OMG LOST CHAPTER!
Zuko: You are the BIGGEST attention whore...
But my story is medicinal.
Zuko: Whore!
SILENCE! -tackles-
Zuko: STOP IT! YOU'RE GIVING ME YOUR WHORE GERMS!

Ziggy: ... She owns nothing. She is nothing. She doesn't exist.
Ayame: Ooh, paradox.
Ziggy: ... Not really.
Ayame: Irony?
Ziggy: ...
Ayame: No?

(Begin Transmission)

One day, Zuko popped out of a bush.

"OMG PH33R ME, NOOB!" he shouted at the passerby. One of them happened to be Aang.

"... Do I wanna know?" he asked. Suddenly, he was attacked by a lazy-eyed, three-legged cat that had patches of fur missing. It scratched his face, giving him face herpes. And let me tell you, face herpes is NOT PRETTY!

Zuko paused and scratched the back of his head with a fork. "Ya know, I came all this way to stab you..."

"OH MY... MY FACE IS MELTING! MY FACE IS MELTING OFF!"

"But... I think I'll just join you and your band of merry men..."

"SOMEONE, PLEASE KILL ME!"

He clapped and smiled. "And then we shall have zany pimp adventures." he sighed happily.

"Katara... Be my mercy angel..."

Zuko stared down at Aang. "Did you know that you have face herpes? Yeah... You might wanna get that checked out..." he said. He did a backflip and skipped merrily away.

"... Why won't I die?" Bobby-chan ate his ear.

0

Aang went through many painful minutes of reconstructive surgery. It changed him forever... He suddenly loved vanilla pudding. Such a bold change in personality and spirit.

Everyone sat around a fire, dancing and singing demonic chants. Bobby-chan accidentally walked into the fire, as his pained and terrified screams filled the valley. Everyone laughed.

Zuko smiled at Toph. "You're sexy.." he chuckled. She responded by burying him under seventy feet of dirt.

He dug his way out using his old retainer and smiled. "How would you like to join the Brothel of Zuko?" Another seventy feet of dirt.

Aang raised an eyebrow. "... Does this mean that lawyers and the Easter Cookie don't exist no mores?"

Toph suddenly became very scary. "Every time an older man tries to solicit a young lady, an angel goes Emo. DID YOU HEAR THAT, PRINCESS?" Muffled screams of terror were heard. Everyone laughed. Even Zuko, who then went back to screaming.

0

The rest of their days were spent eating weed brownies, giving people face herpes, and having hawt smex. Then, the day of the great battle against the Fire Nation finally came all over the teens.

Aang went into a panic. "But... But we don't know what the secret of the Fire Nation is!" he screamed, running in tiny little circles.

Zuko laughed. "That's easy." He ripped off his face, revealing his true identity.

"... YOU'RE A CAN OF SPRITE!"

The Can Of Sprite Formally Known As Zuko © fell on its side and began rolling into the Fire Nation palace. The capital burned and collapsed around them, and nobody seemed to care that a little can was rolling right up next to the Fire Lord.

"Ooh, a refreshing can of Sprite! Just what an evil dictator needs to quench his thirst!" Ozai opened the can, only to have it spray its contents all over him. His fire... Went out.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! I'M MELTING, MELTING! OH WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD! BUY BONDS! FREE TIBET! DUMBLEDORE DIES! AKITO IS A GIRL! BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS! I'M Dyiiiiiiiiiiing..." Only a pencil and an empty can of sprite remained.

Toph picked up the can and held it to her heart. "He... He gave his life to save us all from ten thousand years of being raped up the ass... I loved him... I BORE HIM A SON!" she cried. The others, who honestly didn't care, wandered off to watch the destruction.

When everyone left, Toph grinned. She tipped her head back and drank the last bit of soda. "And a baby makes four, my love..." she sighed, walking off with a hand on her stomach.

0

"Zuko? Zuko, wake up!"

Zuko woke up in his room at the Supermuse Mansion. Ziggy was staring at him, fear in his eyes. "Oh Zuzu-kun! You were having a horrible nightmare!" he cried.

The teen held his head. "You mean... The diary... The Sprite... Chuck Norris... It was all a dream? A horrible but wonderfully sexy dream?" he asked. Ziggy nodded.

"... Why are you in my bed?"

"My other bed is full of hookers and crack."

"... Pass the pillows, please."

Fin (Really!)

The Can Of Sprite Formally Known As Zuko ©