Chapter 6
Jim had tried not to think too deeply about the future, about the day coming when he would either have to quit his job or lose the man he loved.
But everything was about to change.
Two days after their emotional day at the apartment when they had both cried and Jim had fallen to his knees before Oswald, the quarrel was forgotten. That morning Jim had received a text message from Oswald, telling him to meet him back at the apartment at noon. I've missed you! He had added, and that had made Jim smile.
But between that early morning text and coffee and breakfast and the drive to work, something had happened that would shatter everything. Two hours after waking to that message, Jim had gone into work, entered his office and there was Harvey, at his desk with a solemn expression on his face.
"What's wrong?" Jim asked as he took off his coat and hung it up.
Harvey rose from his seat and stood by the window, looking down at the busy streets below.
"I need to talk to you about something," he said quietly.
Jim joined him at the window, and it took Harvey a moment to compose his thoughts before he turned and met his gaze.
"Have you spoken to Penguin this morning?"
"I heard from him earlier – what's this about, is something wrong?"
His tension had spiked immediately and Harvey was quick to kill the very worst of his fears.
"It's not about Cobblepot. I'm guessing he contacted you before he knew."
"Knew about what?"
As Harvey looked at Jim he felt deeply sorry for him; he had watched him have this affair with the man who ran the city's underworld and all the while it had felt like something comparable to a train wreck about to happen, now those trains had just collided and it was going to turn out to be a fucking awful mess...
"You know Penguin dropped the charges against Nygma?"
"Yes, I know about that."
"Well it looks like they would have been dropped anyway. It seems that all outstanding charges against him would have very little solid ground now."
What Harvey had said made no sense.
"I don't understand..."
"Edward Nygma collapsed this morning with a seizure. He had a scan and they found the reason for his violent behaviour. Apparently it's made his personality disorder much worse and would even have contributed towards the murders he committed as well as the two attempts on Oswald's life. He really wasn't in control of his actions. He has a brain tumour."
The news had come as a complete shock.
"Does... does Oswald know?" Jim said quietly.
"He's been informed and I'm guessing he's with him right at this very moment. The hospital said Nygma's in a bad way, it doesn't sound like he's going to come through this. But that's not a police matter – Jim, what the hell are you doing? Leave the guy alone!"
Jim had pulled his phone from his pocket.
"I need to call Oz!"
"Not now, give him space!"
Jim ignored him and hit speed dial, then the phone rang three times and the call was sharply cut off. He tried again, and this time Oswald's phone was switched off. He waited for the call to be diverted and left him a message:
"Ozzy, it's Jim. I just heard about Ed. I'm here if you need me. I'm thinking of you."
Then he ended the call and put his phone back in his pocket.
"I have to see him."
"You need to leave him alone, his ex is dying!" Harvey said sharply.
Jim felt a flicker of alarm as he thought about Oswald, all alone and weeping at Ed's bedside.
"But he needs me!" he said as tears choked his voice, "What am I supposed to do, nothing? He just cut the phone off, he won't even answer my calls!"
"Then take the hint," Harvey told him firmly, "Sit down, I'll fetch a coffee. Calm the fuck down and remember where you are! Let him deal with this, it's his past, not yours."
Jim sat at his desk and wiped his eyes. The roses were still fresh on his desk, a gift from Oswald. His heart ached as he could only imagine the pain he had felt on hearing the news about Ed. He felt shut out at the worst possible time... Harvey fetched some coffee, put it down in front of him and then went back to his own desk.
"As long as it stays quiet today, if anyone asks, we're busy on a case and don't want to be disturbed," he said, "I'm here, I'm your friend. Talk to me, cry in front of me, but don't take this anywhere else. And let Cobblepot deal with Nygma, this is his private matter."
"Thanks for the advice, Harvey," said Jim quietly, then he sipped his coffee, put it down again and started to think about the situation:
He was ready to be there for Oswald when the worst happened, he would be the one who comforted him after Ed was gone, he would get him through the funeral and all the grieving that followed... Then, once Nygma was gone and forgotten they could get on with their lives. Maybe they could compromise, he could stay a cop and help Oswald out sometimes...Or maybe he would just quit his job and be with Oswald full time. Once Ed was gone it would be so much easier...
That thought gave Jim a sharp jolt:
Fuck, had he just wished another man dead so he could have Oswald all to himself? Had love made him so blind to compassion that he was starting to think so coldly? Of course he didn't want Ed to die...
He was tearful as he took his phone from his pocket again, and this time he sent a text message:
Truly sorry to hear about Edward. I hope he makes it. Call me as soon as you can.
He sent the message, then his phone was snatched from his grasp.
"Enough," said Harvey, turning off the phone and putting it into his own pocket, "It's confiscated, this is for your own good before Cobblepot snaps and tells you to fuck off out of his life forever. He doesn't need you bothering him at this time. You can have your phone back at the end of the day."
Jim stared at him.
"It's my phone!"
"And you're my friend," Harvey reminded him, "I don't understand what you see in a guy like Penguin, he's the worst person a man like you could get tangled up with, he could cost you your job! But looking at your face at this moment, I'm more concerned you could get your heart broken. I don't want to see your life smashed to pieces if he ends it with you out of guilt. Leave him be. He'll call when he's ready."
Jim gave a heavy sigh as he looked at Harvey, silently feeling thankful to know this kind hearted man who didn't have to be helping at all, but wanted to in the name of friendship.
At the end of the day, Harvey gave the phone back. Oswald had not replied. The next few days dragged on slowly for Jim, but he took Harvey's advice and made no more calls. By now all the paperwork was in place and Nygma was no longer a matter for the police, this meant Jim couldn't make calls and use his job to find out information. It was two whole weeks before he heard from Oswald and when he did, the message was brief:
Meet me at the pier.
As he walked alone towards the end of the pier, for now, the place was empty. Sunlight danced on the water making the river look bright, but he had never felt so alone as he remembered the last time they had been here and he had held Oswald as he laughed and said he had never felt so happy...
"Jim..."
He turned from the water. Oswald was making his way down to meet him, a short distance away his car was parked and Victor was standing by the closed drivers door. As they met at the end of the pier, Jim took one glance at Oswald and knew he had been through hell over Ed. He looked tired, his eyes were slightly red from crying, he was leaning on his cane heavier than usual. As he joined him, Jim was the first to speak as they stood together, framed by the Gotham river and the buildings that shone in the sunlight on the other side of the water.
"I'm truly sorry about Ed."
Oswald turned away, looking across the water, as they stood side by side, he was still leaning heavily on his cane and his other hand was at his side as he made no attempt to reach for him.
"It was a terrible shock," Oswald said, and his voice trembled as he spoke, "But at least I know why he treated me the way he did. Poor Edward had no control over his actions. That's why he got worse towards the end, because his condition was deteriorating. I should have known something was wrong, he got terrible headaches... I just didn't realise."
"No one did," Jim reminded him.
Oswald was still looking to the water.
"But thankfully he was in the best place when he did collapse – they found the problem and he had surgery the same day..."
"He's still alive?"
Oswald turned to him and smiled as his eyes shone with joy.
"Yes, thank god, he's still alive! It was a risky procedure but he pulled through. It's going to take him a couple of years to fully recover but I haven't lost him."
Jim felt a spike of pain run through his heart: Like Victor had said, Penguin would never leave Ed... He felt tears sting at his eyes as he struggled to hold back from weeping.
"So I guess this means you're going back to him?"
"Last night I called a meeting of all the gang leaders," Oswald replied, "I cut up all my turf and in exchange for generous sums I won't disclose, I sold off my empire – in exchange not only for cash, but the assurance that every recipient of that very good deal will forever be in my debt. This means I can walk away with no enemies. I'm keeping the Iceberg Lounge and a few other legitimate business interests. Penguin is no longer running this town. Now I'm just businessman Oswald Cobblepot, taking a lot of time out to look after Ed and help him with his recovery. I had to choose between building an empire or building a life with Ed. Under these circumstances, it wasn't a hard decision to make. This also means if it ever gets out that you had a love affair with a notorious criminal, the rumour won't matter – my hands are now clean."
"But you did this for Ed, not me."
"Of course I did. Ed comes first."
Jim cleared his throat but the lump that was rising in it, along with the tears that stung his eyes, was a struggle to control. As he spoke again, his voice became tearful.
"And... what about the rest of it... what about us?"
Oswald looked at him sharply, with all trace of fondness gone from his gaze. In that moment, he was looking at him as if their affair had never happened.
"Obviously, what happened with Ed changes everything. I'm sorry, there is no us!"
"But you can't just walk away -"
"I can do what I like!" Oswald said sharply, "It's over, I'm sorry Jim, but it's finished!"
Jim reached for him and Oswald stepped back.
"No, please don't... I'm leaving..."
He turned around sharply and started to hobble away. Jim felt the heartbreak like a knife through his chest as he gave a sob, then he yelled at Oswald, who didn't look back:
"Just tell me, did you ever really love me? Did you? Answer me, Oswald!"
But he didn't get an answer. All he could see was his back turned as Oswald hurried to the car, he didn't see his face streaked with tears or the regret in his eyes, he kept it hidden. All Jim saw was Oswald pause and grab Victor's arm and speak to him, then as Victor stood there looking towards the pier, Oswald got into the car and drove off alone.
In the moments that followed, as Jim wiped his eyes and began to walk away from the pier, he actually wondered if Oswald had told Victor to shoot him. Then as he got closer he saw he had not drawn his guns, instead he just stood there, waiting for him. Jim was still tearful as he left the pier and met with Victor, who looked at him with sympathy.
"I won't say I told you so..."
"What did he say to you just now?" Jim demanded as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
"He told me to explain that he can't see you any more. He's sorry, but it's over. He's with Ed now. You need to stay away."
Jim's eyes stung with tears again as sadness and anger clashed together.
"I fucking loved him!"
"I know," Victor replied, then as Jim gave a sob, Victor pulled him into a brief embrace, letting him sob against his shoulder as he patted his back.
"You'll get over it," he said as Jim let go and wiped his eyes again, "I know what you see I him, I get it – he's cute and the nice side of him is easy to like – but he's also Penguin. He gets what he wants. And him and Ed will never break up..." he looked thoughtfully at Jim, adding, "You're a nice guy. And you will get over this... Do you have a card on you, one of those police cards with your number on it?"
Jim nodded, then he reached into his pocket and pulled out his card and handed it to him. Victor took out a pen, wrote something on the back of the card and handed it back.
"Keep this."
Jim looked at the number.
"What's it for?"
"It's my phone number," Victor replied, "Just in case you feel down, or you want to talk to someone about Penguin... just call me, okay?"
Jim managed a smile.
"Did Oswald ask you to do this?"
"No," he replied honestly, "He just told me to make sure you understand the situation, and to make sure you're okay."
"Thanks," Jim replied, then he went back to his car.
As he got in, Victor sat in the passenger seat.
"What are you doing?" Jim asked.
"Penguin took the car. I need a ride into town."
"Okay," Jim replied, and he smiled again, thinking how dumb he had been to actually think for one second that his former lover would have asked his hit man to shoot him.
He started the car, they drove back into town, he dropped Victor off a couple of blocks from his own destination, Victor thanked him for the ride and told him to take care, then he walked away. After that Jim drove back to work, went straight to his office and was glad to find Harvey there. He cried some more, Harvey listened, then Jim dried his tears. Life without Oswald was going to be hard to get used to, but time eventually healed all wounds, even the worst of heartbreaks...
Ten years Later:
After bumping into Ed and Oswald at the tattoo parlour, the memory of his break up with Oswald had been sharp in Jim's mind. It was crazy how the years could just fall away in a split second and old heartache feel so fresh, so recent. While he was glad to know that Oswald was happy now, it still made his heart ache to think he had been so sick. The only positive he could take from that was knowing they had started to build a bridge towards friendship after all these years, at least they had done that before it was too late...
Jim was at home at his apartment, it was just gone six in the evening. He was on the couch thinking about the events of the day when his phone buzzed a text message alert. He checked the message, it was from Ed:
Hi Jim, are you getting this message? Is this a good time to send over those videos?
He replied at once, Yes, it's fine, I'm at home all evening.
Okay, Ed replied, I'll send them now. Can you please reply to me once you've watched to confirm you have deleted them?
Sure, Jim wrote back.
And give me your word you won't discuss the content with anyone. No matter who asks, you know nothing, okay?
Jim replied at once:
You have my word.
Then he waited. Nothing happened, so he put his phone down on the table. Still nothing came through, so he started thinking about all he had previously learned online. Curiosity was getting the better of him again. He picked up his phone and searched the name Ozzy Nygma. He could still see very little, the profile picture of him and Ed in a dimly it room was still there, but now he could see a cover picture too and he was surprised to see it was an old picture of Oswald's mother. It had been taken years back in the bar and she was looking into the camera and smiling. He saw comments on the picture and read them:
Your Mom looks lovely there, RIP Gertrude, Ivy had written.
So nice to see you again, Oswald's Mom! Ed had typed, and beneath it there was a response from Oswald, I remember taking this picture. I'm looking into her eyes and it's as if she lives again. My beautiful Mother.
There were a few other responses, from a few names that Jim vaguely recalled from the past, and a lot of likes on the photo.
Jim looked at the picture again, wondering, why Gertrude, why now? She had been dead for years. Maybe it was the anniversary of her death, or perhaps her birthday...
There was nothing else to see. He went to Ed's profile. The picture of Oswald was still there, and the picture of Ed's tattoo, but his profile picture had changed to one of him and Oswald, in the picture Ed was not his usual sharp dressed self, instead he worse a vest that showed off his tattooed arms as he stood behind Oswald who was sitting on a chair in the garden, and as Oswald smiled for the camera, Ed had kissed his cheek. Jim went to the comments. He heard his email alert going off but stayed on the page, reading what had been written:
My incredible Ozzy, Ed had wrote.
Nice to see him looking so well, Ivy had added.
He is incredible, so very brave, sending much love to you both, said another comment.
That remark had surprised Jim – it had been made by Barbara? He felt utterly confused as he wondered why Barbara would be so close to them, but he guessed a lot of time had passed and that had to be a reason why they had become friends, although he had never imagined man hating Barbara Kean would ever have become so close to Ed and Oswald that they would let her into any kind of friendship circle...
There was nothing else to see. While he had been reading, several alerts had gone off. He checked his email. He had been sent several videos. With the first, there was a message from Ed:
'Hi Jim, You are not aware of this, and you wont work out what it is yet (this is not a riddle) but you did my Oswald a huge favour years ago. It's nothing to do with what happened between you and him. Forget that, it's in the past and over and done with. It's something else you did - and for that you have my eternal gratitude. You will at least understand that by the time you've finished watching. We are both considering letting you a little closer into our lives as we both consider you a friend. I mean, you and I go way back, even further than you and Ozzy – to when I worked in forensics! Under the circumstances, Ozzy also feels we should do this sooner rather than later, as long as we are both sure we can trust you. Trust - confidentiality - is very important to us for reasons you are yet to understand. All will make perfect sense eventually. And please, do remember to let me know once you've watched the videos and deleted them. Fondest regards, Edward Nygma.'
After reading that message, Jim was smiling as he felt a sudden warmth towards Ed – yes, they did go a long way back, so much of that had been forgotten after Ed had turned to crime, then later, when he had almost killed Oswald, that memory had stayed with Jim for a long while. But now he was starting to see past that – Ed had changed, and clearly, loved Oswald very deeply and showed it at every opportunity, too.
Jim settled back on the couch and took a deep breath, getting ready to watch the videos as he felt sure it wouldn't be easy viewing. But he wanted to know what was going on, so he gave himself a silent reminder to keep his emotions in check, and then started to watch:
The first film showed the hallway of the mansion. Ed turned the camera around and started to speak:
"This is the start of my video diary. I'm not sure how far it will go because there's a few risks with this treatment and as I said in a previous video, Ozzy didn't go into detail with me about that until a few days ago..." he paused, looking tense as he thought back, "So this might get a bit scary...but as he said, it's his only chance, so he's going to try it. Forgive me if I sound a bit less than serious at times but I'm trying to keep things light... it's how I cope..." he forced a smile, then he turned the camera towards Oswald, who looked pale and worried as he joined him by the front door.
"Shall we get this adventure started?"Ed said brightly.
Oswald was leaning against the closed door, taking some deep breaths.
"Get that camera out of my face, Ed. I'm really not looking forward to this."
"It's four things," Ed reminded him, "Two months on the meds, then minor surgery, then a few weeks later another minor surgery. It should be over in something like five months. I'm quoting you, by the way. That's how you told me it would be."
Oswald looked like he was about to either throw up or pass out.
"I'm not exactly looking forward to it."
"I am!" Ed said excitedly, "Think of the end result, Oz. You won't be sick forever."
"And I've just remembered how much I hate needles."
Ed laughed from behind the camera.
"Come on, let's get you in the car..."
The video ended. The next one started as they sat in the car again, now it was nightfall and they were in the back of the car, being driven away from the city hospital. Ed spoke into the camera first.
"Ozzy survived having a needle stuck in his arm," he said, then he laughed, "So now we're going home with a lot of medication that he has to take for the next two months, it's the stuff that makes the rest of the treatment work - very smart drugs and they're very powerful. He's already had one dose today and he got through it okay."
"No I did not!" Oswald whispered, and Ed turned the camera around as he laughed again.
"Oh, poor Ozzy!" he said, sounding far from concerned, "You'll get used to it..."
As Jim watched and saw Oswald huddled on the back seat shivering into a blanket as he broke into a cold sweat, he felt deeply sorry for him. And Ed was making light of all this?
"Have some compassion, Ed..." he murmured, then he watched as Ed spoke into the camera again with a bemused look on his face:
"Current side effects are a bit like flu. He can handle that, he's just exaggerating. Everything is a big deal for him right now. Have some sympathy for me, I have to live with all his drama!"
The recording ended.
Jim shook his head.
"He's sick, Ed...it's not funny..."
He took a deep breath and went to the next recording. Oswald was in bed at home, he was on his back and the covers were up to his chest.
"Boo!" said Ed, diving down and landing on the side of the bed, making Oswald jump.
"Be careful, Ed! I just want to lay here and not move, I'm scared of the pain."
Ed turned the camera around and had a bemused expression on his face.
"There is no pain. Oswald is imagining it because he's had two months of medication that made him feel slightly unwell and then he had some minor surgery. It was such a simple procedure, but he can't see that. He thinks he's too fragile to move."
"I feel fragile!"
Ed laid beside him and aimed the camera at both of them. Oswald looked into the lens and then looked away as Ed put an arm around him.
"When this is over, it's all going to be a distant memory," he said, "And as soon as you're feeling better, being the sensitive guy that I am, I shall think of an appropriate way for us to celebrate..." he leaned closer to his ear, "I'm going to escort you to the Iceberg Lounge, get you drunk on cocktails and bring you back home and bang you senseless, Ozzy!"
Suddenly Oswald was laughing.
"Don't put that in the video!"
There was a playful, evil gleam in Ed's eyes as he spoke into the camera.
"Its going in, Ozzy! This is what my Oz is like when he's not sick, a few cocktails and he's all over me... Sometimes I feel sorry for Victor if he's driving us home - he has to look the other way, all he can see in the back of the car is my drunk and horny Oz climbing all over me!"
In the background, Jim heard Oswald laugh again.
"That's better," Ed added, "It's about time you started laughing again."
The next video was very different. Ed was standing outside a wall near the entrance to Arkham hospital, and behind his glasses, his eyes were red from crying.
"This has been a day from hell," he said, "I guess a few of you know Oswald collapsed today, he was in a lot of pain, it was sudden... so we got it checked out and it turns out there's been a complication... So the second surgery happened today and it wasn't the thirty minute procedure we expected, it was four hours and had to be done at Arkham instead of the city hospital because it was so serious... But it's all okay now." Ed blinked away tears as he struggled to speak, "Oh my, this has been terrible... Ozzy's in a lot of pain, I can't even make light of it now. He's really hurting, the scar went a lot further and deeper than we expected because the implant ruptured and started leaking. He's got a lot of stitches and to wake up and know there's nothing else he can do was very hard for him... I just want to take him home... that's all...I can't really speak any more..."
Ed was very emotional as he turned off the recording. This was getting hard to watch. Jim took a deep breath and started the next video.
A lamp was on in the bedroom giving off a soft glow. Oswald was resting in bed, sitting up supported by pillows. He still looked pale and tired and as he looked into the camera, Ed was in no mood to fool around.
"How are you feeling now, Oz?"
"Better," he said quietly, "The pain relief is finally working."
Ed sat down on the edge of the bed.
"It won't be long before you're healed, then you'll be back to your old self again, my beautiful, sexy Ozzy."
Suddenly Oswald looked tearful.
"Ed, my body is wrecked!"
"No it's not!"
"It is!"
Ed gave a sigh.
"You won't feel that way once it stops hurting."
"Turn the camera off!" Oswald said sharply, and looked away.
The next film was much later, in this one Oswald was looking his usual well groomed self as he sat in the Iceberg lounge with Ed. The place was empty and quiet and Oswald looked much better.
"This is Oswald," Ed said in bemused tone, zooming in on his face, "Last week Oswald passed out in the Lounge, didn't you?"
He nodded as he started to laugh.
"Why did you give me such a terrible fright?" Ed demanded.
Oswald looked into the camera.
"Because I'd just got over some treatment to kill off the toxins left in my body by the complications."
"And...?" Ed demanded.
Oswald's eyes danced with amusement.
"I wasn't supposed to drink alcohol for six weeks."
"And you did," Ed reminded him, "How many cocktails did you have, Oz?"
Oswald laughed harder.
"I had three in half an hour, Ed. Literally behind your back when you wasn't looking!"
"You're an idiot, Oz." Ed stated.
"I know I am!" For the first time, Oswald looked really happy as he laughed with Ed. Then Ed shifted closer to Oswald, who put his head on his shoulder and stayed silent as Ed spoke into the camera.
"There's something I want to say... about what happened with the toxins. When the implant leaked, it put a lot of potentially dangerous chemicals into Oswald's body. But he was able to fight off ninety percent of it almost instantly. The reason for this is because he's twice been in the filthy waters of the Gotham river and after that, his body can take on any toxin and kick its ass. We had to got to Hugo Strange to get some meds to get rid of the last trace of it, but as you can see, Ozzy is feeling a lot better right now. That's mainly because of the incident... I won't say more, but that incident when I shoved him into the river, and the time before, when Jim Gordon pushed him in. So thanks Jim, where ever you are now – all these years later, what you did helped to save my husband from chemical poisoning..." he smiled, "We're very grateful."
The recording ended.
That was all, there were no more videos.
Jim sat in silence, thinking about all he had seen. He still didn't know what was wrong with Oswald, but what Ed had said about exposure to the river water, and how it had helped him over come the complications, had deeply moved him. Then he remembered his promise and deleted the files. He then sent an email back to Ed:
'Dear Ed, Thank you for sharing such tough times with me. I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you both. The files are deleted as promised. And you can count on my discretion. I won't tell anyone about this. I can see you've both been through a lot. I guess it's been as tough on you as it has on Oswald. I'm glad you have each other, hard times like this would be difficult to get through alone. I hope we can all meet up at a convenient time, I want to stay in touch with you both. Fond regards, Jim.'
A reply came back quickly, Thank you, Jim. We will be in touch – Ed.
Jim put the phone down on the table. Then the buzzer sounded. He got up and went down the hall and spoke through the intercom.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Jim... I was just passing by and I thought I'd say hello... It's Ivy Pepper."
Ivy was here? Why?
Her sudden appearance on his doorstep was a real surprise.
"Come up," he said, and hit the button to let her in.
As he waited for her to knock on his door, he tried to push aside all the emotions that had stirred within him after watching those videos. Now Ivy was on her way up and he had not been expecting visitors this evening. He paused to wipe his eyes, then he took a deep breath, trying not to think about the emotional content he had just witnessed – he couldn't discuss any of it, even with Ivy, he had made a promise to Ed and he intended to honour it...
