Title: Live a True Lie
Author: Illusive
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed; if I did you wouldn't be reading this right now. Oh, and nor do I own the random lines from 'Lonely Nation' by Switchfoot that I'm using for my chapter titles.
Pairings: Athrun x Kira, Kira x OC, Athrun x Cagalli, a bit of Yzak x Dearka
Summary: When you have feelings you just can't explain, you try to find ways to hide them. For Athrun and Kira, it almost seemed easy when it came to pretending that they didn't love each other; yet that wasn't the case, there's no way you can hide true love by acting like you loved another.
Warning: AU. Shounen-Ai.
Author Notes: I need a BETA, as you can see from my error-full chapter last time. Heh, but my definition of a BETA is someone who will proofread my chapters and stories, and also I have one on hand… she's my friend, but like she doesn't know much about Gundam Seed so she can't tell me anything other than that I may have made a typo or grammar mistake or whatever. So… yeah… anyone? XD Oi, oi, oi, I know I took a long time getting this out, and I am so sorry. Kinda had a midlife crisis sort of thing. Still haven't worked anything out yet, but I do owe you guys a chapter.
Couldn't help but add a Kingdom Hearts reference. xD And it has nothing to do with anything though… haha oops.
Flashbacks
Normal
"Speech"
3. Desperate, We are Young
"Cagalli," Athrun peered at his fiancée through lidded eyes, "You're up… and earlier than me too." His voice held a slight hint of confusion and surprise. It wasn't everyday that Cagalli woke up before he did. He let his eyes slide shut again; he hadn't been able to sleep very much the night before. Since they were, technically, on vacation, he wanted to sleep as much as he could before they were forced to regain their regular lifestyle, "What's the occasion?"
Cagalli practically jumped onto the hotel bed they were sharing and smiled widely, "No occasion, but you remember that girl that was with your friend you keep telling me about? Yeah, we made plans to go out and she told me to drag you along. Aren't you proud of me? I already made friends with one of your old friends. Actually she kind of looks like she could be your cousin or something…"
Athrun sat up now and remembered the girl that had stood up against Flay, "… I don't know her…" He answered truthfully, "She must be someone they met during University."
"Oh…" Cagalli just shrugged and stood up again, "Well, she still did offer to update me on what happened in Japan while we were overseas, and she's bringing Kira so..." She changed while Athrun woke himself up with a shower.
oOo
Funny how things play out for you when you least expect it…oOo
Rivulets of water soaked through his hair and down his toned body as he gasped at the temperature and reached to change it. He sighed as it adjusted to his will and the now comfortable air in the bathroom made him almost want to fall asleep again. Kira shook himself awake and reminded himself that he had a whole four chapter to finish writing today if he wanted meet the deadline set for him.
"Kira!" He easily recognised Ayoshi's voice outside the door.
"Yeah?" He called out after wiping the water from his face. He stepped out of the shower and dried his hair as much as he could.
Ayoshi leaned against the door and twirled the keys to Kira's flat around her fingers, "You better not have anything planned for the morning…" Kira resisted the urge to groan.
OOo
And funny how problems can arise from simple occurrences.
oOo
Cagalli sighed contently as Athrun wrapped his arm dutifully around her waist as they exited out into the bright sunshine. Tall buildings threatened to block out the satisfying rays, but it was mostly all the people that pushed past ruining most of it. Suddenly she found herself detached from Athrun and turned to find him staring into a bookshop. Letting out a sound of displeasure, she grabbed his hand and pulled him along, "Come on, we might be late. Ayoshi told me how to get there from our hotel."
A small shop off to the side came into view and Cagalli pointed towards it. They pushed through the crowd to get to the café. Already they could see Kira and Ayoshi through the window taking a seat beside an elderly couple. Athrun stumbled along as she eagerly pulled him along so they could cross the street on time. He swore that a car brush past him as they reached the other curb, and the honking that had preceded was totally unnecessary. Japan was more of a hassle compared to more reserved amount of students that he was usually surrounded with.
A small tinkling of a bell was heard throughout the store as they entered. Ayoshi immediately called them over even though it wasn't too hard to spot them in the small area that the shop was composed of. Kira and Athrun locked eyes and a wave of nervousness ran through both of them. Cagalli immediately sat beside the navy haired girl and they proceeded to rave about anything and everything to each other, not noticing the semi-awkwardness between their boyfriends. Athrun was forced to sit beside Kira.
"Kira…" Athrun forced himself to stop staring and focused away from the brunet, "So… uh, how has life been?"
It had never been so hard to make conversation, but now the two friends were struggling to find anything to talk about. This didn't come as a surprise to either one of them since they both knew that years of separation would make for a lack of conversation. Kira gave a small smile at Athrun's effort and answered, "It's been fine, Dearka and Yzak made it their duty to take the position, in my life, you left empty. They did a fine job; they're together, if you didn't know."
"Yeah, I noticed that when I called them… Dearka's still the same; isn't he?" Athrun had a look of newfound confidence. He opened his mouth to add something about Yzak and to ask more about his other friends' relationship when a perky voice interrupted.
"Hi! Welcome, may I take your order?" A happy smile was placed on the waitress' face though it was obviously faked.
The girls stopped their conversation to quickly point out to their boys what they wanted before resuming their rapid conversation. The two best friends shook their heads and looked at their respective girlfriend with a certain fondness. They ordered what they wanted as well as what Cagalli and Ayoshi wanted. A silence fell upon them once again and Athrun cleared his throat before continuing with what he wanted to ask before, "So as I was saying, how did they… when did they…"
"Get together?" Kira finished with an amused smile, without waiting for a confirmation he went on, "Simple really, nothing a few dares along with alcohol couldn't do."
Athrun raised an eyebrow, "A bit childish don't you think?"
"Well it had only been a year or so after… you left." He replied and ended up feeling awkward for bringing up the one fact that made him believe Athrun had betrayed him, "They have a weird on and off relationship, but for the last half a year they've stayed together. I'm guessing it'll be like that from now on too. Actually I like it better this way too. That way it's easier to handle being with both of them at one time."
Athrun nodded like he was interested, but at the moment he just wanted to get to what he really wanted to know, "So, you have a fiancée now?" He asked while tilted his head towards Ayoshi.
Kira looked funny for a second, "Oh, no. We're just going out." A red tint hinted at his cheeks. Athrun just had to chuckle at this, Kira was still embarrassed to talk about relationships and girls it seemed.
"Okay, why are you guys talking about me?" Ayoshi leaned on the table and looked at them expectantly. She was met with a smile from Kira and a tentative expression from Athrun, "So?"
"Yeah, we haven't introduced ourselves enough!" Cagalli added in.
"Good point…" Kira scratched the back of his head with a lopsided grin and launched on, "Athrun, this is Ayoshi, she's my girlfriend. I met her in University. Ayoshi, this is Athrun my best friend since we were little."
"My turn then, this is Cagalli, she's my fiancée and we decided to get married in Japan. Cagalli, this is Kira, but you know almost everything about him I know already." Athrun took Cagalli's hand in his and smiled widely, "Well now the introductions are done with."
The food then arrived and they proceeded to dig in. Both parties hadn't had breakfast yet, and they were all hungry. Kira swallowed and then motioned towards the ring on Cagalli's finger, "So when's the wedding planned for?"
"We don't have an exact date since we were thinking of connect with old family and friends first." Athrun had a lopsided smile on his face, "I think we were too eager, and we made the mistake of not planning much out yet."
"But it still must be exciting right?" Ayoshi stared dreamily at their rings, "Preparing to get married and all."
Cagalli laughed, "I guess…" She took a glance at Athrun who smiled back.
"Kira! You're past your deadline!" An older woman came up to the author and whacked him on the back of his head with a folded up newspaper almost fondly. She looked briefly at Ayoshi and greeted her, "Ayoshi, nice to see you again."
Choking on his food, Kira coughed rapidly and grabbed his glass of water, gulping it down. He looked up from his seat at his editor and almost shrank back when she gave him a look, "Heh, I know, I know. I'm almost done. I would've been done yesterday, but something came up."
"Something? You know I don't tolerate you breaking your deadlines."
"I know. I know, but Athrun here decided to show his face after who knows how long… with a fiancée." Kira somehow unloaded all the blame on his friend who just stared at him utterly confused. Murrue gave him a deadpanned look and Kira cringed, "Okay, I'll have it done by the end of next week I promise."
"You better. I have an appointment so I'm going to leave you alone now, but if I don't see something from you by next Saturday…" She trailed off as a warning, and then nodded to the rest of the table and left.
"Deadline?" Athrun tilted his head towards Kira.
Ayoshi answered in for Kira, however, "Yeah, didn't you know Kira's an author?"
"Yeah… I'm sure he mentioned it bef—." Athrun started, but was interrupted by Cagalli.
"… You cannot be the same Kira that Lacus promoted into celebrity status…" Cagalli looked pretty impressed when Kira nodded, "Wow… so how much do you make?"
"Cagalli!" Athrun looked at her incredulously, "You can't ask something like that."
"It's okay… and well, let's just say I make more than enough." Kira laughed when Athrun looked at him with admiring eyes.
"You never told me this…" He admonished his best friend and was rewarded with shrug.
"Well someone never called me after the first year of leaving Japan." Kira shot back and Athrun had the decency to look guilty.
"If you had 'more than enough' income we could have the best wedding ever." Cagalli turned to Athrun and mentioned. Athrun winced knowing that he had a lot of promotions to go before he would be able to support them both without substantial financial problems.
"Hm… I never thought of something like that." Ayoshi turned to Kira, "It would be so cool to have a wedding that would make it into magazines…"
Kira waved his hands in quick protest, "The media doesn't know my face yet and I'm going to leave it that way. Lacus says it's the only thing keeping people from jumping me in the streets."
"Yeah, I guess that's true… but it would be cool wouldn't it?"
"It would…" Cagalli sighed, "But weddings are such a hassle no matter how small or big they are. Athrun here never helps with the details, and I'm left to make all the big decisions."
Athrun held up his hands in defence, "That's why I hired you a wedding planner."
Cagalli snorted, "More like you hired your old roommates girlfriend who's dreaming about becoming a wedding planner to help. You're not even paying her!"
Ayoshi stifled a laugh at the lover's spat, and Kira did the same. They watched Athrun argue with Cagalli about things that were hilarious even if they were a bit confused from the random references. Cagalli sighed loudly and glared at Athrun who did nothing but back away, "We're going to be late. We were going to go meet my parents remember?"
Athrun nodded, of course he remembered; he never forgot anything after all. He signalled to a waiter and got the check. Before he could fish out his wallet though, Kira handed the waiter a sum of money, "It's on me. Besides, do you even remember how to use Japanese currency?"
"Of course I do." Athrun replied quickly and Ayoshi stifled another giggle. He quickly changed the topic and asked, "So how long has your relationship with Ayoshi been going on?" Even he didn't notice his expression become depressed by the second as Kira went on and on about his relationship
oOo
How can one not know something so obvious about themselves?
oOo
"Not a bad place…" Cagalli murmured as she stepped foot into Kira's apartment. She took in the expertly furnished living room and was impressed by how many rooms he had.
"Yeah, it's not a bad place if you don't notice the small things that are wrong with it." Ayoshi walked past Cagalli and threw her coat down onto the couch obviously comfortable and familiar with the place.
Kira frowned even though he wasn't offended, "There is nothing wrong with my place."
"Oh yeah? What about that sink in there that's messed up? And the wallpaper is peeling in some places in your office."
"I got the wallpaper fixed already!" Kira protested but didn't say anything about the accusation about a leaky sink.
This time it was Cagalli's turn to laugh, "Well you should get Athrun to fix your sink for you. Somehow he can fix anything… He's especially good with electronics though."
"I know." Kira smiled at Athrun, and the girls gave each other funny looks, "Wait, weren't you guys supposed to meet Cagalli's parents?"
Cagalli glared at Athrun as if blaming him.
oOo
"If shared with someone, your destinies will be entwined forever."oOo
Ayoshi sighed, but happily, "Don't you just want to get married now? Think about it. I could finally move in with you and we could be so happy! Maybe even have a child!" Kira shrunk away and didn't say anything. Ayoshi noticed this and looked at Kira with piercing eyes, "What's wrong with it? You wanted me to move in with you before, remember?"
"Yes, but…"
"But what? What's so bad about marrying me? It's something I really want. I think we're ready for it. It's not like my parent's don't approve of you!" Ayoshi's tone started to rise in pitch. Kira bit his lip not knowing what to say, "Tell me, Kira! Is there something stopping you from marrying me. And don't give me shit about not being ready."
Kira recoiled when Ayoshi swore. He swallowed and spoke, his voice seeming weak even to himself, "I just... It's… Maybe we should wait a bit more. We may seem ready, but marriage isn't an easy thing…"
"You know what? You might as well say you don't want to marry me okay?" Ayoshi's face turned red and her voice was heated.
"No! I…"
"Don't try to consolidate me. Cagalli and Athrun are happy to be getting married. I want their happiness, Kira. I want what they have. The knowledge that they can pledge themselves to each other!"
"Well I can't give that to you! Not yet. You may be ready, but what about me!" Kira shot back, he didn't know why but his tolerance was running thin. Somehow everything had been so frustrating ever since Athrun came back. He didn't know what to think at all.
"If you're not ready now. Then when!" Ayoshi took a deep breath, "If this relationship is going nowhere, I want no part of it."
Kira's breath caught in his throat when Ayoshi turned around and left, slamming the door on the way in an unusual display of temper.
oOo
Welcome to level 1… of hell of course.
oOo
He soon found himself outside like that day when Athrun came back. He was thinking too much; his mind raced. He let his feet take him wherever they wanted to go. Everything was happening so quickly. Only a few weeks before, his life had been so perfect. Ayoshi had a perfect relationship with him and his career hadn't died down since his first bestseller. The sky was darkened but there was no sign of rain. He stumbled over a curb but walked faster. His head lowered as he stared at nothing but the ground.
When he finally looked up, he froze when he noted the familiar setting. He hadn't come here for a couple of years already. Tears almost sprang to his eyes, but he forced them down. He stared at the small house that Athrun had lived in for most of his life. He swallowed and then turned around. His lonely footsteps were almost silent as he walked away.
"Kira!"
For a moment he thought it was Ayoshi, but when he turned, eyes wide. He saw Athrun looking at him with piercing eyes.
oOo
Just when you think you've forgotten, you remember.
oOo
"Kira!" Athrun called as Kira was walking to school. He pivoted, his backpack digging into his shoulder, and smiled at his friend. The smile contained such innocence, devotion, and love. He waited patiently as Athrun ran to catch up, and they walked away… together.
oOo
Just watch; watch how the past can differ so much from the present.
oOo
There was no smile on Kira's face. He looked almost afraid. He was so afraid of what was going on, so afraid that Athrun would undo everything he had worked for. He turned right back around and walked away quickly. Athrun was startled; he had thought that Kira would answer to him. Athrun never expected Kira to run away from him like he was about to attack, "Kira!" Athrun called out and ran after Kira.
Even though he was breathing loudly, Kira heard the loud footsteps behind him and quickened his pace even further. He hadn't made it very far before someone, obviously Athrun, grabbed his hand and yanked him back, "Let go." He looked away and tried to take his hand back.
"No," Athrun said with a deadly tone, "What's wrong? Kira, stop running away from me."
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Just let go." Kira choked on nothing as he tried to keep the tears back, "Please, let me go."
"Not until you tell me what's wrong?" Athrun shook his arm harshly and brought a hand to Kira's chin. He tilted Kira's face up towards him to, but Kira still averted his eyes, "Damn it. Kira, don't screw up our relationship again."
Kira twisted his arm around trying to get Athrun to release him, but Athrun held on firmly. He struggled for another few minutes before he gave up and broke down crying. Athrun was surprised at the sudden show of tears. He had thought that Kira had been angry at something. Awkwardly, he brought Kira closer and embraced the young man.
Silence… Kira sobbed without sound, but his shoulders shook with every choking breath. Then he abruptly stopped, embarrassed, and pulled himself away from Athrun, "Sorry. I… Ayoshi broke up with me because I told her I didn't want to marry her yet." Kira blurted, knowing that Athrun had the right to know as his best friend.
Athrun's expression was purely shock, "Oh god, Kira… She'll come around. She was probably just angry."
Kira shook his head in disagreement, "No, I don't think she will. She reminds me of you, you know. You're both decisive. She wouldn't do something so rashly."
Athrun frowned, "Well, what happened? I don't think anyone would break off such a good relationship just like that." Of course he wasn't sure if their relationship was a strong one, but he could take an educated guess.
"I guess she was sick of how we just moved in circles, never getting anywhere with our relationship. I don't know." Kira sighed wearily, "I don't know what to do anymore. Ever since you came back everything just started… like dominos. One reaction caused another and another."
oOo
So what will happen when the last one falls?
oOo
Ayoshi watched from the window of her car. She saw how Athrun embraced Kira. It was the same way she would comfort him when he went to her with troubles. But now she saw more than that. She saw who she really was to Kira… She was a replacement. Just someone who filled the place of his best friend after Kira lost him. She breathed out harshly and started the car. Her foot pressed down unconsciously harder than she would have liked on the gas, and she lurched back as the car sped forward.
oOo
When the truth hits hard, it hurts.
oOo
Athrun raised an arm to wrap around Kira but stopped. He just motioned towards his car and said simply, "I'll take you home."
Author's Notes: Ha! I told you I would have it out by the end of this week. It is like the literal end of the week but really least I finished it. I'm going to work on the fourth chapter now. Hopefully I don't procrastinate anymore and actually finish it faster. xD Review please people?
Thanks to:
Black Magician Girl3, Haruka Mizumi, Darkmoon Fleur, leebat, Maryam Khanoom, and furin-a.
You guys rule. Thanks so much. xP Pocky for all of you. Heh.
