Chapter 8: Life in Disguise

Well it's there under you breath,
Behind your eyes,
And you don't have to say nothing,
Cause I realize
That everything somehow in someway
Eventually dies.
It's life in disguise.

Meredith walked into the locker room and quickly changed. The room was full with people, but she didn't acknowledge any of them. As the room began to empty out, she placed her purse in her locker and shut the door. As she headed to the door, Cristina came through.

"Heard you froze yesterday," Cristina throughout, as if it was an everyday thing.

Meredith stopped and looked back at Cristina who had made her way to her own locker, "What?" she asked, fully knowing the answer to that question.

"You froze," Cristina stated.

"Yeah," Meredith quietly confessed.

Cristina got back to what she was doing, so Meredith headed back to the door. She pulled it open when she heard Cristina again, "So, why'd you freeze?"

Meredith looked back at Cristina, feeling like she was suffering from déjà vu. Of course the conversation was different, but it was strange how much this mirrored her last conversation with Cristina. Meredith thought for a moment, trying to come up with a response. She looked up at Cristina, who still hadn't figured out the leverage of this conversation. Deciding she better keep quiet, Meredith pulled the door open farther and hurried out of it, leaving Cristina unanswered.


Almost the second she walked out of the locker room, her pager went off. She looked at it, finding a 911 to room 437. She gave her pager a confused look, but knowing it offered no explanation, she headed to her destination.

Upon reaching the room, she noticed the small plaque on the door. "Dr. Shepherd's office… wonderful," she mumbled sarcastically before knocking gently on the door.

After a quiet greeting, Meredith opened the door. Derek offered her a seat opposite of his desk, which she politely took. "You paged?" she said, interrupting their silent conversation.

"I wanted to talk to you about Kendall Holdon," he explained as he gestured to a file sitting at the edge of his desk.

Meredith's forehead wrinkled, "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."

Derek picked up the file and placed it in front of her, "The little girl that came in last night," he said, seeing the distressed look take over Meredith, "I thought I'd just let you know of her condition." Meredith looked up to him and he was a little taken back by the vulnerability in her eyes. Upon her arrival, he'd done a little bit of research about her. This woman hadn't been what he'd been expecting. He cleared his throat before continuing, "Her left arm was broken and she had an acute subdural hematoma. When I went in, she didn't seem to have much of a chance, but she made it through." Derek had felt her suck in air, but quickly release it in relief at hearing she'd survived.

"Has she woken up?" Meredith asked, knowing as well as he did that surviving the surgery wasn't always enough.

Derek smiled, "About four this morning with her parents at her side."

Meredith just relaxed, happy that the little girl had made it. "She's very lucky."

"She is," he agreed. He sat back into his chair, ignoring the small squeak it made, "I looked up some of the things you've done. You're a very distinguished surgeon."

"Thank you," she answered quietly.

Derek sensed her hesitation in agreeing to that. It wasn't good if she doubted herself. Doubt was like poison in the OR; it killed. Derek opened his mouth to speak, but shut it realizing that the door was opening.

Meredith turned around at the sound, surprised to see Dr. Webber walking in with two charts in his hands. "Oh, Dr. Grey. I wasn't expecting to see you in here."

"I'll just go," she said quickly as she stood up and headed for the door.

"Oh, no," the Chief said, placing his hand on her shoulder to stop her, "I needed to speak with both of you anyways."

Meredith's eyes fell down to his hand. It wasn't that she felt violated or anything, she just wasn't used to human contact anymore. That thought alone had made her feel even more pathetic than she had after she left the locker room only minutes ago.

As her eyes trailed up to him, he sensed the strange contorted shock in her eyes. He quickly moved his hand away, just as Derek had the night before. Apparently she wasn't worthy of human contact either.

Derek cleared his throat, earning two pairs of eyes staring at him. He had purposely interrupted whatever had been happening, but apparently the awkwardness in the room didn't subside. In an effort to force it to, he stood up and walked next to Meredith, his eyes on the Chief. "So, what did you need?"

Meredith's eyes flashed to Derek and his closeness to her. She was beginning to think that he felt a need to protect her, even though he had no idea what to protect her from. Had she been whom she used to be, she might be grateful or think it was sweet or something along those lines. But, she wasn't. She didn't find it sweet and she wasn't grateful. She could stand on her own two feet. She'd been doing it for as long as she could remember. There was no reason that she should need some hotshot brain surgeon to help her. After all, she was supposed to be one of those hotshot brain surgeons.

"I have two VIP patients. One is unfortunately the mayor's daughter, the other his one of the board member's wife," the Chief said as he handed them both a chart.

"Derek, the wife's procedure is a minor one, but she is still VIP," he said as Derek began looking through the various charts and lab results, "Now, Meredith, the daughter's procedure is a little more difficult. She's only three years old, but the tests done at Mercy show that the left side of her brain is dead."

"You want me to remove half of her brain?" Meredith choked out, completely unsure of her words.

"Yes," the Chief answered confidently with a nod.

"Half of a three year old's brain?" she asked again, desperately searching for something besides what the chart already confirmed.

"I saw that you did an operation similar on a little boy who was about five three years ago," the Chief explained.

Meredith closed her eyes and swallowed hard, "That little boy died on the table."

"I know," the Chief explained, "But it wasn't anything you did. And this girl is younger. That gives her a better chance at survival."

Meredith was about to protest again when Derek took the chart from her hands and started looking at it. Meredith and the Chief both turned to him puzzled. "I've done something slightly similar to this on a three year old, but it wasn't nearly as bad," he explained before closing the chart. He looked at the Chief briefly before turning his eyes to Meredith, "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like a chance at this."

"Derek, you have Mr. Yeatt's wife," the Chief said, but it went unnoticed by Meredith. She looked at Derek, trying to figure this out. She didn't understand why he was doing this. Maybe he just really wanted the surgery; after all, if he were successful, it would probably secure his position at the hospital. Not that Meredith had seriously thought about staying here, but still. She was hoping that that was true because she didn't want to think what else could possibly be motivating him.

"Dr. Grey can handle Mrs. Yeatts, I'm sure," Derek said as he offered her the other chart, "Not that she couldn't handle the little girl either." Derek smiled at her, but only received an ambivalent look in her eyes. "Dr. Grey, when was the last time you did a procedure like Mrs. Yeatts?"

Meredith continued to look at him, completely lost for words. He nodded a little, encouraging her to go on with it, "Probably about a year. It's a simple one, but it's still invigorating," she answered, her eyes never leaving Derek's.

The Chief stood there, taking notice of every aspect of their exchange. He wasn't completely sure what was unraveling before him, but it made him hesitant to keep Meredith in Seattle for much longer. The Meredith he'd known was competitive and she would never give up a good surgery just because a minor one was refreshing. There was something different about her from the last time he'd seen her, but he couldn't pinpoint it. Figuring that they were beginning to question his staring, he spoke up, "I suppose that's fine. Just remember they're both VIP patients and I want their surgeries to be scheduled as soon as possible."

They both nodded in response before the Chief absently gave them a questioning look. He said a minor good-bye before walking out of the room. Meredith stayed for a moment, words at the tip of her tongue. She kept a tight grip on the chart, as silence filled the small office. Derek opened his mouth and she looked up at him. Before he could say anything, she turned around and disappeared down the hall.