(Disclaimer- Don't own it. Don't sue. If you do sue…then I won't write anymore. So…yeah. You'll kill my career…my life…and take all of my non-existent money away. So…don't sue. We good? Ok. We're good.)
oESoRoToES
"Hemingway…really?" Tawny Dean asked as she took another scoop full of ice cream.
"Yeah." Ren replied, also taking another scoop of the fluffy white substance.
"Well…like I always say…you don't have to like reading something to appreciate it." Tawny smirked and both of the girls laughed.
"What about you, Tawny? Who'd you pick as one of the most influential American authors?" Ren asked looking intently at the younger girl in front of her.
"I'm not sure…that's tricky. I think that you could look at any author and point out the influences their writing had on the world. I mean…look at Hemingway. I personally never liked reading his works…but they have a purpose. They make the reader think. And because of that, Hemingway is renowned for his works of literature simply because he did that. He made people think. He never just handed the story full-out…he was detached. He made the readers made the connections on their own." Tawny stated and Ren nodded, taking another scoop of ice cream. It was nice to finally talk about something intellectual with someone for once. With Ruby everything was all about boys and parties and Ren was sure that things were the same way with Louis for Tawny. Well…with girls. Louis' thoughts probably always revolved around girls. But either way, neither of them ever really had an intellectual conversation. Ren smiled. It was nice to actually think with a friend for once.
"But there are a lot of writers out there, in history, like Hemingway…it's tough to choose." Tawny sighed, scooping up another spoonful of vanilla ice cream into her mouth. "Mark Twain…Phillis Wheatley…Poe…Hawthorne…Emerson and Longfellow…but, I think, if I had to choose one…I'd have to go with T.S. Eliot."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Tawny sighed as she thought of one of her favorite authors. "I kind of found a lot of T.S. Eliot's stuff when I was going through some rough times in my life. It kind of inspired me, artistically. And I would imagine that T.S. Eliot inspired many others, as he inspired me." Tawny smiled at Ren as her thoughts seemed to turn nostalgic of the stories she had read. "Also…his works…they're beautiful." Ren smiled at Tawny and was about to say something when she realized just how hard it was raining outside. She turned around and popped her head over the counter, her eyes going wide at what was happening outside. The wind was raging in the storm, the rain pounding down against the ground. Ren could feel her heart pounding against her chest, her mouth dry.
"I love the rain." Tawny whispered with a small smile on her face causing Ren turn and look at her. Ren didn't want to say it…but she hated storms. She absolutely hated them.
"R-Really?" Ren gulped. She hadn't realized how bad it was outside. She had been so busy talking with Tawny…she had been too busy laughing and feeling…safe… that she hadn't had enough time to stop and feel scared.
"Ren…are you ok?" Tawny moved the ice cream to counter, her hand gently touching Ren's shoulder. Tawny had been holding the ice cream for a while now and her hands were cold against Ren's bare shoulder, which was burning hot. Ren shivered at the feeling.
"I…I just don't…," Ren clamped her eyes tight when she heard a crack of thunder outside. Tawny nodded. She understood. Obviously…Ren was not too keen on storms. Tawny thought for a moment and looked down at Ren's face. Her eyes were closed tight, her eyebrows furrowed and her hands were clamped over her ears. Tawny could tell that she was trying to will the sound and the rain and the storm itself to go away. Unfortunately for Ren…that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Tawny couldn't help but smiling at the sight of Ren. She looked like a child who was told something that they didn't want to hear. She wouldn't have been surprised if Ren starting singing, 'La la la! I caaaan't hear you!' Tawny smirked. Ren kind of looked cute when she did that. Then again…she managed to look cute…no…beautiful…all of the time. Tawny shook her head. Where did that come from?
"I…I know I must look silly it's just…" Ren winced when she heard another crack of thunder outside. "I…I just really don't like storms."
"It's ok. I understand." Tawny thought of earlier. At the school and at the bus stop…Ren…she wasn't ok. It wasn't just the storm. Tawny had been enjoying talking to Ren over the night…but…Tawny figured that some point in the night, she was going to have to ask Ren about what had happened. Ren needed to talk about it…she couldn't just keep things bottled up inside of her.
"Ren…" How should she start? Should she just go ahead and say it? Ren looked quizzically at Tawny-whose mouth opened and closed like a goldfish, the words not finding their way out of her throat-and momentarily forgot about the storm. Tawny sighed. "About earlier…" Maybe she should just go ahead and say it? "I think you need to talk about it. It really isn't good to keep things bottled up inside of you, Ren. I'm here for you, if you ever need someone to talk to." Ren's eyes had trailed to the floor. She was wondering when that was going to come up in the conversation. She had been hoping it never would. "I just wanted you to know that." Ren nervously bit her lip, her hands busying themselves by playing with the edge of her shirt.
Louis had always told Ren that Tawny was probably the best person there was to talk to, if she ever needed it. What would happen, if Ren told her? Would she freak out? Would she be surprised? Well…who wouldn't be…the perfect Ren Stevens wasn't perfect. Ren looked nervously up at Tawny. She was kneeling next to Ren, a patient look on her face. Their eyes connected and Ren could see the concern in them. The seas of blue seemed to engulf her and Ren found the words leaving her lips before she could even think about stopping them.
"I'm scared." She choked out and nearly slapped herself. Damn Tawny's eyes. They made her do it. Ren groaned and leaned forward, rubbing her eyes.
"Scared of what?" Tawny questioned, her hand gently moving to Ren's back where she rubbed small circles, almost having a hypnotizing effect on Ren.
"I…I don't know." Ren felt all of the frustration and pain rise to the surface once more. She stood up hastily, her hands moving to her temples in an attempt to quell the growing headache that was surfacing along with her feelings. "Everything!" She shouted, starting to pace. "I…I'm…I'm scared of everything and I just…I don't know what to do!" Ren began pacing, not knowing what else to do to get the energy, the raging feelings, out of her system.
"I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm perfect…and I'm not perfect! I'm not perfect…and, you know what? I hate it! I hate that I'm not perfect. I don't want to be perfect but…I'm…I'm so sick and tired of being perfect that I just…I just want to…to yell! I want to scream!" Ren felt her whole entire body begin to shake. This had all been inside too long.
"Of course, Ren. No one is perfect." Tawny stated simply.
"But…I…I can't stand not being perfect. I don't know how to not be perfect!" Ren let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through her hair. "And I'm tired…I'm so tired, Tawny. I don't know what to do…and I'm scared of what I want to do." Tawny nodded, knowing the feeling all too well. "I want to do something drastic. I want to…I just want to do something crazy! I know it doesn't sound like me at all but…but I love the thought…and that scares me. It scares me that I love the sound of something crazy. Of something drastic." Ren sighed and collapsed next to Tawny, burying her head in her hands.
"I just…I don't…I don't want to be me any more. I don't want the stress. I don't want the workload…I don't want the stereotype that goes with me…I just…I don't want to be me any more." Ren felt the tears start to fall from her eyes, but she didn't care anymore. For some reason, with Tawny, she felt safe. She felt like it was alright, for once, to let everything out.
"I want to do something to change everything. I want something I do to be worthwhile…to be meaningful." Ren sucked in a breath, the tears falling freely from her eyes now. "I work so hard…but it never pays off. All it does is give me more work…more work…and…I…I don't want more work. I just want to sit down. I want to relax." Ren gasped between her tears, shaking her head, and looked up at Tawny, a pleading look in her eyes.
"I don't want to be me anymore, Tawny…and that scares me." Ren pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her head back into her hands, wanting any form of warmth. She felt so empty…so cold.
"Ren…" Tawny whispered and she moved around to the front of the older girl, kneeling down and sighing. Ren pulled her body closer to herself and Tawny sighed once more. "I'm not going to let you hide, Ren. You have to face this." Tawny pulled Ren's arms off of her knees. Ren tried to turn her face away but Tawny gently moved her hands under Ren's chin and forced the older girl to look her in the eyes. "It's my turn to talk now, okay? And you're going to listen to what I have to say." Ren nodded and sniffed, the tears still falling from her eyes.
"Ren…the things you do are worthwhile. They are meaningful. Not only do half of them benefit a lot of charity organizations or benefit our school…but they're going to help you get into one of the most prestigious colleges in the world. Which, I'm sure, you'd get in anyways, since you're so damn smart." Tawny smiled when Ren chuckled, even though the tears continued to fall down.
"No one is perfect, Ren. No one. Not me…not you…we all have our own problems. We just have to learn how to go through life with those problems. Some of them might never go away…but you'll find a way to help cope with them, in the end. Listen to me, Ren…Life will get easier. There will always be troubles…but it will get easier." Tawny never looked away from Ren's eyes, or moved her hand from under Ren's chin. Ren couldn't help but gulp from the intensity in Tawny's eyes. "We all want to do something drastic sometimes…I know there have been times when I gave into that feeling, Ren." Tawny sighed and continued on, not wanting to stay on that topic too long.
"It's ok to take risks. It's ok to want to change, Ren. It's ok to change. You don't have to be scared. You'll always have people that love you that will support you along the way. Life isn't easy. There will always be stress. There will always be obstacles that you will have to triumph over. But you will triumph over those obstacles, Ren. You will because of who you are. Not the stereotype 'perfect' Ren Stevens…but the real Ren Stevens. The same Ren Stevens who just poured her heart out, crying to me. You will make it Ren…you're bound to make it." Tawny smiled down at Ren, her own eyes tearing up. But she wasn't going to show that. Now wasn't supposed to be focused on her. "You're bound to make it because you're the A-list material, Ren. You're smart…you're funny…not to mention beautiful…you'll make it, Ren."
"It's ok to be scared, Ren. It's ok to be scared of what's going to happen…it's ok to be scared of yourself. It's ok to break under stress. Everyone has their breaking point. No one is perfect. But I'll always be here for you to talk to about anything, Ren." Tawny gently wiped them away and kissed Ren's forehead softly, lingering for a moment.
"I promise." Ren pulled Tawny against her, wrapping her in a tight hug. Tawny smiled and hugged back. Ren instantly felt the cold that had spread throughout her body evaporate as Tawny's arms encircled her, warmth spreading throughout her body.
"Thank you Tawny." Ren whispered against Tawny's ear and hugged her tighter.
"I'll always be here for you." Tawny whispered, closing her eyes tight. She pushed the fact that being this close to Ren was slightly intoxicating out of her mind. Thunder cracked outside and Ren smiled when she realized that she wasn't afraid of the storm…not then. Not at that moment. Not with Tawny. She felt safe. She felt ok. She finally felt ok.
After a couple of moments longer in the tight embrace, both of the girls pulled away. "You should probably stay until the storm rolls over." Ren whispered and Tawny nodded.
"Yeah. I'd prefer not to walk home in that." Tawny smiled and then laughed.
"What?" Ren asked, wiping the tears from her eyes. What was Tawny laughing about? Tawny reached on top of the counter and placed the ice cream in Ren's lap, handing her a spoon, and making both of them laugh.
"I think we need some more ice cream."
oESoRoToESo
(A/N: There it is. Now, guys…I won't update until I get three reviews per chapter. Yup. I think we need foundations, here…and foundations have been set by other amazing-if I may say so…which I just did…so…I may-writers and I intend to keep that for my story, as well. So I won't update until I get 3 reviews.
Everyone hear that?
I won't update until I get 3 reviews-Although I always except more! ..
Also…if you review…Review button…Vegas…that's all you need to know. Love ya guys! Till next time!)
