Random Flashback

The irony did not escape Jonny as he approached her. Cautiously. Her back was to him and all he could focus on was red hair. It had gotten so long. Almost down to her waist even when pulled back into a ponytail. As he got closer, he also found himself distracted by skin. He could not help it. She was only in shorts and a sports bra, having just finished a workout. She had gone for her morning run alone. For the fourth day in a row. Generally, that was the surest sign that she was not happy with him. However, a recent epiphany had Jonny thinking it might be something else. He hoped.

He was ninety percent sure he knew what was bothering her. At least, he thought he was on the right path to knowing. He could never be totally sure with the maze that was his girlfriend's mind. If he had felt less nervous, he would have laughed at himself and the irony.

She did not turn around as he got closer. Even though he knew she heard him approaching. He sighed. His girl never made these conversations easy on him.

"Hey," he announced his presence. He cleared his throat when she tensed and still did not turn around. He was not sure how to start.

'Screw it,' he then thought. 'Just ask?'

"What's making you feel insecure, Jess?" He asked her boldly and without hesitation.

"Excuse me?" she spun around, furrowing her brow and crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

Jonny swallowed, but decided to continue. "You heard me, babe. Whatever it is…you'll feel better once we talk about it. You always do. Why are you afraid? Just tell me."

She scoffed. "At the moment, I'm afraid of where this conversation is going. More annoyed though honestly."

'At least she's talking to me,' he thought dully. He stood his ground and waited for her to offer more. He pushed when she refused.

"Why are you afraid, Jess?"

She did not move from her defensive position. "What makes you think I'm afraid of something?"

Jonny ran a hand through his hair and then shrugged a little. "I was sitting in my room earlier trying to figure out what I did to make you act like this and had a realization…"

"Act like what?" she challenged.

Jonny sighed. "The alternating between snapping at me and going radio silent. You've been doing it since last Thursday and it's not fair to me. Do you deny it?"

She did not answer for a long moment, but when she did it came out in anger. "Jonny, I love you…but sometimes I need a little breathing room."

"You think I don't?" he shot back and did not miss the look of surprise that crossed her face. "Jess, I love you too and…sometimes," he paused. Unsure if he should say it.

"What?" she insisted.

"Sometimes…I need a break from you too," he admitted and watched as she sat down hard on the nearest rock. He waited a beat and then crouched down in front of her. Her eyes were downcast. "The difference is I don't treat you like shit when I start to feel that way." That caused her head to snap up and her breath to hitch. "I walk away for an hour or I go camping for the weekend. I take my fucking breath, remember how lucky I am that I don't have to search for my soulmate because she crashed into my life when I was six and then I come back to you."

Jonny stood and turned his back to her. This was not how he had imagined the conversation going.

"You think I treat you like shit?" she asked quietly.

Jonny kicked a pebble stubbornly before facing her and answering. She was still sitting on the rock, gripping its sides and staring at him with a worried expression. "That's probably not a fair way to describe it, but it feels awful when we're so out of sync and I have no idea why or what I did, Jess."

She stood and crossed her arms again. This time, Jonny thought the gesture seemed more insecure than defensive. "You didn't do anything," she admitted softly. "And…I didn't need a break from you. I just needed a break period. From everything. I've had a lot on my mind."

"That was the conclusion I came to this morning," Jonny added and then smiled wistfully. "The last time you snapped at me this much, it was because you thought I wanted to break up with you."

She could not help but smile too. "I think I was standing right here that night."

Jonny pointed two feet to her left. "It was right there actually. I'll never forget. You were wearing black jeans and this green sweater that made your eyes look even more intimidating than usual. I remember thinking how beautiful you looked in the moonlight. Breaking up with you had never even crossed my mind. It still hasn't, baby. Quite the opposite."

She rushed him and he had an intense feeling of déjà vu as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

She smiled against his neck. "You managed to stay on your feet this time."

He chuckled and pulled her closer. "Maybe I'm getting better at predicting what you'll do next."

She leaned back and placed her hands flat against his chest. "So the mystery is gone?" she asked dryly.

"Hardly," he laughed, trailing a finger up the side of her face and tapping her temple. "I've lost track of the hours I've spent trying to understand how your mind works, Ace. Doubt I'm even close to cracking the code."

She rested her head against his chest and fisted his t-shirt. "Will you forgive me?" she asked.

"Yes," he whispered. "Will you tell me what happened last Thursday?"

"I don't mean to be like this," she deflected. "I hate it. Feels awful and then I take it out on you and make you feel awful. Half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it until you call me out. So can we make a deal?" she took a step back to meet his eyes, but did not let go of his shirt.

"What's that?" he asked curiously.

"Call me out sooner?" she shrugged simply. "Don't wait a week?"

"Hmm," Jonny thought about it.

"What?"

"Just trying to puzzle out exactly how that would work," he laughed. "If I were to say 'hey baby, you're acting all crazy again. Stop acting crazy,' in the heat of the moment I feel like…you might actually kill me."

She laughed out loud and hit him upside the head playfully. "Quest, I don't recommend calling me crazy in any conversation we have."

"Fair enough," he smiled. "So what do you suggest?"

"How about 'reset'?" she posed.

He nodded in agreement. "I like that idea." She smiled and then wrapped herself in his arms again. "I missed you, Jess. Missing you when you sleep right across the hall is crazy, but I missed you."

"You're so sweet and I missed you more," she admitted. They held each other close and enjoyed the warm breeze for a while. Jonny settled for rubbing her back and intermittently kissing the side of her head before she spoke again. "I finished my college essay last Thursday. Like really finished. No more editing." She mumbled it into his chest.

Jonny took a moment to absorb that and tried to figure out why that caused her to feel upset. "Such an overachiever," he teased. "It's not due for months. You're brilliant, Jess. If you're worried about not getting in, you're being…well crazy."

"That's not funny," she laughed, but only held him tighter.

"Reset," he whispered in her ear and kissed it. "Seriously though…is that why you're worried?"

"Partly," she admitted and her voice took a breathy quality. "Nothing is guaranteed. No matter how hard I work, but it's more than that. It's all happening at once, Jonny."

Jonny tightened his hold too. "I need more information, love."

"You're so great at living in the moment. I love that about you. So much," she leaned back again and smiled at him brightly. "I try to stay there with you and not focus, to the point of worry, on what comes next. I try, but then it catches up with me…and I take it out on you. I'm sorry. Why do you put up with my crazy ass?"

"You're incredible the way you are," Jonny whispered and cupped the side of her face in his hand. It made him feel a little better when she leaned into his touch. "I wish that was enough for you. You hold yourself to an impossible standard, Jess. It's not healthy. Why do you think you need perfect grades, a perfect school, to be a perfect girlfriend?"

"You don't want a perfect girlfriend?" she teased.

"Boring," Jonny laughed, but then got serious quick. "Come to me when you're feeling overwhelmed. I'll help you relax. Or tell me when you need some space and I'll make sure you get it. You just have to TELL ME, babe."

She stood on her toes and kissed him firmly in apology and gratitude. Jonny savored it, keeping his eyes closed even when she ended the kiss. He opened them slowly and met her wide gaze. The way she was looking at him made his heart skip a beat.

"I fall more in love with you every day," she told him. "I become more entwined in you. I need you more. I give you more of myself and…," she trailed off uncomfortably.

"Be honest with me, Jess. Don't stop," he urged.

"I only see those feelings getting stronger, Jonny."

"That's a bad thing?" he asked softly.

"No," she smiled. "It's just intimidating. The closer we get…," she trailed off again.

"Jess?"

"Baby…we're ready. I'm ready," she whispered. "I'm so ready to be with you and it scares me."

"Ready to be with me?" he repeated excitedly. He knew what she meant, but she had never said it out loud. He needed to hear her say it out loud. She looked down for only a moment and then stared at him with a soft smile. His heart started to race. "You're so beautiful," he praised. "So beautiful."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his forehead down to meet hers. "I want to make love." His mouth hung open in a half smile as he digested it. "I mean not this exact second when I'm all gross and sweaty," she continued nervously.

"Trust me. Not a deterrent," he interrupted.

"Jonny," she blushed.

"Being honest, Jess."

"I want it to be perfect," she cut in. "I'm ready, but I don't want to rush it just because I've said that. We should make a plan, right?"

"Huh?" Jonny was distracted by her eyes and her lips. The feel of her in his arms and his imagination going wild. He did not want to wait. She was staring expectantly. "Huh?"

"We should make a plan…so it's perfect?" she repeated.

"Perfect," he sighed.

"Hotshot?"

"Right…sure…yes, of course. Whatever you want, baby." He was so happy. "I love you."

"Okay," she grinned. "I love you too."

"Wait," he shook his head clear of the cobwebs and gave her a concerned look. "Why does being with me scare you, Jess?" She averted her eyes. "Jess?"

"The timing," she said sadly, toying with the hair at the base of his neck.

"Look at me?" he asked. She did and then he kissed her. She kept her eyes closed when he pulled back and he waited patiently for them to flutter open.

"I feel ready. But I also know that if we do this now we'll be forced apart right when we're closer than ever, which would make it hurt so much more if…" she sighed.

"Ace, we can't make decisions like that. I can't. I can't think about you…us…like we have an expiration date when you leave for school. I won't."

"You asked for honesty and that's how I've been feeling, Jonny. When I finished my essay…I was so happy with it. I printed it out and went looking for you because I wanted you to read it. You were in the rec room with your friends playing some video game. You were being SO loud. Laughing and making jokes. I could hear you from upstairs," she half smiled. "I stood in the entryway watching you. Your back was to me, but you turned around pretty quick. Maybe five seconds went by before you realized I was there. Your friends started yelling at you because you didn't pause the game first. But you ignored them. Just rolled your eyes and gave me that lopsided grin like I was the only one in the room."

He pushed the hair out of her face. "You have that effect on me."

"Then a wave of dread washed over me," she rushed. "That was the first time it felt real. Like the clock was ticking too fast to the day when I won't be seeing that smile every day. How everything will change. We say we won't let it come between us, but I'm still scared that it will. The thought of losing this makes me feel like I'm choking. I can't ignore it like you."

"I'm not ignoring it…I just know we can handle the distance, Jess." He said it confidently.

"It's so easy to say that. I'm being realistic, baby."

"Easy to say it. Yes. Not easy to believe it," he shot back. "To have faith that we'll survive what most couples don't. That's not easy, but what do you expect? I can't afford to believe anything else. Because that means we're not together and I DON'T chose that."

"I don't chose that either," she told him quietly. Then she drew him in to a long and slow kiss. When he tried to come up for air, she immediately pulled him in to another one. He laughed happily into the embrace and brought his hands up to surround her face. The kiss eventually ended with a few soft pecks, but Jonny kept her close. Trying to block the thoughts of not being able to do this every day.

"Want to know how I know?" he whispered against her lips.

"Yes."

"I feel like I'm choking just because you said you were. I'll do anything to make you happy. To make you feel safe. I'll fight for this. For you."

"I fall more every day," she told him again with a kiss. "It just happened. I love you so much."

"I love you too," he smiled disarmingly. They stared at each other with stupid grins long enough that Jonny realized they were doing it and stopped himself. "So…how about tonight?"

"What about it?"

"Jess!" He looked at her like she had three heads. "What do you think?"

"Oh…tonight?" Now she looked at him like he was the crazy one. "Jonny, there will be two hundred people in the house."

Jonny leaned down and pressed his lips to her shoulder. Trailed his hands down her body. "I'm aware," he mumbled against her skin and then kissed a path up to her neck. His hands rested on her hips. His thumbs were tracing soft circles on her skin. She ran her hands through his hair and let her head fall to the side, humming happily as he continued to tease her. He looked over her shoulder once his mouth reached her ear to confirm they were alone. Then he guided her behind a tree and pressed her up against it to be safe. "I want you."

"Jonny," she relaxed against him and fisted his hair.

He started to breath heavily in anticipation and could not hide his growing arousal against her thigh. He kissed the shell of her ear and then nibbled on her earlobe. "We can slip away in the middle of the party," he whispered, moving his hands up her body. He paused when he hit the fabric of her sports bra. "I'll unzip your dress and let it fall to the floor," he lifted her bra just enough so he could tease her nipples into tight buds. She threw her head back against the tree and pushed her hips into his at the sensation. "My heart might fall outta of my chest when your dress hits my feet, baby. It'll be a dream come…Yes," he suddenly moaned when she snaked a hand between them and reached into his shorts. He lost focus, dropping his head to her shoulder and giving in to her completely. "Please."

She wrapped her hand around his semi-hard length and a few firm tugs brought him to full attention. Her hand felt amazing, but he could not help imaging that he was inside her. He would thrust into her lightly. He would kiss her gently. Everywhere. Especially her lips and every inch of her chest. He would make her call out his name in ecstasy.

"Jessie." He lifted his head and leaned his forehead against hers, but did not open his eyes. He was too lost in his fantasy. His hands stopped worshipping her breasts and he gripped the tree instead. "Jessie," he moaned again.

"Tell me when you're about to come," he heard the soft order come from her. "Okay?" He felt her breath against his lips.

He swallowed and nodded that he would. Not long after that, his brow scrunched together and his mouth popped open against his will. "Babe," he panted. That was the only word he could get out.

She brought her free hand up to stroke the side of his face. "Open your eyes," she told him. "Open them," she said it again.

He did, but it took him a moment to focus on her face. Once he did, his breath caught. He would not have been able to look away if he tried. Their relationship was about to change and he knew it. He wanted it and he would protect it against all costs.

She intensified her actions, moving up and down his length. Knowing exactly how to bring him to his knees. Keeping her eyes locked on his. She nudged his nose affectionately and then licked his lips to crush him. "I love you, Jonny."

Jonny bit his lip and kept his eyes on hers as the orgasm rippled through his body. The way she was looking at him made the whole thing better. Made his dick harder. Made his orgasm harder. "J-Jessie," he moaned. Every wave of pleasure was heightened. He never wanted it to end.

Once he finished, he wrapped his arms around her with lightning speed. He did not give her any space. Ignoring the mess he had made between them. It never seemed to bother her for which he was grateful. She kissed his neck and stroked his face in turns until his breathing returned to normal.

"Jonny?"

He did not respond with words. He flattened his palms to the skin of her back and waited for her warmth to seep in. For her breaths to quicken. He moved his hands to her hips, pressing her gently against the tree. He let his eyes roam her body and grinned when he got to her face. Eyes closed and biting her lower lip hard.

"Please," she mumbled. "Hmm," he cut her off with a deep kiss. Giving in and reaching for her breasts again. Massaging them until he had her moaning into his mouth. He wanted to go slow, but was worried about being interrupted. With that in mind, he trailed his hands down her body and pushed at her shorts and underwear.

"Jonny," she tore her lips away, breathing heavily. "Wait…wait." He used the interruption to push them down to her ankles. Then he stood, removing her bra just as quickly. She helped him despite her words. "We're out in the open," she rushed nervously.

Jonny rested his hands on her hips again and stared at her happily. His excitement growing. He leaned his forehead against hers and hovered over her lips. "We are," he acknowledged with a huge grin. "So?"

She huffed, but he could tell she was having trouble controlling her breathing. "Easy for the one in clothes to be nonchalant about the situation. Do you have any idea how many people are back at the house?"

Jonny shrugged carelessly. "Enough to set up for a party of two hundred I'd guess."

"You're such a smart ass," she laughed.

"Just living in the moment, baby." He kissed her and kept kissing every inch of her body he could get his lips on as he sank to his knees. He kept his eyes on hers as he lifted her right leg over his shoulder. "Tell me to stop and I'll stop," he licked his lips.

"Oh," she closed her eyes. "You don't play fair, baby." She leaned her head against the tree and he pitched his head forward. The first brush of his tongue against her was always his favorite. She reacted the same way every time. Surprised. Like she did not know it was coming. Then she would relax her body and grip his hair so hard it hurt sometimes. He did not mind the pain. In fact, he liked it. To him, it meant she was completely lost in the way he was making her feel and that made him feel amazing and alive.

They were out in the open and carefree. He could feel the wind on his neck. He laughed against her. "Jonny," she called out at the sensation. He thought about sitting back and reminding her to be quiet, but could not bring himself to it.

"Shhh," he hissed instead and slowly trailed his hand to where his lips were.

"Don't tease me," she begged, gripping the back of his head tighter as he used his tongue to make her feel good. Pulling him closer when he slipped two fingers inside her.

Every noise she made and every arch of her hips towards his mouth drove Jonny crazy because he knew it was because of him. He growled against her. Loving that. Needing it. It was primal. "I love the way you taste because of me," he moaned against her.

"Oh my god," she cried out. "Don't stop. You feel…please don't stop!"

He did not stop until she was slumped over him. Pulling his hair with one hand and his shirt with the other. Trying to catch her breath. Jonny watched and enjoyed it for a minute from his knees. Then he wiped at his face, gathered her clothes and stood.

"You are so damn beautiful," he grinned. Still enjoying the view.

"You are so damn charming," she offered. "Now can I have my clothes back?" she asked lightly.

"I suppose," he rolled his eyes, handing them over and also removing his shirt. He gave it to her so she could use it to clean up. He could not get rid of the goofy grin on his face. Even though he was sad that she was putting clothes back on. He was relishing every second he was getting on cloud nine.

"Hotshot?" she interrupted his thoughts. Her voice was hesitant.

"What is it?" he pulled her close and smiled at the feeling of her warm breath on his chest.

"Not tonight," she told him quietly. "Okay? Not with all those people in the house."

"Both of our dads will be distracted," Jonny pushed. "Especially yours with that many people on the grounds. It's a perfect opportunity. They won't be paying attention to us all night."

He felt her shake her head no against his chest.

He tighten his embrace and kissed the top of her head in response. "Okay," he promised. "You know you can take it back. Right?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I won't be upset if you're not really ready, babe. Did you just say it in the moment?" he wanted to know.

She angled her head to meet his eyes. "I'm ready, Jonny. I want you." She said it firmly. No hesitation. "But I don't want it to be a few stolen moments. I want all night. I want to fall asleep in your arms and wake up in them. Is that too much to ask?"

"No," Jonny grinned. "It's not. I love you."

"I love you more."

"How do you feel now?" he wanted to know.

"Amazing," she grinned. "Like your faith and my pragmatism can get us through anything."

"I couldn't have said it better," Jonny agreed.

"I'm sorry for making things difficult," she apologized. "I never meant to hurt your feelings."

"Remember what I said about not wanting a perfect girlfriend?" he smiled.

"Yeah."

"I meant it, babe. My crazy and your crazy is perfectly matched."