Ok, well, I wasn't gonna do this, but I got so many reviews asking for more, so...well as they say, give the fans a show, ne?
How to Tick off Fullmetal: (written by Roy Mustang)
Lesson 1: When attempting to tick off Fullmetal, it is important to bring up his height.
Example: April 27:
Roy Mustang walked into work to find Edward Elric standing in front of his office door, pacing.
"Can I help you, Fullmetal?" Roy asked with his usual smirk.
"Yeah, you can tell me why the hell you had me deliver a miniskirt to Riza!" Ed bellowed. Everyone else in the building silenced.
"That's simple, Fullmetal. I needed a good laugh and you're easy to fool. That's all there is to it," he pushed passed Ed, unlocking the door to his office and stepping inside.
Ed followed him, slamming the door behind him, standing in front of Roy's desk, as the Colonel walked calmly to it and sat down. After a few minutes of observing the amount of paperwork, he looked back up at Ed, and he could have sworn he say steam coming from his ears.
"Wow, I almost didn't see you there. What with your height and all, it almost looked like the desk was taller."
"DAMN IT ROY! GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!" Ed screamed, infuriated. There was still a big red mark where the desk had nailed him in the face the day before.
"Yes, well. Don't blame me if you're vertically challenged," Roy said ignoring the boy as he shifted in his chair searching the desk drawers for a pen.
"Verti- WHAT! Where do you get this stuff anyways?"
"I told you already. I wrote a book. It's all about ticking you off," Roy said casually.
"What kind of Moron writes a book about pissing off other people!"
"Well, I'd say me, but I'm not a moron. I wrote it over the years that I've known you, and as a matter of fact, I add to it every day. I like to experiment with what words and actions really make you blow."
"IS THAT A FRICKIN' HOBBY OR SOMETHING!"
"Yes. Yes it is. Besides staring at swimsuit magazines, that it was I do in my free time."
Ed's face dropped from ten levels up the anger scale to a wide-eyed look of both fear for his sanity and disbelief of the Colonel's words. Frustrated, he sighed and turned to walk out of the room.
"Oh, Edward," Roy said before Ed had a chance to slam the door.
Ed turned around in time to catch a small medicine bottle.
"What's this?" he asked, thoroughly curious.
"Growing pills," Roy replied with a look of absolute seriousness on his face. "Take those with some milk, and I might actually be able to see you past my desk next time."
Instead of an answer, Roy received the pain of the pill bottle slamming into his skull as the door slammed shut behind Edward. Despite the pain in his forehead, Roy couldn't help but chuckle to himself. He took out the manuscript for the book, 'How to Tick Off Fullmetal,' and wrote:
However, when poking fun at the size of the Pint-Sized Alchemist, be prepared to endure head injuries and minor concussions. Despite the pain, it is certainly worth it.
Ok, I know, that's kinda weird, but you wanted more! I figure I'll add more Lessons, having Roy have interviewed those Ed has come in contact with and adding those encounters. Or something like that. Anyways, more is certain to come as I am sure to continue being random! As a side note for those of you who are like me and live in an alternate reality surrounded by anime people, the book 'How to Tick Off Fullmetal' currently on sale, and it's lessons really work!
