Thedragonfeeney and Grandpoobear were considered the most accomplished Yoshi-killers on the planet. As such, they were granted first access into the Yoshi spaceship and were acknowledged co-captains, in charge of the entire operation. The transition from the comfortable familiarity of Earth to the alien atmosphere beyond the portal was striking. They could feel their bodies transform, growing stronger, stockier, less complicated. Grandpoobear regrew actual legs, his prosthetics being seamlessly replaced by flesh, muscle, and bone.

Behind them crowded the remainder of the elite 100. Syun_n's legendary calm shattered as he exclaimed, "It's just like a Mario level!"

Indeed, each member could see the blocky outline of a path, with blocks overhead, some brown, some glowing with a yellow question mark. Each individual was alone, but they all were experiencing the same events and could easily communicate, almost like a collective consciousness. Walking mushrooms about two feet tall started ambling toward each of them. It wasn't even as fast as a walk, but they were coming closer and looked dangerous.

Every member of the Elite Hundred had the same idea. They needed to clear the level. But they had no controller. Chucknorris was the first to literally jump. He gasped in surprise as he soared to nearly three times his height. He wobbled in the air and looked like he might fall over, but his feet remained below him, and he landed on them, at bone-crushing speed. Fortunately, he wasn't injured or even physically staggered. Mentally, it was an adjustment, but it caused no physical pain.

Soon, everyone was experimenting with jumping, with running, and simply changing directions. A few goombas were crushed before Jbizzle accidentally made direct contact with one, shortly after the surreal experience had begun. His scream echoed in everyone's mind but no actual sound marred the cheerful music that permeated the area.

About 30 individuals soon felt the icy touch of a goomba and disappeared. The others found a mushroom in the expected location, touched it, and grew significantly larger. The additional size didn't affect their dexterity, their jump height or much else. Each experimented as they moved forward, finding that they could not spin, move side-to-side (only forwards, backwards, up, and down), or even grab anything. They were severely limited but almost exclusively in expected ways.

Tentatively, each continued deeper through the level, finding pipes, bottomless pits, and disappearance around every corner. Intimate familiarity with what was coming warred with the sense of eeriness about the strange world. Acting with the whole body instead of simply the fingers was just wrong, on so many levels. The competing visions of reality, first-person and from-the-side, also required significant adjustment.

More individuals disappeared at various points. But most were able to overcome their fears and frustrations to progress. A few went down a pipe and collected a wealth of golden coins before resurfacing. Others proceeded above ground and discovered turtles nearly as tall as they were. Many of those who avoided the pipe jumped at a specific location, hit what appeared to be air, and then claimed a bouncing giant star, which caused them to start glowing with an aura of complete invincibility. Regardless of the path, 42 individuals climbed (well, leapt up, really) an impossibly-large staircase and were greeted with a welcome sight, a giant flagpole. They grabbed it at various heights and were rewarded with a musical fanfare.

Once every member of the Elite Hundred had either disappeared or touched the flag, they found themselves in a void, bodies somehow irrelevant. A thought filled each of their minds, not so much an embodied voice but knowledge that each simultaneously realized they possessed. That was only a learning experience. The real challenge begins soon. Select your first champion.

Thedragonfeeney and Grandpoobear held a hurried, mental conference. Thedragonfeeney "spoke" first. "We don't know what we're in for. We should save our best for later."

Grandpoobear agreed. "Absolutely. But who do we send? I don't want to lose anyone."

"Let's pick someone who at least made it through the trial level. At least they'll have experience." Even without bodies or words, the force of Thedragonfeeney's smile resonated through her communication.

"Agreed. Shall we try Jprimemlg?"

"Who?"

Grandpoobear seemingly knew everyone. "An old-timer who still has some skills. We can maybe learn from him."

The impression of a nod greeted this proposal, so shortly thereafter, Jprimemlg was pulled out of the void. The remaining 99 saw him appear on a blue skull platform, instantly moving him forward at a speed which should have been blinding but wasn't.

Each of the "viewers" could sense Jprimemlg's thoughts and actions, not quite like they were their own but similarly enough that they felt they were learning about the challenge. They all sensed the selected one's fear and trepidation about moving at all.

In a brief moment, he crashed into a wall and started to fall. A winged turtle appeared beneath him and he bounced upwards without any personal effort. A thought rippled through the general consciousness - "Auto level" followed immediately by "Don't move." A moderately wild ride ensued, with springs coming out of cannons, moving platforms, and even a mushroom. It ended with Jprimemlg breaking the end tape while fireworks erupted above him.

A second challenge followed, which required three heart-stopping leaps over bottomless pits, but once again the Elite completed the challenge. The third one, however, had a couple of the goomba mushrooms and a mistimed jump led to the elimination of the first of the Hundred.

A quick consultation sent Goseigen into the fray next. He quickly dispatched with the third trial, acquiring a green mushroom (which didn't cause him to grow) along the way. Afterwards, everyone had the distinct impression of a '+1' associated with him.

The meaning of that became clear in the fifth challenge, when a miscalculation led to an unsurvivable fall. Instead of being eliminated, however, Goseigen got another chance at the same obstacle course, this time without the extra decoration next to his name. Nervousness, surprise, continued lack of familiarity with the situation - they all combined to force another fall at the same location. Then there were 98.

"It seems like we can get extra chances, if we do well." Thedragonfeeney was no fool.

"Agreed." Grandpoobear had had the same thought. "But we don't know what might carry over from day to day. We should be careful."

Again, the impression of a grinning nod followed. "And we don't want to lose someone of high value too early. Let's go with Jbizzle." This idea was meant with an answering grin, with only tiny hints of malevolence.

Jbizzle, however, quickly proved himself up to the fifth challenge. The sixth primarily played music and required little active participation. A seventh trial fell with similar ease. The eighth simply catapulted him directly into the flag that signified the completion of the challenge, with an associated '+1.'

Then, all 98 were in a castle corridor, confronted by a small boy with old eyes and a ridiculous white hat. He spoke the first words any of them had heard in what felt like hours. "You have completed your first set of challenges. But this is insufficient proof of your abilities - you will return tomorrow for a harder challenge."


Press, government officials, friends, and a host of others were waiting when they were disgorged from the portal a moment later. But, try as they might, none of the Elite Ninety-Eight could tell what they had seen in anything but the grossest generalities. It wasn't that they lacked the words or were shy, some force prevented them from speaking freely.

However, later that evening, in the relative privacy of the hotel lounge, they found themselves able to speak, but only with each other. A passing waitress or bartender would render them mute. In those moments, the sadness of the first few losses hit them. Somehow, the mystical realm beyond the ship's portal muted their emotions, in addition to its other bizarre properties, but the effect faded over time.

Thus, it was only while fighting sadness that Thedragonfeeney and Grandpoobear talked strategy. Grandpoobear initiated the conversation. "We know there are at least three days. We have to be smart."

"Yes. And use our people when their particular skills are needed. If we have unknown levels, we use generally good players like Ryukahr or Kronicsauce." Almost as an afterthought, she added, "Or me."

But she said that last very quietly, and Grandpoobear continued as if he hadn't heard. "Kaizos mean Thabeast or Glitchcat7." He also added, "Or me" to his comment, in his head.

"What about trolls? Who do we use there?"

Grandpoobear grimaced, at both the thought and some phantom pain in his artificial legs. "We just brute-force them, I guess. At least we all learn at the same time."

A sad nod greeted this pronouncement and the two settled into the kind of comfortable silence that only exists between true friends. After several minutes of this quiet introspection, they began their initial plans for the next day.


A/N: Please review - kinda like a youtube comment or twitch chat. Let me know what you think!