Author's Note: There is one main reason why I'm writing this chapter, and that reason is Lissa aka Exist2Inspire. After reading her kind words on her website about me, she made me realise that there are people out there who do appreciate what I do. She gave me the boost I really need to get back into my writing again, and I am forever grateful for that.
Love
Katy
xxxx
Jeff stared at his friend in shock. He felt sick to his stomach as he replayed the single word she had just spoken.
"What do you mean 'yes'?"
Caitlin sighed, and prepared herself. She knew this was not going to go well, partly because Jeff would react badly, but mostly because she was shocked herself. She never really dealt with her feelings about Paul, and had tried to bury them in the hope they would go away. Now it seemed that they would never really leave until she did.
"I don't really know," she admitted, taking her time in choosing what to say. "I have a lot of feelings for Paul, both bad and good. I was head over heels in love with him, remember, and I was convinced that he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And he is the father of my child, so because of him I am blessed with a son I adore and love more than anything else in this world.
"But he is still Paul. He ripped my heart in two when I caught him in bed with her." Even after all this time, Caitlin couldn't bring herself to say Stephanie's name. "He abandoned his child and never bothered getting in touch to see how he was doing. He didn't even send a message to the hospital when he found out I was in labour. And he was so paranoid about me and you…"
Caitlin let her sentence trail off as she looked at Jeff. Well maybe he was right about how Jeff felt about me. She thought to herself. Maybe he just saw something I was too unwilling to see.
"But you always told me how much you hated him, and how happy you were that it was just the three of us." Jeff dropped his head into his hands and absently began to massage his temples, trying to work the thoughts through his head.
"I know that. I think I was trying to convince myself more than anyone else. Or maybe I just didn't realise how I still felt until I saw him here today." Caitlin was growing frustrated at herself and at how unable she was to say properly what she was feeling. "I guess I love him but I hate him."
Jeff stood up and looked down at the love of his life. He had been torn apart by her words, although deep down inside he knew that she was just being honest with him. His whole body was shaking at the thought that Paul could win her back, at the thought he could lose not only Caitlin, but Brandon as well. And that was the one thing he couldn't bear to think about.
"I have to go," he muttered, letting his eyes drop to the floor. "I don't think I can be around you right now. It hurts too much."
Through watery eyes, Caitlin watched Jeff slump out of the door.
"I've ruined everything," she whispered to herself, as her tears finally began to fall.
Outside on the porch, Jeff looked up into the night sky, trying to take in everything Caitlin had just said to him. He couldn't believe she was still in love with Paul, after all that had happened. Jeff was the one who had seen everything: the tears, the tantrums and eventually what he thought had been the closure. But now, it seemed as though nothing was what it used to be.
He ran down to his motorbike and hopped on, desperate to be anywhere but his own house. For the first time since he had moved onto the land and built the house, he felt suffocated, a feeling he hated more than any other. Gunning the engine, he took off down the driveway, trying to outrun reality.
Jeff ended up at his favourite getaway spot: the lake. He watched as the moon shimmered in the ripples of water, giving the whole place a romantic glow.
This would be a great place to bring Caitlin, he thought to himself, before quickly shaking the thought out of his head.
"For Paul to bring Caitlin," he corrected aloud, and felt the anger growing in him once again. "The happy couple."
He began to pace back and forward on the lakeside, trying to work out some of his aggression and to process all his thoughts as he did.
If Caitlin and Paul get back together, she'll leave and she'll take Brandon away with her, he surmised, breathing heavily. But I love Brandon, Paul may be his biological father, but I've been a daddy to him for the last three years. I've put up with all the shit: potty training, sleepless nights, and the sicknesses. And he just wants to swoop in now and take away everything I've worked for? I don't think so.
All of a sudden, the voice of reason popped into his head. There is no guarantee that Caitlin will go back to Paul. She said it herself: part of her still hates him and can't forgive what he did to her. And she has always said how happy she was with you and Brandon. Would she really give all that up, for him?
Jeff mused over this for a second. He could see it going both ways, and either way he saw it ending badly for someone. If Caitlin stayed with Jeff, she would spend the rest of her life wondering about Paul and what might have been, and Brandon wouldn't ever know his real father. But, if Caitlin and Paul got back together, Jeff's heart would break, and Brandon would have to deal with the upheaval and the emotional hardship of finding out that the man you thought was your father actually isn't. It really seemed to be a no-win situation.
"I guess at the end of the day, it's up to Caitlin." He stated, to the sky. "I just have to be ready for whatever she decides."
Back at the house, Caitlin had come to a conclusion of her own. She only hoped it was the right one.
Okay guys, you know the score, read and review in your droves!
Love
Katy
xxxx
