Riane picked up a remote and pressed the "Mute" button while directing it at the singers. "Golden Sun, eh?"

"Aye!"

"Stop tryin' to sound like friggin' Jack Sparrow, you ASS!" Pixie shrilled.

Lucian pushed Flisk off, none to gently.

-Weyard-

Sheba the hyperparanoid whipped around and pointed at Ivan. "DEATH!! DEATH IS YOUR FUTURE!! MWHAHA-" The real Sheba bashed the other one into oblivion. "Maybe trying to copy what they did in the Prestige ISN'T such a good idea..." Isaac said, munching on popcorn. "Nonsense! We'll never have to work again if we can clone ourselves!" Garet said, then smacked his head repeatedly against the electric machine, hoping that would fix it.

-Hyrule-

"NUUUUZ!" Ruto cried, shooing away Medli. "HE'S MIIIIINE!!!!!" About fifty other girls Link had promised to marry all started fighting.

Malon, Saria, Ruto, the ostrich, Medli... It was pretty viscous. Link opted to run away. ...Just as the fight became so bloody and violent it had to be censored. Link hid behind a tree and cheered for no one in particular. Just then, a certain enraged dragon with a gohma stuck to its tail flew over...

Cupid's arrow, however, much to the cherub's dismay, hit a palm tree. Cupid said some words one would not normally associate with flying diapered babies. Without Cupid's aid, Vaati was screwed. He ran towards the pirate. "I... I think I love you!" he said, drooling. Zelda/Tetra gave him a condescending look that actually shriveled him. "Puh-leaz. I am the pirate princess, and only the man of my dreams, Vaati-kun, can be my lover." She sighed dreamily.

"But...but I AM Vaati!"

"No WAY! My hero would NOT be a midget with an ugly hat!"

-Grado-

"Great. Where's Pest-B-Gone when you need it?" Riane groaned. "Pest?! How dare you call me a pest! I risk my LIFE to help-"

"You're life isn't worth anything, whore, so shaddup." Pixie said, then dropkicked him. Knoll was kidnapped by hippies who wanted to convert him from emo to... whatever rhymes with emo and means a peace-loving, pink-glasses wearing, frill-clothinged hippie. Lyon was taking no chances and assigned someone to watch Riane and Lucian AT ALL TIMES. That person, sadly, just happened to be Midna...

-Weyard-The machine only broke more, which in turn caused Jenna to become extremely pissed and beat Garet over the head repeatedly. "Wow, you're hitting on me!" Garet grinned. Isaac went berserk and grand gia'd him. Ivan kissed Sheba. Felix kissed Sheba. Sheba kissed Random Guy 1 and ignored her devoted lovers, who wilted. DENIED!! Isaac kissed Jenna. Garet kissed himself. Piers and Alex kissed Mia. Wait-Alex?!

"What up, homies?" He said, doing the cool hand waving thing that 1337 people do. Jenna torched Alex without lifting a finger. Alex screamed "I'm melting!! Nuuuz!!" while Garet wondered if a djinni would fit up his nose.

-Hyrule-

Cupid this time enlisted the aid of none other than Innes, to make sure there was no miss. And the arrow did hit its mark. ...A little too well.

"AHHH MY ASSSSS!! IT BURNSSS!!" Vaati hopped around like a rabbit, howling in pain. Cupid and Innes high-fived before hauling ass out of there. Vaati slammed into Zelda, knocking her down. "This looks like a good place to get romantic!" Vaati said. Zelda hissed and bit his arm. "AHHH RABID PIRATE!!" ...So they grudgingly returned and applied another arrow to Zelda.

The Gohma fell off and into the ocean. Problem solved! Well, sort of. Tethys, who had recently become a Gerudo, was sneaking up on Link from one side while Ganon, in new PJ-like apparel, snuck up from the other. Link, listening to 'Man, I Feel Like a Woman,' 'This One's For the Girls,' and other masculine songs on his Ipod was completely oblivious to their presence.

-Grado-

Midna was filing her nails. "Right. Watch for what, exactly? And am I getting paid? In Rupees, hopefully?" .Lyon waved his arms and angsted while Lucian got to his feet and helped Riane up. "SEE?! SEE?! NO SUPERVISION!! THEY COULD HAVE SLEPT TOGETHER-" He glared at his watch. "-THREE TIMES ALREADY!! YOU NEED TO WATCH THEM!! ALWAYS!! EVERYWHERE!! And no, you get payed in small pieces of copper or silver with dead people carved on to them, that have probably been up people's schnozzes. Deal."

-Somewhere-

"Peace, man! You gotta go with the flow! You need to relax, man!" The hippie hypnotist said, waving a huge peace symbol on a golden chain necklace in front of Knoll, who was strapped to an operating table. He screamed. "NEVER!! I SHALL NEVER CONVERT TO YOUR HIPPIE WAYS, YOU DRUG-DEALING, PEACE-LOVING, STUPID SPONTANEOUS SEX FREAKS!!" A nurse held up a small, withered pink object. "We shall now swap your highly developed brain for this one, which contains proper hippie thoughts instead of your silly E MC squared ones! Mwhahaha!"

"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZ!!!"

-Hyrule-

He was dead. Doomed. Nothing to really say... Except, possibly...

"FANGIRL ATTTTTTACK!!"

Tons of angry fangirls mobbed Ganon and Tethys. Meanwhile, the ocean shrunk. "What the batmobile?" Link exclaimed. A Japanese man walked over and said something that translated to-"You look gay as chibi. Fans demand realism. You be werewolf again. Go find Midna. No cookies for you." Link winced. "But she's always hiding up my tunic! It's kinda creepy, you know."

"Then wear pants, foo'!"

"Let's get nekkid! 3!" Zelda sighed, in a romantically tragic kind of way.

"I would, but I signed some contracts, see?" She held up two pieces of paper. One was the virginity until married pledge they make you sign in elementary school when you have NO CLUE what it means. The other stated that Zelda could only be a part of Wind Waker if she kept to E-rated material. Vaati scoffed and ripped up the first pledge. "And we're in TP now, which is rated T, which equals PG-13, so you're fine!"

"TP? Does that stand for toilet paper?"

"D'OH!!"

Cupid and Innes decided to split some popcorn between them. Zelda decided to test Vaati's devotion and make him perform three impossible tasks-

1. Make Knoll sing 'happy happy joy joy.'

2. Defeat Seprihoth on hard mode on KH2.

3. Raise Link's IQ to positive 5.

Vaati's jaw dropped. Dang, this wasn't going to be easy!

And thus did Twilight Princess ensue, minus Midna, who was away in Grado demanding a paycheck. Link danced, because you could no longer count how many pixels he was made of. Then he wet himself when he saw how realistic the monsters were.

-Grado-

Riane blinked. "Dad? I'm thirteen. No way I'm losing my virginity yet.""See? She has common sense," Midna pointed out, then stopped. "Wait. How do you know they could have slept together three times?" Lyon coughed something which sounded suspiciously like "Ask Eirika." then said more loudly "I know, but if you found a time machine, young lady..." A random hippie walked by yelling "TIME MACHINES 4 SAL-" He was quickly smited. -Somewhere-That's when another hippie ran in. "Dude! Someone's firing missiles at us, man!" He paused to take a swig of crack-infused vodka (very horrible, vile stuff. Don't do it, kiddies). "We've tried to get 'em to chill and relax, man, but they're mad!"

"OMGz, man, that's bad juju!" The hippie hypnotist hollered. "Assemble, lovers of peace! We shall drive them away with our kindness and secret skunk army!" All of the hippies, save the nurse, scurried out to see their new enemy. The nurse made googly eyes at Knoll. "I think you're cuuute! And you are helpless to resist my kisses!" Knoll whimpered, his heart beating painfully fast, and squirmed against his bonds, which were uncomfortably tight. The nurse inched closer, then suddenly ripped off her mask. Knoll's jaw dropped in horror. The hippie was none other then the damn glomping-gorgon, thought to have been killed by Eirika over fifteen paragraphs ago!!!

"YOU'RE MINE NOW, MAGE!! 3 3 3!!" The glomping-gorgon squealed. Knoll pulled a possum and played dead.