He never looks at her. Even when she talks to him, about some stupid homework or any new book she had read, he looks somewhere above her shoulder or pretends to be highly interested in a book he's not reading. That's because he knows. He can tell that if he only looked at her she would see every single hour he's been thinking or dreaming of her. She would see it in his eyes.
His feelings, his true feelings that should have never existed. Cause their wrong, they are all wrong and he is a cursed man to have them. He doesn't know when exactly did he start having these emotions. He supposes they were always there, he just never called them for what they truly were. Or maybe he was too blind too see them.
All that matters now is that he closes his eyes and sees her, opens them and sees her smiling at him. And he sees love and care in her eyes and he wants to scream and throw things at her, cause she doesn't know that her love and care is not all he wants, not exactly what he needs. But how can he explain it to her? How could she understand that her best friend, almost a brother to her has such as thoughts about her.
She would hate him forever. Or no, she would not hate him, she would love him even more, blaming herself for pain she couses him with her inability to return his feelings. Because she does not have them and she would probably never have and he would not stand forcing her to them. So instead he goes around, studies and plays quidditch. He goes out from time to time, just to keep everyone happy. Sometimes he wonders how much pain he has to suffer in his life. And if it is really worth it. But he has only himself and his shattered hart to blame.
So he smiles back at her sitting on the next chair in a Great Hall. It's lunch now but he's not hungry. So ain't the girl sitting next to him. But they smile at each other because they aren't called friends for nothing. But right now Harry Potter wonders how much his friends truly know him and when he notices Hermione throwing glances at Slytherin Table, he wonders how much does he actually know about his dreamgirl.
