It's the afternoon and Dan's sat in front of a camera, preparing himself for the video that he's about to make. Phil gave him a thumbs up from behind the camera and Dan gestured for him to turn the camera on.
"Hello internet!"
Dan got straight to the point, explaining his suicide attempt in even more detail than he had told Phil. Dan managed to compose himself throughout, but once he started explaining his motives tears started streaming down his face. Phil came round to comfort him, but Dan grabbed his wrist and showed it to the camera.
"Neither of us are perfect, but we're healing each other, and I promise that I will never try anything like this again."
This set Phil off too. Dan thought he looked so sad that he couldn't help but hold him in his arms and keep telling him that they'd be okay as he explained what had happened with Lola. He had been updating his fans on her and he felt that they deserved to know this. He made sure not to mention why they'd broken up. He'd already experienced the length the fans would go to to find out about a secret. He rubbed Phil's back as he turned off the camera, he was so small and child-like sometimes, he couldn't believe that Phil was the older of the two boys. He carried Phil on his shoulder and dumped him onto his own bed. Phil didn't let go. Dan sighed.
"Phil, you need sleep."
Phil looked up at him through tears, although Dan's had already dried.
"No I don't Dan. I just need you."
Dan was left speechless for a moment. He dropped Phil and left the room.
Phil had never been as happy as he was when Dan came back in the room, laptop in hand, and lay down in the black and white bed. He looked Phil in the eyes and passed him something small and furry.
"Lion!"
Phil's face lit up as he held his stuffed animal up to his face. He looked over to Dan to see that he had opened his laptop and had started to edit the video.
"I want to help! Look I've stopped crying now so I won't break your laptop,"
Dan couldn't help giggle as he put the laptop between them.
"So what should we edit out?"
"None of it," Phil yawned as Dan raised his eyebrows,"It's so genuine as it is, there's no point in taking anything away from it,"
"You're so genuine, Phil, that's what I love about you."
They both went bright red as soon as Dan had said it,"Not like that!"
"I know what you mean," Phil laughed. He couldn't help but feel a tiny bit disappointed, what if Dan had meant it like that? They decided together to add a small disclaimer that none of this was staged and then posted it. Dan lay back in his bed and Phil felt comfortable for the first time in weeks.
Why had Dan said he loved Phil? It was such a poor choice of words. Of course he loved Phil, he had loved him since Skype days and it had surpassed being a 'crush' a long time ago. Hell, he'd dumped Lola for him. He wanted to tell Phil, but he loved seeing him happy that he couldn't risk upsetting him with his affection. He was brought back to his thoughts once he realised that he was the subject of Phil's piercing gaze.
"Can I sleep In your bed tonight Dan?"
"Sure,"Dan was all too happy to, it was the closest he'd ever come to dating him. He got up and tatted to clear the floor of his dirty clothes from the past week.
"Oh, are you not sleeping in your thong tonight?" Phil was pretending to be disappointed and he was awfully good at it.
"Only if you wear your lacy undies,"
Dan burst out laughing and Phil left the room only to come back wearing a thong which was only slightly more decent than the one Dan had worn this morning.
"Will this do?"
Dan doubled over, chest heaving with laughter as Phil pranced around the room with slightly less than a strip of cloth on his body.
Eventually, Dan threw a blanket at him and told him to go change. Once Phil was safely in a pair of pajamas, Dan left the room to change into his own.
Phil was scrolling through the comments of Dan's latest video when he came back in the room. He didn't look up as Dan got into bed next to him and pulled the duvet up over both their chests. Dan looked over at what Phil was doing.
"Phil!" Dan grabbed his laptop back and closed down the page, "I thought we said that we weren't going to read each other's comments,"
Phil tried to get it back but quickly gave up," They're just so nice!"
"I'll have a look at some in the morning. What do you want to watch?"
"Nothing,"
"Are you sure?"
"I want to talk with you instead," Phil pulled Dan's arms around him,"What is it that makes you so sad when I'm with you, Dan? What am I doing wrong?"
Dan shuffled slightly so his head was on Phil's shoulder. He started whispering into his ear.
"I can't lie to you Phil. I can't pretend that I love Lola. I can't be as happy as I seem to be for our fans. I can't put up a wall between us to stop you asking more than I want you to know. I can't bear to make you sad, and I can't bear seeing you sad. I can't live with secrets with you, you deserve to know everything but I keep keeping things from you because quite frankly, I can't live without you."
Phil turned his head so he could whisper something back,
"I can't live without you either, and nothing you can ever say or think will change that, ok?"
Dan was silent for a minute before answering Phil's question,
"Ok."
"Dan?"
"Yeah?"
"I need to turn the lights off."
"Oh."
Dan moved around so that Phil could get up. Phil came back and Dan turned around, ready to resume their cuddling position. Instead, Phil decided to bury his face into his barechest. Dan quickly adapted and held onto Phil's hips. After a few minutes of this position, Phil stroked a finger downDan's side. A moment later, something poked the top of Phil's thigh and Dan turned around.
"What was that, Dan?"
"My knee."
"Oh, ok,"
Phil pulled on Dan's shoulder so that he was facing him again. Dan's cheeks were flushed.
"What are you wearing Dan?"
"Not much," he admitted, "Do you want me to change?"
"No," Phil got back up, "I'm just getting a drink."
He walked down the corridor and changed back into his underwear. Grabbing a glass of water in the kitchen, Phil came back into the dark room and laid beside the most handsome man he had ever met. He tried not to make to much noise, it was evident that Dan was asleep. Phil just lay there, staring at Dan until he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
