Disclaimer: Inuyasha and all the characters in it do not belong to me.
Italics denote thoughts.
oOo
The warm soles of his feet met with the cold tiles of the balcony. The city below looked very much like how it has always looked every night. The pale blue star amidst the Prussian blue sky taunted him with its incessant twinkling. He wanted to look away, to let the glittering lights of the city mesmerize him instead. Yet, he found that he couldn't really bring himself to tear his gaze away from it. It reminded him so much of her eyes.
He thought back to the afternoon earlier on when he had seen her from the landing upstairs. She was looking around the hall with childlike wonder in her eyes. When he had surprised her by appearing suddenly, a flame of curiosity was ignited within her orbs. Later, when he irked her, her eyes burned with a blue fire. The way her eyes reflected her every emotion was something that he found rather interesting.
Those curious blue eyes of hers intrigued him. They were eyes that he could never get tired of gazing into. They were eyes that seem to see all the way into his soul, coax the memories out of their secret hiding places and he would let her. He would gladly surrender his entire soul to her if that means he would be able to gaze into her eyes for eternity.
For someone with eyes as beautiful as hers, she is a marvel in the kitchen. He almost regretted the fact that he wasn't there to see it for himself. Then again, he is very much aware of the fact that this young woman can actually cook, and very well too at that.
Her cookies were out of this world and he briefly wondered what she put in her cookies to make them taste the way they did. Appearance wise, it looked like just another cookie. But the taste; no other cookie he had eaten before could be compared to her cookie. He could almost taste the lingering bittersweet taste of dark chocolate on his tongue by merely thinking of it now.
A bite of her cookie brought back forbidden memories and he found himself detesting it yet craving for another taste at the same time. He wondered again at how she managed to do that. She could probably give him a run for his money any day although he would rather die a gruesome death than admit it out loud.
He sighed and looked down on the city below. It was nights like this that made him think irrationally. Get a grip Sesshoumaru! She is just another pretty face. Pretty? No she is NOT pretty! There are more than enough of women out there with looks far better than hers. She is insignificant and there is nothing she can do to ever give me a run for my money.
However deep down, he somehow knew that he was doomed the minute he first laid eyes on her.
oOo
She sat at the kitchen table nursing a cup of tea. It puzzled her how she couldn't seem to be able to concentrate on anything at all after this afternoon. She was supposed to help Sango get ready for her date earlier this evening but her mind kept wandering from the shades of eye shadow in Sango's collection to other things so much so that she wasn't really paying any attention to what Sango was telling her.
It was something about that guy she was supposed to meet. What's his name again? I think it was Mi something. Whatever. She was going on and on about how good-looking he is, I think. Is he anywhere as attractive as Sesshoumaru I wonder?
An image of a tall, amazingly handsome chef with bright amber eyes appeared in her mind. She groaned as she saw the eyes.
Those beautiful eyes of his certainly say a whole lot about what he is feeling even if his face doesn't. There was a something akin to pride in his eyes, even when it was absent from his voice, when he thanked her for praising his home. Later, his eyes had shone with amusement when he made her mad. Wonder what's so amusing about that?
Every time she closed her eyes, all she sees are eyes of gold. Those annoyingly captivating amber eyes of his wouldn't let her sleep much less leave her alone. It was as if the slow-burning fire of his golden eyes has been branded into her mind. She found herself becoming more and more curious over him.
He appealed to every fiber of her being and she wanted to know more about him. She hated him but at the same time she wanted to get close to him. However, something is telling her that getting close to him would be like playing with fire. He invaded her thoughts and dominated them. She couldn't think of anything else without ending up thinking about him instead.
Why does this happen to me every time I see him? Does he enjoy plaguing me so much that he has taken to haunting me even during my waking moments? Although, I really wouldn't mind if someone that hot decides to haunt me. Wait. What the hell am I thinking? He's the King of Arrogance for crying out loud! He's the jerk of all jerks! This lack of sleep must be getting to me if I'm thinking of him that way.
She took a drink out of the cup in her hand and sputtered immediately after. Damn Sesshoumaru! He even managed to make me burn my tongue!
Elsewhere, a certain chef sneezed.
oOo
"Ok. What do you want to do today, Rin?" said Kagome as she put on her apron.
"Kagome…you know, last week after you left, I tried making the chocolate chip cookies again. But somehow they didn't taste anything like yours. They were so good! Even Sesshoumaru-sama said so."
The older girl had an incredulous look on her face.
"He said that?"
"Well, not exactly."
Sapphire eyes were touched by a dark shade of disappointment for a brief moment.
"But he agreed with me that your cookies were so much better than mine. And guess what," she continued, leaning in to Kagome and lowering her voice conspiratorially, "the cookies you made disappeared the next morning."
"Disappeared? What do you mean Rin?"
Disappearing cookies? Now this is something I've never heard of, she thought to herself.
"I mean I couldn't find them the next day. I put it in a jar different from the rest meaning to keep it for myself. But when I came into the kitchen morning, it was gone. Well, the jar was there alright, but the cookies in it have vanished. The other cookies were still here untouched though."
"And what does that have to do with Sesshoumaru?" she asked, curious as to what Rin was implying.
"Isn't it obvious? He took them!"
"Eh? Why would he want to do that?"
"Because your cookies are absolutely great, Kagome! So much so that Sesshoumaru-sama himself couldn't resist them," Rin gushed happily.
Kagome blushed at the innocent remark that had triggered some currently unneeded thoughts.
"Er…I doubt it Rin. Anyway, let's get down to work shall we?"
oOo
"We supplied the salmons according to your demand, Sesshoumaru-sama."
He shot a glare at the other man.
"I distinctly said fresh salmons. Those that arrived yesterday are not in any way fresh."
"But…but…we sent them over to you as soon as it arrived."
How dare he lie to this Sesshoumaru! "Liar! The fish were at least a day old. Did you really think that you could deceive this Sesshoumaru?"
The poor man was visibly shaking now. Bowing low, he said, "I'm very sorry Sesshoumaru-sama. I promise you that it will not happen again."
"Your contract will be terminated immediately if it does. Leave."
With mumbled apologies, the man left as ordered.
Once again, the room was enveloped in silence, something that he appreciated very much. He closed his eyes, preventing them from looking out onto the chaotic world. He did not need the physical world's commotion disrupting his thoughts.
Silence, how he craved it and how he couldn't find enough to satisfy him. He loved the silence around him with a passion. It was a passion so strong that it was like boiling lava in an erupting volcano. He loved the silence as much as he detested its counterpart. He loved the peace and solitude that were part of the baggage. It gave him time to think, something that he could seldom do because the din around him was so loud he couldn't hear his own thoughts. They were enough to drive a man crazy.
It was during quiet times like this that he would usually come up with a new dish. However, today it was different. Today, all creative ideas avoided him like the plague. His mind could come up with nothing but chocolate chip cookies and the many ways he could make them.
He unconsciously ran his tongue over his lips at the thought of the dozen or so cookies that he had consumed last week. They tasted so good he found himself giving in to temptation over and over again. By the time he had beaten his will into submission, the cookies were already gone. He vaguely remembered chastising himself half-heartedly after that.
Kawamura Sesshoumaru was not someone whose will melts like ice cream under the sun when faced with temptations. In fact, it was far from that. His will was stronger than the hardest steel and just as unbreakable. So why did it crumble to pieces after just one bite of her accursed cookie?
He found himself wondering for the hundredth time what exactly did she put in her cookies. He sighed. No remotely possible answer revealed itself to him even after he had been thinking for days now. If he were any other man, he would have gone to her immediately, begging her to reveal her secret to him. But, he was not any other man. His pride would never allow him to do something as low as begging something of another. No, he would rather die a thousand deaths before doing that.
He could feel the beginnings of a headache forming like a storm gathering in the horizon and decided to leave those thoughts for another day. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to lose himself in peaceful slumber at home. Sleepless nights are really getting to him.
oOo
The minute he stepped over the threshold of his home, something stirred within his heart. She is here. As he made his way across the hall to the stairs, he could hear faint sounds of laughter coming from the kitchen. A carefree laugh, almost childlike in its gaiety, he recognized as belonging to Rin. The other sounded more mature, yet still retained its girlish cheerfulness, must no doubt belong to her. It was melodious in its own way.
To his wonder, he found that those sounds didn't bother him at all. In fact, he probably wouldn't mind listening to it several times in a day. The lighthearted laughter of the girls put his heart at ease and it wasn't long before he found himself standing in the doorway watching them.
They had their backs to him and he couldn't say he minded the view very much. It provided him with the opportunity to observe them without being noticed. Especially when his observation included the curves of a certain female.
The way the two of them interacted, he couldn't help but notice their striking resemblance to one another. They both had the same dark mass of wavy hair and bodies so petite they almost looked fragile. He couldn't deny the fact that to another, Kagome looked in every way to be Rin's natural parent. The way they talked to one another, the way they acted around each other made him feel like an intruder in his own home. They were having so much fun and he was intruding upon it.
He suddenly felt jealous, something he wasn't used to feeling. He was jealous of her being able to have so much fun with his ward when he couldn't remember the last time he had seen Rin laugh that cheerfully in his presence. Another part of him was jealous of Rin being able to make Kagome happy when all he seemed capable of was making her angry.
He frowned at the thought. Maybe he was destined to be alone. Happiness and having someone to share it with would never be his. It would be everyone's except his. He would never have someone to call his own. She would never be his. He turned away to make his way upstairs but stopped short when something caught his ears.
"The trick is, Rin, to cook from your heart. My father always said that."
"Cook from my heart? What does that mean Kagome?"
He didn't stay to listen to her answer.
oOo
Kagome turned around expecting to see someone there but there was none. She could have sworn that someone had been standing in the doorway watching them, or more exactly, watching her. She could still feel the person's eyes on her back and she wondered who it was.
Amber eyes and silver hair came immediately into her mind. She shook her head telling herself that it was impossible because he wasn't home. However, she couldn't convince herself enough to disregard the possibility that he could have returned. She sighed and focused her attention back to her task before Rin could find out and start asking questions. The young girl could be very inquisitive when she wants to be.
oOo
Back in the sanctuary of his room, he let the buried memories wash over him once again, something that he has been doing too frequently lately for his liking. Rin's innocent question had brought back a sense of déjà vu. It made him recall a similar situation between a much younger him and someone he respected very much.
"The secret, Sesshoumaru, is to cook from your heart."
"Cook from my heart? Higurashi-sama, what does that mean?"
"Sesshoumaru, do you know what your heart is for?"
"Erm…to live. Without a heart we cannot live. Higurashi-sama, why are you chuckling?"
"Well, well, always the rational one, Sesshoumaru. But, that is only part of the answer. There is another part to it."
His eyes had widened at that. "There is?"
"Of course Sesshoumaru. Your heart is for you to feel."
"To feel?"
"Yes. To feel all the different emotions there are in this world, love, hate, joy, sadness, and all those wonderful feelings out there. Maybe you are too young to have experienced all of them but I'm sure you do have some lovely emotions of your own. Take love for example, it is the most abundant one, even someone as young as you would know what love is. Tell me Sesshoumaru, is there someone you love?"
His amber eyes brightened at that. Smiling, he said, "I love my mother, Higurashi-sama. Very much."
"Ah. I thought so too Sesshoumaru. Indeed, you are very lucky to have a mother like her. You should appreciate her, do you understand?"
"Yes Higurashi-sama. That's why I'm learning how to cook. I want to make her happy by cooking all her favorite dishes for her myself," he said, pride eminent in his voice.
"That's very nice of you Sesshoumaru. I'm glad of that. A good chef never cooks because he has to or because he wants to earn something from it. No, a good chef cooks because he wants to make another feel through his food. He wants the people eating his food to feel the love, the happiness and the joy that he has put into his cooking. But most importantly, he wants them to feel cherished and loved. Never forget this, Sesshoumaru."
He nodded. "Is that what you meant when you told me to cook from my heart, Higurashi-sama?"
"You are a fast learner, Sesshoumaru," his master said, beaming.
oOo
He had not forgotten; he just didn't want to remember. He didn't want to remember that the only person he loved with his whole heart and soul, the person that he wanted to make happy, the person that he wanted to cook for, was gone from him.
Death had laid its cold, cruel fingers on her. It had separated the two of them, had taken her somewhere far away beyond the reach of man, somewhere he would never find her again. There is no way she would be able to taste all the feelings that he put into his cooking just for her. She would never be able to feel his love for her anymore. And he, he would never be able to bask in her love anymore, to watch her eyes fill with tears of pride as he presented to her, her favorite dishes.
She was gone from him forever in a cruel twist of fate.
He still remembered the feeling of numbness and emptiness long after that fateful day. It was as if he was hollow inside, his body a mere shell devoid of emotions. Being still rather young, he had wanted someone to just hold him and comfort him, like what his mother would do whenever he had nightmares. However, at the moment, no one was there for him. His father couldn't even bear looking at him without being reminded of his dead wife and had left him to his own devices. He passed the days in a trance-like state, his face a blank mask, his soul mourning for the loss of his mother.
He would have continued with his zombie-like existence if it weren't for Higurashi-sama. He had gone to him for his usual lessons and Higurashi-sama had comforted him. Alone with Higurashi-sama, he acknowledged her death, accepted the fact that she was indeed gone and had shed the tears that were kept welled up inside him. Spending the long summer days with Higurashi-sama, he was taught how to feel again.
He still remembered Higurashi-sama telling him that his mother would be heartbroken to see him this way and because of that, he had gradually learned to accept reality, however harsh it was, pick up the pieces and rebuild his life. He channeled all his thoughts, feelings and energy into his cooking. He cooked everything with a fiery passion, imagining that it was his mother he was cooking for. He had returned to being the Sesshoumaru that he was before his mother's death.
However, fate seemed to take a twisted pleasure out of torturing him emotionally. Just when he thought he had come to terms with the demise of his mother, even if it did take him a very long time, Death came to taunt him once again.
He had remembered that day well. It was during the winter of his 18th year and the world had been covered in a white blanket, legacy of the snow that had fallen the night before. He had left Higurashi-sama, who suggested that he should see the world, for two years now and had taken a job in a posh restaurant in London.
He was doing remarkably well and had planned to return soon to Japan to visit Higurashi-sama when the news reached him. Myoga, an old friend of Higurashi-sama, had told him that his mentor was involved in an accident in the Alps, where he was holidaying at that time and unfortunately did not manage to survive it.
To Sesshoumaru, it seemed as if his world had crumbled to a thousand pieces and there was nothing he could do to mend it. Truth be told, he didn't want to mend it because it only meant that he'd be given the privilege of seeing it collapse again later. He could feel again the numbness and emptiness that he thought he had forgotten. He had not, and it was cutting into his heart deeper than ever before.
He didn't want to feel anymore. There was no point in feeling anything any longer. To feel would only make him more miserable and he had no need for that. Only the weak felt miserable and he was anything but weak. So he did the only thing that he could think of.
He drowned himself in liquor, hoping to be so drunk that he couldn't feel his misery or anything else for that matter, anymore. To his utmost dismay, he found that he couldn't get drunk even after the amount of liquor he had consumed and he could still feel the accursed emotions that were playing havoc with his heart.
The person who greeted the bleak London morning the next day was a different person from the night before. At the first glance, he was the same person, yet, if one were to look more closely, there was a distinct difference.
No more emotions played across his face. No more bewitching smile graced his lips. His warm voice was now as cold as the frozen regions of the Antarctic, if not colder. His face had become a blank mask of indifference that was just about as readable as a piece of marble. A block of ice surrounded his heart as he vowed never to let himself be swayed by emotions ever again. They were, to the best of his knowledge, disastrous things to him; nothing good ever came out of it. He never wanted to feel anything anymore and he had succeeded. All these years he had pushed those feelings deeper within him, burying them under layers and layers of impenetrable ice.
That is, until he met her.
He recalled the night when he first saw her in the restaurant. It had only taken her a momentary glance to recall the emotions he thought he had had exiled. It was pretty much absurd seeing as no one had been able to do so before, but that was partly due to the fact that he had never allowed anyone near him. His young ward could be an exception but, even after so many years of having her around, he still maintained a certain distance between Rin and himself. Now, this slip of a girl, Kagome, who he had only seen a handful of times, had awakened all the dormant feelings in him.
She certainly is her father's daughter.
oOo
A/N: Here it is, Chapter 6. This is by far the longest chapter. Enjoy!
