"Rubber Duckie Boy!" A few other Keese chorused.Riane shook with rage. "Shift forms? Pfeh! I don't need to! That demon's dead anyway!" And she bolted. The mew sighed. "I write paragraphs, and my arch nemesis Numdenu only writes SENTENCES!!" The cat glanced around to make sure aforementioned phantom authoress wasn't present before flying off after Riane and Lucian...
Fomortiis hissed. Lyon was right-the cool moment in which he'd looked awesomely evil was sooo over. Oh well, that could be dealt with. He shot the keeses with ice arrows and turned on his Ipod. "Oooh... Evanescence, Bring Me to Life. Good song. It'll do for an evil slash dramatic background. Now…" Without warning, he slashed forward with his claws, rending Lyon's skin. The mage cried out softly and twisted his head away. "That's not screaming... yet." Then the Demon King reached forward, pressing cruelly down on his victim's throat, and his captive coughed, choking, and tried desperately to breathe. "Hard to breathe? Good. It's almost a pity you're paralyzed-I so enjoyed seeing you thrash." A keese dethawed and bit Fomortiis in the ass while another one switched the song to Barbie Girl, and the incredibly evil atmosphere was ruined... AGAIN...
-Somewhere-
"Aha! Found you!" Master Form Sora whizzed out to confront Sindriss. "...You remember what you did in Grado Keep a week ago, right?"
Sindriss gulped. "Mayhaps..."
-Meanwhile-
Zant suddenly realized Midna wasn't wearing ANY CLOTHES AS AN IMP, and started taking pictures. Artur, meanwhile, beamed happily at his many worshippers, who were doing a nifty little tribal dance. Lute sighed. "You do know they EAT their gods, right? This is Pirates of the Carribbean..." Artur whimpered. "Happiness fading..." Of course, good ol' Jackie Sparrow showed up and diverted attention. Indeed, as he staggered about drunkenly and said sentences that were quote worthy without even noticing. Then he spotted Artur. "Ahoy, lass, what are you doin' out here?" Artur shrieked angrily. "I'm NOT a girl!!"
"Sorry... err, miss? Lady? What do ye prefer, beautiful?"
"That's not what I meant!! Raa!!"
-The Demon Realm-
"Barbie Girl? Oh come on, that is so overused." An aforementioned phantom authoress sighed and switched the music over to some dark, dramatic J-Rock. "There, that's better! Now to address the improbability issue..." She turned to Fomortiis. "You're not supposed to use those dinky ice arrows. Keep up the good work! Now, what else can we do here...""Fomortiis!" The door burst in, kicked open by a very pissed Riane. "Release my father!"Num smiled and rubbed her chin. "Mmm. That's a good touch."
Fomortiis blinked as his mind was overloaded with two problems at once. "Good work?! I spend WEEKS creating this torture chamber, and all you can say is 'good work?' Who the hell do you think you... Ah, crap, wait, wait a minute!" The demon said frantically, holding up a warding finger towards Riane. "I am NOT done torturing your daddy yet! So why don't you... err... just go home and... do something?" The mew tried to subtly switch the music to Girlfriend. "Nooo, cut that OUT!!" Fomortiis roared. "I'm BUSY!! I want to see how evil I can be before someone demands this scene have an M rating! Jeez..." The Demon King turned back to his prisoner, went back to suffocating him, and hoped everyone would just go away. No such luck. For one, Lyon wasn't even there anymore. Riane had dragged him away during the monologue while leaving a cardboard cutout of herself in her place. Fomortiis swelled and went a nasty shade of purple-red. Just as he was about to go murder Riane, Eirika walked in... and she was wearing her Amazon outfit. The Demon King made a pathetic squeaking noise.
"You... are... so... dead..." The enraged warrior woman growled. And then the scene had to be censored, because it was vewy violent. The mew thought it was friggin' hilarious and laughed happily. "Really, you should be glad Riane didn't decide to pwn you, too!"
-Grado-
Meanwhile, Lucian had his own problems. He was trying to
1) Watch over the sleeping Lyon as he recovered from his paralysis and sleep-talked about 'Carrot-head...noes... Eirika's... MINE... silly... game producers... grumble grumble...' Knoll healed his wounded friend and then stuck duck tape over his mouth to shut him up. Lovingly, of course!
2) Keep Zant from feeling Midna up. "SHE'S WAY TOO SHORT FOR YOU!! CUT IT OUT!!!"
"What's your excuse for EphraimxMyrrh, then?" Zant proclaimed, blowing a raspberry. "Uhh... point taken. Carry on."
3) Figure out how to get information out of those stupid Golden Sun people…
-Elsewhere-"Mayhaps?" Sora cocked his head to the side.
"Mayhapsss... If it'll get me a cookie, I'll remember." Sindriss said hopefully. Ephraim spotted an armory. "Oooh... weapons!! Pointy!!"
"I don't have any cookies!" Sora whined. "I didn't know it would take blasted cookies!" Sindriss giggled. "I just made gasss! Why do you want to know if I wasss at the cassstle?"
-Somewhere-
An official-looking businessman entered the scene and slapped Jack Sparrow with a fish. "And good day, sir."Lute blinked. "Who are you?""I, good madam, am Sir Robert Albatross of Scandinavia. I have Bachelor's degrees in Destruction, Carnage, and Sephirothology. Pleasure to be of service." Someone squealed. "OMG, Sephiroth, he's so CUTE when he's not murdering girls!! SQUEEE!! ONE WINGED ANGEL!!!" Vincent Valentine then ran in, for some reason...
-Grado-
Riane, though less than gladly, took over the job of Lyon-watching, and No. 2 fell dead. Three, however would be a problem, seeing as Jenna had run off with Axel and was probably hitting on him. At that moment, Eirika walked in, looking ticked. "We have a prob-GO AWAYYY!!" She screamed as a re-hippified Fomortiis jumped on the bed and hugged Lyon, startling him awake.
"LYON-FRIEEEND, PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE!!" The demon cried, bawling like a baby.
"AHHHHHHHH!!!"
"I'M SO SORRY I TRIED TO KILL YOU, I MADE YOU A GET WELL CARD-" The Demon King waved around a card covered in pictures of rainbows and smiley faces.
"AHHHHHHHH!!! HE'S GONNA KILL ME!!! AHHHH-"
"NOES, I WUV YOU NOW!!"
"AHHHHHHHH!!!"
Nicole marched in and grabbed hippie demon by the ear. "You're coming with me, freakazoid. Me and that crazy scientist from Hyrule Lake have got an incredibly evil idea involving rubber chickens..."
-Somewhere-
"Now, if I may demonstrate?" Mr. Albatross dragged Dingledorf out of a plothole. "Observe this demonstration in destruction, the forcing of one to cease to be." A safe fell on Dingledorf. "That is so awesome!" Lute cheered. Artur decided to give up the holy crap and become a berserker. Vincent Valentine was buried by fangirls in the background.
-Somewhere else-
"Urf...right...fine...cookies." Sora glided off, breathing through his hand. He retuned moments later with the cookies in question. "Fine. Here. Were you at Grado Keep or not?"
"YESSS!!" Sindriss said as he ate cookies and enjoyed the empty calories.
-Grado-
Riane blinked in confusion. "No comment...well, at least Dad's up. And traumatized." She observed Lyon's spazzing with somewhat of a sadistic smirk. Lucian finally cornered Garet. "Alright, what is this 'Golden Sun?'" Garet blinked. "I thought we started our quest to get ho-hos! THEY LIED TO MEEE!!" He burst into tears.
The demon, at that moment, burst away from Nicole and hugged Riane. "I LOVE YOU TOO!" He proclaimed, beaming. Lyon screeched. "AHHHHH HE'S GONNA KILL RIANE NAGLFARFLUXNOSFERATUECLIPSEFENRIR!!!!!!"
...Needless to say, that super hacked spell missed the demon and smashed into Garet instead... nuts.
At that moment, a sexy blue-haired elven necromancer without a shirt walked in...
-Somewhere-
"Good. That means I can beat you now." Sindriss choked. "Uh, I meant... Gerudo Keep! Not Grado, sssilly Sssora!!"
ADP was bored. And then she came up with a brilliant idea! "A full-scale authoress war!" She cackled. "Let's see... I'll have Lyon, Dingledorf, Fomortiis, Artur, Vaati, Zant, Lucian, zombified older Link, and the old guy with the ark on my team..." She mused.
Sora tossed another cookie in the air.Then Num popped up beside ADP. "Well, in that case, I'll get Eirika, Lute, Riane, all four Young Links, Ysuran, Sir Robert Albatross, and the shampoo bottle!" "Fine, whatever!" ADP said in a fake teenage preppy voice. Vaati popped out of a plot hole. "But... what if we don't want to fight our friends?"
"TOO FRIGGIN' BAD!!" ADP growled angrily before setting out to round up her aforementioned units...
-Grado-
Riane simply sighed and plunged one of her swords into the demon's back, approximately where the heart would be. "Get off and die."Jenna equipped her own set of Amazon garb and danced on Garet's grave. Fomortiis giggled. "That tickles!" ADP stomped in, squealed, and mussed up Lyon's hair. "Guess WHAT?! You're my new army commander! Now let's go whoop your wife and daughter!"
"WHAAAAAT?!?"
"Actually, from now on, I'M going to be your wife!" ADP made a happy 'squeee' noise and hid in Lyon's shirt.
"WHAAAAAT-" Lyon said before his mind was overloaded with too much randomness, KO'ing him.
