Copyright Disclaimer

The following is a work of fanfiction: there is no intent of this author to violate, transgress, profit from or infringe upon the Copyright and Intellectual Property (IP) rights of the parent Copyright or IP holders of characters, events or locations belonging to the same which may be contained within this work. To reiterate; this is a Derivative Work meant to be used under Fair Use as described in 17 U.S.C. § 101 and § 107.

All language is either through Google Translate, or the site 'Bits'n'Bob-stones'

The Sons of Efrafa

.

Uh-oh, Big-guy's eyeing Frank's Elephant-ears; I wonder if Francine knows her partner likes pastries named after a part of her anatomy? Better keep Clawhauser on task.

"Hey, Benji, looking good! Shaking your tail to Gazelle seems to agree with you."

"Oh! Uh, hey Nick! I was just, uh…"

-chuckle- "It's okay, Ben. Just like in a relationship: you can look, just don't drool, stare or touch."

"Yeah, I miss the sweets, but I like seeing my toes again; I'm going to need a new uniform issue at this rate. Speaking of relationships, how's yours with, Zeb?"

"Zabrina, but she prefers Zib. We're going car shopping this weekend."

"Ooh, serious! Swinging by any jewelry stores while you're out?"

-Snort- "Nothing like that, Big-guy. She's… Hey Emanuel."

"Hey Red. What's the gossip today?"

-giggle- "Nick's helping his vixen-friend buy a car this weekend!"

"Huh? Oh, that's right, she got that promotion!"

"Dammit, I only just found out last night, how do you know about it?!"

"FCDC meeting last night; she's the talk of the town. Figured out which dealership you're going to hit?"

"Probably Tully's International Auto Dealership on Bramston Ave. Their staff have a few YELP hits for hard sales tactics, but their service history is spot on. What about you? Going to be a diehard of the public transit system?"

"Nah, I found a classic Caddy listed for 13K; gonna take a look at it this weekend, maybe make an…"

"Ow crazy doe. Let go of me!"

"You have the right to remain silent, I suggest you use it! Now, March!"

"Starting a little early there, Fluff?"

"I have had it with public transit! If I'm not nearly stepped on, or sat on, or vomited on, I'm getting groped and/or propositioned by random deviants…"

"Hey, how was I supposed to know you were a cop?"

-GLARE- "Perhaps the Uniform! And it shouldn't matter anyway, because what you did was sexual assault, whether I'm a cop or not!"

"Easy there, Hopps. Clawhauser, think you could take care of our friend here before Judy tears his tail off and flogs him with his own spine?"

"Gah!"

"Sure, Nibbler could use some company to distract him while his cell is being cleaned."

"Gah! No! Don't take me to…"

"So, Carrots; if you want to come with, Zib and I are going car shopping this weekend, and…"

"Oh, yeah! She helped broker that deal with the Candletree Institute, didn't she?"

"Wha? How does everyone know this stuff before me?"

"It's the ears, Red; we hear everything."

"Knock it off, Jacob. Thanks Nick, but I think I'll just call Pearl and see if she can help me."

Chapter 17

Judy was waiting in her apartment for Pearl. While she was happy for the help, as well as the company, she was a little confused as to why she needed to be in her 'Sunday Drive' clothes. She was passingly familiar with the habit of smaller families to take Sunday drives after church, but a farming family, especially one as large as hers, couldn't afford such an endeavor. So, there she waited, wearing a sundress her aunt Mabel had gotten her and she had sworn to never let Nick see. At Nine O'clock on the dot there was a knock on the door.

"Judy bun, you ready?"

Judy grabbed her faux gator-skin purse, checking for her credentials and off-duty carry side arm, then opened the door. "Ready as I'll ever be."

She glanced at Pearl and wondered if they were going to a car museum. The athletic sow was dressed in an off white pleated linen skirt and jacket, with a white silk sleeveless blouse and a bleached ostrich-leather clutch. She beamed at Judy. "Oh, honey you are just pretty as a picture!"

Judy fussed with her dress self-consciously. "I feel ridiculous. Are we going car shopping or to the Opera?"

"Trust in my wisdom, darlin'. Most salesmammals are male and are likely to underestimate your intelligence and competence from the outset. You come in strong with a power suit, they're likely to try to baffle you with B.S., pardon my language." They headed downstairs to Pearl's lovingly maintained silver 63' Chevelle. "You give them what they expect, however, and they'll try to impress you. That way, when they try to smarm you into buying some overpriced junker, you can shock them into reality; nine times out of ten they'll fall all over themselves rather than risk the bad press of discrimination claims."

Judy could only stare at her friend in awe. Today was going to be an interesting, and educational day.

Nick relaxed in the passenger seat of Zabrina's 99' Volvo as they drove to the dealership, both dressed in the casual attire of comfortable middle class.

"I really appreciate you doing this with me, Nick. The last time I went car buying was a nightmare of smooth-talkers and barely veiled insults that left me nearly in tears."

Nick looked over and gave a comforting smile. "Anything to help. How did you want to do this: insufferable loving couple? Aloof heiress and her on-retainer negotiator?"

Zabrina snorted. "How about recently promoted, stunningly beautiful vixen and her loveable, if incorrigible cop tod-friend. I know it's a stretch, but I believe in you!"

As they parked at the dealership, Nick assumed a theatrical air. "Though it pains me to portray so plebian a role, I shall endure."

They entered the sales lobby, flanked on all sides by foreign cars and domestic consumers, some of which even managed to hide their disdain at the sight of two foxes at such an establishment. After five minutes of strolling the floor, they were approached by a small razorback boar in an off-the-shelf business suit that all but screamed 'Salesmammal'. "Hi, Barry Goreman. Can I help you today?" Barry seized Nick's paw in a frenetic greeting that left him with the urge to check if he was missing his watch.

"Hey, Barry. My lovely vixen companion is here to see a mammal about a new car."

The boar lit up in a tusky grin and gestured to the ground floor offices. "Excellent! Just come right over this way, and I'll see what I can do for you."

Fifteen minutes later, Nick was done. He wanted to give Barry credit for not once questioning his and Zib's right to be there, that they could have the means to purchase a car at this establishment; he really did, if it weren't for the fact that Barry hadn't once even looked at Zib. Nick decided that this, would be epic.

Jacob walked into the used car dealership, with a manila folder in paw. He didn't pause to look around, having already seen the 63' Sedan Deville he had researched. The sales otter in a grey Polo shirt with a monogramed tag declaring him to be 'Walter', looked up from his computer when Jacob sat down. "Can I help you, sir?"

Jacob removed the contents of the folder: a CarFox report on the Cadillac, a copy of his last city pay-stub, and a checkbook. "Has this Cadillac been sold yet?"

Walter perked up. "Not yet, sir."

"Good." Jacob put his paperwork back in the folder, and removed his drivers license and a credit card. "I'd like to take her out for a test drive."

"Excellent! Just let me get this copied, and I'll get us the keys."

"I think you ladies would love this little beauty." The koala who insisted on being called 'Stevie', gestured to a pastel blue two door station wagon in the center of the lot. Judy thought it wouldn't at all be out of place back home, 40 years ago. "It's got plenty of room for groceries or a growing family! And," Judy and Pearl braced, "…power amenities, including an illuminated vanity mirror!"

Judy was torn between the urge to collapse in a laughing heap, scream in frustration while pulling her ears out, or tearing the offending vanity mirror off of the car and bludgeoning the salesmammal with it. She settled on a fake smile and turned to Pearl. "I just don't know; what do you think?"

The prim sow considered for a moment, then nodded her head. "Could you do us a teensy favor?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Stevey all but gushed.

"Wonderful! I need a three-ton floor jack, a pair of jack stands, and an inspection dolly." As she was saying this, she took off her jacket and handed it to Judy. Pearl just smiled and waved at the flummoxed look on the koala's face. "Oh, it's okay, just tell the maintenance floor manager; they'll know what I mean."

10 minutes later, Pearl wheeled herself out from under the car. She sat up and held out her manual trotters to Stevie. "Now, Stevie; I had one trotter on the universal joint, and one on the transmission case. Can you guess which I had where?"

"Uhhh…"

"That's fine, I know you don't know about automotive maintenance." She wiggled her pristine left trotter. "This little piggy was on the universal joint. Can you tell me what you see?"

"It's, uh clean?" There was trepidation in his voice.

Pearl smiled charmingly. "That's right, and that's the problem. There should be grease on the joint, and therefore there should be grease on my trotter. How about the other one?"

"It's, wet?"

The sugar in her voice went up. "Very good! By which I mean very bad, as this little piggy in now covered in transmission fluid," Pearl's smile evaporated along with Stevey's hopes for a sale, "…which shouldn't be on the outside of the case. This machine is a death trap waiting to happen. Had the transmission seized due to all the fluid leaking out, or the UV joint failed because of a sheared bolt, then this darling little bonnie behind me and her assumed family could very well have lost their lives; all for the sake of your desire for a fast sale. Come on, Judy. Let's try someplace else."

Zabrina remained motionless.

"This is an incredible deal!"

Her eyes were wide, jaw clenched shut lest she make a sound.

"I know, between the amenities package and the extended warranty, this car could easily retain its resale value for five or more years, given decent driving habits and no accidents."

Her cell phone camera was pointed at the two haggling mammals before her.

"Well where do I sign?!"

It was a monumental effort to not collapse laughing as Nick passed Mr. Boarman a pen, while indicating a line on the lease agreement. "Just sign right here, and we can get this paperwork down to financing right away." The easygoing smirk never leaving his muzzle.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The tableau was broken when an armadillo in a fitted suit leapt onto the desk between the two mammals.

"Mr. Carson, wha…"

"What are you doing, Barry?!"

Barry looked down at the contract on his desk and the pen in his hand. "AHH!" The boar dropped the pen like it was a poisonous snake and leapt away.

The look of combined rage and fear on the sales manager's face was the last straw for Zabrina, who began wheezing while frantically saying, "I have to pee! I have to Pee!"

Mr. Carson stood on the desk, glaring at Nick. "What is the meaning of this? And rest assured, FOX, if I don't like the answer I will be calling the police!"

Nick never stopped smiling as he pulled his badge from his wallet. "Funny you should say that. As for what's going on, consider this an object lesson: my vixen-friend brought me along while she came here to buy a car, yet your crack sales staff has yet to so much as make eye contact with her."

Zabrina had managed to get her fit under control, while keeping the camera pointed at the exchange. The implications of that statement combined with the fear of the entire debacle being posted online motivated the shelled mammal into action. "Ma-am, I'm terribly sorry for your treatment by our establishment. What can I do to make this right?"

Zib put her phone away. "Well first, I really do need to use the bathroom. After that, we'll talk models and option packages."

Walter sat across from Jacob. "We'll have our mechanics look into the stiff steering issue, but other than that; how do you feel about the car?"

"As long as it falls under the warranty we've discussed, and isn't going to take too long to fix, then I think we have a deal."

The otter gave a sigh of relief. He'd be very glad once this sale was done; Jacob seemed to be a good sort, but when he was anywhere near the Caddy, it gave Walter the most unsettling feeling.

Pearl stood next to the car. "That's right; the Wellington Street Northbound on ramp. You're looking for a yellow Caprice Classic with the hood up and smoke coming out of the engine. Okay thanks." She hung up and turned to Judy and Bill the salesweasel. "The tow truck should be here in about five minutes."

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what could have happened!" The small mustelid was nearly beside himself.

"I do." Pearl pried something from the inside of the hood. "We blew a cylinder head." She dropped the metal fragment into Bill's paws and turned to Judy. "Come on, it's only three blocks to the dealership. Let's get our paperwork and get something to eat. I'll make some calls and see if I can arrange something for tomorrow."

Zabrina grinned at her jubilation while Nick relaxed in the passenger seat of her new Audi A3. "This is so great! Less than 10 miles on it, all the works, 10-year full service warranty…"

"All in a day's work my dear."

The vixen giggled. "I think they were terrified you'd start haggling again and end up owning the dealership. So, we have the rest of the day; what would my handsome hero like to do?" She gave him a playful wink.

He was about to answer when his ears perked, and he pointed to something on the opposite side of the street. "Actually, I think I'd like to go there."

Zib's giggles became full belly laughs as she headed for the nearest U-Turn.

Judy pulled into the precinct house parking lot with no small sense of pride, as her fellow officers stared at her new car. Nadine Fangmeyer was the first to speak. "Doe, that is gorgeous! Where did you get a Maserati?"

Judy grinned. "Not from any dealership in town, that's for sure. It turns out, the pit crew chief for Pearl's dad rebuilds classic Maserati's. Gave me a great price, but I have to have him maintain it, though that will be at cost."

Francine Trunkaby trumpeted in shock. "No sales hustle, and expert maintenance for the price of parts? How do you luck out like that?!" Several of the female officers nodded in understanding, while their male counterparts just looked on in confusion.

Judy puffed her chest out. "Well, I… what, is that?"

Everyone turned to see Officer Nicholas P. Wilde, gleefully perched on top of a brand new, baby-blue Vespa Primavera. They collectively stared as he pulled onto the curb, then shut the scooter off before chaining it to a post. He gave an almost challenging snort when he turned to his coworkers.

Judy rose to the occasion. "The hell, Nick? I thought you and Zib were going out to get a car?"

Nick took a pedantic pose. "Correction: we went out to buy her a car. I, on the other paw, am like all of you: a civil service wage-slave at the mercy of the city assessor. So, I got something more practical."

Wolford boggled. "But, a Vespa?"

Nick turned to face the grey wolf while holding up a paw. "Four words, Ralph: Seventy, Miles, Per, Gallon." Each word was accentuated with the raising of a digit.

All other commentary was cut off at the sound of a grumbling V-8 engine. All heads tracked the movement of the pearl-white classic Cadillac. Herd, pride, and pack mammals all huddled together, seeming to suddenly need reassurance that they were not alone, as the stately land yacht found its parking space.

When Jacob stepped out of the car he turned to his fellow officers. "Is there something wrong? Is this someone else's spot?"

The Fangmeyers fidgeted and looked between each other. "Well, its…"/"You see, um…"

Nick dipped his muzzle down and spoke in a solemn voice. "I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, come and see." The assembled mammals all started to look around in dread. "And I looked, and behold, a pale mount: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him."

Jacob ears all but vibrated in frustration. "Very funny, Wilde."

As the black hare made his way into the Precinct house, Judy began to sing.

"My name is Death, I can excel.

"I'll open the doors to, Heaven and Hell!

"O' Death, O' Death…"

"Real funny, guys!"