disclaimer: i own nothing but the plot.


Broken Maybes

Jackal leaned against the window and found himself basking in the cheery afternoon sun that had made its way into the bus. A small smile played about his lips as he turned a little to look at his red-haired companion who was fast asleep beside him. Marui had fallen into a deep slumber almost instantly after gulping down the assorted cakes that Jackal had bought for him on a whim. He chuckled softly; Marui's love for sweets never failed to amuse him.

The redhead mumbled something as he turned fitfully against his pillow which happened to the left shoulder of his doubles partner, burrowing deeper into the boy. Jackal's eyes softened as he nuzzled the top of Marui's silken head. Flexing his shoulder which had become numb a long time ago, Jackal drew the sleeping boy closer to him, shifting him so that his head rested against the crook between his shoulder and collarbone. His smile widened as the smaller boy buried his face in his shirt, letting out a contented purr.

"Marui…" he breathed as he rested his head against the redhead's, a contented smile making its way across his face. As Jackal drew Marui even closer to him, he was filled with an inexplicable warmth that he had become familiar to; it was this way whenever Marui was with him.

This bubble of warmth and happiness.

But he knew all too well that it was wrong to feel this happy today. Today, when they would have to face Yukimura buchou in a matter of minutes and inform him of Marui's removal from the lineup. The bus suddenly felt icy cold despite the generous amount of sunlight in the vehicle. Jackal's arm tightened around Marui instinctively; it hurt, it hurt badly even if he was just thinking about it.

The mere thought of Marui being taken away from him was death itself to Jackal.

"Mn… What is it, Jackal?" Marui slurred sweetly as he nuzzled Jackal's neck, only half-awake.

Jackal started a little. "Sorry, Marui. I didn't mean to wake you up…"

The redhead purred again as he threw his arms around the other boy, cuddling against his chest. "It's okay, Jackal. It's about time I wake up too, ne?" Soft lilac eyes peered up at him through lowered eyelashes as Marui struggled not to fall asleep once again.

Jackal felt his heart skip several beats just watching the beautiful boy who was presently treating him as if he were the softest teddy bear in the whole world. A low chuckle escaped him as he gently brushed at some stray crumbs by the redhead's mouth. "Of course. We're getting off at the next stop," he said softly, running a finger across the smaller boy's lips before gracing them with a chaste kiss. "Are you awake now?"

Eyes bright and ready, Marui nodded emphatically, much like a newborn kitten, highly attentive and eager to please. "Very, Jackal; very awake," he purred as he leaned up to return the favour, pressing his lips lightly to Jackal's neck. "We should get going now, ne?" he chirped as he got off the seat. "We're there."

Jackal laughed a little, though he wasn't sure why.

"Yes, let's."


Sanada looked straight ahead as they entered the hospital. He was acutely aware of the awkward atmosphere among his teammates but right now he honestly didn't give a damn; he was as much a nervous wreck as it was. He punched the button for the elevator with just a little more force than necessary. If they chose to leave their problems hanging among them, well, it was their choice; he was in no mood to act the perfect chummy fukubuchou right now.

Seiichi…

"I'm sure everything will be fine, Sanada fukubuchou." Yagyuu's voice was soft as he laid a comforting hand on the other boy's arm. Sanada nodded mutely in acknowledgement; he did not trust himself to speak.

"Ah! The lift is here!" Niou sauntered into the elevator as the doors opened, shouldering Sanada aside in the process. "Come on, everybody in! We can't have Yukimura buchou waiting for the whole day!" the Trickster announced cheerfully as he jabbed hard at the button for level six.

Sanada's brow creased just a little.

"Hai hai. You don't have to be so loud, Niou senpai; everyone's staring at us," Akaya said through gritted teeth as he stepped into the lift. Niou laughed as he ruffled Akaya's hair roughly.

"He sure is in a good mood today," Yagyuu mused to himself as he too stepped into the elevator. "Come on, Sanada," he added, turning slightly to face his fukubuchou who was the only one outside of the lift.

Noticing the stares he was receiving from his teammates Sanada grunted and moved into the lift. He was sure that something was amiss. His doubts were confirmed when he caught a malicious glint in Niou's eyes that was gone almost as soon as he saw it; the shove from before had been intentional.

The lift closed and started its ascent.


Yukimura could barely keep the smile off his face as he watched his team fawn over him; it was easy to ignore the tension among them when they were taking care of him like this. He glanced at the flowers, cakes and gifts that they had brought and his smile widened. "Thank you, everyone. You really shouldn't go to so much trouble for me…" Yukimura started to say before it was cut off by a piece of cake that Marui shoved into his mouth.

"It wasn't any trouble at all, buchou," the redhead chirped as he straightened himself, grinning as he did so. "Was it, Jackal?" Marui asked, head tilting to his left.

"Nope, of course not; Yukimura, you really shouldn't worry yourself like that," Jackal chided lightly as he ruffled Marui's hair. "As a matter of fact, Marui here took great pleasure in picking out those cakes with great pains. It was no trouble at all for us, Yukimura." Marui beamed up at Jackal as he leaned into the hand upon his head.

Yukimura chuckled softly as he watched the pair before him; it was heartening to know that he had two less people on the team to worry about.

"The flowers weren't that hard to pick out either, buchou," Akaya said as he returned from the bath room with a filled vase. "Sanada fukubuchou told us to get some that he has yet to get for you, which left us with little choice beside these gerberas," the junior added as he carefully arranged the colourful blossoms in the vase by Yukimura's bedside.

"Thank you," Yukimura said softly, eyes fixated on Sanada who was presently busying himself with the placement of the gifts they had brought. "Did Renji help…?"

"Niou senpai was surprisingly knowledgeable about flowers," Akaya babbled on, seemingly fascinated with the flowers he was arranging, effectively cutting off whatever Yukimura was trying to say. "Thank goodness he was with me at the florist's; I couldn't tell the different flowers apart at all." He took a step back and admired his handiwork.

Yukimura thought he saw Renji's hands tremble.

"You can't tell anything apart, baka. Seriously, I think you'll be better off if you hired a full-time babysitter to look after yourself; after all, we do have our own lives to tend to and have no obligation to watch over you like guard dogs,' Niou drawled as he sidled up to Akaya. "It is especially important now since Yanagi has decided to give you up," he deadpanned while engaging the unfortunate junior in a headlock, "we can't afford to have you running around like a headless housefly now, can we?" The silver-haired boy stole a quick look at the Master before continuing with his torment of his kohai, blatantly ignoring the icy looks he was receiving from his teammates.

Yukimura felt his fingers tighten on his sheets; Niou did not have to say that. He had no right to say that.

"Get off me, Niou senpai!" Niou was grinning as if he never had this much fun before.

"You heard him, Niou. Get off." Yagyuu's voice was much sharper than it usually was. Yukimura wondered if it was a trick of the eye when he thought he saw Niou flinch. "Now, before you strangle the life out of him," Yagyuu added, his voice flat.

"Che. Just when I'm having fun too… You're mean, Hiro-chan," Niou drawled lazily as he released the second year reluctantly. "Such a prude."

Yagyuu made no effort to retort the other boy as he moved to stand beside Sanada and Yanagi. Uncharacteristically, Niou did not move to his usual spot beside Yagyuu. He stood rooted to the ground right by Akaya's side.

Yukimura instinctively burrowed just a little more into his sheets; it felt as if the temperature in the room had just dropped to zero.


Yagyuu Hiroshi was very upset, and the fact that he was feeling this way upset him even more.

As the hospital visit stretched out, he found himself becoming more and more restless. He cast a wistful look to his right where Niou would usually be standing and unconsciously tightened his grip on his own arm where the said boy would usually be leaning against.

Usually.

Yagyuu bit on his tongue in frustration as he watched Niou attend to Yukimura while teasing his favourite green-eyed target. It felt all wrong; Niou should be right here by his side, leaning against him while cracking his usual jokes, not standing by Akaya and acting as if he was not in the room at all.

He tasted blood but did not feel the pain; he must have gotten used to it now, since he had been doing this habitually for the past few days.

Yukimura was saying something but he could not understand what. He could barely make out what the other boy was telling to the team, and it hardly bothered him. If he had been his normal self, he would have been horrified by his indifference, but as it was, Yagyuu Hiroshi was far from his being usual self.

He lost all reason the day Niou left him, the day when Niou was not Niou anymore.

The Gentleman adjusted his glasses in an attempt to hide the grimace on his face. It hurt too much just to remember it, and it hurt even more when you did not know the reason for the hurt.

Masaharu…

Yagyuu knew how much Niou loved his little games, but he also knew that Niou never meant any harm to anyone. It was his way of saying that he cared, because he could never do it any other way; Niou could never do anything any other way. Yagyuu knew too well that Niou went much deeper than he cared to show, so he had always indulged Niou in his antics, hoping that at some point in time he would be allowed to look beyond the mask he faced every single day and find the real Niou Masaharu behind it. He had been hoping ever since he started to believe that there was more than just a silly infatuation between the two of them.

Maybe, just maybe.

But Niou had changed, even if no one else noticed it. Niou had changed, and Yagyuu did not even know the reason why. He did not know why Niou had to hurt Sanada and Yanagi like he did in the past few days, did not know why he had to create a gap between the two of them and then widen it. Niou had never been one for reason and logic, but similarly he had never been one to inflict unreasonable pain either.

So why was he feeling as if the entire world had crashed down on him?

He was chewing his tongue by now and it had become too numb to fully register the pain. But why would it matter if he was too numb to even register the pain in himself?

Yagyuu Hiroshi may appear to be an insurmountable wall to others but the truth was that he was an insurmountable wall to himself too. He had learnt to lock himself in and to surround himself with so much logic and reason that as time passed, he had become more logic and reason than Yagyuu Hiroshi himself. When Niou came into his life, all that he had known had been rendered useless and null. And he had hated it because he trembled at the thought of having his meticulously constructed wall broken down right before his eyes. So he had tried pushing the other boy away, but Niou had to have his way.

Niou always had his way, or no way at all.

His every touch, every word, every look was aimed at tearing Yagyuu down and he had resisted out of habit. Yagyuu relied heavily on his habits; he was near nothing without them. He had resisted, and failed terribly at it. Because with his every move Niou had touched the Yagyuu Hiroshi beyond the wall and it was not long before that Yagyuu Hiroshi had woken up from his deep slumber and asked for more.

Yagyuu knew exactly why his mind shut down every time he was with Niou Masaharu, and he knew why he acted the way he always did when he was with the mercurial boy; he knew exactly why he was so afraid, and what he was afraid of. There was only one thing that he had yet to figure out.

He had yet to know what it was exactly that he felt for the other boy. With Niou, logic and reason did not work; Yagyuu did not want it to work. When they were together, he wanted to feel it without having the wall in between them; he could only use his heart. So he could only fumble and guess. And hope. Maybe, just maybe.

With Niou around, it was always just maybes.


"Will you stop finding fault with every single thing I say, Hiro-chan? I think it's getting a little annoying." Niou's voice was dangerously dark as he firmly refused to look anywhere remotely in the general direction of the Gentleman.

"I'm not finding fault. Just simply stating the facts, that's all I'm doing, Niou," Yagyuu returned quietly.

"Okay, scratch that; it's more than a little annoying. In fact, it's unsurprisingly getting on my nerves," Niou said through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry if I got the facts wrong, Hiroshi, but please try to understand that your well-meaning corrections are pissing me off so much that I think I'd much rather be home watching TV than being stuck here with an obnoxious being like you. So excuse me." Niou got to his feet, roughly shoving the chair backwards. Then, without looking at anyone in the room, he left.

An awkward silence settled itself over the remaining boys as Niou's footsteps echoed down the corridor. It was a long while before anyone spoke.

"I think I need to use the toilet…" Marui mumbled hurriedly as he got to his feet as well. He was out of the ward before anyone else could say anything.

Jackal stared after the redhead as he disappeared down the walkway. Marui… running after Niou? It did not make sense. Conversations between those two consisted mainly of strings of expletives that were better left unmentioned, and when they did carry out decent conversations- the number of times of which could be counted with one hand- they were usually mindless challenges and taunts that had both their doubles partners banging their heads against the wall in exasperation.

Since when had they become so close that he had to be the one to run after the Trickster? His excuse did not stand because there was a toilet in Yukimura's ward so he had no need to run to the one down the corridor. He could only be running after Niou. But why?

Why?

The unasked question hung among them and the air seemed to freeze.

Yanagi cleared his throat uneasily. All eyes focused on him except for a green pair that was staring intently at the floor. "It is getting late now, and we have stayed for over an hour. I think we should get going," he said slowly as his hands tightened convulsively on his notebook.

"Yes, I think so too. We shouldn't intrude upon Yukimura so much…" Yagyuu voiced out quietly. It was a different quiet from usual though; it had an empty ring to it.

"You're not intruding. I'm glad that everyone came and I really appreciate all that you've done for me. Thank you." Yukimura's soft voice that would normally have soothed their troubled minds fell on deaf ears.

"All of you may go now. Rest well tonight and I'll see you at practice tomorrow." Sanada's commands were obeyed almost at once as each of the regulars stonily rose from their respective seats and started for the door. No one noticed how Sanada excluded himself in the statements except for Yukimura.

"Genichirou…" Yukimura started.

Sanada closed the door behind the regulars with a click. Yukimura felt his heart quicken so much that it hurt him just to breathe.

"What is the meaning of this…" he tried to say before Sanada cut him off.

"I want to say a proper 'goodbye' to you, Seiichi…"

Yukimura thought his heart must have stopped right then because his world seemed to have come to an end.


When Sanada told his teammates to rest well for the night, he had failed to see the irony of his words; had he been his normal clear-minded self, it would have been more than a little obvious to him that none of them was going to get any decent sleep tonight. But Sanada, like the rest of them, had stopped being his normal self a long time ago.

It was a very long day indeed.


A/N: Am highly agitated right now. In a few hours' time, I would be back in school and I really hate having to go to school. Also, it took me hours just to get this uploaded. Some error. fumes. Anyway, I never seem to get tired of tormenting my lovely characters, and somehow it has come to my attention that their angsting are becoming more and more alike. Well. But that's probably because I have yet to start on the yaoi soap opera proper. So I find myself worrying about the length of my fic; I never dared think about it before, since I've always given up halfway for all of my past works. So I'm kinda excited now... hehez. I'm thinking 10 chapters at least, but with all my dilly dallying, it might go beyond that. We'll see. cackles to self.