Chapter 11
The next two weeks seemed to go by so slowly. I couldn't stand being around anyone, even Raven had started keeping her distance. I didn't blame her though I wasn't much fun to be around lately. The guilt from Murphy's death was riding hard on me. I kept thinking I'd wake up and feel better but it hasn't happened yet. I only left my room a few times a day but it was never for very long.
Bellamy tried to help but seeing him made things worse. Knowing it was because of my feelings for him that caused this mess. If I would have never acted on it then Murphy wouldn't have thought he had to leave. It's been three days now since the last time I saw Bellamy and my heart hurts which makes me feel even guiltier. I've always heard that loving was hard but I never imagined this is what it would be like.
I heard a knock on my door. I tried to ignore it but when it got louder I finally said "come in."
When the door opened the last person I expected to see stood there, it was Emori. I looked away.
"Why're you here?" I finally asked after she didn't say anything.
"Why didn't you let them kick me out?" She said without emotion.
"Because I deserved what you did." I said without hesitation.
"I can't argue with you there." She responded then took a deep breath before continuing "I actually came here for a reason."
"Shocker." I rolled my eyes.
"Never mind. I shouldn't have come." She started to turn around.
"Emori." I called after her "Don't act like a baby. You and I both know that you're a tough girl and my little comment wouldn't have hurt your feelings. Especially because I know how you feel about me."
She turned back around and looked me straight in the eyes. "No you didn't hurt my feelings but I was getting ready to head out, was going to take a walk through me and Murphy's old neighborhood. I thought maybe… Maybe you would want to go with me. But I don't even want you to go if you're going to act like that."
I knew in the back of my mind that this was a bad idea but that didn't stop me from saying "I'll behave, I promise."
Emori kind of looked shocked "you're willing to go with me, out there?"
I shrugged my shoulders "sure why not?"
"Just figured that you wouldn't trust me." She said honestly.
"I don't." Figured I wouldn't lie now.
"Then why would you agree to go out there with me alone?" She didn't understand.
"Because Emori it doesn't matter where we are. If you're going to do something you'll do it." I sighed "And I need to get outta here. A walk seems pretty damn good right about now even if it is with someone who might want me dead."
It was obvious that Emori was still trying to decide if I was being serious but when I finally pulled myself out of bed and starting rummaging through my closet it finally hit her.
"So you're really coming?" She asked sounding surprised.
I nodded "as long as you were actually asking."
"Well I never planned this far ahead. I never thought you would agree to come." She almost sounded discouraged.
"I guess today is the day I surprise you then, huh?" I replied while changing.
We were out of my room and headed outside about 5 minutes later. I knew the only way I would be able to get outside these walls is if no one knew I was leaving. So I took the extra time to make sure no one saw us. I knew I was being reckless going outside the walls with Emori but honestly I didn't care, it kind of felt like an adventure.
When we were a good distance away from the house we finally started taking the main streets again. We didn't talk, we just walked side by side enjoying the silence. It was obvious the moment we started crossing over from the richy neighborhood to the lower class. Even after all this time it still looked so much worse.
It took me a minute to realize exactly where we were but the moment I did I couldn't seem to get my feel to move. Emori kept walking for a minute before finally realizing that I wasn't following.
"What's the problem? You feel like you're too good to be in this neighborhood?" She said with attitude.
"This was where I met Murphy for the first time." The words left my mouth before I could close it. I didn't want to share this with her.
"I thought you two went to school together?" She asked confused.
I nodded "for years apparently but I didn't know who he was until the summer before senior year. My dad had just left me and I wanted to be anywhere except around my mom so I took off and ended up here. Murphy helped me get home safe that night."
"So you guys went to school together and you had no idea who he was?" I didn't miss the way she asked that.
I shook my head "I felt horrible when I found out because here he was helping me and I had no idea who he was but he knew exactly who I was. Everyone knew me. I hadn't realized just how I was before meeting him but he changed me in a way that I never even knew I needed changed. He was the first boy I ever fell for, the only one I have ever loved. He has a piece of me that I will never get back."
"If you love him so much then why did you push him away?" Emori's question brought me back to the here and now.
I sat down in the middle of the deserted street. "We never had a chance. The day we became official was also the day I saw my first zombie, which just so happened to be one of my best friends. Then we got rushed out to the base and even though I tried to pretend like things were good between us, they weren't. He was always too worried about finding a way out, I never understood it. Not until the day I met you. I never even knew you existed until a few days before we left and that was only because of Bellamy. Everyone thought he needed to get out of there to find his sister. But see I knew he didn't have a sister and when I finally questioned him about it he said you grew up together and you were the closest thing to a sister he'd ever had. That was what made my decision to come with him."
"But you weren't the only problem Emori. Obviously I wasn't too happy when I found out that you were the farthest thing from a sister to him. But by that point there was already this thing with Bellamy. I tried to deny it. I tried to push the thoughts away. But I couldn't and when you came in the picture I knew he wasn't who I was supposed to be with. Of course I was pissed to find out that the entire time we were starting our relationship that he'd been going back to you. But honestly I felt relief that I didn't have to try and hide anymore. Not from him. Not from myself. I felt free." This was the first time I had ever said any of this out loud.
"So you're pretty much saying he died for nothing?" She sounded hostile.
"He shouldn't have died." I yelled "He should've been back with you. I don't get it. I could tell he loved you so why the hell were you two not back together?"
"You're not going to put this on me." She was angry.
"I'm not trying to, I'm just trying to understand things. I know he cared for me but I never really believed it was love. There's no reason he should've still been stuck up on me after all these months." I just kept blabbing. "Didn't you want him back?"
"Are you seriously asking me that right now? I have loved that boy since we were kids. I survived for him only to find out that he'd shacked up with some spoiled little rich girl." Emori was yelling by this point.
"I may have been some spoiled rich girl but he made me a better person. He made me see a different way of life." That was the thing I will always be able to say about my relationship with Murphy. He helped grow me into the woman that I've become.
"But what'd you do for him? Not a damn thing except get him killed." She was furious.
"I know I'm to blame for his death. I will never argue with you over that. But if you want to sit there and point fingers you're also to blame." I finally stood back up "If it wouldn't have been for you he would've stayed at the base. We would have never left there."
I knew she hadn't expected me to say something like that and honestly that hadn't even been something I had been thinking about. She just knew how to piss me off. But it was me who was about to be surprised by her actions. I saw her reach behind her and pull something out. It took a few moments to focus on what had just happened.
"You're seriously pulling a gun on me?" I actually laughed. "Man and I thought I was weak. But for you to do something so cowardly. I had you pegged completely wrong."
"Shut up." She screamed. "Don't you get it Clarke? You won't be going back to your house. By the time they even notice your gone it'll be too late. You'll be zombie food."
I took a step toward her "do it. Don't you get it? I don't care."
That was far from the truth. I was freaking out on the inside but I knew I had to keep it calm to stay alive. I figured she didn't want to come out to make up or anything but I never figured her to have a gun.
When I heard the gun click I knew I was in trouble. Just as she went to pull the trigger I saw something, more like someone charge at her. I thought I was saved but when I heard the gun sound and then felt the sharp pain through my side I knew I had been hit. I tried to stay standing but lost that battle soon before I knew it I was on the ground.
"Why do you have to be so stupid?" I heard the very annoyed voice from my closest friend.
"I have to keep you on your toes, Reyes." I tried to joke but the pain was starting to become unbearable. "You need to get me back. We have to get this bullet out of me."
"We need to get you to Lincoln or Nyko." Raven knew who could take care of me.
"Do you think you can carry me?" I asked feeling myself slipping in and out of consciousness.
"No but…"
"I can." I felt Bellamy's arms around me picking me up from the ground.
"But I'll bleed all over you." Those was the last words I remembered coming out of my mouth before darkness came.
I felt myself wake a few times over the next few hours each time I was back out so fast that I had no idea where I was or how things were proceeding. All I knew was that with each awakening all I felt was excruciating pain and welcomed the sleep to take me back over.
When I did finally wake I was alone. I sat up and regretted it immediately. I looked down at my side and saw the bandage. There was no blood seeping through so I knew things must have went well.
"How're you feeling?" I saw Nyko as he walked around the curtain.
"Wonderful." I said with a slight laugh. Then got serious "it feels better, obviously sore but I can tell you did a good job."
"Did you doubt me?" He said with a smile.
"Not at all. I knew I was in good hands." I told him honestly. I would have preferred him over Lincoln but I wouldn't ever admitted that out loud.
"You had a lot of people scared." He said in a serious tone. "Were you trying to get yourself killed?"
When I looked up at him I knew he was serious. He actually believed my intentions were to die.
I slowly shook my head "I honestly thought that we might be able to work out of differences. It was a long shot but we actually had a conversation, which hasn't happened in the months she's been here."
"You thought she asked you to go take a walk out there. Just to talk?" He asked suspiciously.
I shrugged my shoulders "I'm not stupid. I knew there was the possibility that she may attack me again but this time I wasn't going to lay there and take it. I never figured she could have gotten her hands on a gun."
"Desperate people do desperate things." The way he said that I had a feeling he wasn't only speaking about Emori.
