"Radioactive hippos and angry fangirls!" An Assassin Nobody named Kaxdaj sprinted past her. "What could be worse?!"Ysuran randomly popped up and decided that Riku would make a very nice undead minion. Lyon fell out of a plothole and tried to necromance Riku first, as well as several of the flattened hippos.

Harbor

Yuffie was too busy chatting with her cousins, the Power Rangers, to notice silly Sora's screams.

Harbor

Auril smiled. The slug-like creature drew back its head and struck. Lucian roared, his body reforming into his demonic shape-an immense black serpent with a heavily horned head, a spiked spine, and feathered wings. The ropes binding him burst instantly, and he lunged in front of Raine, blade-tipped tail severing her bonds with a flick. The mucus-covered brute's fangs sunk deep into Lucian's neck, and he screamed, a shrill cry of fury, and bit back. The two snake-like creatures wrapped around one another in a deadly embrace, striving to crush the life out of each other. Lucian struck like lightning, repeatedly burying his teeth into his opponent's slippery flesh. He drew back for another assault, but his mouth wouldn't open... It was sealed shut with the sticky ooze enveloping his foe. But worse then being unable to attack was being unable to breathe. He lashed frantically at his face, trying to wipe away the slime with his tail, but it was useless.

He coughed, choking, and whipped his tail around, piercing through his enemy's blunt skull and killing it instantly. Then he collapsed on the ground.

The last thing he saw was Riane...

And then everything went dark.

Hyrule

Jenna was too busy glomping Joshua to care.But Tatl took photos. And tattled on them to Father MacGregor...

...Who promptly rose from the grave and smited Link. Joshua and Jenna, meanwhile, were suddenly attacked by savages and carted off to be burned at the stake with Vaati and Zelda... But these weren't any average savages...They were YAOI FANGIRLS!!!!And Jenna, being a Mars Adept, was unfazed by the fire. Vaati, Zelda, and Joshua, however, were nearly cooked before the yaoi fangirls threw them in cages. Zelda was put with... Tetra? Joshua with Caellach, and Vaati with Link. Riku was in a cage that they were going to put Sora in, and Garet was in a cage with HIMSELF. A yaoi fangirl cackled. "GIVE IN!! YOU CANNOT RESIST THE SAME GENDER!!" Suddenly, an angry mob of normal fangirls attacked the yaoi ones... Jenna decided this was an excellent time to hunt down Axel and convince him to go out with her. Axel was being cornered by fangirls, and a confused-looking Roxas was pushed into his arms. Axel and Roxas screamed. "THIS IS SOOO WRONG!!" Axel picked up Roxas and threw him at the fangirls. While the fangirls were preoccupied with the flung Roxas, Jenna kept them at bay with a handy flame wall and proceeded to hit on Axel. Axel fell madly in love with Jenna, and they had a hot kissing session... literally hot. The normal fangirls freed everyone else in the meantime. Whilst the yaoi fangirls writhed in pain at being burnt...and at the straight pairing.Yes, there was love between two pyros.One didn't have a heart, though.So Jenna suggested they cut the grass in the presence of Legend of Zelda characters. Because everyone knows you get hearts by cutting grass. "THAT'S BRILLIANT!!" Axel said, beaming. But then he was suddenly overcome by angst. "But you can't love me... For I... am named after a part of a car!!" He burst into fiery tears.

Somewhere

Which resulted in a war of the necros.What they didn't count on is Sephiroth to happen by with the Tomegathericon from Golden Sun and make Riku undead first. Lyon paused to announce something important in the hopes that Riane and Leon would hear. "Hey kids... We adopted you another sibling! Meet Pixie, isn't she precious? Come here, Pixie, and give your daddy a hug-"

Pixie screamed and set Lyon on fire.

"Silly necro, Pixie isn't up for adoption!" Tatl snickered. Wait--Tatl?! "Tatl? Does that mean I'm in Hyru-" Lyon was instantly run over by a herd of stampeding moblins, who were trying to catch a certain large, masked bird for their chicken dinner... "Technically, this is Termina," Tatl explained. "But there's a convenient plothole right there."

"No, no, we haven't abused Termina yet, this is good!" Lyon said quickly. Young Link ran over and attempted to kill the necro. "DARK MAGIC BAAAD!!"

"NOT TRUE!!" Lyon squeaked, running away from the deranged juvenile.

Then Young Link was tripped by another Young Link in purple. "Green. The others are looking for you." Greeny swore. "Purple, red Link had a sex change and fell in love with blue Link... WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!"

Lyon, meanwhile, was 'recruited' by Davy Jones. Knoll was already on the evil fish dude's ship, looking angsty, as usual. Davy Jone's many tentacles did a little tap dance. "AFTER THAT BUTT!!" He screamed, pointing at Pier's ship. Lyon and Knoll lamented their lives in the background.

Yuffie's Basement

Sora slumped against the closet walls and sighed. Well, drastic times called for drastic measures...He pulled out a shovel Keyblade randomly and began digging. A fat thing that looked like a mole popped out of the ground and berated Sora. Apparently the mole was the sole antagonist of a game called Animal Crossing... Sora hit the mole over the head and continued digging. Yuffie froze. "I hear noises... I THINK MY PRISONER IS ESCAPING!! I HAVEN'T EVEN PUT HIM UP ON E-BAY YET!!" She promptly sent ninja-frogs to re-subdue Sora... Once cornered by ninja frogs, Sora promptly replied, "I'm not escaping. I'm digging my own grave." The ninjafrogs decided this was acceptable and left. Afterwards, Sora continued digging his "grave". His grave, however, started to look like an escape tunnel. Yuffie decided to capture Leon, not Lyon's son but the gunblade-wielding scarred sexy dude, not to sell on E-Bay, but rather for her own glomping needs... And Sora dug to freedom.Or, more notably, to an island outside the chaotic harbor Piers's boat was located.Harbor"Lucian...?" Riane approached cautiously, attempting to wipe away some of the gunk.

Lucian blinked and sneezed before licking the slime off himself. "I-I'm okay... Hey, this stuff tastes like Jello! That is so cool-" Auril promptly appeared behind him and hit him over the head with a frying pan, lovingly, of course! She then smiled nastily at Riane. "I'm taking my darling little raven home with me... Unless, mortal, you think you can best me in a swordfight?" With this statement, Auril pulled a blade out of thin air and pointed it tauntingly at Riane.Riane smirked, drawing twin blades. "Hell knows I can't resist a challenge." Auril screamed a war cry and lunged at Riane. Some emus and monkeys waved pom-poms in the background. God knows how the emus did it, considering they don't have hands, but oh well... Riane sidestepped, expecting the randomness of the fanfic to strike for her.

And indeed, it did. Auril screamed as a large rock shaped like a smiley face fell on top of her. She whined. "Why can't anyone be seriously evil anymore?!" Soren sighed. "If you want to be seriously evil, go find someone named Stephen King."

Piers's boat is in the harborRiane began to file her nails. "I'm just taking advantage of the randomness of the authoresses."

Lucian jumped up on the boat too, which started to sail away to... somewhere. Piers tried to do a Jack Sparrow impersonation but failed. Badly. "See?" said Riane, appearing on board. "Randomness. Plotholes everywhere." "There are so many plotholes that this story has become unstable..." A sexy, black-winged genius named Folkon mused in the background. Piers drank too much rum and fell over wasted. Meanwhile..."Heeeey!" Sora waved to the boat of the wasted Piers. "Someone! Let me on board!"Riane peeked overboard. "Oh geez..." Lucian, meanwhile, rummaged around for whatever Piers had been drinking...

The Demon Realm

Auril and Fomortiis exchanged nervous glances, then knocked on the door of their third child's bedroom. Ezekiel, who was standing near them, glowered. "This will bring doom on all of you..."

"Shut up, prophet! At least Formotiss 1 likes you!!" The Demon King growled. Ezekiel sighed. "And naming one of your children after a sexier version of your name wasn't good enough? At least Formotiss 2 calls himself Lucian now..." A tortured scream rang out from Formotiss' bedroom, and a few delighted peals of laughter rang through the air, but stopped abruptly as Auril knocked again. The door opened a crack, and two glaring red eyes appeared in the darkness. "What do you want, old man? I'm playing a game right now..." Another agonized cry. "Pops has need of your destructive talents..." Ezekiel announced, bored. He buried his face back into a several thousand page book. Evil genius-prophets love reading! Formotiss chuckled and stepped out of his room, the door closing with a final-sounding thud behind him. He looked just like Lucian, only a year older, and much more sadistic. He fingered his cross. "So, you want me to go fetch my wayward brother, eh? Or should I say... Weyard brother..." A penguin fell onto the floor in front of him, thanks to another plothole. One glance from the sexy demon set it mercilessly on fire, and the anguished screams of penguin lovers everywhere echoed in the background. Indeed, there were few things as evil as penguin killers... This boded ill for Lucian, indeed! Once Formotiss had left, Lute, Artur, and an army of penguins burst into his room. A thief of about fifteen was shackled in the corner, hyperventilating with fear and pain. Lute squealed and freed him with a burst of magic, then swept the traumatized rogue into her arms. "LET'S ADOPT HIM!!" Artur blinked. "But... he's only like four years younger then us!!" Lute ignored him and tried to give her 'baby' a bottle of chocolate milk.

Hyrule

"I prefer the name Vio," growled the purple Link. "And what we do is go fight Ganon. Because they'll have to snap out of it then if they value their lives."

"Okay, purps!" Greeny said, oblivious to Vio's anger. Red swooned and fell into his/her/it's lovers arms in the background.

Ganon's castle

Ganon mwhahaha'd. Vaati wondered how he'd ended up here. Zant burped the ABC's.