Author's Note: Hellooooo! Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews and support! Seriously, I was so surprised and happy! Thank you all soooo much!
I'm still crying about all the Arima angst in the latest chapters, so I decided to work more on this. At least Arima is relatively safe here, though not very sane I'll admit. Kaneki is also safe here too (from everything that is not Arima at least). But anyways, here's the newest chapter.
Warning: Yandere!Paparima has arrived. Contains dismemberment, body horror and disturbing thoughts. Their relationship is not healthy in the slightest and I am very sorry. If you have any questions concerning chapter content, please message me.
It was hard to watch, but it was a sight one couldn't turn away from. The stoic Reaper was coming apart with each failed attempt to "revive" his son.
It was a gruesome cycle. Arima would scramble the half-ghoul's brain, trying to erase and restart. The half-ghoul would scream until he couldn't. His hoarse voice muffled by tears and the flesh Arima forced down his throat. Then they would wait.
Wait as Kaneki regenerated. Wait as he reawakened. Wait for him to answer a simple question.
"Do you know who you are?"
But he only answered with screams, because he did know. No matter how many times Arima tried to manually change his mind, Haise would not return.
But Arima wouldn't give up, though everyone wished he would,
"Who are you?" he repeated until the boy broke.
"Haise. I'm Haise," said Kaneki desperately.
"No." Arima gave pause. "Not yet. But you will be."
December 20th.
The date had been set.
It was Arima's birthday and now it would be Haise's as well. As it should be.
He remembered looking at Kaneki's birth certificate and being overcome with a sense of rightness. It was only natural that he had been born on Arima's birthday seeing as he was the greatest gift the man had ever received. It had made him feel that this child had been solely born for him, so that he would never have to be alone again. He liked this conclusion, because it also made him feel as if they would never be separated.
He had always wanted to keep his son's original birth date. It was something they shared after all. And the months between December and April had felt like too much separation between them. How could he celebrate his own birthday in good conscious when his son should be celebrating his own, too?
He couldn't.
And now, he wouldn't.
He looked fondly at his calendar and gleefully circled the day of his son's homecoming. It was nice to finally have something to look forward to. But the day was approaching fast and he still had so much to do. He had never felt so under prepared in his life.
But if it was for Haise, he could do anything.
Arima knew next to nothing about raising a child. Luckily for him, the internet did.
According to the world wide web, there was a lot of prep work before you could even bring your bundle of joy home. Children needed so many things, it seemed. Luckily, he had more money than he could ever spend. There was also this nifty little thing called online shopping. Before he knew it, his home was overrun with child care supplies and toys he had thought Haise might enjoy. Until Haise arrived, it helped him fill the void.
While most parents had nine months to ready for their new arrival, Arima had no such time. Hence, he had entered 'Intense Nesting' mode.
Sharp-edged furniture was padded and cabinets were child-locked. Electrical outlets were covered and baby gates were erected to stop his little one from toddling into danger zones.
Now that his whole house had been baby-proofed, there was still one thing left. His research had said to remove all potential threats to his child.
Unfortunately, this meant he had to baby-proof his own son.
He took his legs, so that he'd never run away. He took his arms, kagune and teeth, so that he'd never be able to hurt anyone, especially himself. He took his tongue, so that he would stop begging for death.
At first, everything kept growing back. Arima would cut out his kagune, only for it sprout from Haise again hours later. His tongue would regenerate within minutes of plucking it out. Even with all the blood and missing teeth, Haise's new tongue would immediately begin to plead for mercy. In Arima's eyes, he was showing his son the ultimate mercy. He was only doing this, because he cared. He loved his son and did not want to see him hurt himself.
Haise would understand in due time. Arima was just being a good parent.
Eventually, Haise's body seemed to understand what was wanted from it. Or at the very least, it understood that it would not be allowed to regenerate. Like a gardener carefully trims and prunes a bonsai tree or trains their vines to climb a trellis, Arima attentively cared for his rose. And in time, it bloomed for him most beautifully.
White hair and glassy grey eyes like his own. Soft rounded nubs where there had once been destructive limbs. A soft voice unimpeded by teeth and not directed by a tongue. A kagune too scarred and scared to ever emerge again. Truly, Arima had never seen something so beautiful and helpless.
He had to admit that he missed Haise's signature dual-toned hair. That black patch of hair overcoming white was a sign of Haise's mental health recovering. And Arima had felt proud as he watched Haise stabilize. It was Arima's support that had stabilized him after all.
But the inky black strands were bleached once more by the Reaper's attempts to resurrect something that never truly existed. It made Arima guiltily pleased. The starch white hair he had now suited him far better. It was another thing that tied the two together as more than teacher and student. It made it easier for Arima to pretend this way. That he and Haise were really father and son. That Haise was his biologically, beyond mere ownership rights.
He knew that if Haise opened his doe eyes, that those too, would only serve to liken them more. But Haise didn't open his eyes for a long time even after Arima finally brought him home. He had started to worry that his son would never wake again. As Haise spent his nights and days sleeping without a care, Arima spent those days and nights sleeplessly watching over his child. Just waiting for the slightest sign of awakening. He wanted to be the first person Haise saw in his new life. No, that wasn't right. He wanted to be the only person Haise ever saw again.
On the fourth night, just in time to be Arima's Christmas miracle, Haise finally began to stir in his sleep. All the while Arima watched on patiently, ready to welcome his son into his new world. A world meant only for two.
Kaneki had thought he was looking at his own reflection at first. Grey eyes so similar to his own, had been filled with such worry and desperation. Underneath those familiar eyes, shadows symbolizing unrest bloomed like bruises. He'd stared at those eyes he thought were his own for a long while, neither of them blinking.
It was Arima who had broken him of his illusion.
"Haise," the most prominent subject of his nightmares rasped with nothing but adoration. His eyes had begun to glisten like glass as he kept whispering that cursed name, "Haise."
Even though his eyes shone with love, Kaneki still flinched when his hands came to gently stroke his face. Arima's love was a terrifying thing.
He tried to scramble away. He tried to bring up his hands to deflect the touches or shield himself. But nothing happened.
He couldn't - Why couldn't he move? What -
"Wahhh?" He tried to ask, but all that came out of his mouth was an unintelligible sound.
He didn't have a tongue. It's gone.
He belatedly realized that the same was true for his arms and legs as well. They were simply missing as if they had never been there in the first place. But Kaneki knew better. He could remember Arima cutting them off. Just cutting and ripping and hacking away at him. Cutting Cutting CUTTING. So many times. Until they didn't come back anymore. He was horrified to think about what else was missing. Just what else had this monster taken from him?
'What have you done to me?' Kaneki's mind fearfully whispered as he looked up at the man looming over him.
Arima only smiled serenely as he continued to crowd closer, completely blocking out what little moonlight filtered in through the window. He could do nothing to escape as Arima's calloused hands came to cup his cheeks and his dry lips descended on his forehead. He could only stay accept Arima's attempt at affection.
With eyes still shining sickly, Arima pulled away enough to meet his gaze. His smile and the words he spoke next were so warm, but Kaneki could feel absolutely nothing but the chills creeping up his spine.
The words he'd always so desperately wanted to hear were finally given to him in such a cruel way.
"Welcome home, Haise."
After all, home was the place you could never leave.
A/N: Sorry this was shorter than the last chapter, but I felt that this was a good stopping point. I actually have almost 10 thousand words written for this, but I still need to organize everything into proper chapters (which is the hardest part for me). Anyways, there is definitely more to come :D
Sooo...how was it? As always when I write something, I am incredibly nervous. I'm sorry to beg so pathetically, but please tell me your thoughts. Was it good or bad? Is there anything I can do to improve? Was there anything you liked or disliked in particular? Please don't worry about hurting my feelings and even a simple ":(" or ":)" will make me happy. Once again, sorry to ask, but any feedback will be greatly appreciated.
With that said, thank you so much for reading! If you have any questions about upcoming content or anything, please feel free to message me :D Thanks and have a wonderful day!
~Dotti3
