-Hyrule-

Rolling after the two mages was the shampoo bottle. Surely it deserved some thanks!

Vaati stared at the shampoo bottle. He had to confess his true feelings to someone. He turned to Soren and whispered.

"I think that shampoo bottle is sexy."

"...Queer."

Two plump plumbers appeared on the crest of the hill.

But the Drunken Navi clones were one step ahead, already whirring around the plumbers, screeching, "Hey! Listen! -hic- Legend of Zelda's better!"

"Mama mia!" Mario mia'd and called up a yoshi as his trusty war steed. However, being a 500 pound fatso, the poor dinosaur was squished beneath his weight. Meanwhile, Lute decided to take over Hyrule. Why? Because she was bored, and Dingle had ran off after Vaati and Soren screaming "I WUVS MY TWO GURLS!!" While this was going on, Ganon opened the door of his house to get the mail, and was greeted by an old, wrinkly man with a big nose and red hair, much like Ganon.

Riev looked up.

"I AM YOUR FATHER!!"

"NOOOOOO!!"

"Let's take over the world! It'll be good father-son bonding time!"

Ganon sniffed. "Okay, daddy."

But Hyrule was already in Lute's iron grip. Alas, alack, but it could have been worse.The shampoo bottle bubbled over as if chuckling darkly at seeing the fools Mario and Luigi were making of themselves. Luigi ate one of the Navi clones, which turned him into a donkey. Vaati attempted to feel up the shampoo bottle while Soren shook his head in disgust.

-Somewhere-

A sigh. "Well, it's not working for some other ancient, ugly-ass demon with a thing for possessing people."Poor, poor Sora. He shouldn't say such things.

...Because saying such things made the bunnydemon, who was a fangirl of Fomortiis', go into a freaky, PMS-like rage.

"Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbit!!"

Screamed the bunnydemon, and bounced after the roller coaster like... a bunny.

"Oh for the love of..." The poor Keybearer clung tightly to the roller coaster as it veered around loops and bends. "Leave me alone, you...bunny...rabbit...THING!" Suddenly, the bunny rabbit thing screeched as it fell over a cliff. Yes, a cliff. And then, everyone realized the roller coaster was floating almost ten thousand feet over Grado... and then the coaster started to plummet.

-Grado-

Fomortiis leered at the tired mage sprawled on the bed.

"Answer the girl's questions, runt, and maybe I'll kill you quickly."

"I'll tell you nothing, demon."

"Heh... brave words. But you'll tell me everything long before you die."

While this friendly conversation was going on, Sindriss looked around desperately for a bathroom. Realizing there wasn't one, he moaned and looked for Doritos instead, while pretending to look for the Sacred Stone. That wasn't successful, either, and he accidentally stumbled into articles of Eirika's clothing that would leave him with nightmares about human anatomy for the next decade or so. He scratched at a funny protrusion, and a small drawer popped open. Inside he saw something blue and shiny. He tried to eat it, but it tasted bad. He glared at it. It wasn't a jellybean... so what WAS it?!

The Demon King took on a more solid form and rested a clawed hand on the bed, itching with anticipation.

"Answer meee..." Nicole whined, not used to being ignored. "Is this the prince who knows about the Stone?"

"Yes." Fomortiis whispered, his eyes not leaving Lyon's.

"But he's not the one we're kidnapping. Oh, no. I want to make him suffer... So we'll be taking his wife and two children. You're too tired to stop me, boy. I kept you awake for a reason. I know of your new powers, and couldn't risk you fighting me at full power... So now, you can live... and Dracanians live forever... knowing that every torment I put you through, and everything you had nightmares about... I will put them through twice over."

"NEVER!" Lyon roared, transformed into a dragon, and lunged at the demon.

-In the Dungeon-

Leon stared wide-eyed at Flisk. Leon was Eirika's and Lyon's other child. He was ten, and absolutely adored his older sister. While she took after her mother, he was more like his father. He looked almost exactly like him, except that his hair was the unique shade that couldn't quite be called violet but wasn't really blue, either. Besides that, he was nearly identical to Lyon-gentle and loving by nature, highly intelligent, shy, hair that everyone wanted, book in hand, and an awkward crush on his best friend's sister. He was somewhat scared of the deranged prisoner.

"Look, you can't find your parents, so you can't tell them Riane's missing, riiight? So just let me out, come on! The guards all went off, and your dad was gonna let me go anyway! I'M A GOOD PERSON, LET ME OUUUT!!"

"I-I don't think I should…"

"Puh-leaz! Who knows what might be happening to your sister? I'm WORRIED ABOUT HEEER!!"

Leon's emotions waged a silent war with his logic, and his emotions won. With a worried expression on his face, he unlocked the cell.

-Ten minutes later-

Knoll, currently in the form of a wolf, raced towards his cousin's bedroom. Eirika hurtled past him, eyes wide with fright. The two ran into the room, and let out cries of despair. Blood was everywhere, black and red mixing sluggishly. For every drop of red blood, there were almost three times as many splashes of demon blood. Lyon, in the form of a sinuous, white wyrm with a violet mane and no wings, lay crumpled against the wall. He was wounded... not badly enough to kill him, but enough so that it would take a few weeks for him to be back to normal health. Eirika ran to him as he melted back into a human form, kneeling down and holding him close. Knoll ran towards the small, secret compartment where the Stone was kept, planning to heal Lyon, and spat angrily when he saw it was already opened. "The dragon… must have…" Lyon started to get up, and Eirika tried anxiously to hold him down. "I-I have to get it back…" Seeing his cousin's reluctance to lie still and rest, Knoll started an incantation. Lyon recognized the words. "Knoll… K-Knoll… please… d-don't…" Knoll gently put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and finished the spell. Lyon's eyes flickered, and his breathing calmed. Eirika stroked his face and softly whispered words of love to him, and he fell into a deep and peaceful sleep. Knoll carefully picked him up and set him on the bed, then ran to get healers while Eirika removed Lyon's torn shirt, tore up a clean sheet, and wrapped the crude bandages around his wounds.

-Somewhere-

Nicole screamed and threw a banana at the stupid demon, who was covered head to toe in Peter Pan band-aids his worshipful gorgons had put on him. Only his eyes were visible. The mage had hurt him much more then the demon had him. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT WHUPPED BY LYON, EVEN WHEN HE WAS HALF ASLEEP!!" Nicole shrieked. Fomortiis cringed and looked around fearfully. "Don't say the name!!" He groaned. Nicole's grandma cackled. "That's what you get, for trying to abduct poor innocents!" The half-senile old lady was Nicole's only remaining family member, and she was still a kind Dracanian… if a demented one. She was skilled at using her cane as a weapon, after years of using it to drive off infatuated old men. The Demon King's eyes widened, suddenly. "I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!" He hollered to the ceiling. "I AM A CHANGED DEMON!! No more will I hurt people! I want to help old ladies across the street, and volunteer at soup kitchens, and play nicely with Lyon's kids!!" The gorgons cried as they saw the lump on their leader's head. Fomortiis started singing about world peace and baby duckies. "I'm glad to hear it, young man!" laughed Granny, bashing Moulder across the skull as he tried to touch her butt. She warmly hugged the demon, and they took hands and started singing 'Ring Around the Rosie.'

Five minutes later, a ticked Fomortiis came back to his senses and ranted about how he would "Kill that goddam brown-nosing wussie of a prince! I'LL BURN HIM ALIVE!! AND THEN I'LL CHOP UP THE ASHES!! AND THEN I'LL DROWN THE ASHES!! AND THEN, I'LL THROTTLE THE ASH-" Granny cracked him over the head with her staff, and he slunk off to his room, taking several of his sexier gorgon fangirls with him. Nicole jumped up and down angrily. "WE DIDN'T EVEN GET THE STUPID STONE!!"

Sindriss, curled up in a corner, happily chewed on the jellybean that was not a jellybean. With an effort, he suppressed the urge to hiss and call it 'his preciousss.' "Yeah, yeah, complain to someone who cares," Riane "answered" Nicole, filing her nails nonchalantly. "Can I go now?"

"Nope. It's a good thing Fomortiis is too stupid to recognize you. But no, you cannot. I'm so LONELY with only idiots for company!"

Nicole sobbed and blew into her hanky. "Besides, I have a new theory. Every time someone says your father's name, I think demon-boy goes hippie. Let's see, hmm? LYON!!" From down the hallway came a retarded giggling noise. "I want to help the starving children!" bawled Fomortiis.