Chapter 15
Even though I knew I could never truly get over Murphy and everything that had happened. Time really had started healing the pain. The first few months I never would have believed it but now that it had been over 6 months things finally looked clearer. I had finally started sleeping better at night and being well rested really did a number for me.
With my attitude being better it seemed to affect the whole house. It appeared that everyone was back to not hating me. Well almost everyone anyway. Bellamy still kept his distance but I think that had a lot to do with the fact that he and Echo made their relationship public. It hurt but I didn't let it tear me apart. The days following their announcement Raven and Octavia made it their mission to not leave me alone but after about a week they finally understood that I really was alright.
Roan… Well that's a whole other story. We kind of started seeing each other. I'm not really sure how it happened but it did. It wasn't anything serious, really it was just us sneaking around whenever we could. Raven thought it was a bad idea but she loved hearing the stories. And did I have some stories to tell her. Our relationship was nothing like the one I had with Murphy. This was mostly just a sexual relationship, I mean we did hang out sometimes but mostly anytime we did it always lead to one thing. So yea the last two months have been pretty damn good in that department.
Emori had gotten pretty big the last two months and the worrying started to set in. With her only having approximately 3 months left I had no idea how I was going to deliver a baby. There wasn't even a way to practice this sort of thing. There had been one idea that seemed to be getting stronger by each passing day. But that idea could possibly cost me in the long run. The only way I knew that Emori would be able to deliver this baby safely is for it to be done by someone who's done it before. And that doesn't include anyone that's here.
I was on my way to medical when I felt familiar hands on my waist.
"Hey where ya rushing off to?" Roan asked as he walked beside me.
"Medical. I have a few stitches this morning then I have to check on Emori." I told him keeping my eyes in front of us.
"Well how about after we meet at the usual spot?" He asked.
"I think we're going to have to change our usual spot. Now that the weather is nice again everyone is slowly moving back to their own rooms. So our room will no longer be ours." I told him as we rounded the corner to medical.
I saw Emori and none other than Bellamy sitting there waiting on me. He looked from Roan to me then said "nice of you to show up."
"Our appointment isn't for another 2 hours." I said not letting him get to me "I have two people coming in for stiches in about 20 minutes."
"I'll see you Clarke." Roan said as he walked away.
"Bye." I replied as I unlocked the door not looking in his direction.
I heard the two of them follow me in. "No her appointment was for 7:30."
I looked at Emori "what time was your appointment?"
"10. I tried to tell him that." She said taking my side.
"Bellamy I get here no earlier than 8. I know your use to just snapping your fingers and getting whatever you want but you will not win here." That was a low blow.
He laughed. "Really? I can't believe you would even say that."
I actually couldn't believe it either.
I took a deep breath "I wanted to run something by both of you. I think it would be better for Emori to start seeing someone who has done stuff like this before. She only has a few months left and I'm worried that if we try to do this here, we'll end up losing either one or both of them."
"You got me confused." Emori was the first to speak.
Bellamy didn't say anything, he was just staring at me. So I continued "I think it would be best to take you to the base. Where we came from. I really believe it would be better for the both of you."
"Are you serious?" Bellamy shouted "and who do you plan on taking her? Me?"
I shook my head "no I'll go."
Now both of them were staring at me.
"I like the idea." Emori finally said "I think anywhere would be better than here."
"You can't." Bellamy said directed to me. "They won't let you leave."
"They won't be able to keep me. The only way I would stay is if I wanted to." I told him straight-out.
"I don't like this idea." He didn't hold back.
"Well good thing I wasn't asking you. If Emori would be more comfortable going then I'll take her and make sure she gets the care she needs." I kept my eyes on Emori, I wanted her to know this was her decision and her decision alone.
"Are you doing this because of me?" Bellamy's question actually threw me.
"No. I'm doing this for her and for that baby." I finally looked at him "I just need to know that they'll be safe. Murphy died because he loved me and I need to make sure his child don't see the same fate."
I took a breath before continuing "don't you see this is my way to make up for my part in his death."
"You're sure this isn't all because of me? Because you're upset about me and Echo?" Bellamy was sure of himself.
"Bellamy I need you to know something. If this had to do with you then I would have done something crazy or stupid a long time ago. Like the first night you two hooked up in the entryway of my house. You know when we were still friends." This is the exact reason why we were better off never being in the same room anymore. Tension always ran high.
It took a minute but finally judging by the look on his face Bellamy finally understood that I knew about him and Echo way before I should have.
"How?"
I shook my head "because I came to see you, just like I had every other night. But to my surprise you weren't alone. It was that night that I vowed I wouldn't let another guy walk all over me. That was the night that I realized you and Murphy were more alike than I ever wanted to admit."
Bellamy opened his mouth then closed it. He obviously had something to say but couldn't get the words out.
Just then my patients walked in. "You two can see yourself out. I'll see you back here at 10, Emori."
She nodded "I would like to discuss everything a little more."
"Can do." I dismissed them.
When Emori came back at 10 I was happy that she had a new guard. I didn't know if I could deal with another encounter with Bellamy. Another reason I'm glad she had another guard was because it was Miller, which was the other person I wanted to talk to. Emori had already made up her mind about going to the base and in my opinion the sooner we went the better. I wanted to ask him about leaving in about a week.
After Emori's appointment was finished I pulled Miller to the side. "I wanted to be the one to tell you that we've decided it would be better if I took Emory to the base. I was hoping to borrow a car since it's a bit of a distance."
Miller's expression change immediately "you're not planning on staying are you?"
I shook my head "this is my home now."
He took a deep breath before saying "I'd like to drive you, if that's alright with you."
I couldn't help but smile "but I don't know how long I'll be inside. I don't want you waiting outside the wall for a long period of time."
"It wouldn't be the first time." He cracked a smile. "We also have walkies, you could take one with you and just let me know when you're ready."
"Sounds like a plan. How does a week from today sound?" I asked him.
"Good. I actually agree that the sooner we get her there the better chance her and the baby have." He said in agreement. "And I wanted to tell you, I know you got a hard time bringing her back here but I think you did the right thing. Only a monster would have left her to die."
"I'm glad someone sees it my way." I said with a light smile.
They were headed toward the door when Emori turned around and said "thanks for everything Clarke. I think I was wrong about you."
I just smiled and nodded. It was good to hear her say that but everything is already so messed up because of what happened, I appreciate her words but it can't fix my problems.
I walked straight back to my room. I knew Roan wanted to meet up but he'd have to wait, I had a lot on my mind right now. I would being seeing my mom after a year of being on the outside. So much has happened, I'm not the same person I was all those months ago.
My door opened and Roan stood there with a smirk on his face.
"Can I help you?" I asked in a joking tone.
"Well I thought we had plans." He said as he shut the door behind him and walked closer to me.
"No if I remember correctly you told me what you wanted and I never accepted." I said with smile plastered on my face.
"You have a bad day?" He asked as he reached me.
"Something like that." I pulled him down to me.
If nothing more Roan was good for keeping my mind off things. I knew I had a lot to plan for but it could wait a few hours. Our shirts had just been thrown to the ground when I heard a knock on the door.
I looked up at Roan who shrugged his shoulders. After the second knock I finally said "I'm busy come back later."
I heard someone clear their throat behind the door. "We need to talk."
Bellamy was not who I wanted to talk to right then.
"Like I said I'm in the middle of something right now. I'll find you when I done." I couldn't help but see Roan's smug face when I looked up.
"We need to speak now." His voice got loud and I heard the door beginning to open. I grabbed the sheet and it pulled it over me since I currently only had a bra covering my top half.
The moment the door was open Roan said "why don't you join us Bellamy."
"Seriously Bellamy. I told you I was busy for a reason." I shouted at him.
"You seriously had the nerve to say something to me when you've been messing around with him." Bellamy spat the words out.
"It is none of your concern what I do. And for your information, we've been pretty damn honest with each other. This." I took my hand and motioned between me and Roan "is strictly physical. No strings attached. I've already had too much of that."
He looked straight at Roan and roared "get out."
"What the hell Bellamy. You have no right to tell him what to do." I said defensively.
"This is still my team you are all here because I allowed you to be. So when I say something I expect it to be followed." I had never seen Bellamy so furious.
Roan was already throwing his shirt over his head. I shook my head "seriously Roan?"
"Sorry Clarke. I like having a place to live." He said as he was slipping his boots on.
"Do you actually think he'd kick you out? Your one of Octavia's people. He wouldn't dare." I tried to tell him but he was already heading out the door.
He picked my shirt up off the floor and threw it to me. "Put that on."
I was so furious, I didn't answer to anyone, especially not Bellamy Blake.
I did put my shirt on, not because he told me to but because I really couldn't get off the bed without it. Finally I stood facing him.
"What are you doing Clarke?" He said. "This isn't you."
I gave a sarcastic laugh "I've changed Bellamy, everything that's happened has changed me."
"I'm sorry about Echo." He said softly. "I never even thought about how it could be compared to what Murphy did to you."
"Don't worry about it." Deep down it hurt but on the surface I had become pretty good at hiding.
He took a step toward me "how can I not worry? All I can think about since this morning is what you've been going through these last few months. Knowing about me and Echo and then this whole thing with Emori. You had no one and I walked away from you."
"That's where you're wrong Bellamy. I wasn't alone, my true friends were there for me." I took a deep breath "it hurt when you walked away, I understood that you were pissed but I never figured that you'd stay away. It's been two months Bellamy. Two months since you've even said a word to me."
"You have no idea how hard it's been for me…" He started.
"Your right I don't have any idea but honestly I don't give a damn. I have lost so much since the outbreak. And every time I finally see the light, finally think that everything could be alright even with how the world looks out there, it's ripped from me." Somewhere in that I had begun crying, even though I vowed to myself that I would never let him see me cry.
He pulled me into him and allowed me to cry into his chest. "I'm so sorry Clarke. I never meant to hurt you."
Finally when it seemed that my tears had finally run dry I took a step back. He took his thumbs and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks, I closed my eyes on instinct. What I never expected was to feel his lips against mine a moment later. The electricity coursed through my body and I reacted to the kiss in a way I shouldn't. I have yearned to feel his lips on mine again. Even though I knew with every fiber in my body that this was wrong I didn't pull away. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my hands went to his hair. I felt his hands on my lower back pulling me closer to him.
I knew what I needed to do, I needed to separate myself from Bellamy but I couldn't for the life of me do it. I couldn't take my lips from his. I couldn't move my body from his. I felt his hands moving across my body leaving a tingly feeling behind. I couldn't get my head straight, I knew what I needed to do or what I should do but I just couldn't.
I don't know which of us started moving first but both of our feet moved in unison, we moved slowly making our way to my bed. Was I going to let this happen? What was wrong with me?
When we finally hit the bed and he placed his body gently on top of mine, a moan escaped my mouth. Feeling just how turned on he was did me in. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it over his head. That was the longest that our mouths had been apart.
It only took him a few seconds to do the same and when our bodies touched I felt like I might explode. I don't know what it was about this man but I had a feeling after today my life would never be the same. I had no idea what any of this meant.
When we were finally both completely unclothed he finally took his lips away from mine long enough to ask "are you sure?"
I wasn't about to try to speak so I just nodded.
When he placed his lips back on me the next time, I knew this was it. I knew I would forever be connected to him. I tightened my grip on him and let out a gasp.
He pulled back worried "you ok?"
I nodded.
After the initial shock it was so much better than I ever imagined. He was so gentle and took his time. I didn't know if I would look back at this day and think that it was the best or the worse day of my life but I knew it would be one of the two. I knew this was the day that I gave Bellamy my heart.
