Yeah sure, you can add me to your C2, it doesn't matter...
Chapter Five: Why He Chose To Stay
Midnight came and went, and Hiei gathered his cloak and sword. There was nothing left in his room worth anything to him, and he extinguished the candles as he left, taking a final glance around at the chambers he had inhabited for almost a year. Sighing, Hiei stepped through the doorway and felt it close behind him for the last time. There was no turning back now. He walked the hallway in silence and stopped just inside a window, where he turned back to look at the palace. A ray of moonlight fell on his face as his eyes drifted in the direction of Mukuro's chambers and he shook his head, turning away. He was about to jump out the window when something stopped him.
Turning back around, Hiei looked up and felt his heart leap into his throat, though he kept a solid face. For a moment both demons simply looked at each other, trying to read the other's eyes. Hiei found his feet rooted to the spot and couldn't force himself to turn away. His eyes traced the familiar face as he tried to imprint the memory of her features in his brain so he could always remember. For a moment it looked as though she wished to embrace him, but in an instant that impression vanished and the cold look returned.
"Where are you going so late Hiei?" Mukuro asked quietly. There was a still silence for a moment before she whispered, "I want to thank you."
"For what?" Hiei asked incredulously, taken by surprise.
Mukuro looked at the floor, for the first time seeming tentative. "For what you said earlier. If you hadn't spoken out I never would have stopped him." Now the fire demon understood and he shook his head as though to defer her from that thought. "It was your voice that made me realize I had to stop him at all costs. Don't you think its time we came straight with each other Hiei?"
Hiei shook his head and said sharply, "There's nothing to be straight about." He wanted to walk away but found he still didn't have the will or strength to move his limbs.
"You are stubborn aren't you?" Mukuro whispered. With a small smile she tipped Hiei's chin with her hand so he was looking into her eyes and without hesitation pressed her lips to his.
The fire demon's eyes shot open and he tensed, but didn't pull away. A small part of his brain was cheering for him to kiss her back, but his hesitance silenced that and he was still standing dumbfounded when she pulled away. Feeling his heart pounding in his throat Hiei stared at her for a minute before averting his eyes and saying quietly, "You needn't have done that." Quickly he turned on his heel and without a backward glance walked slowly to the window, where he stood poised to jump. Mukuro was still standing behind him, watching without trying to stop him. That was the last thought that went through the fire demon's mind before he jumped.
In a daze he sat up and rubbed his head, blinking in the dawn. Grass crinkled beneath his body and he looked around, surprised for a moment. He was outside in the forest. The trees here were much larger and the undergrowth thicker than the part of the forest that he had come to know so well. There were no traces of wildlife and the fire demon got the impression that few ever traveled this road. The path was narrow and seemed to weave back and forth in no true discernable line. This was new territory and he felt a sense of suspicion slip over him. How had he gotten here? What had happened?
Then the fire demon remembered. He remembered standing in the palace, about to jump. Something had kept him back though, and Mukuro had tried to thank him for something. Then -he shivered- she had kissed him. He could vaguely recall the warmth of her lips against his and the feeling of elation that had surged through the pit of his stomach at that brief moment. Then he had turned away and jumped.
"What's going on?" he murmured as he stood up, once again glancing around to get his bearings.
He was running away to live his life as he had before he left for Human World. He would never remain in one place for any period of time, never allow anyone to get close to him again. That had been his plan and he wasn't about to abandon it now that it was actually happening. The hardest part had already passed, even though if his plans had gone right it would have been insignificant. He had said goodbye to Mukuro, something he had never said to any of his companions from his days as a Spirit Detective.
Sensing movement in the underbrush Hiei tensed and reached for his sword. His crimson eyes narrowed as he pinpointed the source of the motion. Instinct told him to strike but he held back, waiting for it to make the first move. If he was going back into the wilderness he would have to be cautious once again. The rustling in the leaves stopped and he sank into a defensive stance, his fingers closing over the hilt of his katana. Then, from the bushes, someone emerged.
Hiei jumped and aimed his strike before his gaze truly focused. In midair he finally got a good look at his opponent and struggled to shift his forward momentum, managing to land rather sloppily off to the side. For a moment he could only stare as his brain struggled to put pieces together, then he shrank away as the face registered in his slowed thoughts.
"It can't be," he murmured, backing away, but she continued to approach him, walking calmly. In the pale moonlight her blue kimono looked almost white and her red eyes a pale shade of pink, giving the faint impression of a ghost. She was deathly pale.
"Hiei," she said softly, and the fire demon looked up, ignoring the fact that his hands were trembling.
"No," Hiei said, more to himself than her. "It can't be you…it's not possible...I left you behind." Too late he realized the true meaning of this statement and dropped his gaze to the ground, wishing nothing more than to sink into it.
"Yes I know," she said, her smile sliding to a frown. "You ran from me, just like you plan to run from Mukuro. Are you that scared of what will happen to you?" She stepped forward and rested her hand on Hiei's cheek, who didn't have the heart to move away. "Do you doubt your heart?" she asked in a whisper.
The fire demon's eyes closed and he swallowed forcefully. "You don't understand," he said, his voice heavy with emotion. "You don't understand what it's like being exiled and abandoned by everyone. You, you have Kuwabara and the others," the bitter taste that usually accompanied the human's name didn't come this time, "and I…I don't…"
She shook her head. "You're so used to being hated that you can't see anything else. You're scared. Why Hiei?" she asked suddenly, her voice much stronger and sharper than before, "why do you keep running away?"
That angered the fire demon and he snapped, "I don't run from anything!"
Now she was trembling, but Hiei noticed it wasn't from fear or sadness. "All you've ever done is run! You were scared of what I would think of you! You distanced yourself from me and tried to run from your emotions by not telling me when you left! You knew the truth all along and didn't have the courage to tell me! Face it Hiei, you're just a coward!"
That stung coming from her and Hiei looked at the ground, tears welling in his eyes. Instead of stopping her, this seemed to reassure her and she continued her barrage.
"Now you're running from Mukuro, who actually loves you Hiei! Why?" she asked, her voice suddenly soft again. "Why do you think that by running from your emotions they'll go away?"
The tears that Hiei hadn't bothered to check broke over and he sank to his knees, barely catching himself with his hands. "I don't know…" he confessed, biting his lip, "I don't know why!" Shaking, his hand closed into a fist and he pounded it into the ground.
"Is it that you're afraid of being rejected?" she whispered, kneeling beside him and putting her hand on his shoulder. "Because you're a Forbidden Child and have never known anything but hatred and fear from others? Hiei, you're just making it harder for yourself by carrying your burdens alone. You're too afraid to trust others that you've insulated yourself altogether."
Tears still lingering on his cheeks, Hiei allowed her to embrace him and hid his face in her shoulder. "You're right," he whispered finally. "You're right, everyone's always right! I love her," he said in a voice so soft she couldn't hear him. "I love her and I shoved her away! Now it's too late."
"No it's not," she whispered in his ear. "Go back. Go back to where you belong." And as Hiei pulled away in surprise at the familiarity of the statement he spotted the crystal tear gem hanging at her neck. "You stay with her," Yukina whispered, "and know that I'll always love you."
Quietly she stood up, leaving Hiei on his knees with renewed tears in his eyes. "You're strong Hiei, stronger than anyone I've known. Stay that way," she whispered before vanishing into the mist.
"I will always love you."
Trembling, Hiei forced himself to open his eyes and sit up. For a moment he could only sit, listening to the pounding of his heart and feel his body shaking. It was just a dream, he thought forcefully, but as he looked around he could have sworn he spotted a single clear crystal in the grass, but it vanished when he tried to grab it. A tear slipped from his eye and splashed on his hand, where it rolled to the ground. Hiei sighed and bowed his head, willing not to let himself cry.
Now he could see it. Everyone had been trying to earn his trust and he had shoved them away by being distant. No one hated him, he had tried to fool himself into thinking that to hide the knowledge that he had forced them away. He had probably made a fatal error by leaving Mukuro. She wouldn't let him return after his, he was sure of it, and the thought that he would be alone was enough to weaken the fire demon's heart. Yukina was right, everyone had been right!
"Why?" he asked out loud, his fingers weaving into the grass around him as a surge of anger soared through him. "I hope you're having fun with this," he shouted to the sky. "Some superior being you are, you sadistic bastard! All you've ever done if screw with me!" Fuming from hatred and despair, Hiei hung his head and hid his face in his arms.
He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but when the fire demon looked up the sun was beginning to light the sky to the east, brimming over the trees. Startled by how late it was getting Hiei jumped to his feet and bolted from the opening of the path and into the dense growth. Because he was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't pay any attention to where he was going and instinctively leapt the obstacles in his path. Angrily he brushed his eyes and growled at himself. It was over, it was done, there was no use reminiscing on the past. He had made his decision and wasn't changing it now. There would be no more tears, no more doubts, no more emotions that clouded his better judgement. He was going back to the killer he had been and would always be in his soul.
Unconsciously he found himself following a path through the trees and quickened his pace without noticing. The undergrowth that had hindered him was thinning and it took almost no concentration at all to follow this path. If his thoughts hadn't been elsewhere he would have noticed the turrets on the horizon but the fire demon was too involved in his dream of the night before to notice until he practically ran into them.
The fire demon leapt up and landed smoothly like he always did, and had taken a few steps before the realization of where he was hit him like a wave. He had known that trail he was on; he took it every day on patrol and had practically memorized every bump and turn. Frozen, Hiei could feel his heart beating in his throat as his eyes scanned the walkway, praying any guards or worse, the lord herself, wouldn't spot him. Why had he come back?
Why had he come back? He thought it had been very clear that he had no plans to ever return. It had seemed like second nature to return, at least in his subconscious, and he hadn't protested. Now he was here and torn between to leave or stay. If he stayed he would have to accept what he and Mukuro had, whereas if he left he could remain unattached to anyone. That had seemed ideal only a few days ago, but now…he wanted to be with her…goddamn what was going on with him?
Looking up when he sensed movement, Hiei's eyes met a pair of blue ones and his breath temporarily stopped. His mind reeled and he could only stand dumbstruck as Mukuro looked at him, her eyes emotionless. Panic exploded in the fire demon's stomach and he tried to make himself turn away, but his body wouldn't respond. He cursed under his breath and forced himself to keep a level gaze but found he faltered under Mukuro's cold look. Submitting, he bowed his head.
"So," Mukuro said firmly, "to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit? Or have you come to cause more suffering?"
Hiei only stared at her for a minute, not sure what she meant. Then he saw her face and something clicked in his brain. Only someone that knew Mukuro as well as he did would be able to spot the pain and sadness hidden in her eyes and Hiei realized what he had done. Surprising as it seemed, she was heartbroken that he had left. She does really love me, he realized with a strong wave of guilt, and he hung his head.
"Has the ever resilient Hiei gone soft?" she asked tauntingly and Hiei's head shot up as he looked at her in amazement, surprised and hurt. "What's the matter? I thought you didn't care for weak human emotions." She glared at him and the fire demon could feel all the strength he possessed slipping away as he looked into her cold blue eyes. "So tell me before I have you forcibly removed from my palace; what do you want?"
I want to tell you I'm sorry, his mind screamed, but he didn't say anything, blinking forcefully. For a moment Mukuro glared at him, waiting for his response. Once she was certain he didn't plan to say anything she turned sharply on her heel and started to walk away.
"Mukuro," Hiei protested weakly, and she turned around, watching him. The fire demon was trembling and blinked against the tears that once again were starting to build in his eyes. He looked up as her footsteps drew nearer and met her eyes for a moment before glancing away. The next thing he knew he had collapsed on his side, his hand pressed against the place at his ribs where she had kicked him. Looking up at her, one of the tears in Hiei's eyes made the jump down his cheek.
"You're weak," she said angrily. "I have no place for you here. Get out of my palace." When he didn't move she kicked him again, knocking the fire demon against the wall. "When I tell you something you do it!"
Gasping and almost choking on his breath Hiei lie against the wall and watched as she started to walk away. "Please," he gasped. "Mukuro I'm sorry!" The demon lord stopped walking but didn't turn around, and Hiei knew she was listening to him. "I'm sorry! I was wrong, I didn't know how much I needed you." He pressed himself against the wall as she stepped forward and knelt beside him.
"You don't mean that," she whispered, but Hiei noticed the anger in her eyes had subsided slightly. "You left me alone, you don't care."
Tears glistening in his eyes, Hiei met her gaze without flinching or looking away. "I…I love you…Mukuro."
For a moment both demons stared at each other, both waiting for a different reaction. Hiei had tensed and was awaiting her to hit him, which never came. Very hesitantly Mukuro ran her fingers down his cheek, then slid her arms around his shoulders and embraced him. Still suspicious, Hiei was tense until he felt something against his neck and realized Mukuro was crying. She ran her hand softly through his hair and hid her face in his neck, tears slipping down her cheeks.
"I'm so sorry Hiei," she whispered, "I should never have doubted you."
As the fire demon sat there in her arms, he seemed to feel all the defenses he had every built up against her melting away. He could see Yusuke and the others in his mind, all watching him. They were happy that he had finally dropped his barriers around himself. And the he saw her, standing away from the others and clutching the tear gem around her neck, watching him with a smile. And then he realized the answer to the question Khiva asked him.
This is why he chose to stay.
Yeah I know it went all sappy and fluffy at the end…I honestly didn't plan it like that, it just kinda…happened. Sorry.
Hiei: (angry glare)
YEAH YEAH I KNOW! SORRY OK?
Hiei: (contemplating the best way to rip QP's brains out)
o.O
BTW, THIS IS NOT THE END! It was going to be but i got so many different reviews that I decided not to end it! There is more coming!
