AUTHOR'S NOTE:
hey everyone. I first of all want to sincerely apologise for not posting in so so long. I'm not sure if some of you are aware but this year has been absolutely awful in regards to my health and wellbeing. I have been admitted to hospital 7 times. Some of the times were for recurring health issues, others for mental and emotional issues induced by my health issues and some unrelated. I appreciate all of the support you have all given me throughout this rough patch and I am so happy to hopefully be on track with my health for the next year to come. I won't go into many details, but I have been through two very invasive surgerys this year in my abdominal area, and have recently discovered some heart problems linked to anxiety. They are not necessarily dangerous but still concerning given my age. I ruptured the majority of the ligaments in my ankle playing sport and have been struggling with not being active emotionally as well as physically. But enough of my sob story, I just felt obligated to inform you all why I haven't been writing. My health is my number one priority and it always will be. I love this series and writing will always be a part of my life, and I hope that you can understand how important is has been for me to take a big break from everything that can be stressful, anxiety inducing or even make me have to think too much. I am so excited to bring this story to you all, and now that I'm on a big break from school, I will hopefully be able to focus on writing a lot more. In saying that, I don't want to make any promises and subsequently push myself to fulfill them just because I feel obligated to. I love this little community and I would appreciate it so so much if you all understand that I need to take it easy for the next few months and not stress myself out too much. I know you all do anyway but I just wanted to say that so I could be at peace with myself. Thank you all so much for understanding. Okay... Rant over, enjoy!
Ella 3
Chapter One: NEW BEGINNINGS GRACE POV
'Ms Blakely?' It takes me a moment to realise that he is talking to me. I look up from my freshly polished fingernails and into my new headmaster's eyes.
'Yeah, sorry, what was that?' I ask, risking a glance at Alexei. He's sitting next to me, shaking his head with a chuckle.
'Grace, your class schedule,' he says, as the principle slides a piece of yellow paper over his desk. I grab the paper, and there's a knock at the door. It opens slowly, and a tallish boy with light brown hair steps through.
'Hi, sorry, Mr Butler?' He asks in an American accent, closing the door behind him and smiling. 'I'm Oliver Bauer,'
'Of course! Come in, sit down, sit down.' Mr Butler says, gesturing towards the seat next to me. Alexei stands up and shakes his hand.
'Alexei Volkov, senior class president at your service.' He flashes his most charming grin and leads Oliver towards the chair next to me. He turns to face me, and I do my best to smile. After all, this is a new start for me, might as well reinvent my image.
'Well,' Mr Butler claps his hands together and slides his chair over to his filing cabinet. 'Oliver, Grace, welcome to the International School of Adria. Mr Bauer, here's your class schedule, if you have any questions don't hesitate to email me or come and see me here. But for now, I'll leave you with Mr Volkov to show you around.' With that, he stands up and opens his door, ushering us through until I come to him. 'Grace, could I speak with you for just a moment? Gentlemen,' He calls to Alexei and Oliver, 'Just wait outside for a jiff, I need a word with Ms Blakely.' He closes his door behind him and sighs.
'Grace, how are you?' The man I've known for a half-hour asks the question everyone else is too scared to. But what everyone else doesn't know is that now they might actually be content with the answer.
I nod and give a small smile. 'I'm... actually, pretty good.' And the best part is that it's the first time I've answered that question truthfully.
'Good, good.' He says, considering my response. 'I want this to be a new beginning for you. I've spoken to Eleanor Chancellor, I know you're familiar with her?' I mean, she only saved my life a couple of times and smuggled me across several international borders. But I think my principal can do without this information. I nod, but he doesn't really wait for a response. 'She is slightly concerned about you,' Understatement of the year, 'However I believe that with a fresh start, and something to focus on, you will flourish under our care. I understand that you've been through a lot of traumatizing events in these past few years, but I want you to know that my door is always open.' He smiles. I smile. 'Well, I'll let you get back to your classmates.' He opens his door once more and I step through. Here we go...
'And as you can see here, our Year Ten students have been working on their science projects for this semester,' Alexei says, leading us through to the immaculate science labs. He puts his hand in the small of my back and I pull away. He looks down at me, very confused and I can't bring myself to make eye-contact with him. Alexei was my first love. I will never love anyone as much as I loved him. But I had my chance, and I blew it. After I moved out of the palace, and when we were all on the wall two nights ago, Alexei snuck into my room at the embassy...
'Pssstt, Gracie?' I turned over to face the window and closed my laptop. Alexei was sitting on my window sill, staring at me intently.
'Alexei,' I laughed slightly, trying to diffuse the palpable awkwardness, 'What are you doing here it's twelve in the morning!' I half-whispered across the bedroom as he jumped on to the floor, closing the window behind him.
'I'm here because we really need to talk, Grace.' He walked towards me and sunk into the bed next to me.
'Oh. Uh, okay. Sure.' I said, and scooted over, careful not to let my temptation to touch him get the better of me. I could physically feel it as he looked down at me, so intently that it hurt to look back. 'So, what's up?'
He grabbed my cheek softly and turned my head to face him.
'Alexei, what are you-' He shushed me, bringing his fingers to my lips. 'Alexei don't... don't do this. I can't do this,' I stopped speaking as I saw the realisation wash over his features.
'Please, Gracie. What am I to you? What are we to you?'
'If I knew, I would tell you,' I told him, and he nodded and got off the bed. He ran his hand over his mouth and looked at me thoughtfully. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper, handing it to me in silence.
I studied the picture hard, before looking up at him. 'This was right before I kissed you for the first time.' I said, smiling fondly as I stared at the newspaper clipping, that showed us on top of the Parisian bridge. The photo, along with the headline; "ADRIAN TEENAGE DELINQUENTS CAUSE A SCENE ON THE PONT ALEXANDRE |||" appeared in papers all over the world the next morning. I handed the photo back to him, shaking my head. 'I miss it when it was like that,' I said quietly, more to myself than Alexei.
'When it was like what, Gracie? What's changed?' He shook his head and stared deep into my eyes. The desire to kiss him was too much for me, I pulled my eyes away from his and rolled over to face the wall.
'I have, Alexei. And so, so have you.' I said. I regretted it the moment it left my lips because I knew exactly how he was going to react.
'No. I haven't. But you, you definitely have. For starters something's going on with you and Thomas now. And quite frankly-'
'What!?' I yelled in outrage and confusion. I rolled over to face him and stood up, angry that he'd even suggest such a thing. 'Please tell me you're kidding? I am friends with Thomas okay? I like him as a friend. And if you're going to accuse me of-'
'You chose him over me, Grace. Do you know how that felt? You completely abandoned me for some prince you'd never met, and now you're claiming that you're just friends. Yeah, okay...' He trailed off and I stepped towards him, leaving our faces centimetres apart.
'It was either choose him or die. You know that as well as I do. I'm sorry if I hurt you, Alexei, I really am,' I grabbed his hands and squeezed them. It felt so right, but I couldn't keep hold of them, otherwise I never would've let go. I started to tear up and dropped my hands to my sides. 'But I wasn't going to put you or anyone else in danger so that I could be happy. Please understand that...' My voice cracked, and I cursed myself for getting so emotionally vulnerable with him. But I guess that's the price you pay for love.
He looked at me for too long, and his eyes flicked down to my lips. I closed my eyes and leaned in. Softly, I felt our lips brush, and I could smell Alexei's cologne. He grabbed my face in both hands and pressed his lips against mine, tenderly. My head went fuzzy, and I couldn't focus on anything except for the sweet taste of his tongue. He pulled my hips into his own and our chests pushed together. I could feel his heart racing, as his warm breath tickled my lips. I brought my hands to his shoulders and pushed him away slightly. Our foreheads pressed together, as we both breathed deeply. My eyes glazed with tears and he noticed.
'What? What's wrong, Gracie?' He whispered in my ear, and I shook my head, holding his lips a safe distance away.
'Alexei, I think you need to leave.' I said, and my voice cracked, his eyes narrowed.
'Why, are you okay?' Genuine concern filled his eyes and my heart sank. I knew I was doing it for both of our goods, but man it was hard.
'I'm- I'm not over you,' I blurted out, so much for telling him that we couldn't be together. 'But, I need to be strong. And I need you to give me some space for just a little while, okay? I need to sort out my feelings and get everything straight. I start school in two days and I can't,' I couldn't finish, so I paused, staring into his too blue eyes. Slowly, I brought my lips to Alexei's and breathed him in. My hands were in his hair and he was grabbing my waist, but suddenly his eyes opened, and he pulled away.
'Gracie, what's going on? Why do you need to be over me?' He grabbed my hand and led me to the bed. We sat down and talked everything out. Jamie, Thomas, all the concerns I had about his father and the Society, and our relationship in general and where it was going, if anywhere.
'Don't try to tell me that you don't want to be with my Grace,' Alexei exclaimed shaking his head, 'Because I know, and you do too, that we belong together.' I thought he was coming on a bit strong with that one, but let it slide for a more important question.
'But what happens if we break up, Alexei? Our friends, and Jamie...' I struggled to finish the sentence but got there eventually. 'Us? I don't want us to not be able to be in the same room because we got caught up in some intense moments and...' He shook his head, causing me to stop. And then he did the most surprising thing. He actually grinned.
'Then we will not break up,' He paused, studying me closely. 'I love you Gracie.'
'What!?' I jumped up off the bed and walked towards the wall, bouncing off it and turning back to face him. 'You're talking crazy! Like, literally crazy, and I know what I'm talking about in respect to that issue.' He stood up and grabbed my hips, swaying closer to me.
'I love you Grace Olivia Blakely,' He articulated every syllable of my name, smiling down on me.
'I love you too, Alexei. But-'
'No, no buts. Just... look. Promise me that you're okay,' He looked down at me again and I shook my head unable to help myself.
'I-' I stammered. 'I'm not. I can't be with you Alexei I don't want to risk our friendship. I love you. I love you so, so much, but I can't. I'm too confused and vulnerable. I don't want to hurt you again. I'm sorry.' As the tears began to roll down my cheek, he nodded slowly, heading towards the window.
'Okay. Um, I'll see you at school,' He pushed the window open, and hunched over, breathing deeply.
'No, don't do that, please don't do that, Alexei. Just, okay give me a week. I just need a week and I'll reassess. We had something great, and I promise, that in time it will come back.'
'Don't make promises you can't keep Gracie. I get it, I don't want our friendship to end. I'm just... confused, okay? There were no issues with our friendship before, not before you moved in to the palace.' He shook his head and turned around to face me. I completely understood where he was coming from, but I needed him to understand me too.
'We were on the run, Alexei! We were literally travelling across the world, running, for our lives. We didn't know if we were going to live to see another day, we had to make the most of every-'
'So that's all it was to you? Just, making the most of everything before you died. You would've gone for anyone...'
'No! No, Alexei! I love you, that's not what I meant, you know that's not what I mean, so-'
'It's okay. You're right. I'm sorry. God, why are we arguing so much?'
'You should go Alexei, I'll call you tomorrow. Get some sleep.' With that, he climbed out the window, and waved sadly as he walked out of sight.
I'm brought back to earth by Oliver's voice.
'Ahh very interesting. Last year I did a study on the effects of romantic involvement on students' GPAs. So Grace, who's the lucky man in your life at the moment. I'd love for you to introduce me one time.' He winks at me subtly, which unfortunately doesn't go unnoticed by Alexei. He glares at Oliver, and I laugh nervously.
We look at each other, and Alexei's eyes narrow.
'Uh, no one. I mean, not really at the moment. But um,' I stammer, as Oliver raises his eyebrows, but Alexei interrupts me.
'Shall we continue the tour?' Alexei avoids my gaze, and looks at Oliver, with an icy look.
'So you're available?' Oliver asks and I sneak a look in Alexei's direction. He looks really hurt.
'Actually I'd rather not talk about this right now. Alexei what were you saying about the science projects?'
He studies me intently, with an almost sad curve upon his lips. 'Doesn't really matter about them. Shall we go and check out the music rooms? Oliver I hear you're quite the guitar player?'
Oliver smiles humbly at me and shakes his head with a chuckle. 'I'm not great but I love doing it. I just think that you only have one life, and if you're not going to live it doing the things you love with the people you love then what's the point? You know what I'm saying?'
'Yeah, totally,' I say, but I'm completely zoned out. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? (with plenty of contenders to consider?) I mean, I don't even know why I did what I did to Alexei. But I can't imagine what he must be feeling. I completely betrayed his trust and love for me. He's my best friend, but does he need to be more than that for our relationship to be at its peak? I don't even know anymore. I could never deal with losing him and I guess that just makes me scared? I messed up. Bad.
Author's note:
juicy. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of my interpretation of what happens after everything goes down in ttkalhu. I plan to elaborate much much more in the next chapter, which I am really hoping to get up really really soon. There are going to be so many twists and turns in this story as the characters navigate adolescence and mayyyybe an early transition into adulthood and responsibility? PM me with any questions or leave a review below. All of your love and support is so very appreciated. I love you all!
