they want her to tell them that it had been a mistake, that she would make it up to them?

But as her eyes followed her family; her aunt and uncle, her cousin and her parents, she realized that she couldn't do that. She realized that their contempt had no effect on her. She just didn't care about it. Who were they? Her parents were just two people who had given her life seventeen years ago. They had never been there for her, always too busy with their societies and hobbies to even notice their children, except when it was time to show them off like trophies to their friends or match them with some rich wizard bachelors.

She could live without her aunt and uncle and Regulus. She could live without her mother and father. She could even live with their hatred and contempt. But there were others she was not sure that she could live without.

Slowly, she turned her eyes towards her sisters. They were still sitting together on the couch and neither of them had said a word since she entered the room. "What do you think?" she asked them in a low voice. "Do you agree with them?"

It took some time for them to answer. Andromeda noticed that they exchanged uncertain glances. "Yes," said Bellatrix finally. "Yes, we agree completely. You knew the rules and you have broken them."

"You broke them," mumbled Narcissa in agreement.

"Does this mean you will not speak to me either? Does this mean you will not want to see me again?"

"Yes," said Bellatrix.

"Yes," whispered Narcissa.

Andromeda bit her lip tightly. "I don't believe that. I can't believe it. We love each other. We always have. We have always been there for each other, always sticking up for each other... You can't tell me that it's all been ruined, that it doesn't matter anymore... because I don't believe it."

Bellatrix was looking pale and her eyes were strangely glossy, but her voice was cold and flat. "Believe it. It was you who killed it."

Narcissa nodded slowly and Andromeda felt a lump in her throat. "But..."

"You heard Bellatrix," their father sharply interjected. "You have failed us all. There is nothing more to say so you might as well get out. We don't want to look at you a moment longer than necessary."

Andromeda nodded and managed to swallow her lump. "Fine, I'll go," she said, but she continued to look straight at her sisters. "But I want you to know that I will never stop loving you. You are my sisters and I will always have you both in my heart. And you can never make me believe that you don't feel the same way about me."

She rested for a moment, but no answer came from Bellatrix or Narcissa. Neither of them wanted to look into her eyes and they said nothing. Sighing, she turned away from them, feeling a deep, hollow ache inside her heart.

"Andromeda," she heard her mother's cold voice behind her. "When you pass that door, you will cease to be our daughter and a Black, do you understand?"

"I understand." She didn't turn back and she didn't stop. Still, even as the door was closed behind her, she could see the scene in the drawing room. She could see her aunt getting to her feet and walking across the room, stiff, straight and grim. She could see her raising her wand and sending a green light against the tapestry on the wall. The next moment, the name Andromeda Black had been erased and replaced with a small, empty hole.