Purple/Vio burst in, looking all heroic. And dragging Green after. "We're going to pwn you now, sirs." And he promptly pwned Zant. Ganon laughed insanely and threw a large, flightless bird at green, smushing him into the floor. Red and blue started singing 'Ring around the Rosie' while Vaati shrieked a spell that summoned the drunken Navi's to ATTACK!! But the Drunken Navis were on lunch break. With Ganon and Green Link not really doing anything, and Vio smushed, a lull in the action appeared... "No, I smushed Greeny, not Vio!" Ganon pouted. The charred remains of Zant screamed insults at no one in particular. Red and Blue's zealous dancing smashed Vaati against the wall. "I chose to smush myself," Vio replied simply. "It's kind of a 'there is no spoon' type phenomenon." At that moment, a Neo fell out of a plothole. "This is not the real world. Come with me. I will show you the truth." He said dramatically. "Shut up, Neo. I like the truth, and I like smushing myself." Ganon let out a rabid scream and flew ninja-like at Blue and Red. "NOOOOO!" screamed the wall dramatically, flinging itself in the way. Ganon smacked into it, producing a satisfying smacking noise.

-Hyrule-

"Oh, yes I can!" Jenna comforted. "Here...I'll even cut the grass for you, to show my love!"

But unfortunately, what popped out was not a heart, but a very pissed minish… with a hose!!

Jenna stepped on the Minish, and ground her foot into the ground until there was a satisfying "squelch". And she proceeded to find a heart. "Here, see, Aku-chan?" Axel stuffed it into his chest and he and Jenna did a sexy little dance. That's when Ansem and Zexion showed up. "HEARTS!!!" The grass sighed. It was in for a lot of abuse today... Soon, the Organization had set up a huge lawn mower and were happily collecting hearts. Malificent came over and bitched at everyone. Before Malificent was crushed by the random popping up of Sora. "Haha! YES! Finally!" A random elephant popped up beside Sora. But this was no ORDINARY elephant... It was a wish-granting elephant!! And that's when Sora realized...this whole thing was a SIDEQUEST! Still, he acted casual. "Hello, wish-granting elephant."

"Peanut." Replied the elephant knowingly.

"Huh whut?" Axel said, confused. The elephant gave him a pitying look.

"Peanut."

"Wha the...?"

-Ocean-

Riane threw Sora a rope, and he scrambled on board. "Phew...thanks."

"No prob...oh, and just ignore Lucian over there. He wants to get drunk, even though there's no rum left. It takes Piers around 300 bottles to get wasted," Riane monotone'd. Lucian sulked, then realized that getting drunk and vomiting, as cool as that would be, was not going to give Riane the 'I'm a cool dude' impression he wanted her to have of him. Suddenly, a guy who looked like an older version of Lucian popped out of a plot hole, yawning boredly. Lucian hissed. "My brother who stole my old name, curse the curr!!" Suddenly, a certain fishy-captained ship shot a hole into Pier's. Lyon and Knoll made cute squeaky noises and switched ships.

Of course, Piers's ship was the Almighty Lemurian Ship of Lemuria, and thus could regenerate. And it did.

Riane was utterly confused by all the sudden people popping up. "Huh whut?" The authoress' gave Riane a few quiet minutes to adjust to the randomness...

-Grado-

Seth was excited!! Eirika was looking RIGHT AT HIM!! Maybe she would say she loved him!!

"That is one sexy..."

Seth's heart skipped a beat.

"PONY!!" Seth fell off his horse, pwned. Eirika went over and cuddled his horsey.

Of course, his horsey, contrary to popular (Seth's) belief, was not possessed by Satan.

It was Satan.

And somewhere far in the distance, Tales of Symphonia loomed...

LOOM.

LOOM.

FRUIT OF THE LOOM.

Fomortiis popped up and spoke to the horse. "FATHER?!?"

-Pier's boat-

Jack Sparrow murdered fishface. Formotiss took advantage of Riane's stunnedness to sneak up and kiss her gently on the cheek in a sexy, vampire-before-he-kills-you Judas kinda way... Actually, Formotiss WAS a vampire, with seductive charm. NOT GOOD. Lucian and Lyon both emitted steam... literally. And then Riane slapped Formortiss. "Eugh! You drool too much! And I don't appreciate just randomly being kissed, dumbass!"

-somewhere-

The horse scowled at its most disappointing son, before trotting off.

And the impending wave of Tales of Symphonia-ness washed over Fomortiis.

-Boat-

Formotiss went from flirting to angry real fast. How DARE that insolent human wench slap HIM, prince of all things sexy and evil?! Lucian lol'd in the background. Eirika fell out of another plothole and started making out with Lyon. And that's when the universe, full of too many plotholes, collapsed.

-Some Dark, Spooky Place That Doesn't Exist-

"Huh?"

"Where are we?"

"KISS ME, LYON!!"

A commanding voice boomed out over them all. "You are in prison for stupidity! No plotholes can come into exsistence to free you here! Your trial before the Grand Court of Aliens From Various Movies shall begin tomorrow!!"

"Eh...heh." Riane pawed around in the darkness. "Hey! A light switch!"

"TURN IT OFF!!" Lyon howled, already with his shirt off. Eirika screamed the same thing. But they were ignored, as everyone was too busy staring at the other thing in the prison. Which was a nest of large, man-eating spiders. Go figure. Riane glanced at the other switches on the wall. "There's a 'Smite Man-Eating Spider' switch..." Knoll, unable to help himself, pressed the 'Cookie' switch. Millions of cookies started to pour into the cell, which was really cool, until everyone realized that they were going to be crushed beneath them... how ironic. Eirika shrieked and clung to shirtless Lyon. "I don't want to die a virgin!!"

"But you AREN'T a virgin, sugarplum!" Knoll popped up and said brightly "I'm one! Kiss me, Eirika!!"

But Riane turned off the "Cookie" switch. "Well, at least we won't starve." Lyon let out a dramatic gasp. Knoll pushed him so that he rolled down the mound of cookies, then attempted to smooch a shrieking Eirika. An alien named Mr. Jenkins grabbed Lucian and Riane-it was their turn to show up in court. "MOOOOOM! I'm being kidnapped by aliens!!!" Riane shrieked. Eirika and Lyon were too busy in the resumed darkness to overly care. The alien judge pointed a slimy green finger at Riane. "You, girl! Is it true that you have particapated in randomness such as blending Golden Sun and Fire Emblem?!" Suddenly another alien shrieked. "It's not their fault, it's the authoress'! THEY MUST BE BURNED AT THE STAKE!!" And so the aliens set everyone free and ran off to find a certain pink pokemon and purple-haired ghostie...

-Hyrule-

Vio cackled. Suddenly, a Tales of Symphonia character flew out of nowhere and smacked into Vio, producing another pleasant sound. Said character was Colette, the angel who trips over her own feet. Vio flicked her back into her own fandom. Vio was then attacked by a mob of hamsters, who carted him and the other Zelda characters deep into the Hamster Hole of Hell, where they would be the main course of this year's Furry Feast!! -Gaspeth- "...Well, this sucks," quoth Vio. They were thrown at the feet of an overly obese hamster named Hamtaro. He cackled insanely, blubber jiggling. "Shall we fry you, or mash you, or pickle you?! So many choices!!" His fat little toes wiggled in delightful anticipation. Red Link let out a high-pitched, feminine scream. "How about you let us go without hurting us?" Vio suggested. Hamtaro's mind was overwhelmed with too many possibilities, and he burst into flames. FLUFFY flames!!

Needless to say, the other hamsters were ticked and threw everyone in a giant oven.

"NUUUUU!" wailed the Green Link. Vio read a book and tried to ignore Red and Blue.

-Somewhere-

"I...don't have any," Sora replied. The elephant beamed. "That is the question. Now, what is the answer?" All this philosophical peanut talk made Axel burst into flames. Jenna proceeded to molest the burning Axel.

Sora thought for a moment. "...To...get you a peanut." The elephant nodded sagely.

In the background, another person wasn't quite as good with genies...

"I shall gwant you twee wishes!!"

"First, I wish my head wasn't so small and my body wasn't so big." Said the small-headed big-bodied dude.

"Done!" Now the guy was a bigheaded pinbody.

"Uh... I wish my body and head were normal!"

"Sheesh... done."

"Um... I wish my body and head were back to the way they were before my first wish."

"Aye aye aye... Good gweif."

And the stupid man went away, contented.

Sora summoned a peanut. "Uh...there."

"YOU HAVE TWEE WISHES!!" The elephant bellowed. "And no wishing for more, cheater!"

"Hmmm...I wish...that Kairi will think I'm smexier than anyone or anything else for eternity!" He proclaimed. "Done!" Kairi ran over and slobbered lovingly over her idol.

"Two to go! If you were a REALLY nice person, you would wish for Link(s) and friends to be saved from the evil hamsters!!"

Sora shrugged. "Eh, why not? I can't think of anything else." A plothole opened up and dumped everyone on Sora. Kairi squealed jealously. Only SHE was allowed to touch!!

"MINEEE!!" Blue Link shrieked, spotting the elusive wish-granting mammal.

"Hey!" Sora shouted. "I had to go through a philosophical hell for that elephant! Kairi! KILL!"

What with the inclusion of "hell" in his sentence, he didn't need to tell Kairi to attack. Kairi began gnawing on Blue Link's arm while Red Link went berserk and grabbed an axe. The elephant watched, somewhat frightened. Not to mention creation lurched when Sora had said "hell" a few sentences back.

Sora seemed scared by the axe as well. "N-nevermind! Kairi, get back here! Please?" There was then a highly intense battle scene in which emus were trampled, penguins were thrown, and the elephant was stabbed with an axe and several cucumbers. In the end, Sora swept up Kairi and fled. "For the love of..." he panted once safe. "What's gotten into them?!" Little did Sora know that something HAD gotten into them. A small type of fly, related to the wooly rhino, for some reason, had recently bitten all of the Legend of Zelda characters. And this fly just happened to be carrying RIOFW disease... Random Insanity of Fangirl's Whims disease.

-Somewhere-

Riane shrugged. "Sucks to be them."

"Sucks to be you, actually." Said Formotiss casually, wandering over with a doughnut. "It's time to destroy you for rejecting my advances, girly. And then to drag my little brother back home." Formotiss laughed. "Actually, that's not going to happen. You see, I've already seduced the authoress who writes the longer paragraphs. She's a complete retard, but charming her did have some use... such as making me undefeatable while in this fanfic!" He grinned triumphantly. Riane flipped the "Invincibility" switch to the Off position. "Anything else?"

"Just that." He said, gesturing casually behind Riane. And that, my dear children, is when the blood dragon pounced. Riane found herself pinned. "...Well, this is uncomfortable..." Formotiss ROFL'd.

"Take her to my bedroom!! My EVIL bedroom!! Mwhaha-"

"SHE'S ONLY THIRTEEN, YOU PERV!!"

"Well, I'm only fourteen too, and if I'm a virgin, Lute'll be after my blood. Besides, she's wicked cute! She'll make an adorable vampire!"

"I'LL SAVE YOU, RIANE!!"

"Oh no you shan't. Super wedgie!!" Formotiss cackled and began tormenting his wikkle sibling in various shameful ways. "Nooooo!" Riane wailed dramatically. "Don't hurt him!" But it was far too late. Lucian was far gone mentally, wandering around in a traumatized daze with his underwear on his head, clown-face makeup on his face, flowers in his hair, rubber duckies in his pants, and wearing a frilly pink dress. Riane was tossed onto the Large Demonic Bed of all things Lovey-Wuvey. Formotiss cackled before shutting and locking the door. "I'll be back for you in a second, my sweet! But first... Oh Luuucian... Remember Mr.Snugglywums, your teddy bear?! He misses yooou!!" He called in a sing-song voice. Lucian let out an agonized shriek. A familiar brown-haired head popped up beside Riane. "Hey, it's me, babe! I'm Formotiss' new pet! Kewl, huh?" Flisk announced proudly, showing off his collar, which had 'Mr.McFuckwit' written on the tag and waving his shackled hand to say hello. Then he got a blank, dreamy look on his face. "Waitaminute... There's you... and me... in a room... widda bed..." Pixie then appeared, shrieked in a deranged manner, and began to beat the ever-living shit out of Flisk for being an unfaithful he-slut.

-Hyrule-

And the only cure was an elixir made from molotov cocktails, hair from the nostril of a god, and Splenda.

Sora knew none of this, poor soul. Mr. Shrinkydinks, however, did...

And he already had one of Fomortiis' nostril hairs!!

-Somewhere-

"Saay...hold off a moment." Riane smirked cunningly. "Flisk...I know another room with a bed...Say, why don't we go there?"

"ZOMG rly 1337ne$$!!" Flisk then smashed his way through the walls with his head and many repeatings of the word 'OWIE!!', making a convenient escape route. Formotiss burst into the room a moment later, chocolates and flowers in his arms. He howled.

"NNNNNUUUUUZZZZ!!"

Lucian giggled in the background, where he was drinking tea.

"I am MRS. NESBIT!!"

The evil robot smiled and shook Sora's hand warmly before saying in a metallic voice "I will destroy you now have a nice day!" "Er..." Sora pulled out a chainsaw Keyblade and destroyed the robot. Then a large, rainbow colored monkey kidnapped Kairi and brought her back to the lair of its employer... AKA, Riku's house!!

Sora gasped surprised-ly, then went on an epic quest to find Riku.

...Riku, whose monkeys had also kidnapped Riane. And boy, was she pissed.

-Under WHERE?!-

Formotiss howled in anguish and applied more gothic make up to himself. His brother, who was suspended upside down from the ceiling, said boredly "Maybe if you'd stop cutting yourself and being emo, we could have some brotherly bonding time."

A bat popped out of nowhere. "Don't share razors with other emos, Formortiss! You could get AIDS!"

Knoll ran in and snatched the razor. "MY emo self-mutilating device!!"

Formotiss collapsed on the ground and moaned about how he couldn't live without his 'Riane-wany.'

"I have AIDs!!" The bat announced cheerily in the background.

"I shall save her!!" Formotiss shouted excitedly. "Then, she will fall madly in love with me!!"

Lucian sniffed.

"She's MY girlfriend!!"

"But, little brother, men are so much more your type!"

"WHAAAAAT?!?"

-Other Place-

Meanwhile, after a series of long and rather random events, Flisk lay on the ground, having died after heroically saving Pixie from an enraged baby piggy and then accidentally stabbing hisself in the ass with his own sword. Pixie sobbed over the lifeless body, which was still handsome even in death. "Oh F-Flisk... I never admitted it, but... I've a-always l-loved you..." Flisk popped up and kissed a startled Pixie smack on the lips, then crowed "I KNEW it!!" Pixie swelled to a titanic size, her face going an ugly shade of purple. Flisk gulped. "I-I don't think pixies are s-supposed to b-be that c-color!!" And Innes was YouTubing every moment of Flisk's idiocy. A few hours later, what was left of Flisk decided that dating gothic pixies was a veeery tricky business as she pushed him out on a plank hanging over a sea of boiling lava. That's when the Light of Inspiration struck Flisk. Why not try to win Riane...again? Yeees, she would LOVE his new furry-collared, furry-sleeved jacket!! It had FRILLS, for God's sake!! He happily skipped off to find his beloved.

-House-

Meanwhile, Riku laughed rather manically. "Now, my two beautiful captives, shall we take a bubble bath or watch Simpsons reruns until our heads explode?!"

Riane thought for a moment. "How about...you let us go and catch yourself Sora instead?" Riku snorted. "And give the yaoi fangirls a chance to make naughty things happen? No way!"

Riane silently cursed. "Okay...how about...I'll, uh, give you a box of Sharpies if you let us go. You were high when you got killed before, right?"

Riku laughed. "Sexy ladies before high-sensation producing devices!!"

At that moment, Lucian, Lyon, and Formotiss burst in, looking PO'd.

"...Well, you had your chance!" Riane snatched Lucian and ran for it.

And that moment, Sora also burst in, looking equally PO'd.

But before Sora could do anything, a certain gwyllgi of old bounced in and happily devoured Riku.

All the PO'd guys who had come barging in just stared...

"...Well, it's about time for my coffee break," Sora said, breaking the silence.

No one moved.

...Well, except Flisk, who came in and carted off Riane to the virgin isles...

She didn't look too happy about it. "What the heck do you want?"

Flisk, who had a rose clamped between his teeth, giggled naughtily.

"Wanna rub my frills? Can I hold your hand? Can I rub your aaarm?" He said, hearts bursting into existence around him. "No, no, and no. Now FUCK OFF!" Unfortunately for Riane, Flisk took that the wrong way and saw it as her giving him permission to glomp her. At that moment, Lucian and Formotiss gallumphed in, riding radioactive hippos. They then both got in a bitchy slap fight over who would rescue her. "Flisk? May I stab you in the gut with this extremely painful and pointy sword I stole from Sephiroth?" Riane asked sweetly. Flisk pouted. "Why don't you like me? I might be annoying, but isn't that kinda cute? I mean, look at puppies!! They pee all over the floor and eat your shoes, and yet everyone loves them!!"

Formotiss shoved Lucian out of the way and sprayed breath freshener into his mouth before slicking back his hair, as sexy people often do. "Yah, Riane! It's time for you to choose-Me, retardo, or my wimpy little brother?" But Riane had disappeared through a plothole so she could convince Eirika to go save Lyon from the evil sword Margie.

A tumbleweed blew across the room.

"I don't think she likes us!!" Flisk screeched before bursting into tears.

Lucian and Fomortiss made agonized noises and writhed on the floor. Ah yes, love! You see, when one authoress wants to be romantic and the other doesn't, EVERYONE gets caught in the crossfire!! Lucian was potential material at one point, but then he, too, got caught up in the randomness. Fomortiss started off sexily, but was likewise ensnared. And Flisk... was Flisk. As the three tortured lovers wailed their anguish, a small, bearded man in white robes appeared in the room. And held up a bottle. A heart-shaped bottle. With the words 'Love Potion' written on it. The three boys stopped mid-wail and stared. The bearded man arched an eyebrow. "Having girl troubles, are we?" Another tumbleweed blew across. Perhaps the reason for the "Tumbleweed XING" sign. Then again, maybe it was because they were in the Gerudo desert... Just as the three desperate males lunged for the potion, a horde of kick-ass Gerudo girls came and captured them...

"Oooh... I like this game!!" Said Formotiss, winking suggestively at the female who had him tied to a chair. She growled and poked him with a porcupine. "You and you're friends are going to tell us where you put our wikkle Ganon and Dingledorf babykins, OR PERISH UNDER THE FLAMING SUN!!"

"Do you like to play games? In bed, preferably?"

"SILENCE!!"

Flisk burbled wimpily. "Don't hurt meee!! Love meee!!"

Lucian hated his life.

-Somewhere-

Lyon and Leon popped in. "Wow, you're pregnant, who would've guessed, I mean when do we ever sleep together?" Lyon said, bemused. Eirika looked thoughtful. "Well, I remember 1,476 times in the past month alone..." Lyon blushed. "Oh... err... right..."

"Wow, I guess Dad doesn't need saving after all," Riane said with mock amusement. She then proceeded to devour a leftover cookie. Lucian, however, did need saving.