Chapter 16
Before I knew it, the time had come to take Emori to the base. I didn't think I would be as nervous as I currently was but after doing nothing but thinking the last week I was starting to think this could be a mistake. I didn't think they'd keep me against my will but honestly, I had no clue what they were capable of.
I made it my mission to avoid both Bellamy and Roan this week. I really didn't want to speak to either of them. It's not like Roan and I were a couple or anything, but he'd been there for me the last couple months when I only had a couple people that were. He showed me his true self even though he was a complete ass to me at the beginning. I didn't know if what happened between me and Bellamy would hurt him, but I hated that I'd have to tell him because there's that chance that it might.
Now Bellamy was a whole different story. I felt for him things that I didn't know was possible. I knew from the bottom of my heart that I loved Murphy but what I felt for Bellamy was something completely different but the same. Each passing day it physically hurt when I didn't see Bellamy and that scared the shit out of me. I knew I loved him. I wasn't sure exactly when it happened, but I knew the day we made love, I did. When I watched him walk out the door that day, it hurt. I had no idea when I would see him again or even if I wanted to. He had too much control over me and I didn't like it.
I was on my way to the guesthouse to find Roan. I couldn't help but feel that he may've already known something happened between me and Bellamy. Because he wasn't one to stay away. Octavia and Nyko were sitting on the couch when I walked in.
Octavia gave me a small smile, it wasn't like the smiles I use to get but it would do.
"Hey is Roan around?" I asked her in the friendliest voice I could muster.
For a moment she just looked at me then pointed toward the stairs "he's upstairs, second room."
"Thank you.' I said and started walking toward the stairs.
"Clarke." I heard Octavia say so I turned around "is it true that you're taking Emori to the base that you guys came from?"
I nodded "I think it would be best for her. And well everybody else. Maybe without the constant reminder people won't hate me anymore."
"You're coming back though?" She asked actually sounding like she cared.
"Yes, I'll be back." I told her hoping that's the answer she wanted to here.
"Good we can't lose our best doctor." She said with a huge smile then turned and looked at Nyko.
I let out a laugh then headed up the stairs. My hands had started to shake by the time I reached Roan's door. I stood there for about a minute before I finally knocked.
"Come on in." I heard him through the closed door.
When I opened the door, I saw the surprise in his eyes when he saw me. "Hey" I barely got out.
"Wow you coming here, it must be serious." He said in a joking tone.
"Sorry I haven't been around much lately, just had a lot going on." I told him only telling him half the truth.
"Yea I hear your going back to the base." I could hear the hurt in his voice.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." I told him honestly.
"It's not like you're my girlfriend, so why should you've had to."
"Roan." When his eyes met mine, I could see the hurt behind them "there's something else I need to tell you."
"That don't sound good." He tried to play it off like he wasn't worried, but I could see through it.
"It's not. I did something that I should've never did." I took a deep breath. "First I think I lead you on to believe that this may be something more than it ever would be."
"Don't beat yourself up about that. You told me exactly how it was be from the beginning." I was glad he said that because I had a feeling he wouldn't take the next thing I say so well.
I took a breath and slowly let it out "I had sex with someone else Roan. I never meant for it to happen, but it did."
"Bellamy, right?" He didn't act surprised.
I looked at him puzzled.
"Echo came storming through here the other day, yelling and screaming about Bellamy being with someone else." He said knowingly.
"Shit." I said, knowing that every single person probably already knows about what happened. "I know we didn't have any kind agreement to not be with anyone else, but I needed to tell you."
"Well then I should probably tell you that I slept with Echo the day Bellamy broke up with her."
I don't know why but I actually laughed "you didn't?"
He smiled "no I didn't but I could've she did come onto me."
"You can do better than her." I told him hoping that we could still stay somewhat friends.
"Oh, I know I can. And I will. Don't you worry about that." He seemed like he wasn't to hurt about everything which made me feel better.
"So, you don't hate me?" I asked him in a squeaky voice.
"I'm not gonna pretend like I didn't enjoy our time together but there's no hard feelings." He said, and it really sounded genuine.
"I kind of enjoyed our time together to." I told him with a wink.
"We could always have one last go at it before you hit the road." He said with a smile.
"As much as I'd like to take you up on that I'm going to have to turn ya down."
"You can't blame me for trying." He joked.
"No, I can't." I reached in and hugged him "I'll see you when I get back."
"See ya Griffin."
I turned and walked out of his room and I know away from the only relationship that I'd ever had with no strings attached.
I went and grabbed a few bags said my last goodbyes, which wasn't many. Wells made me promise to check on his dad, but I had already planned on that. Raven got a little teary eyed even after I told her time and time again that I'd be back within a couple days. I really hoped I would've seen Bellamy, but I was starting to think he was ignoring me again. After one more quick check to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything I closed my door and headed to meet up with Miller and Emori.
As I walked up to the van I couldn't help but smile, Bellamy was standing there talking to Miller.
"Hey, I was wondering where you were. I was hoping to tell you bye before we took off." I told him as I walked up to them.
"Actually, I'm coming along. I know you trust Emori and all, but we can't forget that she did try to kill you. With Miller driving he can't really keep an eye on the both of you." Bellamy said all businesslike.
"Well I'm glad you're coming along. If I remember right, it's a pretty long drive." I said trying to not stare at him.
"We need to get on the road now if we want to make it there before nightfall." Miller interrupted us.
We all walked up to the van together. Bellamy looked between me and Emori. "One of you two will be up front the other will be in the back."
Emori looked at Bellamy "who's driving."
"Miller will be taking the first shift driving." Bellamy told her looking a little confused about her question.
"Oh ok. Then I'll sit up front." She said as she looked back at me for a split second then headed toward the front seat.
I don't know if Bellamy understood why she did it, but I did. She was helping me out. She was making it so we could sit together.
I gave her a silent thank you.
Bellamy opened the door and let me climb in first, I almost sat in the center seats but at the last second, I decided to go to the back of the van. I wanted to talk to Bellamy and I'd rather the other two not hear everything that was said. When Bellamy got into the van he looked at the empty seat than back at me and when I patted the seat beside me, he smiled before sitting next to me.
After the van started and we were on the way I turned and looked at Bellamy. "I knew we needed to talk so I thought it would be better to sit back here."
"Figured as much." He looked ahead "sorry I haven't been around all week."
"I'm guessing you've had a lot on your plate?" I hoped that he hadn't just been ignoring me.
"I knew I couldn't let you go alone. So, I've been doing a lot of moving things around to make sure everything will run smoothly back there with both me and Miller gone."
"I'm glad you came." I told him honestly. "Can I ask you something?"
"You know you can." He said turning in his seat so his whole body was facing me.
"Do you think this is a mistake?" I needed to know what he thought.
"I don't know. I honestly have no clue how they'll act with you just showing up like this after being gone a year." He took a breath "I see why you've got to do it though and I'm sorry I couldn't see it before, I guess I was blinded by the jealousy."
I reached my hand out and laid it over his. "It's crazy, I feel like at the beginning we kept getting pulled together but then when we finally had the opportunity to be together things just wasn't aligning right."
"I know what you mean." He turned his hand over and intertwined our fingers. "I want you to know that I'm sorry about what happened last week. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."
I actually laughed "yea that's not what happened."
"Uh yea that's exactly what happened." He tried to argue.
I scooted in to him a little more and whispered in his ear "You have no idea how long I've wanted that to happen."
"Oh yea. You want to tell me all about it?"
I couldn't help but slap him playfully on his arm. "You're such an ass."
"I might be, but you wouldn't change me if you could."
I closed the gap that was between us then laid my head on his shoulder "I really wouldn't."
He stretched his arm out and put it across my shoulders. "There's something else I'd like to apologize about. I'm sorry about Echo. I knew it was wrong, but I used her to hurt you."
"Just promise not to do anything stupid like that again and we'll be alright."
"I'd never do anything to hurt you again. You have my word on that."
I couldn't help but lift my head from his shoulder, so I could look at him. I don't know where it came from, but I kissed him right there in the back of the van. It wasn't anything inappropriate but since we hadn't really talked about where this was going it was kind of inappropriate.
"About damn time you two get over your issues and get where you belong." I heard Emori from the front seat and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Way to ruin the moment." I said laughing.
"You'll have plenty more of them. I have a feeling when you get back you'll be locked up in one of your bedrooms for a full week." My mouth dropped with how open Emori was. "You just got to make sure if you ever come back and visit you give me all the details. Just looking at him I bet he's pretty damn good."
Bellamy cleared his throat "I think that's enough talk now."
I should've kept my mouth closed but I couldn't help but say "you're dead on."
Emori's eyes grew huge and I couldn't help but notice Millers did as well. I really had just openly told the two of them that I had slept with Bellamy. I hadn't even told my two best friends that yet.
"I knew it." She pretty much yelled "it's going to be so long before I get laid again. Ugh!"
I couldn't help but think if we'd have met in a different situation that we would have really gotten along. It just happened to be that we had both been in love with the same guy at the same time. And that can cause hard feelings between any two people.
Depending on how our visit goes we may be able to come back and visit. I really hoped we could because I'd like to see if it is possible for me and Emori to be friends. I'd also like to see her baby grow up.
I honestly had no idea how things would go. I know my mom will probably still be pissed that I took off, but I really hope that she can get over that. Me and my mom didn't get along a lot of the time, but I hope now that I've grown some and having the time apart and possibly close the gap between us.
So they are on their way back to the base... Bellarke kind of a thing now... We'll see where being back at the base takes them.
