Chapter 14
Two weeks had come and gone and I couldn't help but feel isolated. Everyone was pissed that I brought Emori back. Of course Raven and Wells were still my friends, they were both upset with me as well but they could see why I did it. Especially Wells because he's known me pretty much my whole life, he knew me better than anyone and knew just what Murphy meant to me. He didn't agree with my decision but he understood why I did it.
In the two weeks since I brought Emori back, I had only seen Bellamy a handful of times. He wouldn't say a word to me, hell he barley even looked at me.
I wasn't allowed in the same room with Emori unless there was someone else present. I knew it was for my own protection but it pissed me off, especially because I was doing her medical care. I felt like it was a freak show each time I had to check her out. She looked grateful to be back but she would never tell anyone especially not me.
I slept even less now, I really wasn't sure how I even operated anymore. I knew I was running on an hour of sleep at the most each day. After laying in my room for a couple hours finally after knowing sleep wasn't coming anytime soon I got up, quietly to make sure I didn't wake anyone else in the room. At first I didn't know where I was headed but the moment I reached his door, I knew that was exactly where I wanted to be. I needed to talk to Bellamy. I knew there was a good chance he was sleeping but since he was still staying in the room he originally was and no one else shared it with him then I wouldn't disturb anyone else.
I slowly cracked the door and saw right away that he wasn't sleeping but what I saw wasn't something I wanted to. He wasn't alone in his room, it was dark so I couldn't tell who he was with but I didn't need to see her to know exactly who it was. I took a breath then closed the door back as quietly as I opened it. I knew they had hooked up before but knowing that it has continued didn't settle very well.
I walked quickly down two sets of stairs, to the basement, or what's now known as the medical ward. The only place in the house that I get even a little bit of happiness anymore. I crossed the room and unlocked the door that we keep all the medical supplies. Also crossing that room I went to a little secret room that not many people knew about, it was the room that we locked all the alcoholic drinks that we came across and since my parents had quite the wine collection it was stocked. I hoped just drinking a little would help get the images out of my mind and maybe even help me sleep.
I took the lid of one of the bottle and took a few drinks. I looked at the bottle still amazed that this stuff wasn't horrible. I took a couple more drinks then put the cap back on. I grabbed the bottle and started toward the door, deciding right as I reached the door to grab a second bottle. I hid the bottles in my jacket then headed back up the stairs.
I just reached the top of the second set of stairs when the alcohol started to set in. I don't know if it was because of the fuzzy feeling from the alcohol or it being dark but I ended up walking right into someone as I rounded the corner. I felt one of the bottles slip and I knew when the other person swore in pain that it must have hit him.
"What the hell was that?" I heard a very angry voice.
"Sorry." I tried to grab it before Roan could see what it was but I was too late.
He stood back up, bottle in hand. "Haven't you ever heard drinking alone is only for depressed people?"
"Have you ever thought that maybe that's exactly what I am?" I said without hesitation.
"What could you be depressed about?" He said rudely.
"Nothing. Nothing at all. My life is just unicorns and rainbows." I said sarcastically.
I attempted to grab the bottle back but he kept it out of my reach.
"Give me the bottle back." I ordered.
"Looks like you already have one, so I think I'll keep this one." He said matter of a factly.
"I don't think so."
"And how do you plan on getting it back?" He said smugly.
Without thinking I pushed him back against the wall, and hard. He actually stumbled before hitting the wall. He opened his eyes wide in surprise.
I put my hand out waiting on him to hand over the bottle.
"You've gotta try harder than that." He stood there smiling.
I took a few steps back, really not having any other plans of getting it back. He smirked then opened the door next to him and walked into the unused room. I watched as he sat on the bed then opened the bottle and took a long swig out of it. "Damn that's pretty good."
"Apparently my mom had good taste in wine." I told him as I walked into the room.
"Obviously expensive." He stated.
I nodded as I sat on the bed next to him "everything had to be expensive, if it wasn't it was worthless to her."
"Is that why you left her?"
I turned and looked at him, he actually seemed interested. "Does everyone talk about me around here?"
I took another drink of the bottle I was holding. I hated the fact that it seemed like everyone knew everything about me and my family. I guess it didn't help living in my house. Everything was there for anyone to see.
"You do seem to be a popular topic. You know with you being crazy and all." He said with a chuckle.
After downing about half the bottle I laid back on the bed. "I am kind of crazy aren't I?"
He laughed "not everyone would welcome the person that tried to kill them back into their home, even in the current situation."
"Do you understand? I mean I had to do it. I couldn't let her stay out there and die. Not while she was carrying his baby." I laid there staring up at him.
"I get why you felt like you had to but I think it was stupid." He told me honestly.
"Why do you hate me?" The words just came out.
He laid down with his head right next to mine, his long dark hair flowing beside him. "It's not that I hate you, I just don't think you're ready to lead. Maybe you will be one day but I think you got the position because of Bellamy. He wanted his girlfriend to have a power position just like him."
"I wasn't kidding before when I said I wasn't his girlfriend. He hasn't spoke to me since I brought Emori back. Hell he was screwing Echo way before that." This was the first time I openly admitted this to anyone, except when I was confronted by Octavia.
"Him and Echo huh? I can see that." He nodded.
I lifted up and attempted to glare down at him. "It wasn't supposed to be like that though. He wasn't supposed to be with anyone else."
"Shit happens Clarke, especially in the world we live in now. You shouldn't expect anything from anyone. You should know better than anyone how relationships toll now." I didn't know if it was the wine that was making him nice but I appreciated it.
"You know you have pretty hair?" And the alcohol came in play.
"Yea I do. I'm pretty proud of my hair." He said with confidence.
"I have crazy hair." I put my hands in my hair stretching the curls out then letting them go.
Roan sat up and took his hand through my hair. "I think you have pretty amazing hair as well."
I couldn't help but laugh.
"What, you think that's funny? I just happen to like girls with curly hair."
"Uh-oh are you telling me that you like me?" I said with a flirty smile "And look at us all alone on a bed. You won't try to take advantage of me now will you?"
He looked amused "if I wanted you, I'd have you. You'd be begging for it."
"Oh really?" I scooted myself a little closer to him, placing my hand on his thigh "this doesn't bother you does it?"
His breath hitched. "I suggest you move you hand or you'll regret it."
"Are you sure? Or maybe this was my plan all along." I ran my fingers up and down his inner thigh, moving higher and higher.
"I doubt that." It was obvious that he was enjoying this.
The first time my fingers ran across the bulge expanding under his pants I saw the look of lust behind his eyes. I knew if I didn't stop this right now that I'd get myself in trouble. Even though my brain was yelling at me to stop, I couldn't. The next time my hand lingered a little longer. I knew what I wanted, I may regret the decision later but this is what I wanted right now.
When I moved and positioned myself on top of him he said "Clarke."
"Shh." I placed my finger in front of my lips.
The next moment I placed my lips on his and everything after that was a blur.
When I woke up the next morning I was surprised that I actually felt great. By the light streaming through the window I had a feeling it was already late afternoon, I couldn't believe I actually slept that long. I turned to see Roan still fast asleep, I couldn't help but check him out while he slept. He was no Bellamy but he wasn't bad looking and had a fantastic body. And what I could remember about the night before he had been pretty good in bed.
"You like what you see?" I was still staring when he opened his eyes.
I let out an awkward laugh "I guess you're not too bad."
"That's not what you were saying last night." He smirked. "You were begging for more."
"Yea I don't recall that." Even though I did slightly remember.
"You need some reminding?"
"Nope I think I had enough of you to last a lifetime." I said as I sat up, pulling the blanket up with me to cover myself.
"Whatever you say." He stepped out of the bed not even attempting to cover himself.
I couldn't help but check him out which I had a feeling was the exact reason he did it.
"You better get dressed. You know your friends are probably worried about you." He said knowingly.
I hadn't thought about that. I hadn't slept in my room which meant that Raven would have noticed I was gone the moment she woke up. I kept myself covered as I got dressed, really not wanting him looking at my body. When I was fully dressed I looked back at him.
Amusement danced in his eyes. "You embarrassed about the decision you made?"
I shook my head "nope not embarrassed. I think maybe I needed that."
He lifted his eyebrows "Oh. Well if you ever want something like that again you know where to find me."
I grabbed the two bottles of wine that was still half full and hid them in the closet. "You know just in case we decide to have some more."
He smirked "Oh I'm sure I'll have some more."
I laughed as I walked past him pulling the door open. Not even thinking about what might be on the other side of the door.
"Where the hell have you been?" I heard Raven's voice as I walked through the open doorway. "I've been looking all over for you."
"Oh don't worry I took care of her." Roan said with a smug look on his face as he walked up behind me.
Raven looked from me to him then back to me again. "Really Clarke. Do you think that's a good idea?"
"Probably not." I told her honestly. "But oh well. What good choices have I been making lately?"
I walked toward her looping my arm through hers, forcing her to walk with me. We walked to our room once the door closed she started yelling at me.
"What the hell are you doing Clarke?" She obviously wasn't happy about my decision.
"What does it matter?" I asked her blankly.
"You know acting like this won't help you recover your relationship with Bellamy." She looked at me sadly.
"Raven that ship has already sailed."
"What do you mean?" She asked confused.
"He's been sleeping with Echo. The first time was about two months ago but I think maybe it's been going on since then?" I finally opened up to her.
"How do you know? Did she tell you? You know she'd say…."
I interrupted her "I saw them. On two separate occasions now."
"Oh Clarke. Please don't lower yourself just to get even." She said as she took me in her arms.
"That wasn't the plan. Actually none of what happened has been planned. Everything just seems to be unraveling." I told her honestly.
"Can I ask something?" Raven gave me an odd look.
"Sure."
"How was it? I mean come on look at him. It's not like I hadn't imaged ripping his clothes off him and taking advantage of him myself." She actually seemed kind of excited.
I couldn't help but laugh "actually what I can remember it was pretty good. We were both… Uh... A little tipsy."
"Drinking again, huh? It seems to get you in trouble." She said jokingly.
"Yea. Yea it really does." I couldn't help but think the last time I drank I came onto Bellamy. Now this time it was Roan. I was starting to think that maybe drinking wasn't a good idea.
Well I thought having Clarke have some meaningless fun would help out with everything she's been through. Hope you all agree.
