Trouble Brewing in the House of Sand
Chapter 5: Foreshadowing
"Anita, I have a great idea," the Kazekage announced excitedly to his wife one afternoon.
"Ban Mr. Sandman from the air?" she suggested.
"What? No." Grinning, he held up Shukaku the Evil Teakettle. "We're going to stick this in the baby!"
Rosemary's mouth dropped open. "That's a horrible idea!"
"Aw, come on, Anita."
"You're drunk!" she accused.
"You're high!"
"Not this time," she growled. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Konoha has one!" the Kazekage protested.
"If everyone in Konoha jumped off a bridge-,"
"You don't understand. This child will allow us to harness the chakra of the demon and use it to defend our nation."
"I don't care if it turns the kid into Chuck Norris, you are not sticking it in my baby!"
"What could possibly go wrong?"
"Why should we find out? What exactly are we going to do with an evil possessed sand baby, anyway?"
"Ok, so I don't know what we'll do with it, I just want to get this damn spirit out of this kettle so I can finally have a cup of fresh-brewed tea," he admitted, holding up Shukaku to eye level and glaring at it, whispering, "You're going down, bitch, even if it costs me my first-born son."
Rosemary decided to ignore her husband's semi-schizophrenic behavior and also not to point out the fact that he had a son, for fear that this would lead to an examination of Kankuro's parentage.
"Lamont, why don't you just buy another tea kettle?"
"We've got a perfectly good one!"
"No, we do not have a perfectly good one! We've got one that is possessed by an EVIL SAND SPIRIT!"
"I'll ban Mr. Sandman."
"It would be a shame not to put this kettle to good use... waste not want not and all that."
Her mood had changed somewhat the next time her husband brought up the demonic-baby idea.
"Anita... sweetie, come on, you said you would."
"But I've come to my senses since then. I mean, think about it, it's a damn bad idea."
"You go, Rosie," Yashamaru yelled encouragingly from the sidelines.
"It's a solid idea!" the Kazekage said, after a quick glare in the direction of his brother-in-law.
"Compared to some of your others, I guess," Rosemary snapped back.
"Ooh, burn," Yashamaru threw in. "You gonna take that from her, Monty?"
Rosemary and her husband turned to the observer angrily. "Yash, shut the hell up!" they yelled in unison.
"Where are the kids?" Rosemary asked her brother suddenly.
Yashamaru blinked. "What kids?"
"OUR KIDS!" shouted Rosemary and the Kazekage.
"Oh..." Yashamaru scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Guess I was supposed to be watching them, huh? I'll just... get back to that."
"Good riddance," muttered the Kazekage when Yashamaru had left. "Anyway, back to the topic at hand."
"I won't do it," Rosemary said. "How are you even planning to seal a spirit in a fetus, anyway? You don't know the first thing about the female reproductive system!"
"I know you get real bitchy when you're on the rag."
"You're not helping your own case much here, Lamont," Rosemary growled.
"Relax, I found someone to do this. She's a professional, she says it won't be any problem."
"You found a professional Demon-Sealing Obstetrician?" Rosemary asked incredulously.
"Please, Anita, just talk to her. If you still have doubts..."
Later, Rosemary would consider it ominous that he just trailed off instead of finishing that sentence.
A little girl in pigtails greeted the couple at the door of her private clinic. "Hello!" she chirped, offering her hand to them. "I'm Dr. Chiyo Mihama. You must be Mr. and Mrs.--,"
Rosemary took one look at the child and blanched. "Hell no," she exclaimed quietly, then turned on her heel and walked out. "Hell, no."
"Anita," the Kazekage called after her. She slammed the door in his face.
Chiyo sized up the woman she had just met. "No offense, Kazekage-sama, but your wife and I are not going to get along."
"Well, you do seem... a bit... young?"
Chiyo sighed and picked up a tub of "Princess Tsunade's Miracle Age Cream" off the reception desk. "Yeah, I know... it's this crap's fault. It's not joking, it takes you back to your high-school days all right."
Rosemary walked angrily down the streets of downtown Suna, which was ever-so-slightly war-torn and dismal. Out of sight of Dr Chiyo's Prenatal Care Clinic, she paused to collect herself, leaning against a shop front and listening to the radio music being piped out onto the sidewalk.
"Give him two lips, like roses in flower, then tell him that his lonesome nights are over!"
Rosemary winced as her baby kicked happily inside her in response to the jingle. She hesitated. Nine months of this hideous, annoying tune... and who knew how much longer it would top the charts...what kind of person would expose their unborn child to that? What kind of world was he going to grow up in?
The Kazekage was sitting in the waiting room, soaking a rag in ether, and Chiyo was filling out some liability forms, humming to herself, "Make him the cutest that I've ever seen," when the door swung open, and a determined Rosemary stepped inside.
"Lamont, get the kettle. Let's do this."
Earlier that week, Temari had gone to her best friend with a serious concern.
"Mr. Shukaku, will you kill my parents for me?"
"Is it the new baby again?" the spirit had asked, exasperated. "Temari, you like Kankuro, what's wrong with the new one?"
"No, I want the new baby," she explained. "I just hate my mother and 'father' and uncle."
"Come on, you know they love you."
"Do they? Well, it doesn't matter. I want them to die. Uncle is creepy and Mommy has these weird mood swings all the time and she and Daddy are mean. They don't want Kankuro, either."
"Why aren't you speaking adult? I thought you had started."
"You're changing the subject!" Temari exclaimed. "What kind of evil demon are you, if you won't even kill the Kazekage's family?"
"Being an evil demon isn't all about killing, you know."
"You're just making up excuses because you're lame," she taunted. "Please, Mr. Shukaku, I don't know how to describe it, but they scare me," she pleaded helplessly. "It... it isn't good for us to be around them. We need someone to protect us, and I can't do it myself... I'm not strong enough yet, and it takes so long to grow up..."
Shukaku chuckled affectionately. "Yes, it does," he agreed. A little sand swirled around Temari's wrist. She was quite possibly his favorite person out of every human he had ever met, and he also knew what she meant about her parents; they struck him as irresponsible borderline abusive. "Tell you what. You work on getting stronger, and I'll see what I can do about your parents."
"Thank you, Mr. Shukaku."
"Of course, Temari. Why don't you go find your brother before your uncle can, ok? I'll work on our parent problems."
But the next week, Shukaku was gone.
Oh, the kettle was still there, but it wasn't evil anymore. It boiled water, but it didn't hiss.
"Mama, where's Shukaku?" Temari asked her mother frantically.
"Who?" snapped Rosemary.
"The kettle! Where is he?"
"Oh, Shukaku. He's gone, dear."
"But... but... where did he go?"
Rosemary growled under her breath, flashing back to an unpleasant medical procedure that had pretty much ended all cordial relations with her husband. "I'll tell you when you're older."
Temari stared at the boring old kettle, and burst into tears. "He promised he would help," she cried to herself.
Rosemary rolled her eyes. "Now, Temari, I know you miss your evil teakettle, but you're going to get a little brother or sister instead."
"I want Shukaku back," she sobbed stubbornly.
"Oh, trust me, kid. You'll get Shukaku back," Rosemary muttered darkly. "Oh boy will you get Shukaku back."
