Lycoris was walking through a small town. The trees were green, the sun was shining, there was not a cloud in the sky. He could see the townspeople running about their day, schoolchildren were giggling, couples were holding hands. Everything was peaceful. This was a happy existence. No wars, no 90wish hunting him down, no Persica. He really was happy.
"Hey, dumbass wake up."
What was that voice? It seemed to have come out of nowhere, yet it sounded familiar. Was he going crazy?
A swift punch to the jaw caused Lycoris to shoot up in his bed. It was a dream, figured. There was no way in hell he would ever be that happy. As his vision cleared up he was greeted with the sight of Persica standing beside his bed. Wait a minute…
"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN HERE."
"It was easy, took me all of 30 seconds. For future reference 1234 does not make for a good lock passcode."
Lycoris took a look at the alarm clock, it was 8:45, debrief was in 15 minutes. Shit.
The brass had decided that they needed a debrief from Persica, the Tactical Commander turned Mercenary Kryuger and himself. He still didn't know why; it didn't help that he had literally 0 idea what happened. The entire extraction was a mental blank for him. Regardless, being late on the first day was not the best plan.
Lycoris forgot about Persica for a moment and began to get dressed. He just put on the same stuff he wore yesterday, he didn't care about the beer stain on it, well it was really more of a urine stain now that he thought about it.
Persica was waiting for him in the kitchen when he was finished dressing, she seemed to be drinking coffee.
"I took the liberty of making you coffee, I also brought doughnuts."
This was too nice of her, she was planning something, he just didn't know what it was. Did she spike the coffee with LSD? Did the doughnuts contain a laxative? He really didn't have the time to discriminate, so he sat down and started eating.
The doughnuts were actually store bought and weren't that bad. The problems arose when he got to the coffee. It tasted like caffeinated water with sugar and creamer. He had no idea how she managed this, it was an automated coffee machine, it did everything for you. When he made coffee last night it tasted fine, what happened? The second it touched his tongue he spat it back out, all over Persica's face.
She didn't take it too harshly, she merely gave her usual monotone laugh. She clearly screwed with his coffee machine.
"Persica, what did you do to the coffee machine?"
"I made some upgrades," Persica replied with a dispassionate shrug.
"We will talk about this later we have like, 5 minutes to get to the meeting room."
"That we do, see you there Lycoris."
As she said that the hologram dispersed and the "Persica" was revealed to be a doll equipped with a holotransmitter. Lycoris sat there stunned for a bit before he realized he was running late and had no time to fume about this.
He made a mad dash out of his room for the conference room. A normal person would be able to make it in time, the conference room was right down the hall. Lycoris was no normal man. He made it about 50 meters before he started puffing. By the time he made it the final 50 meters to the conference room, he was exhausted. He was no athlete.
"I'm here." He said, bent over gasping for air.
"Hey, looks like the Amazing Flab is here, and right on time too." Said a gruff voice.
That gruff voice belonged to a man named Kryuger, he was the man who had extracted them from Russia. 90wish wanted Persica and Lycoris' heads, but IOP was paying the big bucks, and Kryuger was not going to let a few fancy T-dolls stop him from getting his paycheck. Oh no.
"Now that we are all here we can begin."
The man that voice belonged to was the CEO of IOP himself. He took the time out of his busy schedule to attend this debrief himself, well, by proxy of course. He was only there via a doll holotransmitter.
"Please begin your report Mr. Kryuger."
"Kindly."
Kryuger then pulled a very large briefcase up from the floor. He began to key in the combination lock before clicking it open. From the briefcase, he pulled nothing but a cigar, and a lighter.
He stuck the cigar in his mouth, lit it, and then put the briefcase back on the floor.
"My team and I went into 90wish controlled territory via helicopter at about 0400 hours. We had 5 choppers each carrying about 9 men. Before we even had the chance to land we lost 3 choppers to enemy AA fire. Those 90wish fuckers sure do know how to make an AA missile.
My chopper and another made it to the LZ intact, however, this hell was far from over. The second we got out of the chopper we were pinned down by enemy machine gun fire from all sides. Most of my remaining comrades were taken out in this gunfire, but not me. The second the guys next to me dropped dead, I grabbed their dead bodies and used them as human shields, leaving my own guns behind.
I charged the enemy machine gun position, and once I got close, I grabbed the gunner and started using the poor fucker as a club to bash in the heads of the other poor fuckers. My mighty battle cry sent most of them running for the hills but they could not outrun old Kryuger, hell no.
I used the doll to bash my way through hundreds of 90wish dolls until I got to the objective. Once I arrived I found Cat Girl and Potato Boy sitting in the panic room as expected. Cat Girl was drinking coffee at a table while Potato Boy cowered in the corner crying."
"Wait hold up, hold the phone here. You used a t-doll to bash your way through hundreds of t-dolls? Also while i don't remember much about what happened I am certain that I wasn't cowering." Lycoris interjected
"You were totally crying, it was kind of cute actually, like a sad puppy. When Mr. Kryuger came in there with that stiff t-doll I was very impressed, those weigh like 400 pounds and he was one handing it. Now shut up it's about to get good." Persica replied
"Once I got them extracted Potato Boy asked 'Where is everyone else' I replied that they were all dead and I was the only help they were gonna get.
Upon hearing that he started having a panic attack and started running off in a random direction screaming like a little girl. However, he only got about 200 meters before he passed out from exhaustion. I carried him on my back the rest of the way."
"HOLD UP I CAN RUN MORE THAN 200 METERS!"
"I would like to mention that Mr. Kryuger did not wear a shirt during any of this, and he carried your passed out ass all the way to the chopper. To be honest it was kind of hot; I mean, shut up Lycoris you almost dropped dead running down the hallway." Persica said giggling a bit.
"DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT"
"I can confirm that I did not wear a shirt, shirts get in the way of mobility.
Anyway, since the original LZ was too hot, we had to move north about 2 klicks. However, there was one problem, an enemy tank column was in the way. I didn't have any weapons on me since I had abandoned mine at the chopper, so I checked Potato Boy's pockets for anything I could use.
All he had was a ballpoint pen.
Now a normal man would go 'Welp, we are fucked,' but not me, I took that ballpoint pen and within 15 minutes I had killed every single tanker and left every tank a pile of smoldering rubble. I wrote the combat entire report with that pen, using their blood as ink.
The rest of the mission was uneventful, and Potato Boy regained consciousness once we arrived back at base.
That Concludes my report."
Lycoris stood there with his jaw wide open. There was no way that was what happened, sure he didn't remember any of it, but that story was absolutely ridiculous.
The only thing that was more astonishing than that story was that nobody else seemed to think of it as all that ridiculous. Persica seemed to believe it, and the IOP execs were just writing down notes.
"Thank you Mr. Kryuger. Now Persica and Lycoris, we are giving you a blank check here for your research. We better see results, and soon. That will be all. Meeting dismissed." The hologrammed in IOP execs turned back into blank slate dolls leaving only Kryuger, Persica, and Lycoris in the room.
"I must be going, I have lunch with Hellian to celebrate another job well done. See ya around."
Kryuger then picked up his massive metal briefcase and high tailed it out of there. Persica picked up her binder and began making her way for the door, only stopping once in the doorframe.
"Come on Lycoris we need to get to work."
Lycoris shook himself out of the shock that Kryuger's ridiculous tale had caused him, and began to get up.
"Coming."
