"Another day is going by I'm thinking about you all the time, but your out there and I'M here waiting, I wrote this letter in my head, because so many were left unsaid." Even if I was a vampire I still could not sing, I was severely off pitch every time I tried. "But now your gone and I still can't think straight."
I was so warped into my own thoughts that I didn't even notice that someone was sitting on the porch swing. I stopped dead in my tracks, squinting through the heavy rain. I knew who it was but I decided to ask just in case I was by off chances, that I might have been wrong.
"Alice?"
Alice glided, gracefully off the porch swing, and waited for me on the first step of my home. Her face was impassive, but I knew something was bothering her. I just now heard her thoughts.
Good she's back. Edward seemed...broken after English. What did she say to him, why did she say it? Jasper read her emotions; she still loved him with all her heart. Why is she fighting this?
"I already know what you're going to ask Alice," I interrupted just as she opened her mouth to speak. "I told Edward that he could go straight to hell." And more. "Would you like to come in, Alice?" She didn't answer just followed me inside, where I seated myself on my favorite white comfy chair. This was my chair, no one else in the house was allowed to sit on it. Though Gabriel had tried on several occasions.
Alice sat herself on the couch opposite of me, staring into my deep golden eyes. I decided to head her next question off to, so this would be a short-lived conversation. "What Jasper felt must not have been Me."
"How do you know what I was going to ask," she said dumb-founded. But then, her eyes widened in shock. "You can read minds...like Edward?" I rolled my eyes at this. "Sadly, I had been hoping for a much more...active gift, but this one does do wonders." She grinned at me, the straightened out her expression.
"I don't doubt Jasper's gift," she stated plainly. "He felt what you were feeling, you love Edward." I stared deeply into her golden eyes, and sighed inwardly. I could barely stand to make Alice sad, but lie to her? I couldn't do that.
"Well you shouldn't, because...he's right." In an instant she was hugging me in a bone crushing hold.
"I knew you loved Edward, I knew it, but he didn't think so."
"Alice," I gasped for breathe, though I didn't really need it. She eased her hug and sped back to the couch. "I don't have any intentions of speaking to Edward ever again."
"Don't be silly you're just as miserable as he is."
"I'm not that miserable," I lied weekly. She raised one eyebrow, and I caved.
"So miserable."
"Then forgive him!"
"No."
"Why?"
"I can't trust him. What if I do forgive him, then what? There will always be a doubt inside my head. If he's going hunting will he come back? If he's leaving even for a day, is he coming back."
"Bella, Edward never wanted to leave you in the first place, he only wanted to keep you safe, even if it meant giving you up to a human life. But obviously it didn't turn out like that, and now he wants to spend eternity with you."
"Alice if he wanted to spend eternity with me, why didn't he change me?" She didn't answer at first, thinking over her answer. I began to smile triumphantly, but then she spoke.
"Every year he gets more and more...depressed, the first few years he wouldn't speak to anyone. He didn't utter a word, even when Carlisle threatened to throw him out if he didn't talk. It as an empty threat of course," she added at my look of shock. "He finally began to speak words, and just sentences three or four years ago. He's never moved on, he spends his time playing your lullaby over and over again. Hell, even I know how to play it by now!"
I smiled, though my heart was punctured. Maybe Edward knows how I felt when he left. I spoke, but I was dead on the inside. In the distance, I heard Gabriel laughing at Arielle; they would be home quickly. I glanced up at Alice.
"I think you should go now," I whispered silently. "I want you to stay, I so, but my family is on the edge of killing yours. " She nodded knowingly, standing up and walking herself to the door. She stopped, her hand resting on the handle.
"Bella?" She said in a soft voice. I nodded to show I was listening. "Promise me you'll try to forgive Edward." Before I knew what I was doing, I nodded. She pulled open the door, but I stopped her.
"Alice?"
"Yes."
"Tell everyone hi for me, will you. Not Edward and I want you to know I still love your family. I was never angry with them."
"I will, Bella."
In a flash, she was gone.
Only minutes my family entered the house, soaking from head to toe. Gabriel was teasing Arielle about something I couldn't quite pick up. I didn't ant to, too absorb in my own thoughts. Only when Josh was speaking to me, did I start.
"Bella, did you hear me?" He was asking in a concerned voice.
"Huh?"
"I was just saying that Gabriel got into a fight with that Jasper guy from school. One of those Cullen vampires."
"He did what!" I didn't wait for his answer. "Gabriel!" Gabriel was next to me in a second.
"Just to keep you from getting into my brain, I will tell you that I started It."
"Gabriel get in the car," I ordered, quickly. I had the full effects of shame pulled out for Gabriel. "Bella?"
"Get in the car!"
He followed me out the door, and into my Camry. I slid into the driver's seat, not really knowing where I was going, just yet. When he sat next to me, I glared at him, and started to drive away from the house.
"Tell me what happened," I barked. I sensed his hesitation and began to pull it from his brain, but he stopped me.
"I have class with Jasper Cullen, the vampire, and he was giving me crap about you, and how you should live with them, instead of us. Bella you got to know you're my family and I was already pissed because Josh was practically mauled by Edward, Jasper's brother.
"He did what!" I shouted, really upset with Edward now.
"He just came up and attacked Josh. And Jamie was going to kill that Emmett guy. So at lunch I'd had enough. Don't worry, the lunchroom was only filled with us and Josh barred the doors. But I was so angry and I punched Jasper right in the face. Of course he retaliated. Yes, I admit it was my fault but it was a short-lived fight. Fifteen minutes tops. Were pretty evenly matched." As he had been telling me this, I was concentrating on the road. This city couldn't have been that big. I was zoning in on Alice's thoughts. I could hear the faintness of her thoughts coming from a dirt path road about a mile away. I sped up turning onto the path.
"Bella where are we going," Gabriel asked din a small voice. He hated it when I was angry with him.
"You'll see when you get there, now tell me about Josh attacking Edward." I was so pissed with Edward right now, but secretly I was a bit worried for him. Was he all right?"
"Well it wasn't really much of an attack, more of an almost fight. I pulled him away before it got above ten minutes."
"Gabriel Andrew Gray!"
"I'm sorry, but I had my own fight to win. But Josh pulled me out o that one quickly, and the big one...Emmett grabbed Jasper, and went to pull Edward off Josh."
I took deep even breaths controlling my anger, and turned on the dirt path. I could hear Alice clearly now.
Oh my Jasper, is he all right. Who did this? Gabriel! Bella's brother? I am going to--.
I stopped honing in on her thoughts; I didn't want to know what Alice was saying against Gabriel. No matter how angry I was with Gabriel I still loved him. I drove silently, fuming, until we reached a large classic, white home. I knew it was the Cullens once I saw it.
It was Victorian style, with a front porch, that had flowers of all kinds from hanging baskets. It had three very large floors with big windows. It didn't look much different from ours. The porch swing was the only missing aspiration forms our home. On the inside I heard jumbled thoughts, as we approached.
Who is coming, the COPS! Did I really cause that much damage to that idiot vampire that he's pressing charges! Those sets of thoughts were from Jasper. The rest I tuned out. Gabriel, clairvoyant, saw things that were happening in other places, in the present, stiffened. I shut off the engine, running around the car to push him out of his seat.
"Bella?" He whispered, terrified.
"You are going to apologize to Jasper," I answered flatly, walking up the front steps and knocking steadily on the door. Esme answered, Alice right behind her, their golden eyes shining with happiness. Then they saw Gabriel and their expressions darkened. I ignored them.
"Can we come in, I promise this will be short." Esme pulled open the door admitting us in. Esme went to stand next Carlisle, who looked slightly shocked at the sight of me. I dragged Gabriel in by his ear, like a little child, he followed sulking.
"Bella--," he gasped. I help up my hand.
"Not now, I apologize for intruding but is Jasper here?" In a swift moment, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and to my horror Edward rushed down the stairs. Their eyes brightened, even Rosalie's when they saw me, and then their faces fell when they saw Gabriel. Edward looked depressed his golden eyes dead. I tried futilely to read his mind, but it was a blank space, stretching before. Me
I frowned, and turned to look at Jasper, who was glaring at Gabriel with a murderous expression.
"Gabriel here," I said tugging tightly on his ear. "Would like to apologize to you Jasper." Gabriel opened his mouth to protest, but I snarled at him, barring my front teeth menacingly. "Apologize," I hissed.
He gulped. His eyes searching the floor.
"I-I apologize, Jasper," he started, his voice quieter than ever. I could tell he was embarrassed. "For starting the fight with you, and it will never happen again or Bella will probably kill me." I shook my head in disgust. I loved Gabriel, he was the best brother, but he sucked at apologizing.
"Nice apology," I muttered in a very low voice, dripping of sarcasm. I was positive that the Cullens all had heard me. I glanced up at them; they were all staring at me in shock, love, and in anger. Except Jasper, who was still staring angrily at Gabriel? Rosalie was glaring at me. What now! I didn't even want to find out what she was thinking; I tuned out all the voices in the room, except Gabriel's.
He was screaming at me in my brain, Edward who was looking at me with unmistakable pain in his eyes glanced to him and then to me, now puzzled.
I am never speaking to you again can't believe you made me apologize. I would never make you apologize to the blonde whose giving you that evil glare over there. No, I wouldn't. How could you do this! I am regretting the fight believe me! I am never telling you about another fight again! Will you make me apologize for everything else I 'ver done too! Well I better get started; I once accidentally killed a gold fish in the second grade! I used to--!
He was being sarcastic but it was enough to drive me up the wall.
"Gabriel, enough!" I snapped aloud. I massaged my temples. "You're going to give me a head ache with all that ranting." He abruptly stopped, blocking his thoughts from me. I turned back to the Cullens, my head throbbing from Gabriel's yelling. They were all staring peculiarly at me.
"Thank you for letting Gabriel apologize, once again, I'm so sorry Jasper for this." I let go of Gabriel's ear, and pushed him to the door. He walked towards the door, then stopped, freezing in the spot. He stumbled and nearly fell over, leaning against the doorframe for support.
"Gabriel?" I shouted in a worried voice, rushing to his side. He was shaking slightly, his eyes squeezed shut.
"What's happening," Carlisle's voice rang though out the room. "Gabe's clairvoyant, he sees things that are happening to certain people in the present," I answered automatically, trying to stop Gabriel from shaking. Suddenly his eyes snapped open his eyes wide in fear.
"Gabe?" I whispered my voice shaking; he never looked this scared before. "What did you see?"
"Gideon," his voice rasped. "Gideon, he's so mad, Bella. He's angry for some reason. Were needed home. Now!"
"Let's go," I whispered. I helped him stand straightly. "You can drive, I hate going fast." He ran to the car door, me not far behind him.
My body gave a great jerk; something had me by the arm. I whirled around, to see Edward, his butterscotch eyes glazing with every emotion I had been feeling in the last twenty-five years. We stared at eachother for a moment, before he kissed me. I had never felt anything like this before. His kiss was like heaven to me. I was being lifted from the earth and into my personal world. Just him and me. Never, before that moment, in the last twenty-five years had I ever felt to so complete. I felt whole again.
He pulled away slightly, giving me room to breathe; I closed the gap quickly, kissing him back. Not worrying that his family was right there, watching with loving eyes. I wanted nothing more than him, then my memories of the pain, and Gabriel waiting in the car hit me like a tidal wave.
I wrenched myself apart from him, "No!" I couldn't do this to Josh or to my new family. I couldn't do this to myself. I didn't want to be hurt again, not like this. Before I could watch Edwards's expression fall, I ran to the car and jumped in. Gabriel took off without saying a word.
"Don't tell Josh," I whispered, touching my lips where Edward had just kissed me. They felt warm, just like I felt at that moment.
"Never," he whispered back. For some odd reason, I knew the Cullens could hear us as we sped away from their house.
Gabriel pulled the camry into our driveway, and burst out of the car. I followed in hot pursuit. It had barely taken five minutes to get home from the Cullens. Immediately when we both entered the house, I knew something was wrong. Gideon's brain was in a frantic mess.
New vampires! We can't have that! They'll kill off the populace of people here. They need to leave---Bella? Does she know them? Jamie said something about her knowing them. Jamie---Arielle---Josh---Gabriel---Bella, my family we have to stop this!
"Gideon," I called. He rushed down the stairs, his face mixed with many types of confusion." They drink animals, and we both know that there is plenty for both of us here. The look of confusion doubled on his features. "They were the clan of vampires I knew from Forks, when I was a human," I explained. His eyebrows shot up, I had only told Gideon, my father figure, about the Cullen clan.
"They are good then?"
"Very."
"We still need to talk to them, to make sure we don't kill off to many animals in this area, to make anyone become suspicious." I nodded in agreement.
"Carlisle Cullen, would probably be happy to speak with you."
"Good, Bella could you speak with this Carlisle and request that I speak with him. Since you know them." My heart dropped.
"Sure." I didn't know what made me say this, but I had agreed. The look of relief that passed over Gideon made me feel better about my decision. "Tomorrow evening?"
"Yes that should suffice. Thank you Bella, I know how much this must hurt you."
He had no idea.
I marched up to my room, picking up my cell phone. I gave Gabriel thumbs up; to show Gideon was better, than slammed my door. I dialed Edward's cell number, if he hadn't changed it in twenty-five years. I had to do this immediately, if I was going to do this at all. Surprisingly he answered. I melted at the sound of his voice, wanting to rush back to his home and kiss him till he stopped me. But my coldness prevailed.
"Get Carlisle," I demanded my voice cold.
"Bella?" He sounded breathless, relieved that I was speaking to him. "Bella, we need to talk. I love you so much."
I said the only thing that I could to get Carlisle. I was already making surpressed, dry sobs that I was sure he could hear.
"Shut up and put Carlisle on, this is a matter of urgency." The phone went silent, then Edward whispered in a pained voice, he sounded if he might have been crying if he cold have made tears.
"I love you Bella, so much, I thought that maybe you still loved me. I know now. Please hold on, I will get Carlisle."
I dropped the phone on my bed, and began to cry with no tears. I never wanted him to think that I didn't love him. I did, but I was so angry. Distantly I heard Carlisle say my name in the phone, and I forced myself to pick it up.
"Bella?"
"Yes," I said in a choked voice. "I'm sorry to keep intruding but Gideon, my guardian wants to meet with you and discuss the feeding habits on the animals here. If were both going to live here. I told him that I would contact you and ask you myself, since I knew you."
"Of course, Bella, when would Gideon like to discuss our feedings."
"He said that tomorrow night would be a good time to meet, our house."
"Sure."
"Thank you, I appreciate this."
"Your very welcome Bella." He paused as if wanting to say more, but he didn't.
"Good-bye."
"Good-bye Bella." I hung up the phone and there it down on the bed. The sobs came faster and I barely noticed that I was curled up on my bed. Once again I felt the empty hole gaping in my heart. Where Edward should have been.
EPOV
Alice arrived home from meeting with Bella, a slight smile on her face. Alice had taken off to talk to Bella, when I told her about English. She was still angry with her brother Gabriel for hurting Jasper at lunch. But Bella hadn't been there and didn't know about it yet. I jumped up, my breath caught in my throat. "She doesn't trust you Edward, she think s you'll leave her again. Her heart is spilt in two," Alice scolded. She was angry with me, but she still was comforting me. "But there is no doubt that every moment she thinks about you, she's so in love with you."
I let a grin spread across my face. Alice frowned.
"Don't let that get to your head, she has no intention of speaking to you ever again. But I asked her to think about forgiving you and she promised me that she would."
"Thank you Alice." Even though, Bella had no intention of talking to me again, I knew she would.
I felt happier than I had in days that I actually began to whistle. Emmett, who had been carrying Rosalie into our new living room, dropped her, when he heard me. She was screaming t him from the floor, but for once he didn't even notice. He was staring at me in shock.
"You're whistling," he gasped.
"And so I am," I chuckled, leaping up, sprinting to the piano.
"Please don't tell me that you are playing Bella's Lullaby again," Groaned Emmett. I surprised everyone by playing the entertainer, it was an easy piece, very easy, but it was somewhat up tempo. Esme, rushed into the room with a wide smile on her face.
"Oh Edward," she gasped, running and hugging me. "Your not playing Bella's lullaby, this is magnificent, has she forgiven you?"
"No," I laughed, transforming the song into something I had heard on the radio earlier today. "But she will, Alice helped."
"Edward, she's still really angry, all I found out was that she still loves you more than anything."
"Still, she loves me. That's enough for now."
"Well I am so glad to see you happier again," Esme commented, hugging me tightly again, she then left to return to Carlisle.
I ignored the others ,by playing the piano until Alice, tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around, surprised.
"Did I sneak up on you," she asked amusement in ever syllable.
"No," I lied, but she knew better.
"I thought I should tell you, Bella is coming." I jumped up, and ran upstairs. I wanted to look good...for Bella. Never had I really ever cared much about my appearance, I had been stuck with it for over one hundred and five years. It hadn't changed, but now I fiddled with my collar, nervously. I heard the door open below, and Bella's soft voice, she was with someone, I knew it.
Emmett, Rosalie, and I raced down the stair, they were excited, hoping like I that she had forgiven me. I had only been trying to protect her, but it hadn't worked like that, she was turned, but by who?
I stopped, frozen, at by who was in the door. At first I almost fell over in complete laughter. Bella was holding, Gabriel, the boy who had fought Jasper, by his ear, dragging him into out house. He really didn't look happy, his mind was a mess of anger.
I am going to get her for this, just wait. Oh, yes do you hear me Bella? I hope you are listening to me instead of tuning me out. I will get you!
I was confused, how did he plan for Bella to hear him. She was glaring at him, which gave me pleasure.
"Gabriel here," she tugged on his ear harder, "Would like to apoligize to Jasper." He opened his mouth to tell her that he would like nothing better than to hit him again, but she hissed a word I couldn't hear under her breathe.
"I-I- apopligize, Jasper for starting our fight." He sighed. "It will never happen again or Bella will probably kill me."
"Nice apology," she hissed sarcastically under her breathe. I was happy to find she was disgusted by his actions.
"Thank you so much for letting Gabriel apologize, I'm so sorry for this Jasper." They turned to leave, but Gabriel froze in the door way.
"Gabe?" Bella called, instantly by his side, holding him up. He looked exactly like Alice did when she was having her visions.
Edward what's happening to him? Alice asked.
I focused in on Gabriel's mind. A man with shaggy black hair, a vampire, was angrily pacing, his brain was scattered. He was a caring man, but now he was worried. So angry and confused.
I broke out of his thoughts to hear Bella answer something to Carlisle. I caught the word Clairvoyant, and understood.
"What did you see," Bella asked, him. I looked up, his eyes were open, horrified.
"Gideon," he rasped. "Gideon, he's so angry, we have to leave now!"
"You drive," she said helping him stand up without shaking. "Your faster." He gave her a look that I didn't understand. Her lips twitched in a daring kind of way. He turned and ran to the car, she started after him.
I moved forward so fast, that my family didn't even see me, till I had kissed Bella firmly on the lips. I could feel her shock radiating through her. Then the unmistakable longing she felt. This was exactly what I had wanted to do since the first day I had seen her. I pulled away, unsure. She pushed forwards, kissing me back. The, she pushed me away. If my heart had been a live, it would have stopped.
"No!" She yelled, and ran out of the door. Never once, did she look back at me, as she jumped into the car. Though I heard her distinctly, speaking to Gabriel.
"Don't tell Josh,' she whispered, her voice shaking.
"Never," he replied, speeding off and into the distance.
I wanted to fall into run after her, and force her to talk to me, but I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere. I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was Alice.
Don't worry, she still loves you.
"I know, but will she ever forgive me?"
She fell silent, walking back to stand by Jasper. All the while my heart was slowly ripping itself into little pieces.
Walking a at human pace, I headed up to my room, where I turned on one of the most depressing songs I had ever heard. It didn't even relate to Bella and mines relationship, that much. But it still chilled me to the bone.
And it made you laugh somehow, and it made you laugh somehow. And you my obsession I love you to the bone.
How long I laid there was a mystery to me. I was startled when my cell phone rang. I flipped it open, only to hear the one voice I desperatly wanted to hear.
"Get Carlisle," she ordered her voice harsh. I would do anyting she liked if she would just speak to me.
"Bella, I love you we need to talk."
" Shut up and Get Carlisle, this is a matter of urgency." There were sounds in the background, it sounded like crying. Was Bella crying, without her precious tears. I felt terrible, had I made her cry? My stomach dropped out from beneath me. Alice had been wrong, Bella didn't love me anymore, how could I have been to stupid.
"I love you Bella, so much, I thought that maybe you still loved me. I know now. Please hold on, I will get Carlisle."
I rushed out of my room, Carlisle was walking into his office, his head buried in ap ile of papers.
"Bella needs to talk to you," I held the phone out to him. He glanced up at me doing a double take. I knew how I must have looked. Dead, all emotions wiped cleanly from my body.
"Edward?" I pushed the phone towards him, shoving it into his chest. He picked it up, and held it to his ear. He paused before saying anything. "Edward, she's crying."
That was the last thing I wanted to hear, I had made her cry. I turned and strode away. I heard him say. "Bella?" Then I buried my head under my pillow, and shut my eyes. I would be like this forever. Never moving. I felt empty.
The consequences of my actions had just came full circle. Gabriel, who seemed to have forgotten his momentary fear, burst into my room.
"What were you thinking!" He demanded to know, growling in a low voice that barely I could hear.
"Nice to see you too Gabe," I snapped, a little taken aback by his award winning
"What were you thinking!" He demanded to know, growling in a low voice that barely I could hear.
"Nice to see you too Gabe," I snapped, a little taken aback by his award winning performance of an angry friend.
"What were you thinking?"
"In which scenario?" I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I didn't to discuss it. Especially with him. Yes, Gabriel was my best friend, but he was a boy! I longed for someone who would help me feel normal. I wanted to speak with Alice.
"The one where you were swapping lots of spit with Mr. Cullen!"
I grimaced
"Ew, Mr. Cullen is Carlisle, and he is married." He sighed exasperatedly.
"You know who I'm talking about, you know better than anyone. Seeing as you can READ MINDS!" Gabriel was starting to stress himself out. He always did this when he was starting to get over-whelmed with something on his brain, he began to rant. Just like he had been doing earlier but this time it wasn't inside my mind. Which I was thankful for.
. Just like he
had been doing earlier but this time it wasn't inside my mind. Which I was thankful for.
"Gabriel," I said making my voice soothing. I knew what he wanted to hear, but I
couldn't lie to him. "Gabe, you are my best friend, and I will never revoke that. I tell you
things, not Josh. I am going to trust you now. But you have to promiseto me that you won't
say a damned word to anyone. Got it?"
He nodded, eyeing me cautiously. I knew what he was thinking, and I knew he
was afraid of what I might tell him. I told him any ways.
"Gabriel, never in my wildest, most evil dreams,would I ever do anything to hurt
Gideon, Arielle, Jamie, or Josh. And of course your bunched in with that too. But a long time
ago, I met the Cullens."
His eyes were as wide as plates, as I told him my story.
"They lived in Forks with me when I was a human. That's when I fell utterly and
completely in love with Edward. Long story short, he broke my heart because he never
wanted to kill me. You see I was extremely potent to him, my blood was the single scent that
could make him abandon all former beliefs.When he left I was dead on the inside, that's when
I walked into the woods and Gideon attacked me.I knew that I was meant to be a vampire,
but he never changed me." I took a deep breathe, this was the real truth to not just Gabriel
but me. Gbariel was silent, his mouth hanging open slightly. "I loved him so much, that when I
met Josh, he was like a---filler---. I feel terrible for using him like this, but deep down I know
he knows. Gabe, can you please still be my best friend, my cynic, my annoyingly tantalizing
person who makes me fall to pieces with laughter.
Gabriel was staring at me, his golden eyes wide with shock. I refused to tap into
his head to find out whjat he was thinking but it was getting pretty unbearable, as he stared at
me like I had someting on my face.
Refusing to read his mind, though it was getting more tempting by the minute, I
snapped at him. "Gabriel Andrew Gray, I just told you everythingn I have been feeling the
last wenty -five years, and all you do is stare at me like I have something nasty plastered on
my mouth!"
To my shock, he let out an odd choke like laughter. "That explains a few things."
He said in a strangled voice, though it was full of amusement. His shock slowly turned into a
smirk. " I mean, you were a bit of a glum twit around the house. I thought it was you just
missing your human life."
"Gabriel, are you mad at me?"
"Yes," he answered, giving me a stern look, though the smrik was still evident.
"Of course I'm angry, I know how much you love Edward. I can tell, hell that kiss...well lets
just say it was very steamy. And if you go back to them, your breaking up our family---."
"But I'm not going back to him," I interrupted him. Gabriel gave me a very odd
glance.
How can you be so stupid! he thought. If you love him like that then how can you
not go back to him?
"I won't," I assured him. "I don't trust him."
"Love is trust, Bella," he said, throwing up his arms as if he was going to go crazy.
"No it isn't. I knew that I was just making things worse, he was right, but I didn't
want to admit it.
"You know that I'm right," he persiseted.I looed away, scowling. "Don't make me
quite Shakira at you," he threatened. I glared at him.
"You wouldn't dare," I hissed. Gabriel knew just how to push my buttons.
"Whenever wherever," he sang in a high off pitch voice. I covered my ears
throwing my pillow at him. "Were meant to be together, I'll be there and o'll be near, that's the
deal my dear. You've got me head over heels."
He had started fake belly-dancing, when I pushed him out, a smile still on my
face. It slipped off, when I turned around.
Alice was sitting on my bed, her black hair flying in the strong winds, coming from
my open window.
"Alice!" I gasped in shock. I had really wanted to speak with her, but how had
she known.
"I sensed that you needed to talk to me."
"You were right," I sighed, sinking down to the floor, my head buried in my
hands. "You were right," I repeated.
My head was throbbing with the faint buzzing of peoples voices. I wanted noting
but to drown it all out. Worse I wanted nothing but to sit and listen to Edward's soft voice tell
me it was going to be all right. And even help me, I had never quite surppressed all the
people's noise ringing in my mind.
A sharp pain hit my heart, it was a longing feeling. I felt empty again, but being
near Alice helped me to feel whole again.
"Alice," I said, my voice muffled, though I knew she could hear me. "I was
positive that if I ever ran ito to Edward again, I knew I probably wouldn't, but if I did I
wouldn't let myself get this emotional. I was supposed to be done with him. He left, so why
does he get to rule over every thought in my brain. I can't hunt without thinking about him. In
fact I don't even want anything. I know it's so dangerous, but I just need someone."
Alice slid onto the floor, sitting next to me. I didn't want to look up into her
disapointed golden eyes. I refused point blank to read her thoughts, I wanted this to be a real
conversation, nto one that I knew what was going to happen.
"Bella, I know Edward has hurt you, but you've hurt him far worse." I looked up in utter disbelief, was I hearing her correctly! "
"Alice, he left me!"
"I know that Bella, but did you ever think gow empty he has felt without you. And thats plus all the verbal hurt you've shelled out over these last few days."
I was going to reply but then stopped myself. Had I ever really considered how Edward had felt about leaving me? The answer was no, no I hadn't. I was too busy being mad at him to really know what he was feeling. I suddenly felt very stupid and completely horrified.
Alice continued. "I know you love him Bella, but you've got to let all that hate go, and do it quick, before you say aomething that really could end both of you forever."
"Alice I can't let go of my anger towards him that fast."
"I know, but love is worth it."
"I know that, I was willing to throw away my life for Edward. I still am. I love him so much Alice, but I'm so mad."
"You have ever right to be, but just remember that your not alone in this situation. Every decision you make will affect someone in a way ou can never imagine."
"Thank you Alice."
"I won't say your welcome until you are officially my sister." I grinned, thinking over the sound of her words. Mrs. Isabella Cullen. I loved it
She stood up, "I have to go, but before I do." She held out an equisite black velvet box. It was long and rectangular shaped. It caught me off guard. "I picked this up on my over, I decided to spoil you some more."
"Alice I am still the same. I hate it when you buy me things." She grinned impishly.
"Open it."
I did. It was the most beautiful white gold bracelet I had ever seen. In the center held a medium sized topaz gemstone. My heart belted, and I let out what I was sure was a sob. My dead heart felt like it was ready to burst, if it could have. I lost all my control for that moment, staring at the exact color of Edward's eyes. The stabs of emptiness ate away at my heart. Tearing it to pieces.
"Oh, Alice it's beautiful."
"I thought you might like it. Good-night Bella." She was at the window sill, ready to climb out when I finally spoke, never taking my eyes off the bracelet.
"Alice?" My voice was shaky and I was trembling so violently that if I hadn't been sitting down I wold have fallen over. "Alice, tell him that I love him will you. I don't know if I'm just making things worse, but please tell him." I knew she nodded, before dispearing.
I sat by the door for what felt like years. The time passing by like glaciers. I only moved to stare at the bracelet some more, when Gabriel had come in asking why I had was being so quiet. I didn't answer him and he left me alone.
I wore a colbalt blue long sleeved shirt with a pair of jeans.The shirt covered the white gold bracelet with the topaz in the center. I couldn't reveal it to anyone in my house, without being questioned. I was finishing my homework quickly, when Josh entered into my room. I hadn't been expecting him. I had been so los tin my own toughts I hadn't even heard his asking to come into my room.
"Morning Sunshine," he whispered, he wrapped his arms around me kissing me in the back of the neck.
"Morning," I said in a distant voice. He didn't seen to notice.
"How was your night?" He sat down on my bed, as I struggled over my last problem.
"Good." I didn't wan tto talk with him. I was so guilty about not loving him the same way he loved me that I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him how in love with Edward I was, but I was afraid to break his heart.
"Were going hunting today insstead of school, you coming?" I shook my head.
"I'm not hungry," I lied. I felt the sharb pains in my body. I was so hungry. School would be unbearable today.
"We haven't fed in a whole week." He sounded surprised by my answer.
"I fed on Monday." Another Lie, where was I coming up with this stuff.
"Oh. I'll see you in a couple days then." I straightened up so he could kiss me. I didn't give him a kiss back, but merely pecked him on the cheek, before heading out my door.
"See you on Sunday." I grudgingly held his hand till we reached downstairs, where I shrugged im off pretending I left something in my room. I raced upstairs, only to be caught by Gabriel once I was an inch from my door.
"Gabirel," I gasped in astonishment. "I thought you were hunting with the others?" I did want Gabriel to stay, maybe he would restrain me from biting a random kid at school today.
"Fed Yesterday. What aer you doing here? I thought you'd be going with them ,you haven't fed since last wednesday."
I didn't lie to Gabriel as much as I had to Josh. "I'm n ot hungry."
"Don't be silly. Bella you can't go to school you'll kill someone."
"I can and I will!"
"Bella--!"
"You ready to go Gabe, I'm driving today." I was acting falsy cheerful just to keep him from bugging me about feeding.
"Bella you need to hunt!"
"I don't now lets go or we'll be late." I pushed past him, running down the stairs in a blur. In a second I was starting teh car, he was following behind me. I pulled down the mirror in the camry. My eyes weer pitch black. This day was going to be hell.
Gabriel persisted, in the thirty second drive to school, that I needed to feed. I kept saying I wasn't hungry. He then blamed me for really denying my thirst.
I jumped out of the car, Gabriel already cracking from stress. We were early. Only a few humans and the Cullens, who were walking towards the school at the same time we were, were in the parking lot.
Great this is just what I need, I thought. The exact people I didn't wan tto see were walking in front of Gabe and I.
"Bella stop denying it," Gabe hissed in my ear."Your going to snap, I can feel it."
" I won't!" I assured him. He didn't let up.
"Bella you have to feed!" He nearly yelled. It was the wrong moment for himto have said this. We were just pasing the Cullens on the long, stretch of pavement leading up to the school. They all stopped in their tracks, tehir heads snapping to look at me.
I was going to strangle Gabriel!
Gabriel had no idea what he had just done, until he came up behind me. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward were all watching me with worried expressions on their face. Alice especially. Gabe stood behind me, his embarassment rising.
"Oh," he whispered.
"Oh, doesn't even begin to cover it," I snapped, holding my hand up to his mouth. I stalked off, leaving Gabriel alone to fend by himself. I walked into the school, listening to Gabriel. He was talking to the Cullens in a clear voice. The NERVE!
"Gabriel when had Bella last fed," Alice asked concern etched in every word.
"I went with her last week, Wednesday to be precise. The rest of our family went this morning, but I fed yesterday and she refused to go." He asnwered annoying me with his concern.
I clenched my fist behind the school door,and listened on.
"That's dangerous," I heard Emmett whisper. "She could snap and attack someone."
"I thought Miss Bella had more sense than this," Rosalie huffed. "Great we just got here and we'll have to move because of her...again."
A low growling sound came from what I knwe was Edward. His cruel growl towards Rosalie warmed my cold dead heart.
"What is she thinking," Edward snarled. "Does she know the consequences the guilt." His voice was harsh and bleak. I felt just as dead on the inside as he probably did.
"I'm not quite sure" Gabriel muttered, rubbing his forehead in confusion. "Usually she's the one reminding us all to go hunting. She's never slipped once, she refuses to even consider it."
"I should go and teach her a lesson or two," Rosalie snarled. "Maybe throw her into a wall."
"I wouldn't," Gabriel warned her. "You've never seen Bella angry. She's purely unstoppable, has too much pent up rage." Another snarl ripped through the air, it was Edward.
"I'll talk to her," Gabriel said steppnig backwards. "I'll make her see reason soon enough." I heard him walking towards the school door, I sprinted across the hall before he could reach the door knob. I was had disappeared into homeroom A few measly humans were standing chatting animatedly before the teachers desk. How easy it would be to just snap their necks and take a soothing---.
"No," I hissed to myself in a low voice that I was sure no one cold hear me. "I will not." I felt my self-control waning. Had this been what Edward was feeling on the first day I had met him..
I attempted to pay attention during my three morning classes, but I couldn't. Every time the teacher would ask a question and a student would shoot their hands up. I was almost overcome with thirst. The blood lust nearly over took me during Calculus. I actually stood up reay to snap all the necks of the children in this class room.
"Miss Swan?" The teacher had asked in small frightened voice. I heard her soft terrified voice and felt sickened with myself.
"I'm sorry I'm just not feeling very well," I had lied. "Can I go to the nurse." She reluctantl;y let me go, hoping I would feel better by the end of the day. I hadn't gone too the nurse but I found myself in the closed off wing. I was humming to myself, my lullaby, realizing what I was doing. Gabriel was right, I was denying it.
Lunch was chaos. I sat across from Gabriel picking at a small piece of pizza served in the lunch line. All of the kids were moving, the scent of their hot blood wafering off of them.
"Bella," Gabriel pleaded. " I think we should leave now," he insisted, watching my black gaze. I was currently watching a girl with bright green eyes and blonde hair. She was physically in shape, and very healthy, ap erfect target. I could ptractically smell the food digesting in her system.
"No," I snarled.
"Bella you this close to killing someone." He held up his thumb and forefinger and made them a half inch apart.
"I'm not."
"You are Bella!" His voice was gradually getting hysteric. "Bella, I kow you couldn't live with yourself if you killed anyone. Please, lets go right now," he was begging me now.
"No!" I snapped. "I said no, stop annoying me or I'll throw you threw a wall." He just glared at me in response, and continued bugging me inside my head.
The lunch room was clearing, and teh smell of human blood was getting smaller. Though I still could smell the blonde girl I had been watching earlier, walking to my Biology.
There was only a few people left, including the Cullens and a few stragglers. All lunch period I had felt the Cullens shooting troubled glances in my direction. Edward had not looked at me once, keeping his eyes firmly in the opposite direction.
All the time Gabriel was sending me snide little messages, telling me the horrible things that would happen if I didn't feed soon.
"Enough!" I screamed, so loud that everyone even the four straggling humans heads snapped up. They weer all watching me, terrified. I wanted to...I needed to walk over to them and drink their foul smelling blood. I was desperate by now.
I locked one of the boys who were staring at me from the opposite side of the cafeteria. He was the best smelling out of the four. It wasn't his fault he had the best blood out of the four who were sitting with him. He was transfixed by my beauty. I stood up, ready to sprint at him, attack... I barred my teeth, ready to suck him dry.
Something hard hit my body, barreling me over. My head slammed to the ground as I struggled against the iron arms that encaged me. It picked me up, racing me out of the lunch room, and out of the school's barriers.
I had expected whoever it was to be rough but they were gently in how they carried me. I instantly knew who it was.
If I had a pulse it would have been racing. I looked up into those deep topaz eyes, my heart melting. My breathing stopped.
"What were you thinking," he growled in a low voice. I stared at Edward, my mouth open slightly in shock. I didn't answer him, not sure of what to say. I longed to reachout and stroke the side of his face with my hand, but I resisted the temptation.
He growled, running me into the parking lot where his silver volvo as waiting. It wasn't the saem car we had ridden in when I was a human. It was new one but it looked exactly the same, with a few modifications. He threw open the passengers side door and stuffed me inside. In seconds he was pulling out of the parking lot, speeding off.
Neither of us made to speak to one another. He drove so fast that the images were like I was lost inside a video game, blurring past my vision. I had absolutely no idea where he was taking me. He pulled off onto a dirth path, driving faster until I swore the speedometer was going to crack.
And then it was over, he stopped the car, and flew around to my side, opening it for me. I opened my mouth to ask whee the hell I was, but he swooped me up, dragging me out of the car. We were in a rock range of land. I quickl caught the smell of soemthing...a bear nearby.
I was off, sprinting as fast as I had ever gone. I smelt the sweet scent of the bear drifting over the air. I spotted it, and attacked it. My senses were now in control of my body. I couldn't control my actions. I quickly snapped its neck, and sunk my teeth into its neck. The sweet salty blood lolled over my tongue. I instantly felt my thirst being pushed farther backwards.
Once I had drained the first bear, I went to find two deers and a fox, before I was satiated. I wiped my mouth onmy sllev, knowing it was covered in blood. I did my bes to lick it off before returning to the car.
Edward was waiting for me, sitting on the ground next to the car, he had fed himself on a fox while I had been hunting down half the forest. I shiverd when I saw him. His beautiful face was blank, expressionless. I felt embarassed.
Now that that I was in my right mind, I realized just how stupid I had behaved. I felt sick with guilt at how close I had come to taking those poor kids lives. I looked deep into his glorious topaz eyes. I felt my knees turn to jelly beneath me.
"Thank you," I said in a flat voice. "I'm so sorry you had to see my like this. I've never been this out of control before." He didn't answer.
Desperatly, I wanted to know what he was thinking. I strained my brain so I could hear just a whisper from his beautiful face. Nothing. I attempted again and again. Failing miserably. We must have sat there for near an hour, before I groaned, sinking down to the ground. I had failed each time to listen to his thoughts.
" It's so hard," I moaned, though I knew he knew exactly how I felt. "I can't hear you!" I glanced up at him, surpirsed by what I found. His expression was bemused.
"You read minds," he asked in a bleak voice.
I nodded.
"And I can't hear a thing coming from you! Please just tell me what your thinking!" He began to grin.
"Not easy is it?"
I scowled up at him, but it was quickly replaced by a pained expression. How much I wanted to be near him. It felt as if someone was a driving a stake though my dead heart, twisting it in my wounds.
I was standing in a flash. He seemed startled by my motion but didn't speak again. I moved closer towards him, every step I was taking was just to be near him. Every movement I made I could smell his wonderful scent. It drew me in, his golden eyes dazzling me. In one more step I would be right in front of him.
"Edward," I whispered, my body trembling with the effort no to break down in his arms. He didn't say anything, but I knew he was listening to me. I was now an inch from him. I reached out to touch his perfect face, her took my hand and kissed it.
Shivers ran up my spine but not from his touch. I sat down next to him, my hand resting on his chest. I leaned in, inhaling his scent, then he closed the small gap between us.
It felt better than the first time, his kiss sent shivers up my spine. He jerked away ending it too soon.
"I'm sorry Bella, I promised I would leave you alone."
"I'm the one who should apoligize." I choked my voive breaking. I was going to start sobbing. "You didn't do anything to me." I turned to look him staight in the eye. "I never wanted to drown you in my tears, I never want you to go to hell, and I never want you to leave me...ever...again." I began to sob, there were no tears in my eyes but I knew if there could have been, his shirt would have been soaked. "I'm s-so sorry, Edward."
He wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me to him tightly. I buried my face in his muscular chest. His long pale fingers were stroking my hair softly.
"Do one thing for me," he whispered, holding my head away from his, my face cupped in his hands.
"Anything."
"Don't leave me alone again." I choked in idignation.
"Don't leave you--!"
I didn't get to finish my sentence, for in that kissed me so tenderly I stopped breathing. All of our combined emotions were poured into that single kiss. I pushed him backwards so I was lying on top of him in the grass.
"I love you Edward Cullen," I whispered in between kisses. " I never stopped."
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