Somewhere
"PURPLE?!? Kairi...what have you done to me?!" Sora looked like he was about to melt into a puddle of misery. "Oh shoosh, purple is SO kawaii!!" She drew a purple mustache on his face, and then added a big heart around his eye. "No! Not the face!!" Sora wailed. "Now my smexyness is RUIN'D!" Kairi snorted. "What smexyiness? You were hot once, but then Roxas came around." She jumped off Sora and football tackled Roxas. Namine growled dangerously.
"Ansem. Spelled A-N-S-E-M. It sounds nothing like Sora." Ansem was starting to get ticked. "I was the one who got you on that darkness stuff in the first place.""Oh, you did?" Marluxia paused to examine his own nails. "See, I use fifty two brands of nail protector...daily."
"Whateva, Sora. You know, the fangirls tried to make me fall in love with you?! Isn't that WEIRD?!" He said, giggling drunkenly and holding up an "I am high" sign. With a 'shwoop' noise, the marker was absorbed completely into his nostril.
"I don't mean to complain, but would someone mind rescuing me?" Raphael said, drumming his fingers against the ground with an angsty expression on his face.
Ansem winced and backed away from the intoxicated Riku. "Get the hell away from me.""Hm? Oh, right." Even though that wasn't what he had come for in the first place, Marluxia decided to go ahead and rescue Raphael.
Riku tottered after. "MESNA, DON'T LEAAAVE!!"
Nicole squealed indignantly and threw herself on Raphael. "NOES, HE'S MINE!!!" She hissed and clawed the air like a kitty.
But Ansem wasn't looking back. "Least he's not calling me Mansex yet..."Little did he know he was walking right into the battle..."Yeah, like broken nails are gonna do anything," Marly scoffed. "...Ah, look, it's Riku."
Riku's face brightened. "MAAANSEX!!"
While her opponent was distracted, Nicole turned into a large dragon and lovingly tried to remove Marly's head from his shoulders.
HysculeJenna made a very rude gesture at Garet as he tumbled downward, then continued on her quest for hot bish who liked fire. That fat goron dude who is the sage of fire ran over to Jenna and thwacked his chest. "Me like fire! Me like pretty girl!! Uh uh you want me!!"
"You're not a hot dude. Buzz off." Jenna flicked the Goron into another bottomless chasm. At that moment, a sleepy-looking swordmaster with long red hair and a smexy hat walked by. "Mmm... fire. I bet there's a hot girl around here... Get it, hot?!" Joshua laughed, rather sexily. Jenna whipped right around. "EEEEEEEE! Smexy boy!" A blonde cleric pulled out a meat cleaver and foamed at the mouth. "Joshua... mine..." Jenna blinked. "How'd we get here?" Natasha explained. "You were trying to hit on MY Joshua!" She threw the cleaver at Jenna. While this beotch fight was going on, Joshua and Sheba had a make out scene. Ivan roared angrily. Jenna melted the cleaver and fried Natasha to a crisp. Ivan slapped Joshua with a stick.
Somewhere
"Oh yeah, way to spoil everything," a demon commented. A demon by the name of Sparky. "...Crap! I just did!"
"Sparky?" A demon who was named Fluffypinkngay sniggered. Auril waited patiently, still smiling sadistically, relying on the randomness of this story to drop either Lucian, Riane, or Lyon in front of her, via plot hole. "Oh, can it, Fluffypinkngay!" A Vriin broke the deadly evilness of the army by singing 'Since U Been Gone' at the top of its lungs.
Fluffypinkngay took the expression a little too literally and stuck a large soup can over his head. Auril waited patiently...
Grado teh WalnutA phone came flying out of the blue and hit Ed square in the jaw. Riane called after it: "Shrimpy! It's your brother."
Lucian belched so hard he fell over backwards, and then he grew back to his proper age. "Wow... that was weird."
Ed worriedly asked if Al had been kidnapped to serve as a bodyguard for a certain authoress again."You okay, Lucian?" Riane asked worriedly, as a plothole appeared nearby."No, I didn't get kidnapped, Brother. I was just wondering where you had gone, that's all...sniff Okay, so I think I caught some Angst Flu or something..." Al whined.
Mr. T envied Al's ponytail-like thing. So he tried to pull it off of Al's head. Lucian smiled at Riane. "I'm fine... "
The plothole waited eagerly to see which poor wretch would fall through it. "WAAAAAUGH!" came through the phone. "BROTHER! HELP!"Riane looked up. "Hey, Lucian, look. It's a plothole." Ed would have loved to help, but the midget-sized alchemist was swept away in a crowd of dancing hula girls...
Artur flushed. "Yes, that would be because of me..."
"Shall we?" Lucian said, extending his hand, a rose clamped firmly in his teeth.
Somewhere
Sora also growled. "I'm not hot anymore because you drew all over me! Dammit!" He grabbed some Sharpie Remover and applied some to himself.All of creation lurched when Sora uttered the word "dammit".
The fangirls burst into tears. "OUR E-RATED HERO SWORE!!!" Cloud stumbled in the background, and his choboco was butchered by Mickey D's. "FUUUCK!!"
The fangirl's cries were now deafeningly loud.
Sir Robert Albatross used a TV remote to mute the fangirls before continuing his make-out session with Mia.In other good news, the sharpie marks were gone, and Sora was once again very, very sexy.
So sexy, in fact, that he was kidnapped by none other then... YUFFIE?!?
"Yuffie...put me down, PLEASE!" Yuffie shook her black-haired head vigorously. "Everyone's always laughing at me for being a ninja!! But if I'm dating YOU, then I'll be..." Dollar signs appeared in her eyes. "FAMOUS!!"
"Like I even get paid for the stuff I go through..."
Yuffie dropped Sora like a sack of potatoes. "I know, but the fangirl's will pay my ransom of 1 Million $ to rescue you!!" She cackled madly and locked Sora in her basement.
Unfortunately for her, both Marly and Ansem ducked, resulting in the beheading of Riku instead.Ansem cheered.Marluxia stared at Nicole. "What did you just do?!" She shrugged. "Killed off a needless minor character. Don't get so excited." Every DDR system in existence sighed in relief. "Says who, BIATCH?!" Nicole screamed and clutched at Raphael, who made a flattened noise.
"Tell that to the fangirls." Marly pointed out an advancing horde.Ansem ran for his pathetic life.
At that moment, radioactive hippos started falling from the sky. Nicole screamed, grabbed Raphael, and ran for her life.
Grado Harbor
Meanwhile, poor Al was torn to pieces. Pity poor Al.Riane took the hand. "Why not?" They were about to learn 'why not.' Two seconds after they stepped out of the portal, they were tied, gagged, and hanging upside down from a tree while Fluffypinkngay poked at them with sharp objects. Auril strode over and smiled sleepily up at her son, tousling his black hair as he made indignant muffled noises. "Shh, my little raven... Mother's here now." Then she snapped her fingers, and one of the slimy monsters stirred, raising its head sleepily, before sniffing hungrily at Riane. Lucain snarled. Auril smiled, her eyes closed again. "A human...? Go ahead, Simiax, dinner..."
"WHAAAAAAT?!"
Riane tried to squirm away, before, as a last ditch effort, she spit out her gag and yelled, "I taste like dog shit!"Silly Riane! She should have known that slimy animals LOVE dog shit!!Simiax licked Riane's face. "Juicy sweet..." it hissed, fangs flashing, drool dripping down its muzzle. An indignant Gollum popped up. "THAT'S MY LINE!!" Gollum was promptly murdered by an enraged Samwise.
"Go ahead, Simiax, eat... It pains me to know that you fell in love with such as this, my child..." she cooed, half to her nightmarish pet and half to her son.
Grapefruit Grado
Lyon was too busy reading the seventh Harry Potter book to notice what was happening to his daughter. "Milord, should I ready the troops?" Duessel asked, pulling on his ferocious My Lil' Pony battle armor. Lyon waved his hand vaguely. "Uh-huh, whatever... OH GOD, THEY KILLED !!!" Lyon then strangled carrot head after he found out that Eirika was supposed to fall in love with him if you follow the original plot line... Al ran in through the wall, the little ponytail-thing now gone. "WAAAAUGH!"
Somewhere
"Yeah, you'd better run!" A random dusk sprinted for its hide.
Namine paused and chewed on her Roxas plushie. "Why are we running, again?"
