So it's the first full chapter on them being on the outside. Hope you all enjoy!
Chapter 4
I had tried to sleep as much as possible but it seemed like every time I finally started falling asleep I was jolted away by something. But I must have finally been able to get some shut eye because when I opened my eyes this time I saw light. I didn't want to move though I was so comfortable laying here in Murphy's embrace. I could feel his chest rising and falling beneath me, just by his breathing I could tell he was still sleeping.
It wasn't until I started to really wake up that I realized something was wrong. We were stopped. Why were we stopped? Finally I started moving which in turn woke up the person I was currently cuddled up to. It wasn't until he said "good morning" that I realized that it wasn't Murphy after all.
I shot up first looking to the other side of me and noticed Murphy was not there, then looked in the front of the van and realized it was all empty except a sleeping Miller. Finally I looked back at Bellamy. "Where is everyone?"
"Miller needed to get some sleep in so we decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to stop for a little while. The rest decided to go scavenger the area and see if there is anything useful." He said softly.
"How did…" I didn't know how to ask "Uh… When I fell asleep…"
Bellamy chuckled "you trying to ask how you ended up cuddled up in my arms?"
"Yea something like that." I said quickly.
"You seemed to be fighting your sleep pretty hard last night. It seemed like you were having nightmares. You kept bashing around, Murphy tried to keep you calm but nothing seemed to help." Bellamy swallowed and I couldn't help but notice he looked nervous.
"And?" I couldn't help but feel impatient.
"Well I tried to help him and somehow you ended up in my arms and once you calmed down that time you seemed to fall right asleep and didn't wake back up until now." Bellamy wouldn't meet my eyes and I was kind of happy for that.
"Shit." Finally he looked at me "Is Murphy pissed?"
"He acted like it didn't bother him but I could tell he seemed hurt." He told me honestly.
I sighed "this is all I need, he obviously already thought something was going on between us before."
"Hey don't worry about it. There could be many reasons why it happened." I knew he was just trying to make me feel better.
"Yea? Name one?" I tested him.
"Well maybe it was just the way you as laying. I know it sounds stupid but that could have been the case. Or it could have even been that you had just been looking out the window and when you closed your eyes you kept seeing what you had seen outside. Until you turned directions that is." I had to admit his ideas weren't half bad.
"Well I'm not going to lie to him. I'm just going to tell him I have no idea why it happened." I shrugged my shoulders knowing that it probably wouldn't be enough but hoped it would.
Just then I saw them starting to walk back up. I was excited to see Murphy. I also noticed they were carrying some stuff. I climbed over Bellamy, I know that probably wasn't the best move but I'd deal with that later, I just wanted to get to Murphy. When I opened the van door I couldn't help but notice all their eyes were on me.
I ignored them and walked straight to Murphy "can we talk?"
He nodded and after he put what he was holding down behind the van we walked a little up the road so we could talk in private.
The moment we stopped I took his hands "look I don't know what happened last night but I need you to know that it didn't mean anything."
"I want to believe that but there's something about the two of you when you're together. I don't know what it is exactly but there's something there." Murphy seemed really down.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." I wanted to believe what I was saying but I knew deep down I knew exactly what he meant. "The only thing I can tell you is I love you and nothing will ever change that."
"I hope not." He said barley more than a whisper and honestly I had no idea if he wanted me to hear it or not.
When we got back to the van Miller had climbed in the back and Bellamy was now in the driver's seat. I couldn't help but feel relief.
We were back on the road within a few minutes. As we drove we didn't see much of the undead but I knew that didn't mean anything. I knew they were out there. I didn't know the plan exactly but from what Murphy told me we were going to try to stay off the main roads and out of major cities. From what Monty found out before everything went out was that was the worst areas to be, they were swarming with zombies. Which makes sense, the more people who were in a place when this started happening had the worst possible outcome.
Everyone decided that it would be better to find somewhere to stay once it started getting dark. I was good staying in the van but they didn't think it was a good idea. Which I guess I saw their point, I just felt safer with everyone being so close. And then there was the whole fact that we would have to find a place and go inside not knowing what we would find.
As soon as we stopped I felt my nerves go all over me. We piled out of the van and Bellamy started talking. "Alright I wasn't able to get much from back at the base but I was able to get everyone a decent knife, I know there not great but they'll do. Just remember if you encounter one go for the head, it's the only way they'll go down."
He handed out the knives. Then he looked at each and every one of us. "Miller and I also have guns but they will only be used in an absolute emergency since we are limited on bullets and the loud noise does attract more."
"Why don't we get guns?" Of course it was Murphy.
"We actually was able to get enough guns for you all. But they will only be handed out when we think you are ready for them." Bellamy said without hesitation.
Murphy nodded, obviously agreeing.
"So Miller will be leading and it's up to you who will go in after him, I will stay in the back in case we have stragglers. In my opinion we need the best up front, to help take out anything that may be there." I couldn't help but feel completely left out because I knew I wasn't one of the strong ones.
"I'll go next to Miller if that's cool with you guys?" Murphy said looking between Miller and Bellamy.
"I have no complaints." Miller said.
Bellamy chuckled "Me either."
Now I felt even worse because where did that leave me? By myself. I didn't speak up though, I didn't want this group to think any worse of me then they already did.
We approached the fence quietly but when Miller opened the gate, he banged it back and forth a couple times. At first I had no idea why he did but then I saw them. There was three of them, two men and woman. They had obviously been dead for a while now. All three of them started heading toward the gate at the same time.
Out of habit I backed up and it ended up being right into Bellamy. He placed his hands on my waist and softly said "don't worry they'll be alright, they know what they're doing."
I watched in awe as Miller stepped aside and let Murphy take care of the first zombie, he had him on the ground with a knife cut through his brain in a matter of seconds. His face said it all, he enjoyed doing this. Then I saw a wicked smile cross Raven's face as she went and took care of the second zombie, her kill wasn't as clean as Murphy's but it wasn't bad. Then I watched as Monty and Harper went back and forth for the third one, at first I thought they both wanted to kill it but as I watched a little closer that wasn't the case. Harper was trying to get Monty to do the kill but he wouldn't, he wanted her to do it. Finally Harper sighed and took it out like it was no big deal.
I had been so caught up in watching what was going on in front of me that I hadn't even realized that Bellamy hands were still on me. It wasn't until he slowly took them away that I became completely aware of the situation. I was just glad that Murphy hadn't been paying attention because that would have just fueled his suspicion.
Miller opened the gate, letting us all in then Bellamy made sure it was securely closed. Once we made it to the house the same thing was done but this time Monty actually made a kill as well and I couldn't help but notice that he looked like he wanted to throw up. I'm glad I didn't have anyone trying to get me to make my first kill because I knew I wasn't quite ready yet. I stood there watching just waiting for them to give us an all clear.
Murphy came out and I couldn't help but notice he was grinning from ear to ear. He swooped me up in his arms and kissed me.
"You know you're crazy right?" I asked him when he finally pulled back.
"It's such a rush of adrenaline." He told me but I already could tell that. "Wait until you get your first kill, its mind blowing."
"Just because it is for you doesn't mean it'll be the same for me. You live for this shit. Me, not so much." I couldn't help but show my fear a little.
"You're not the only one." I heard Wells say coming up beside us.
At least I wasn't the only one that hadn't killed an undead thing yet.
The rest of us made our way inside and when I walked in I saw they were already getting the area ready for us to stay in. They was pulling the big furniture over the windows and blocking the doors.
"I think its best if we all stay together here in the living room since it's the biggest room. There is one bedroom but in my opinion it's not a good idea to split up and sleep in different areas. If you want to do other things, please use the bedroom." Miller looked straight at myself and Murphy then to Monty and Harper "but either me or Bellamy will be on watch at all times, so please don't hesitate to come to us for anything."
I could tell my cheeks were red by the heat coming off my face. I always hated being put on the spot like that. But I really hoped Murphy wasn't planning on doing anything why we were here because there was no way in hell I'd be able to make love to him with 6 other people in the next room.
"But you all need to make sure you get plenty of rest, tomorrow will be a long day. We'll be reaching town where we hope we'll be able to reunite at least some of our people with their loved ones. But you know with towns come zombies." Bellamy continued what Miller had started.
"This might be a stupid question and it has probably been answered when you guys met up before but what happens if we do meet up with them? We obviously don't have enough room in the van and we don't have anywhere to live. So what's the plan?" I don't know why I opened my mouth but I couldn't seem to control myself.
"That's something we'll have to figure out when that time comes. If we only end up finding a couple more then we can squeeze in. But we discussed looking for places that we might be able to use as our own, if we see something that we think is livable we just bring it up and work from there." Miller said kindly "But one thing I mentioned before is we need to truly think about what kind of place we want to stay in, of course we couldn't all just live in one house. No one having their own space will take a toll on people. So we need to decide if we want to try and concur a neighborhood, an apartment building, or a couple duplexes. There is a lot to think about when it comes to choosing the right place."
I was glad he explained things to me and didn't get an attitude because I didn't know. "Thank you and if I have any idea, I'll speak up. Even though I probably won't."
"Hey you never know. You may excel being out here. Something you might have not been able to do being locked up back at the base." It made me feel good that they believed I could help.
"Well I do know medical things, so I guess I will be good for something." I chuckled.
"Clarke believe it or not you're a crucial member of this group. You may not be good with the combat stuff but you will help keep us alive." I felt like I probably had the cheesiest grin on my face right then. Up until that point I really didn't think I had a place here. That the only reason I was here was because of Murphy.
We all ate a small amount before everyone tried to get comfortable and fall asleep on the cold hard floor. It wasn't really cold or anything but it was cool for an August night. I laid there tossing and turning for what seemed like ever. I looked around and couldn't believe that everyone else was out cold, including Murphy. I knew getting sleep was crucial and I really tried but finally I just got tired of not being that tired and got up. I stayed quiet so I wouldn't disturb anyone.
I kind of hoped Miller was on duty because I could use a little chatting and I just thought it wouldn't be appropriate with Bellamy. I looked around the house and when I couldn't find whoever was on guard I checked the front door and saw that it was cracked. So I pulled it open just a little more but the squeak alerted the person standing on the other side which just happened to be Bellamy.
He smiled when he saw me standing there. "Having problems sleeping?"
I nodded and softly said "yea."
"You wanna join me?" He asked me and I really wanted to tell him no but I didn't. I opened the screen door and quietly closed the main door behind me.
"So what are you doing out here?" I asked him curiously.
"Getting rid of those." He said pointing at the bodies lying on the other side of the fence.
"Ah."
I watched as a couple more came up and just kept continuously walking into the fence even though they obviously wasn't getting anywhere.
"They're not very smart are they?" I asked with a chuckle.
He shook his head. He started heading toward the fence and I don't know what made me do it but I followed him.
He was about to stab the first one when I grabbed ahold of his arm. He turned and looked at me "can I?"
He lowered his hand "you sure you ready?"
I let out a light laugh "honestly I don't think I'll ever be ready but I know I need to know how to do this if I want to survive."
He grabbed ahold of my hand and very gently placed the knife in my palm. "Now the most important thing you need to know is don't let it bite you."
I couldn't help but laugh "you think."
My response made him smile. He then continued "then you need to make sure you have a tight grip on the knife and when you plunge it into its head you need to make sure you do it hard. You will need to use all the strength you can, if you don't do it hard enough you won't kill it."
"Way to make me feel good about this." I couldn't help but say.
"I'm not going to sugarcoat anything just because I kinda like you, this is real and how you approach one of these guys will determine if you live or die. And honestly I would rather you not go dying on us, you're the only one of us that knows anything medically." He didn't even look embarrassed about saying that he kinda liked me which I thought was a little strange.
"You ready?" He asked which completely pulled me out of my head.
"Sorry got a little distracted."
"Yea I have that effect on girls sometimes." He smirked.
I rolled my eyes.
I took a deep breath then when I felt ready I took a step toward the fence holding the knife up. I felt myself shaking but then Bellamy stepped up behind me helping steady me. Having that extra support helped more than I thought it would.
"You need to make sure you have control." He said barley more than a whisper.
The only thing I could think right then is I felt like I was completely losing control of everything. When he slid his hand from my wrist to my waist I felt my body react and it wasn't the way I wanted it to. I leaned back into him and I heard him take a deep breath.
"This isn't helping with control." I barely got out.
Finally I felt him remove his hands. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before opening them again. Trying my hardest to not think of the man who is currently standing a few feet behind me. I need to think of the task on hand and only that.
Finally I looked at the zombie who was trying to get through the fence and took the step back up to it, holding the knife high. When I knew I was ready I quickly took the knife to the side of its head, jabbing it in as hard as I could. I was able to get it in a lot easier than I thought but my problem was getting it back out, Bellamy had to jump into action to get my knife back.
He held up the knife like he wanted me to take it back from him but I just shook my head. I didn't want it back still covered in zombie brains. He smiled at me obviously getting why I didn't want it back.
"You want the honors of doing the other one or you want me to take care of it?" He asked.
I grabbed the knife from him "I'll do it."
I headed back to the fence, it took me less time to get ready this time and in only a matter of seconds I had the knife in and out of the zombies head. It went down with no fight left. I turned around and couldn't help but smile. Bellamy was smiling back at me.
Without thinking I ran to him dropping the knife in the process and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I knew you'd be a natural." He said as he returned the embrace.
When it finally hit me what I had just done I released my arms and took a step back. I sighed then looked up at his face "this has to stop."
He looked confused "what do you mean?"
"This." I took my hand and waved it back and forth between the two of us "I know you feel it to, there's something here but there can't be."
He didn't respond, just stared at me.
"Up until Murphy I had never even been in a real relationship, it was never my top priority. But I love him, I do. More than I ever thought possible and I can't do anything to jeopardize that. I don't know what this is but it has to stop." It felt good finally getting that off my chest but saying them words out loud made it real.
"I get it." He actually looked sad "I can't deny that I feel something but I know you're spoken for. Maybe one day we'll be able to explore what this is or maybe we won't. I guess time will tell."
I walked back into the house more confused than I was before. Being out in a zombie infested world was enough to worry about, I really didn't want to worry about anything else. But I couldn't help but continuously wonder what it was exactly about Bellamy that I couldn't shake. It's not like I really knew him but there was something just so familiar. Something that no matter how much I told myself I had to stay away my body didn't want to listen.
When I went and laid back down I fell right asleep. I didn't know if it was because of the excitement of killing my first zombies or the drama with Bellamy but I was exhausted.
So obviously I'm throwing in some Bellarke while Clurphy is still canon. Clarke is being pulled to him even though she is trying her hardest to stay away.
