I actually had planned to tell Mike at about a million different moments that I would tell him I had surgery the day after the competitions. But then, suddenly it was Sunday for the competitions, all of the Phoenix's members sat in a group around the hallways of Newcastle's dancing studios. There were more teams further down the hallway and then a number of other teams spread around the building.

I really had planned to tell Mike about the surgery…

But as we stood and sat around I suddenly realized I still hadn't.

"I hate these clothes." Archie, one of the smallest in our group moaned. "I can barely even move without falling." May- Li had folded up the slacks of his and some of the others' pants so they wouldn't stumble on them.

"I'm with Archie." Candi-Rose said. "I hate yellow."

"You guys…" That was May- Li and I could hear on her voice she was trying to lighten the mood among us. "This dancing isn't about the clothes we're wearing or what color they are. It's not even about doing every little step right or about winning. Nothing else matters if we, together get out there on that stage and do our best and have as much as we can."

"Speaking about getting out there…" Alex moaned. "…When on earth do these competitions start actually? We've been here for like hours. What are we waiting for?"

I was about to answer that people were finding their parking space still outside, and that most of the people that were coming to the auditorium (that filled up had room for a thousand people) were already here. And that it was still twenty minutes before the school's team would get up and of the twelve teams competing, we were on place nine to show ourselves.

But once again suddenly the thought that I needed to tell Mike about the surgery hit me. When I realized I'd forgotten it again I knew I had to tell him. Or what was I supposed to do tomorrow? Run away? I stood up from the stairs I sat on and walked up to Mike.

"Hey Maya. Are you okay?" I tried to start to talk but my throat was dry and I could hardly get any sound out. "Are you nervous?" He patted my shoulder. "You don't have to be. You're a great dancer. We've been working and practicing, practicing, practicing. And I do get that your nervous about your dad being here but he won't get any chance to hurt you. I promise."

"Actually Mike." I finally got some sound out. "There's something I have to tell you." Mike frowned and I saw Joseph coming up. "Actually, can we go just… I just need to talk to you in private." Mike nodded, told Joseph to wait and followed me around the corner. "I'm okay, okay but there's just something I've been meaning to tell you but I kept forgetting. Well… today is Sunday."

"Did you call me out to tell me what day of week it is?" Mike raised an eyebrow but I could tell he knew there was something more up. "No Maya. I don't think you did… Come on. You know you can tell me anything. Even if you did something wrong."

"So what if I did something wrong?"

It wasn't exactly doing something wrong. It was just that I still hadn't told him I was having surgery soon, very soon- tomorrow.

"Well then I might be disappointed. Or maybe even angry. But I won't hit you and I won't kick you out of Ashdene Ridge and I will not start yelling at you. And yes, I do sometimes yell at the kids and I know you know that but I do not do that to a child who's never done anything wrong before."

My stomach clenched. After all the times he'd let me know that I could come to him with anything and I had kept secret the most important.

"You know a while ago I had a letter from the hospital?" Mike nodded and was about to say something. "No, let me speak. The thing is before I came to Ashdene Ridge I was at the doctor's and had some tests and now I'm- for like the billionth time in my life going to need surgery." Mike nodded slightly. "But I kind of forgot to tell you about it…"

"When is it?"

I could already now see a disappointed glance in Mike's eyes. And I could only imagine how disappointed he felt when it turned out one- any of his kids hadn't trusted him with something like this.

"Tomorrow."

Mike rubbed his forehead but didn't say anything. For what must have been at least a full minute we only stood eye to eye without saying anything before I decided to start explaining some things.

"It's not major surgery or anything. Just a skin transplant where they move skin from my hip to my hands and to my face to reduce the scars. And as I'm growing, since my skin is so scarred it doesn't stretch as it should and then I need transplants. I'll need to be at the hospital at seven in the morning and I will be put to sleep with narcosis for doing this. But I don't worry really- I've done this so many times before."

"Can…" Mike sighed deeply. "…Oh. Chloe? Can we talk a bit more in a minute?" I nodded, knowing I had really disappointed Mike. "Don't worry I can come and help you now." He walked away from me and I was left with my cheeks burning red and tears burning behind my eyes.

And as if Mike wasn't enough….

"Look! No handcuffs."

I froze at the moment my father's voice went through the hallway of the dance studios. I could spot Mike watching me where he stood and while I sunk down to sit on an abandoned loudspeaker that stood right behind me.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." I heard another voice, this one with a calmer and steadier tone and I'd guess it was a guard coming with him. "We've still got them you know. And if you start acting up then we've got our rules. So you better behave now."

"So you better behave now." Father copied in a silly voice. "Don't worry. I'm only here to watch my daughter. And who was it she was dancing with? I can't wait to see it anyway. I haven't seen her in years."

I am not your daughter.

Just as I thought that my father, accompanied by a guard on either side of him came around the corner. And at that very second he was looking straight towards me and his eyes met mine. Along with a smirk from his side, I sat up straight and refused to look away.

"Is that the way to meet your daddy?" Once close to me, father stopped right in front of me. The guards didn't do anything to stop him, but on the look in their eyes when they saw me I could see them being ready to do what they had to if father in any way tried to hurt me. "What are you doing?" He reached out is arms towards the sides. "Come over and give your old man a hug."

I didn't move for several seconds. Then, when I sensed something moving behind me I turned around and could see Mike coming up behind me. He didn't look happy, but this time he looked not happy towards father and not towards me. When I turned to father again I felt Mike's comforting hand on my shoulder from behind.

Then I took a step back- away from father, towards Mike and the others. And I could feel everyone around me watching me by the burning in my neck.

"What? You can't even give me a hug?" Father let his arms fall down towards his sides again and took a step closer to me. I saw the two guards, behind him but on either side ready to make a move if they had to. "Relax, relax. I'm just standing here talking to my daughter…"

"Come on now Nicholas." The guard who had until now kept silent said with an apologetic look towards me. "Let's go find our seats."

Father didn't look as if he had any plans to get away from me, but he obeyed and the three made their way in the opposite direction from me and into the auditorium.

And that was the first time I got the feeling I really didn't want to do this.

"Are you okay?" I heard Mike ask behind me as he rubbed my shoulder with my thumb. I forced away the tears rising in my eyes and nodded. "I would tell you that you don't have to do this. But it's a bit late for that now."

I really didn't want to do this. But I couldn't let my team down.

I wanted to turn around and run. Run far, far, far away.

But how could I run from what I was feeling?

And whatever would dad say and think when I wasn't on stage? I might not be there to hear it but no matter how much I kept on telling myself I didn't. I did care what he thought- how else had I ended up throwing up after every meal what felt like just yesterday?

Speaking about those eating disorders only having heard him talking now made me want to throw up.

"The competition is just about to start." A voice went through the loudspeakers through the building. "All dancers join your groups and meet in the hallway by the left side curtains of the stage. Everybody else please find your seats. Good luck."

Now it was really too late to chicken out.

One of this place's own teams were starting off the competition with some sort of mixture of ballet and street dance. Or so I would think at least, we couldn't see the other competers dance but with the music…

I wasn't looking towards anything in particular before I saw Jamie Conrad from the school's team in a corner of the room looking with a smirk towards us.

It wasn't until she noticed I was looking at her she moved at all. Then I saw her glancing over her whole group. Down to my left where Chloe sat and then to my right where Mike was. Still with a look on her face as if she was a million times better than us she said something to her coach and then came over to us.

"Look at this. Both Scarface and Cripple- on ONE team."

Scarface again? Really? She couldn't come up with anything better?

"And this old fatty." She snorted before Mike had the time to say anything. "Oh, this will be fun. I wish I could see it too."

Without anything else she threw her head and span around so her long, blonde hair flew right into my face and then walked back to the school's team where she and her friends started giggling and whispering something while they were still sending looks towards me, Chloe, Mike and our whole group. I could see their coach also laughing with them…

"Damn, I want to beat them so bad."

"Are those from your school?" Mike asked me and I knew right away what he was onto. "Is that the way they're acting at school too? Do they call you things like that?"

"It's okay Mike. I'm used to it."

"Me too." Chloe agreed. "We just have to go on and live with it. "There's someone like that everywhere. There's nowhere… really Mike. It's okay."

"It shouldn't be." Mike said stiffly. "You shouldn't have to get used to it." The school's team left, being the third team that was going up on the stage. "We will have to talk more about this. But please, with problems- about bullying or anything. Can you tell me?"

I didn't dare promise him anything. I would just end up breaking the promise anyway.

And once again the feeling hit me that I didn't want to do this. That I just wanted to get out of this building and run for my life.

But then there was that tiny voice in the back of my head. Saying I was strong enough to do this. Saying that if I didn't then I'd never be able to show myself out in the world again.

Saying that if I didn't I wouldn't be able to show neither father nor anyone else that I was stronger than them.

Jamie Conrad looks like Miranda McKeon

Random fact

The title of this chapter of the last before this. "Damned if I do." And "Damned if I don't" is probably one of my favorite sayings ever. I have heard it a bit here and there now, but the first part I can remember hearing it is during "shake it out" by Florence and the Machine (glee series' cover) And I just love that song and everything. And with this too, I think it's going to have something to do with the rest of the story. It would suit I think… Hmmmm… Anyway, listen to the song- it's beautiful.