Chapter 20:

I felt horrible. I didn't move from that spot at all. Everything had begun to calm down, because the Deatheaters were gone. Hermione and Ginny ran to me asking if I was alright. They said Dumbledore had been murdered by Snape. I felt even more horrible than I did before. I felt like everything was my fault. I felt something was up with Draco, but I pushed it aside. All because I didn't want him to think that I didn't trust him. Now Dumbledore was dead. I could have prevented it. I could have done something. I felt that everything was my fault.

I broke out into more tears. All this guilt made me want to just drop dead. I was born a mistake anyway, right?

We went to the Hospital Wing to find Ron's brother, Bill practically torn up. Fleur was by his side along with the Weasleys. Harry gave me an angry glare and then walked up to me.

"Why did you let Malfoy get away?!" he screamed. "He let those bastards into the school! All of this was his fault! If you hadn't let him get away then we would have had him in custody and given him whatever punishment he deserved!"

"Harry, plea-" said Ginny.

"Why would you let him get away?!" yelled Harry.

"Because she loves him!" screamed Hermione.

Harry got all quiet and stared at Hermione for I'd say a good minute or two. Hermione looked to me with sad eyes.

"How? How do you-"

"Ginny and I saw you two together by the lake. We didn't want to say anything because we knew it would upset Harry and Ron."

Harry then looked back at me giving me a serious look. "Lydia, is that true? You are in love with Malfoy?" he asked.

I didn't want to talk so I simply nodded my head while looking at the floor.

"But him? Of all people, Lydia! All these years of him picking on you, insulting you!" said Harry.

"Look I can't really talk about it right now," I said and left. I went straight to my dorm and started packing my things. I didn't think I deserved to be here. I let my selfishness get in the way. I wanted to feel things and I wanted Draco to trust me and I brought disaster among Hogwarts. Feelings are for fools. What a fool I was.

Draco's POV…

I left. I felt like total and complete crap. I didn't want to hurt her. I would never want to hurt Lydia again but at least I could live with the fact that she would live along with my mother. All of the Deatheaters and I continued running till we all met up together. They all glared at me and my aunt stepped forward, and struck my face.

"Fool! Why didn't you do it? Dumbledore was helpless! You could have easily killed him! Serverus, instead, did the job for you! What shame you have brought upon our family!"

"Bellatrix, leave him to me," said Snape as he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from all of the other Deatheaters. Once we were alone and far enough from listening ears he released me.

"Well?" I said.

"What can I say to you? I killed Dumbledore and now you will surely be punished by the Dark Lord."

I didn't know how else to respond. I seriously didn't know what else there was to say.

"I was actually surprised that you didn't take Dumbledore's life yourself. He was practically at your feet. It would have been simple. I was only supposed to kill him if you were unable to do it yourself. I'm sure you want to know why you couldn't complete the mission," he said while I still stared at the ground trying to breathe and take in everything that I had done tonight. "It was because of Miss Avalon wasn't it?"

That was when my concentration on the ground broke. The moment I heard her name I finally looked to Snape.

"What do you mean?"

"I see the way you look at her. I won't speak of her to the Dark Lord but its best you forget her now. In a way she has made you weak. Because of her, you've realized that you're not truly a killer. Not only that, you've also shown that you have more that one thing that makes you vulnerable."

"Look, Dumbledore is at least dead! The Dark Lord should be satisfied with that!"

"It doesn't matter Draco! Don't you understand! He wants things to go his way! He wanted you to complete the mission so that if you did manage to kill Dumbledore that would have been a way to redeem your family name and makeup for your father's mistakes! And if you failed then it would be punishment for your father, because the Dark Lord would surely kill you and your mother! Either way would satisfy him!" said Snape.

"But Dumbledore is dead! Why won't he at least accept that?!"

"It doesn't matter! It was your mission, Draco, not mine! That is why he will punish you!"

"Punish me then. I just don't want my mother or Lydia hurt."

"He'll get to you whichever way will hurt you most."

With that he turned away and walked back off to the Deatheaters. I took one look back at the school thinking about Lydia. I don't know if I will ever see her again but if I do she'll probably hate me and turn me in or something. Still, I will make it my life's work, if I have to, to make her love me again. I promise now, to God, that I will do whatever I have to, to get her to forgive me.

Lydia's POV…

Today was Dumbledore's funeral. The whole school attended along with many political figures. I stayed in the back, away from everyone else. I didn't really want to see my friends at the moment. During the funeral people were speaking about Dumbledore and I noticed Harry sitting next to Ginny and Ron was holding Hermione as she cried. I myself began to cry. I guess in a way Draco had made me weak. I was never meant to cry or show my feelings and yet here I was once again showing the feelings he helped unlock. After the funeral I was about to leave but Harry stopped me.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Somewhere. Someplace where I won't cause any trouble for you or any other of my friends."

"Look, I understand that you're upset but it doesn't mean we want you to leave."

"There is no reason for me to stay here. I just really want to get away from it all. Away from here. If I'm gone, maybe I can start over. Maybe I can become what I once was before."

"Look, I'm not happy at all that you fell for Malfoy, but I don't want you to change. I like you this way. In a way he kinda helped you."

"How?" I asked.

"Well, you smile now. I don't believe I ever saw you smile before this year." Hearing him speak about me that way made me want to cry even more tears. "You were happier this year too. I guess he had some positive effect on you."

"But he only made me weak."

"It's not weakness to show some feeling," said Harry. "If you're going to leave than at least don't change the way you are now. At least be happy. Sometimes happiness is a light to lead out of the darkness. And we need whatever happiness is left in this world at a time like this."

"I'll try. Give my best to Hermione, Ron, and Ginny." And with that I turned off and left. I didn't take the train with the rest of the students. I was going to find my own way in the world again. Like I did the first time when I left Azarath.

I continued walking off into whatever, thinking about this year trying to really think if loving Draco was a good thing or not. I thought about it and I guess it was better to have loved than to have never have loved at all. I pulled out the butterfly comb and used it to pull back the hair out of my face. It helped me think of some happy times with Draco so I guess my life wasn't exactly filled with darkness. I don't know for sure if I love Draco now, or if I will ever see him again. All I know is that I fell in love with him the first moment I looked into his eyes during our sorting. I may not have known it then but I know now that I have at least loved. That was what his eyes made me feel. I felt loved.


Author's note: there you go people. The last chapter. Took me a while but yah. Hope it was good. I am going to do a sequel so those people out there who didn't like the ending plz don't get too mad. I probably won't post it until the last HP book comes out and after i've read it but plz be patient for those who can't wait. I hope I wasn't just rambling on and on in this chapter. I'm actually kinda proud because this is the 1st story I've completed. Well thank you all who have reviewed! I really appreciate them. I hope the sequel will be even better than the 1st story! I luv you guys!

The Affectionate-Sinner :P