AUTHOR: Glinda

TITLE: No, you're not are you.

CATEGORY: angsty, past story, some present day action and romance in future chapters if my dear readers want it

PAIRING: S/J - I'm a shipper so sue me! *panicky* please don't!

WARNING: Swearing, later maybe a little (not too much - couldn't bear to hurt my two favourites that bad! -) graphic violence

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, don't own anything. Just a poor little Uni. student trying to stay sane by letting her imagination run wild. Not making any money.just doin this for fun! Plz don't sue! The song is Wonderful by Everclear and if I could write music like this then I'd be a pro musician not a struggling journo!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay this chapter and the next one have been edited to make more sense - I hope! Hope you like! And remember! I live for feedback! Hope this format works better paragraph wise - see, I do listen! Ooh and plus I think it can also be an answer to Challenge 1,765 on Heliopolis so I'll send it there when its complete. If you want to publish it other places just let me know and send me a link - always on the lookout for more good fanfiction! (

#Close my eyes when I get too sad, I think thoughts that I know are bad#

Sam stared intently at the wall opposite her, trying desperately to block out (a) the sounds of her Dad and Mark's bile-filled argument from downstairs and (b) how much she missed Jack. She wrapped the Hockey sweater she'd pinched from him last time he was home tighter about her, breathed in his comforting scent, screwed up her eyes and attempted to close her ears.

#I hear them scream, I hear them fight. They say bad words that make me wanna cry#

Sometimes it scared her how dependant on him she'd become recently, but, she rationalise, it was probably because he was her only refuge.

#close my eyes and count to ten, hope its over when I open them#

When things went wrong who else could she turn to? Her Mum was dead. Her Dad and Mark alternated from sullen silence to complaining about each other. Her friends? The guys were sympathetic but unintentionally insensitive. The girls didn't want to hear anything that disturbed their perfect shallow little worlds. It was 'cool' to be 'having issues' just so long as you didn't actually talk about it. So she shoved them to the back of her head and got on with passing classes and making her Dad's life hell.

#I laugh a lot so my friends won't know, that when the bell rings I just don't wanna go home#

The shouting had stopped with the slamming of doors. Sam crept downstairs and stood in the kitchen doorway and watched her Dad sitting at the table with his head in his hands.

"I'm fine Sam"

"Keep telling yourself that."

*sigh* "What am I supposed to do?"

"Try actually admitting something's wrong!" that sarcasm of Jack's was definitely starting to wear off onto her.

#I don't know how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes when you tell me everything is wonderful#

"Like what?!"

#Promises mean everything when you're little and the world's so big# So softly she was almost inaudible, "that you miss her too."

"Of course I do."

"You never say."

"Its hard,"

"And." She crouched down beside him to catch his eyes and the pain in them took her breath away.

"It hurts.sometimes so much it feels like I could just die inside.you think you love someone.but you never really understand how till you loose them"

She gave a small smile before confirming, "that'd do," taking his hand in hers briefly "it's hard for us too and we're not kids anymore would it be so bad if you just talked to us?"

#I don't want to hear you say that I will understand some day#

He looked down at her SO hopefully "We'll be fine, won't we?!" but she couldn't bear to lie to him, so she got up and walked across the room to the door.

"Maybe."

"Sam?" He could probably guess where she wanted to go, but she answered him anyway. "Yeah?"

"Why do you spend so much time with him.I mean he's not even your mentor anymore?" Killer question there dad! She took a deep breath before answering as gently as possible, "because he never tries to tell me that."

"Tell you what?" The silence stretched between them as their eyes met and their stares fought for dominance.

#Some days I hate everything, everyone and everything#

"That everything's wonderful.he just makes me believe that someday it just might be." She concluded quietly as she headed back to her room, leaving him in stunned silence.

"Sam" she sighed to herself but still stopped at the foot of the stairs.

"Yeah?"

#I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now#

"He's back from.God knows where.this afternoon. Broke his wrist or something.got some leave coming up that strangely corresponds with your mid- term break." she was back in the doorway by this time and he shrugged non- commitally "what?" She smiled.

"Thanks Dad."

"Pleasure kid."

2 HOURS LATER

"How's the wrist?"

"Fine, how's things at home?"

"Fine."

"Yeah right!"

"No, seriously."

"Uh huh!"

"Everything's just bloody wonderful!"

"That good, eh?!"

Derisive snort "He's trying you know, just."

Knowing smile "making the effort with you not Mark. My dad had this theory that every parent screws up at some point with their kids.so you have lots so you can learn from your mistakes and eventually you'll get it right, cos you'll have worked out the perfect formula by then.of course he'd always contradict himself at that point my remembering that every kid is different and no you know what, well, YOU say 'you need the exception to prove the rule'.never really understood that phrase.but the point is.he probably reckons that things are pretty much irreparable so he figures if he's gonna put himself out there to get hurt then he's better doing it for the one who actually seems to want to fix things with him. Probably makes sense to him somewhere. You're looking at me strangely - I'm babbling please make me shutup!" Sam curled further up on the sofa beside him leant on his shoulder and stared up at him in mild awe. For all he claimed to be thicker than several short planks he never ceased to amaze her with the wisdom and insight he so often threw her way.

"Thanks."

"What for?"

She gave him a small contented smile: "just, you know."

"Oh, that, anytime!" She smiled as the sarcasm re-emerged in defence of that fragile heart of his.

"Always be my friend."

His voice was serious again as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead: "Always."

#please don't tell me everything is wonderful now#