Chapter Nine: Adventures in Babysitting
Luke found Bo sitting unmoving in the driver's seat of the General Lee. He was staring at the dashboard.
He slid in the passenger window next to Bo. The younger man made no notice that Luke was there. Luke playfully punched his shoulder, and smiled at him. "What's wrong, Bo? Come on, you can talk to me."
Bo looked his cousin directly in the eye, and the gaze was so powerful, Luke had to look away. He had never seen that broken hearted look in his eyes before, and it felt to Luke as if he had been stabbed in the heart with a knife and had it twisted several times.
"I can't do this," said Bo. "I can't be a daddy, how'm I supposed ta take care of a helpless infant when I can't even take care of myself?" He sighed and leaned back in his chair.
Luke sighed, too. "Don't worry Bo, ya ain't alone in this. Me an' Daisy an' Uncle Jesse are gonna help ya with whatever ya need, all right? 'Sides, ya shoulda seen how good ya were with Lois back there. I've said it before, an' I'll say it again. Yer gonna be a great dad. Don't ya trust me?"
"Yeah, I trust ya . . ." Bo answered. "But I still don't know . . ."
"Well, if ya trust me, then believe me when I tell ya yer gonna be the best daddy Hazzard County's ever seen, okay?"
Bo opened his mouth to protest, but a stern look from Luke caused him to shut it and nod instead.
Anyone who was a friend to the Dukes showed up at Michelle's funeral, which added up to nearly the whole county. Even Boss Hogg showed up for the somber occasion, all decked out in a black suit. Mostly he went because Lulu forced him. But all the same, he showed up, and the Dukes were pleasantly surprised at that. A few other family members, such as Coy and Vance, Jeb Stuart Duke, a couple of cousins on Bo's mother's side of the family showed up, though none had ever met Michelle.
The ceremony was pretty typical for a funeral, the same preacher, Reverend Gerralds, who performed Bo's and Michelle's wedding not even six months ago performed this service. It rained that day, as if the Weather Gods were joining Bo and the others in mourning over the death.
Dr. Jensen had allowed Lois to come home after a week, the day before the funeral. However, the Dukes knew it wasn't a good idea to bring a newborn infant out into the rain, so together Cletus and Cooter volunteered to stay at the farm and watch over her, though neither of them knew anything about taking care of babies. Lucky for them, when the family arrived home, the now youngest Duke was still alive.
It turned about to be a pretty comical experience for the two men being left alone with a tiny infant girl.
Cooter emerged from the kitchen with a warmed up bottle in hand. Cletus had Lois perched on the footstool as he sat in Jesse's chair. He was dressing her in a one piece pajama outfit.
"Cletus," Cooter grinned. "Somethin' don' look right 'bout them jammies."
Sure enough, Lois's legs were stuck through the arms, and vice-versa. The head hole stuck out between her legs, and her head came through the butt-pouch with the buttons undone.
Cletus didn't notice this, however. He cocked his head questioningly. "Yer right, somethin's wrong. But I don't know what it is."
Cooter studied the outfit for a moment. He chuckled, and that slowly mutated into a loud laugh. "Cletus, ya got the thang on upside down. Take them jammies off that poor child and let me do it." He shook his head as Cletus stripped Lois of her outfit.
The pair managed to get Lois's outfit on upright and immediately decided the second way was the correct way. After much fumbling around, Cooter also got Lois to drink out of the bottle.
Lois's crib temporarily lay in the living room, since even though the addition had long since been completed, Bo didn't want to move in there yet. He knew eventually he'd have to, because Lois couldn't sleep in the living room forever, she'd have to get her own room sometime.
After she was fed, Cletus lay Lois down in her crib, leaving him and Cooter time to rest for awhile. Each of them dozed off, but were awakened startlingly by a loud, sharp cry.
"It's the baby," Cooter said groggily, not moving a muscle. "Wonder what she wants?"
"Dunno," Cletus replied, also sleepily. He breathed in, and immediatley coughed. "I think I know. She needs to be . . ." he looked around the room, " . . . changed."
Cooter went wide-eyed. "Uh-oh. Now what do we do?" Cletus shrugged in response, and they both stood up. "Uh, Cletus, you stay here. I'm gonna find the diapers."
Cletus was about to protest against that, but Cooter was already gone. "Could ya at least stop cryin'? That's all I ask . . . please?" Unfortunately for Cletus, the crying did not cease, even when Cooter came back with the baby changing supplies. "Okay, Cooter, now what do we do?"
"Um, well . . ." Cooter began. "Uh, I guess we should take the yucky diaper off of her. Why don't you pull down on it, and pull it down her legs, just like a pair of pants?"
"Why me?" Cletus wondered.
"Because I went to get the stuff, now take it off!" Cooter said.
After removing Lois's pajamas, Cletus pulled the diaper off, and both men immediately grimaced on how the smell had strongly worsened. It looked like Lois had pooped. Neither of them knew what to do next. Finally, Cooter had an idea.
"Hey, why don't we think about this like the way we go to the bathroom?" he suggested. "After we go, what do we do?"
"Wipe," Cletus answered. Cooter nodded, and Cletus smiled. He looked around the room. "But we don't got anything ta wipe her off with." Neither man saw the pack of baby wipes underneath the diaper pack.
Cooter went into the kitchen to look for paper towels, but found none. Cletus did the same for toilet paper and had no luck. They met back in the living room to formulate a plan. Cletus was the first with an idea.
"What if we take her outside and use the hose on her?" he said, grinning hopefully.
Cooter thought for a moment before smiling himself. "That could work. Then we could just use a bath towel ta dry her off. You get some towels, I'll go turn the hose on." They were both outside and ready before they realized they forgot something . . . Lois. They both went back in to fetch her.
Outside, they were trying to figure out the best way to do that without getting themselves wet. Cletus suggested they get into their bathing suits, but Cooter reminded him that they didn't have their bathing suits. Finally, they decided Cooter would hold her while Cletus sprayed. Cooter would hold her out to his side so Cletus would get her wet without getting Cooter wet.
Unfortunately, that was short lived. Cletus turned on the hose, not realizing the nozzle was pointed straight at Cooter. Cooter was drenched in the liquid.
"Cletus!" Cooter shouted angrily. "Now look what ya done!" Cletus shrugged apologetically, and proceeded to spray Lois's naked butt. They wet her, dried her, and slipped the new diaper on before reattaching her pajamas. Cooter, hoping Luke wouldn't mind, took some of the other man's clothes and put them on to replace his wet ones.
When the Dukes arrived back, their somber mood was lifted slightly as they heard about Cooter and Cletus's experience with babysitting. Even Bo had a slight smile on his face after learning about it. Afterwards, though, the new father spent a few minutes checking over his daughter to make sure she was okay before dismissing the babysitters.
"Hey Cooter," Luke said as they were walking out the door. "Nice shirt, where'd ya git it?" He was grinning.
Cooter grinned back. "From yer dresser." Luke laughed, and Bo even snickered from across the room. "See ya'll."
"Bye Cooter," Bo and Luke said in unison.
Okay, another chapter come and gone. I had to put in a humorous one, since I was even depressing myself with it.
I figure now I'll do a couple of chapters for each stage of life or whatever that Lois meets, and how Bo is a father, so I figure next chapter I'll skip a couple of months in the future. What do you guys think? If you have an idea that's better than mine, speak now or forever hold your peace. Please review.
