And such a tragic tale their ending was. Someone even wrote a play on it. While this was going on, Father MacGregor spied on Artur and cursed. Another promising chaste person, down the drain! First Moulder had gone evil, and then Lyon had met up with that blue-haired wench... "At least I have you, Natasha! You'd never-" Afore-mentioned do-gooder was to busy with Joshua to respond. "NOT-IN-THE-CHURCH!!" Howled the disconsolate bishop, and shot them both with a Holy Water Gun of Smiting Goodness.
-Grado-
"Leon?" Riane knelt by his side. "What...what was that?"
Lyon responded before Leon did. "Of course... How could I not have seen it?" He said quietly, turning upwards to look at Lucian. "Demon." The black-haired boy flinched as if Lyon had struck him. "I-I didn't mean to hurt him... I'm s-sorry..." A nasty laugh rang out from nearby. "How touching... Didn't want to hurt your new little human friends, did you, Formotiss? Trying to switch your name to Otis... having your cousin Nicole turn you into a Drake so your true form would no longer be a demon... how cute. Didn't think I'd find you, did you... son?" Fomortiis laughed and materialized out of the shadows. "You were always too kind to be strong... but now, befriending humans? And I thought you could sink no lower, Formotiss..." The Demon King started to step forward, but Lucian planted himself in front of him, trembling with anger. "My name's Lucian, now! And you were never my father! I'll die before I let you hurt Riane or her family!"
"...How sweet. Let's see if you keep up that opinion after a few weeks sealed in the human realm. When you're nearly dead, maybe I'll allow you to come home if you grovel and swear an unbreakable oath to kill your new 'family.' Because, when you're dying from to much time spent outside your home realm, do you really think they will help you? Now that they know what you are? No. They will hunt you down and burn you alive because of it. Silly fool. Did you really think a princess of the light could ever love a prince of the darkness? You've loved her ever since you first saw her, all those years ago, and now the only reward she will give you for your faithfulness is death. No one will help save you. Your very presence gives them nightmares. Good-bye, son." And then Fomortiis stepped back into the demon realm, the portal closing with a final-sounding click. Lucian looked at the ground. "I'm so sorry... Riane..." And then, before he could hear her reply, he spread his wings and prepared to jump into the darkening light of the setting sun, his only plan to go somewhere far away where he couldn't hurt anyone else.
-Hyrule-
"BLATANT STAR WARS RIPOFF!" A random octorock cried, indicating Zelda and the boat. "Is not!" Zelda stuck her tongue out at the octorock. "And you're just a copy of the kraken from Pirates of the Caribbean, so you shouldn't be talking!" ...And then Link found the lightsaber. "Oh... sparkly."
Artur, Lute, and Dingle washed up on a nearby island. "Well, I guess this is our new ho-" The three humans were instantly swarmed by Minish and tied to the ground. "KILL ALL HUMANS!!" Someone screamed. "Isn't that a videogame?" Artur asked, confused. He was abruptly slapped upside the head for his human foolishness.
-Grado-
That is, the gun itself was fired out of a slingshot. There was no holy water left. Father G-man yelled angrily. "Where'd all my holy water go?!" Dracula cackled crazily. "My many many fangirls got rid of it so that goddanged Van Helsing couldn't kill me!"
"But he kills you because he's a werwolf!"
"WERWOLF?!" Zant and Dracula screamed and clung fearfully to each other.
"Wait!" Riane grabbed Lucian's arm. "Wait! Don't go!" With no other ideas coming to mind, she flung herself into his arms. Lucian stiffened and looked away, unable to meet her gaze. "Riane... I... Please... I'm a demon. I could never make you happy. Forget me, find someone worthy..." He carefully started to disentangle himself, and then Leon stepped forward. "Me and Snuffles don't want you to leave. It was just an accident." Lyon spoke up as well. He saw between the boy and his daughter a very deep bond, one so strong that he had only seen it's like between him and Eirika. "Please... stay. Now that I know the full story, I realize you are a friend, and not an enemy. We will do all we can to help you... And besides, your leaving would hurt Riane deeply, and I hate to see my daughter unhappy." He said, smiling slightly. Lucian blinked at this unexpected announcement, and sighed in relief, relaxing against Riane. "Thank you..." He whispered, almost inaudibly. As comic relief, Vaati fell through the portal and was carted off by Minish, who believed he was human because of his tall size. "I'M A MINISH TOO!! GET YOUR PAWS OFF ME, SHRIMPS!!" He roared.
-The Dark Temple-
Nicole wiggled against the ropes binding her. "Wow. Whata loser of a dad. First, you refuse my offer to turn you into a Drake, and then you somehow figure out I did the same thing to Formotiss and go and be a jerk to him, too. Child control is SO going to hear about this!!" The Demon King ignored her, and sunk deeper into his own thoughts, his tail flicking through the air. Then, however, he responded. "If the wretched boy wants to save himself rather then slink home, all he has to do is find the light of the Golden Sun. But Alex will keep that from happening, won't you?"
"Ah damn! Yo, Demon King, you killed that wench Eirika AGAIN!" Alex replied, shaking his DS in frustration. "That makes me SOOO mad! Like when that shark bit my arm! I was like 'yo, damn shark, gerroffa my arm, foo'!'" Flisk, listening nearby, cheered silently. He'd relay this information to Riane and be a hero, and then his new lover would love him! "Isn't that right, Pixie? 3" Flisk asked the gothic-looking pixie he'd caught in a jar. The pixie, named Pixie, swore. "Bitch fuck U."
"I love you too, honey!! 3!"
"Bitch fuck U."
"You gotta love me, for I am... THE BATMAN!!"
-Hyrule-
And then, of course, something just had to happen to destroy the Minish. And it did: a two-inch high tidal wave. Artur celebrated until he realized-sentient beings were DYING. "We must save them, Lute!" He cried desperately. Lute slapped him. Meanwhile, Vaati escaped to another island-and then he saw HER. Zelda was angsting about her dad being an ugly piece of driftwood as he inched closer. And then she saw him. Somewhere in the distance, Link was cured of lycanthropy. Which made him happy, until he realized he could no longer turn into a puppy. There goes his chances of getting a girlfriend. Link cried until a girl who looked like a bird landed on his head and pecked the living daylights out of him. "My name is Medli, omgz, there's a psycho dragon, rawr, you gotta stop it, man, there's a big mother worm biting his rump!"
-Somewhere-
Of course, that was before the REAL Batman slapped the cat shit out of Flisk for stealing his name. Pixie danced in a Tethys-like fashion before screaming so loudly the glass bottle shattered. She grabbed Flisk by the ear and yelled at him. "HELPING ROYALTY EQUALS CAAASH!! Now move out, stupid skank. Shoes. I absafrikkin lutely hate you." Flisk had no clue whatsoever what this meant, but loved every minute of it. He shot off for Grado while Nicole summoned angry cucoos to smite Fomortiis! Smite him, I say!! SMITE HIM GOO-Nicole was whacked over the head by Sindriss before she completely lost it.-Grado-"...I would be unhappy if you left. Really." Riane in turn leaned on Lucian.
Just as Ephraim was about to shatter the romantic scene by screaming 'You're going to make my niece into a one-person slut!!' Flisk ruined the moment instead. He crashed into Lucian and Riane, knocking them over. "Oh! OH!! I know how to help you!" He screamed like a young girl. Pixie started singing Girlfriend lyrics.
"Hey! Hey! You! You!" Navi joined in on this part. It fit the fairy's vocabulary!
"Okay, to save yourself-"
"I don't like your girlfriend!" Navi was unable to copy and made gurgled dying noises instead.
"You have to find-"
"No way! No way!" The fangirls all joined in.
"Something called-"
"I think you need a new one!" Zant did a nifty little tap dance.
"The Golden Gopher!"
"Hey! Hey! You! You!" A bael did cartwheels in the background.
"Err... I mean, the Golden Sun!"
"I could be your girlfriend!" There was deafening applause.
