Chapter 2 – Love Unrequited and What Comes Of It
"As we discussed, I will begin by looking for information about Mr. Weasley. The Dark Lord is likely to target specific information rather than trying to glean whatever you are currently thinking of." It was quite windy as they sat, facing one another, by the lake. Yesterday had been wasted on shopping, and Professor Snape seemed anxious to begin. Harry, though still annoyed by his Professor's obvious camaraderie with Malfoy, put yesterday out of his mind. "As before, on the count of three."
Harry braced himself physically as well as mentally, but Severus stopped counting at two. "Potter, that is possibly the worst expression I have ever seen on your face. Do try to look as though you are not about to cry." His usually vicious voice was in no way diminished, and Harry felt himself flush as he opened his eyes. When he looked angrily up at his Professor, though, something occurred to him.
"You do it on purpose," he said after a moment, and it wasn't a question. "You goad me on purpose to make this more difficult," Harry clarified.
"Indeed. I daresay the Dark Lord will not be whispering sweet nothings in your ear, Potter," Severus responded dryly, rather surprised that Harry had finally figured it out.
"Well, don't!" Harry responded angrily. "Let me learn it first, then make it harder! What good is it if I can't even think properly to learn it!"
"SILENCE!" Snape shouted, rising fluidly to his feet. "I will decide how it is best for you to learn. What you lack, Potter, is discipline, not talent. The only thing standing between you and this ability is your own temper."
"You're one to talk," Harry replied, also having risen. "You control your temper about as well as Malfoy controlled Buckbeak!" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Harry's whole demeanor changed. An instant before, he'd been furious, but thoughts of Buckbeak were thoughts of Sirius, and he slumped back to the ground in despair. "How am I ever going to do this?" he wondered aloud, not really expecting an answer.
"You're going to stand up and face me like the man you will shortly be, and force me out of your mind," Snape answered quietly. "I suggest you do it quickly, as this time I will not count."
Alarmed, Harry scrambled to his feet and turned to face his sneering Professor, whose wand was already raised. "Legilimens."
Harry heard the spell and felt dizzy for a moment. Disconnected images flitted through his mind: Ron sitting in the common room, staring blankly at Hermione; Ron dropping the Quaffle in his first game against Slytherin; Ron's young face full of fear as he sacrificed himself in a chess game so that Harry could go after Quirrel. Through all of this Harry struggled half-heartedly. But when the Department of Mysteries came into view, and he heard Ron's voice utter the summoning spell that would entangle him with the brain, something in him gave way.
"No," he whispered, and the walls came up. When he opened his eyes, he found himself on his knees yet again, though he couldn't remember falling. Professor Snape, however, was on his rear end, several feet away, and looking shocked. It was only then that Harry realized he'd not bothered to draw his wand. Perhaps all those books on theory and technique had been of some use. Certainly his long discussion with Professor Snape two days past had given him an idea how to draw the walls closed tightly enough to push him out. If only he'd told him all that before, maybe Harry would never have been tempted to go to the Department of Mysteries.
At this thought, a flash of resentment welled up in him so swiftly that any joy over his accomplishment was overwhelmed. "Why the hell didn't you tell me all this before!" he demanded suddenly, shaking as he stood. "If I could have done that last year, then...then..."
"Then, what, Potter?" Snape asked snidely, picking himself up as well, and matching Harry's fury easily. "Then you would never have lured Black to his death?"
Harry had his wand out a moment later, but Professor Snape looked far from worried. He disarmed the irate boy easily. "Please, Potter, don't insult us both," he sneered, holding Harry's wand loosely in his hand before pocketing it. "Something more difficult is in order, I think," he said then, gazing at Harry's murderous face. Last year, he would not have warned him what he'd be looking for, but Miss Granger's succinct letter was still playing in the back of his mind to remind him that more was at stake than just a prophesy. "What do you want to show me about the late Mr. Diggory?" he asked quietly, his voice a deadly velvet.
Harry hissed in a breath, but stood his ground, no longer shaking. It occurred to him briefly that Professor Snape had changed his mind somewhere between his comment about Sirius and his warning that he was looking for information about Cedric. He had no time to wonder why, however, because the curse was already hurtling toward him.
"Nothing," he gritted in answer. But the images came. This time, inhibited by his anger, he couldn't stop them. He felt himself fall to his knees, which he assumed meant that he wasn't paying enough attention to his mind. He tried to focus, but the guilt that had been reasserted by Snape's caustic words was foremost in his mind. Tears were streaming down his face by the time Snape ended the spell, looking disgusted.
"Enough. Go back to the castle. Return when you can control yourself."
"I was controlling myself fine until you - "
"Until I what? You lost your temper after your first success, Potter, not after anything I said."
At this startling revelation, Harry looked away, saying nothing. Hedwig found them on the grounds at just this moment, Severus gazing out over the lake, supremely frustrated, and Harry staring at the grass. She landed elegantly on his shoulder, making him wince as her sharp talons dug in. "Hello, girl," he said quietly, not wanting to attract Snape's attention again so soon. He took the letter and unrolled it part way before Hedwig pecked at him a bit. "The dorm window is open. You know where your treats are," he said crossly.
The bird ruffled her feathers indignantly and took off. Severus, standing only a few feet away, shook his head. If Potter couldn't even be nice to his innocent bird there was no hope of them ever getting along. He strained for any further noise as Harry read.
Dear Harry,
You were right about Ron. I don't know how I missed it, but I'm glad you warned me or I'd never have survived this last week. I think he tried to kiss me! I have no idea what he's thinking, really. You two are like brothers to me, and I love you both, but the idea of kissing either of you is frankly repugnant. Besides, it isn't as though he and I have anything in common. We fight all the time, though I'm starting to see that's more because he's frustrated that I don't want to go out with him than for any other reason. He picks fights with me when he expects affection and doesn't get it, doesn't he? You're the observant one. Does it seem that way to you?
I don't really know what to do about it, now that I've discovered it. If I just ignore it, he and I will only fight more often, and I don't want us not to be friends anymore. I wrote to Viktor to see what he'd say, but his only idea was that I go out with someone else. Naturally he was referring to himself, and Ron would completely flip out if I told him I was actually seeing Viktor. Besides, I'm not cut out to be a Quidditch groupie. I need someone who likes the same things I do.
Do you have any idea what I should tell him? I'm willing to try about anything. Grimmauld Place isn't the same without you, but it's downright frightening when I've got to be hiding from Ron all the time. I got stuck in a closet last Tuesday and had to wait nearly half an hour before I heard Fred and George come down the hallway and knew it was safe to call for help! Imagine thinking of the twins as the SAFEST option! I can't tell you how I wish you were here. I'm sure he'd be much more wary of trying anything with you around, not that I think he'd do anything if I asked him not to, of course. It's just that I don't want to have to tell him no! Honestly, I am looking forward to school even more than usual this year. Only another month to go. (Urg, that sounds awful - a whole month! Can't you write to him or something?)
Hermione
Harry looked up from the parchment to find that Professor Snape had disappeared, and decided that was for the best. He laughed a little to himself as he put the paper in a pocket of his new robes and set off back toward the castle. There wasn't much to be done for Hermione, he knew. Like it or not she would have to deal with this one on her own, but he knew she'd figure it out. She managed everything else just fine. She could manage Ron.
Hermione was not nearly as sure of her abilities in this area as Harry was. In fact, as she sat with Ginny in their room that afternoon, she was beginning to wonder if she wasn't entirely inept at dealing with men. "What am I going to do, Gin?" she asked helplessly, staring at her hands.
Ginny, who thought the whole situation was hilarious, was very little help. "Why don't you let him kiss you just once, then claim you didn't like it and be done with it? He'll be so embarrassed that he'll never try again."
"He'll be so embarrassed that he'll never speak to me again, you mean," Hermione said crossly, biting her lip. "That's no good - he's my best friend! Well, him and Harry."
For once, Ginny seemed serious. "Well, you could just explain to him that you think of him as family and can't go out with him. That'd be the kindest way to go about it."
Hermione shot her a scathing look to indicate how blatantly obvious that was before replying, "Yes, that's also the most difficult way to go about it. And he'll still be embarrassed. What I need is for him to get the idea without realizing that I ever knew he wanted to go out with me, so that everything can be just the way it was before!"
Ginny was shaking her head, but it was obvious that she understood, even if she had no idea how to go about it. "You need to think like a Slytherin," she said, only half joking. A few moments later, she was gone out the door and downstairs to help her mother with dinner.
It took nearly three hours and several pieces of parchment before Hermione had a workable plan. And it was a good plan, relying on what she knew of the entire Weasley family. She would start with Fred and George, and she would start first thing in the morning. It wouldn't be difficult. She had only to wait until Ginny was ensconced in the bathroom on this floor, then barge into the bathroom upstairs.
"Oi, there, Hermione!" Fred said in alarm, as the door flew open. Everything had happened perfectly. Ginny had taken over the bathroom as usual, and rather than waiting patiently as she had every other morning that summer, Hermione stomped upstairs in a huff, throwing open the bathroom door without bothering to listen if the shower was still running. It wasn't.
Fred was toweling off in front of the mirror, and she had a moment's wild thought of laughter as she realized he'd been posing before it as well. "Ginny's taken over the bathroom AGAIN. Hurry up, so I can have a go," she said airily. She'd had to steel herself not to blush when he saw him, and was surprised when he DID blush, all the way down to his quickly covered –
"What are you -"
"Oh please!" She exclaimed in exasperation. "We're all family, after all, it isn't as if I was i looking /i .
This one phrase had, of course, been the point of the expedition. She tossed her clothes down casually beside the toilet. "If you still need the sink, can I just jump in the shower first? I don't mind if you use it while I'm in there." This was not precisely true; however, in order to make it obvious that she did not see him as a potential boyfriend, that level of trust would be necessary. Besides, if his red ears were any indication, he would NOT be coming back into the room.
"Er- no, I'm done. You go ahead," he said quickly, clutching his towel around his waist convulsively and barreling past her out the door. Ron would be sure to hear about it within minutes, and with any luck, it would occur to him that if she thought of Fred as a brother, she must think of him that way as well.
"Perfect," she whispered, as the door slammed behind him. And she got an early shower for her trouble, too.
Harry's second letter from Hermione since his removal to Hogwarts followed fast on the heels of the first, and it arrived at breakfast. He couldn't help but laugh aloud at the plan she'd come up with. It truly was brilliant, if a very Slytherin way to go about it. He guessed Ginny was equally as impressed, as she'd agreed to help.
Severus couldn't help but wonder what the indomitable Miss Granger had written to make Harry laugh aloud in the middle of breakfast and then look sheepishly around as he hid the paper in his robes. Professor McGonagall looked interested as well, but she said nothing, merely allowing her gaze to sit on Harry a bit longer than usual. "From Hermione," he explained unnecessarily. Several of the Professors nodded.
On the way out to the lake, Severus decided that he would simply find out what Miss Granger had written. After all, it was now his i job /i to break into Potter's mind. They'd tried several different segments of information in the last week, and though Potter showed signs of resistance, he had never yet managed to send Severus backwards as he had the first day. However, he had had several nightmares and was able to put an end to them before he awoke screaming. Severus took this as progress, particularly considering that it appeared Potter was being honest with him about what he was and was not learning, for once.
"Today I will be looking for information about Miss Granger," he said as they seated themselves on the grass once again. They had not faced one another standing for two days now, and it was a relief. Both had been careful to keep their tempers in check, and Severus in particular had foregone his desire to mention Black. That weakness would have to be dealt with eventually, however, as the Dark Lord would certainly take advantage of it. He put the thought out of his mind as Harry scowled at him. It was no worse than the usual scowl, however, so he just ignored it.
"Why?"
"Because of your letter, Potter. I want to know what was so funny," he answered in a rare moment of honesty. Harry looked disconcerted, but nodded nevertheless. "Legilimens."
It was easier, somehow, seated on the ground. Harry concentrated hard. He saw Hermione as a cat, but didn't want it to get further than that. She could be in a lot of trouble if Professor Snape saw much more. As on the first day, the walls he was learning to erect snapped closed, and Severus was pushed backwards and out of Harry's mind.
"You would pick today to succeed," he grumbled as he sat up again, rubbing the back of his head where it had landed on a twig. For a moment, Harry stared at him, hardly believing how good-natured that had sounded. They sat in silence. Then Severus returned his gaze. "Again," he said shortly, raising his wand.
There was nothing. Harry had not bothered to relax, and so his mind was still closed. But Severus, being rather experienced with Legilimency, did not simply end the spell. He looked for the chink. There was always a way in, he knew, and eventually he found it. Whether the continual need to protect himself had worn Harry down or it had always been there, he wasn't sure, but nearly ten minutes after he'd cast the spell, he forced his way into Harry's mind in the only way he could.
Harry grasped his head as the image of Sirius falling through the veil appeared before his eyes in slow motion. Moments later, Professor Snape was shaking him awake roughly. His tearstained face and grass stained robes were a tribute to just how much that had affected him.
"You miserable bastard," were the first words out of Harry's mouth as he sat up with help. He was surprised to find that the Professor didn't respond, but could see out of the corner of his eye that the man was suddenly furious. A glass of water had appeared in his hand, and Harry drank it greedily.
"Are you under the impression that I am the only one who would stoop to such tactics, Potter?" Severus asked, gritting his teeth against an overwhelming desire to demand respect from the insolent brat. He'd restrained himself thus far, and not required the customary "Sir" in Harry's mode of addressing him, but allowing the boy to insult him to his face was more than he could tolerate.
To his surprise, Harry was staring at him again as if he'd only just understood this vital piece of information. He was even more surprised at his docile answer. "No, Sir."
Severus looked up sharply. "What made you say that?" he demanded, suddenly angrier than he'd been previously at the lack of any honorary. Had Harry managed to see something of his thoughts during that last attempt?
"I just - I mean, well, you're RIGHT, aren't you!" Harry asked defensively, stumbling over his words as he tried to understand why his agreement would upset the Professor further. He sat still for several long moments.
"Yes, Mr. Potter. I'm right," Severus said wearily, turning his eyes out over the lake. It was obvious they would get no further today, so he stood swiftly. "Tomorrow morning," he said ominously before striding across the grounds and back to the castle alone.
That night, Harry decided it would be best to write Ron and Hermione and tell them where he was. He'd been putting it off for just over a week, and didn't want them to think he was keeping secrets. It had always infuriated him not to know what was going on, and he wasn't going to let someone else go ignorant if he could help it, not even about something so seemingly unimportant. A voice in the back of his mind reminded him that he hadn't yet mentioned to Professor Snape that the few dreams he was still having seemed to feature the Potions Master, himself.
"That's different," he told himself firmly. "Dumbledore asked me not to tell." But he couldn't help but feel he was doing the Professor a disservice. And after he'd come so far in Occlumency this last week, he was feeling pretty generous. He resolved to tell him the very next day.
