-Somewhere-
Num had, however, already vanished.Ysuran, the hot, shirtless, blue-haired elf necro, happened to be wandering by for some reason, and the cookie Sora had tossed in the air landed on his head. "Hmm..." He took it, looked at it apprehensively, then took a small bite. "...Not bad."Meanwhile, Sora was getting rather ticked at Sindriss. "Can there please just be some sort of battle? That's kinda what I've been getting at." Sindriss responded by setting his back ablaze, snarling, and leaping at Sora, wings beating the air to give his assault more force.
The next thing..."Man! It stinks in here!" came Sora's voice from inside Sindriss' maw. "Do you ever brush?"
"Once a year, for Mummy'sss day!" Sindriss announced proudly.
-Grado-
"Okay, that's just absurd," Num commented, gliding in and dragging the mew out. "No casualties, and no ruining family relations. Unless you want to be assassinated by jealous nobles and rabid fangirls."Riane repeatedly stabbed the demon in the heart, through the head, and even in the not-so-nice place. "BUT I WAAANT!!" The mew screamed, waving her arms and attempting to grab the unconscious Lyon.
The demon squawked and hid behind Knoll. "Can you stop? You know it doesn't matter where you hit me, I'll live until my hp runs out anyway!" He whined. "You want, you want, but you can't have. Deal. It's like FE7 for me." Num reasoned.Riane sighed. "Mom? Can I borrow Sieglinde real quick?" The mew ignored her and blithered on. "I'll just POSSESS him and make him like me! ...'Course, then he'd have to have an affair with himself to have an affair with me, and that would be reaaally weird..." The mew mused. The demon hissed, his nastier personality showing through again, which made Knoll inch away. Neville and Luna fell out of a plot hole and became best friends with Artur, who was wearing a flower necklace and grass skirt for some reason, and Lute.
Getting no response from her mother, Riane grabbed Sieglinde of her own accord and began chasing Fomortiis with it.Num in turn ignored the Mew's rambling, dragging her off. Nicole roared and threw a rubber chicken at Riane. "I NEED THAT IDIOT!! LEAVE HIM ALOOONE!!"
The mew whimpered. "Alright, no family breaking ups. So how are we gonna wage this authoress fight, then? Oh, Soren-kun's on my team!!"
-Somewhere-
While he was talking, Sora had taken the chance to escape from within the putrid mouth of the dragon. "Yeesh! Figures." Sindriss whined. Pixie and Flisk strolled in, the first with the latter on a leash. "Stupid mutt for sale. Anyone want him?" Pixie asked, rather desperately. Sora thought for a moment. "...Give him a few cookies and stand him up in front of that dragon." Pixie did so, and Flisk looked up at Sindriss, blinking as he munched a cookie. Sindriss growled. "Give… me… the… cookie…"
"NO!!" Flisk cried, clutching his precious.
-Grado-
"...You need him?" Riane sidestepped, letting the rubber chicken hit Fomortiis head-on."We wage the Authoress War off the set. Self-insertion gets tiring to readers after awhile." The mew blinked in suprise. "We have readers?" Then vanished in a puff of smoke. Fomortiis hugged Lucian, proudly announcing "I LOVE YOU, SON!!" Lucian growled.
Num, too, was gone."Hey! Offa Lucian, now!" Riane commanded the demon. Felix flourished his long brown hair at Riane. "Heya, sexy!"
Sheba growled and grabbed him by the neck. "No, you're MY devoted slave!"
Lyon turned into a wolf and bit the demon's arm, then fell off, howling in pain. "AH GOD, DO YOU EVER WASH?!?"
-Somewhere-
And what a show it was, as Flisk and Sindriss got into a bitchfight of epic proportions. Someone sighed. "I wonder where Mr. Albatross went?"
"Oh, Someone, I am right here, enjoying the bitchfight," responded Sir Robert Albatross.Sora offered Pixie some popcorn.
Someone glomped Mr. Albatross and was revealed to be Mia.Pixie fell madly in love with Sora.Flisk turned into a kitten and vicously destroyed Sindriss, who was even more of a loser then Flisk was.
-Grado-
"I don't give a crap." Riane dragged Lucian away. Meanwhile, Jenna was flirting with...WTF, Piers?
"PIERS!! Cute butt! I mean, b-boat!!" Jenna shrilled. Alex backed away.
"Oooh... Where are we going? OOOH DIRTY THOUGHTS!!" Lucian slapped himself across the face for sounding like Flisk.
Soren yelled angrily as Sheba enquired if he was hitting on Ike. "WE ARE COUSINSSS!! RAAAA!!"
Then Lyon, Soren, Legolas, and Lucius fell on the ground crying, because despite the fact that they were all drop dead sexy mages or archers, everyone thought they were gay girls.
A random keese chortled. "LyonxKnoll! SorenxIke! LegolasxGimli! LuciusxRaven!!" Aforementioned keese was instantly shot with all three types of magic, a bazillion arrows, and the angry attacks of all aforementioned non-yaoi pretty boys' girlfriends.
Afterwards, Riane helped Lucian up. "Try taking off your shirt." Lucian did so, looking at the ground almost shyly as he waited for Riane's reaction. His body was slim but beautiful, the outlines of his muscles showing faintly on his stomach. The ebony-feathered wings slowly emerged from his shoulders, folding neatly against his back.
-Somewhere-
Sora was oblivious to Pixie's sudden obsession, instead cheering Flisk on."Why, madam, I do believe you are Mia, of Golden Sun!" Sir Robert Albatross bowed, taking her hand. "It is an honor." Flisk turned into a platypus and beak-busted a howling Sindriss into the ground before shifting to a hippo and bouncing on his victim's tummy.
"Yes, that's me!" She giggled. "I sure hope you don't treat girls the same way the object of you're studies does!"
Hyrule
Old Man Crazy Scientist by the Lake cackled insanely at young Link, who was shoved into an empty fish tank. "A RAAARE SPECIMEN!!" He proclaimed proudly, putting a sign up next to the tank that said 'Bootius stupidius.' "Have some fish food, my little pet! Mmm!!" The scientist poured a half-galleon of goldfish flakes over Link, his bristly white moustache dancing in delight. Then the phone rang. Grumbling, the encetric old man picked it up.
"Hello?"
"YOSHI!!"
"What the hell?! Is that the codename for some kind of Japanese take over?!"
"YUM!"
"AHHHH!! THE JAPANESE ARE COMING!!"
A Secluded City
Nicole stood on an outcropping of a cliff, several miles above the sleepy little city below her. The many lights were like twinkling gems set against the dark night sky. A slow, sadistic grin spread over her face, an insane sparkle glinting in her eyes. "Tonight... I shall have my revenge. I was a Dracanian, once. My family, all of us... We sought to help you. And yet, despite all the good we did... You spurned us. And so much more. You hunted us down, killing us in the most qrotesque ways possible. We could have destroyed you, but we refused to fight, choosing exile. That wasn't good enough though, was it? You followed us into the desert... You slaughtered everyone. Not just the men, but the woman, the children... Everyone but me. I hate humans. Now, mortal scum, prepare for your Judgement Day!" A burst of hellfire enveloped the laughing girl, and then in her place stood an enormous ebony drake, feathered wings stretching out behind her. Bloody tears dripped to the ground as she launched herself into the black, inky sky...
Nicole, however, was wrong.
Humans were not the ones who had butchered her loved ones.
A certain nasty demon lord, however, was...
