Well, got my first flame.
Ziggy: -pats hand- There, there, it'll all be ok.
Ayame: I'm going to write him an absolutely SCATHING letter!
Chazz: I'm going to go eat some dip...
Zuko: NOTHING! NOTHING! SHE OWNS NOOOOOOOOOOTHING!
Rick: I think this job is getting to you...
Ziggy: ... LOOK I'M IN THE STORY TOO, ZUZU-KUN!
Zuko: ... I hate you, Sensei.
I try.
(Begin Transmission)
MY BIG TO-DO LIST:
1. Eat some jell-O.
2. Rename myself again.
3. Teach some cats to tapdance.
4. Take my happy pills.
5. Punch Katara.
6. Laugh at her pain.
7. Write some angsty emo poetry for Toph.
8. Learn how to ice-skate.
9. Dance like there is no tomorrow!
10. Burn all my fanmail.
11. Hijack a plane.
12. Teach all the children in the world how to sing.
13. Stop being such a fag.
14. Cry and whine about various daddy issues.
15. Attempt suicide.
16. Lean how to make some fucking tea.
17. Do Doo Do, Get On The Fucking Bus.
18. Think up some more to-dos
19. Eat spam.
20. Kick the authoress' ass.
The scene changes to Zuko sitting on a sofa surrounded by little children, flipping through a book. "Hey kids, look what I found!"
"Porn?" a little blonde boy asked, sitting on Zuko's shoulders.
"Not even close, you retard! It's my old season one diary!"
"... You are a fag, Zuzu-kun."
"SILENCE, CHIBI-SAN!"
Dear Diary,
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!1
I CAUGHT TEH AVATAR!
OMG L33T AVATAR CATCHING SKILLZ!
Ok, so I was all like "ROAAAAAR!", and they were all like, "OH PLEASE SPARE US LORD ZUKO!" and I was all like, "Hell naw, go make me a sandwich, bitch!"
OMG TEH AVATAR IS TEH KYOOT! LMAO JK JK!
... NO WAIIIIIII FLYING BISON! BRB LOL!
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
Stupid fucking dumb bitch slut whore tramp transvestite prostitute piece of shit!
... And I hate the Avatar too.
Dumb little Water Tribe cunt.
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
I JUST OWNED ZHAO!
FUCK YEAH!
NEVER FUCKING DOUBT MY MIGHTY POWERS OF AWESOME! NEVER! DOUBT! ME! Uncle did, and now he's fifty gold pieces poorer.
Karma, bitch. I'll get my rewards in the end.
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
Today I found a really pretty necklace. It will go great with that sweater Uncle got me for Christmas.
But, it looks like what that icky girl was wearing. Dood, she's like MARRIED and shit! I'm never going to get married. I'm just gonna slam some ho's till a baby pops out.
Hells yeah. Hells yeah.
Pimp!Zuko TO DA MAX!
Love,
Pimp Daddy Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
Zhao is such a fucking vagina. A horrible, STD-covered vagina.
The Avatar's a vagina, too. He's totally a woman. You know, those Airbenders did promote homosexual practices...
They also practiced bestiality. Ew. ICKY, ICKY, ICKY!
Glad they're all dead...
On a final note: EWWWWWW!
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
Stupid pirates. I hate them. Because they're stupid.
... Fuck, I hate lotuses... Lotusi...
All in all: Lotuses are teh suck. Pirates are teh suck. Princes are teh win.
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
I have often thought about my future as I sat on my bed, topless and covered in honey. Sometimes I have horrible nightmares. In my nightmares, I cut off my hair and stopped bathing. Oh, it was horrible. If I ever stop bathing, I'll have to kill myself.
Ew, dirt. I hate dirt. It's so... Manly. I DO NOT WISH TO SMELL MANLY! I WANT TO SMELL LIKE INCENSE AND FRUIT FOREVAH!
... FOREVAH!
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
Good night my angel now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me
If I ever have kids, I'm naming them Chicken and Biscuits. Their middle names will be Kentucky and Gravy. And then I shall eat them.
Yay cannibalism.
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
I wish I had a taco. Like, I totally want a taco. Yes, a taco would be good right now.
Go get me a taco, you bitch.
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
Tai Li always said that she had a pink aura.
My aura is black. Like death. It's a very Gothic Emo Aura. It likes ham biscuits.
... What the Ferdinand is a ham biscuit? I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT DON'T EXIST!
... NOT GAY!
Love,
Zuko
0
Dear Diary,
Oh ho, ghost of Magellan! I hope I don't fuck up and get killed by some peasant like YOUUUUUUUUU!
... I will now be more wary about the Water Tribe Wonder Twins.
Love,
Zuko
Zuko snapped the book shut. "And that is where our story ends, my friends!" he sighed.
Ziggy frowned. "Will there ever be more of this wonderful story?" he asked.
"Sadly, no. But, Sensei will continue to write more diaries of the other characters!"
Zuko stood and bowed. "Well, I hope you've enjoyed this merry little trip into the mind of CATMAN!111one. See you next time!" He started waving frantically.
"... Who the hell are you waving to?"
"Shut up."
FIN
"NOT GAY!"
