Chapter 14: Your Eyes Open
Well it's a lonely road that you have chosen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a long time since your heart was frozen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
"Hey, Meredith?"
Meredith turned around as she reached the hospital doors and met Cristina's eyes. She stopped walking and waited for Cristina to catch up with her, "Yeah?"
"Where are you headed?" Cristina asked as they both walked into the night.
"Home," Meredith answered.
"Oh, no. It's Friday night. You are not going home," Cristina said, "Come over to Joe's with me. I'm meeting the residents there that I introduced you to."
"Joe's?" Meredith asked as they reached Cristina's motorcycle.
Cristina grabbed her helmet and placed it over her bushy curls, "Emerald City Bar, right across the street," she answered as she gestured across the busy Seattle street. "You in?"
"Uh… sure," Meredith finally said giving in. After all, her house was still unlivable and she didn't have anywhere else to go.
"So, Meredith, where are you from?" Izzie asked, deciding to imitate the conversation after the group had all been handed a fresh beer.
"New York City," Meredith answered, she took a swig of her beer, not really impressed with the taste at all. "What's the bartender's name?"
"Joe," George called out. "He's a nice guy," George said as he leaned over to Meredith.
"What can I get for ya?" a bigger man said as he approached the group, placing his towel down on the counter behind the bar.
"Four shots of tequila," Meredith said. "No salt, no lime."
"You're going to be sorry in the morning," Joe chuckled as he placed the four shots of tequila in front of her and began pouring her chosen poison.
"I'm always sorry in the morning," Meredith mumbled to no one unparticular.
"Do you really want to get plastered when you have work in the morning?" George asked hesitantly.
Cristina rolled her eyes, "She's hardcore Bambi. Just cause you can't hold down your liquor, doesn't mean you have to spoil it for everyone else. Besides, who cares how she winds day from a busy day of surgery?"
Meredith took the first shot quickly, enjoying the burning sensation on her throat. She placed down the shot glass and looked at the group around her who was giving her strange looks, "What?"
"Doesn't tequila kind of burn? Especially without salt or lime?" George asked. She was definitely beginning to see why he was called Bambi. He was a little too wimpy for her.
"It's good," Meredith said as she took the second shot.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," Cristina said with a smile on her face as she turned her head down the bar to where Joe was. "Hey Joe! Bring us a few more shots of tequila. I think I'm going to take a few with my fellow attending."
"You two are going to hate yourself in the morning," Izzie said with a small laugh as she finished off her beer.
"Four shots of tequila? You really think that's going to get me drunk?" Meredith asked. She didn't know these people very much, but she did have to admit, tequila did make her loosen up a bit from her usual tense self. "I can take a whole lot more before I begin any drunken behaviors. I may be small, but I can hold my alcohol."
"Welcome to Seattle, Meredith," Cristina said as she took her first shot.
Meredith smiled and took another shot.
She felt strange sitting in a bar, taking tequila shots like she had no responsibilities. She used to do that when she was in college and medical school, but over the years she'd stopped. She gotten busy, gained a life, and added on too many responsibilities to cloud her mind with her favorite poison. It was like she was taking four steps back in life, going back to the carefree young adult stage that she'd left a long time ago. Some may have found it irresponsible, but she had nowhere else to be. And for the first time in a long time, she felt like she might be finding some friends.
"Cristina, I was in surgery with Burke today and he let me decanulate a heart. It's like a whole new kind of surgical high, like seriously. It's amazing. I decanulated the heart and then closed up. Flawlessly. I mean, Burke was over my shoulder telling me what do to, but I did it completely by myself. That's amazing right?" Izzie rambled, completely satisfied with her own accomplishment.
"I decanulated a heart for the first time four years ago," Cristina said dully.
Izzie's ecstatic expression didn't change, "Well, you've been a surgeon longer. Not to mention the fact that you and Burke have been sleeping together forever."
"You are Dr. Burke are together?" Meredith asked, her interested peaked slightly.
"No, we're not together," Cristina said quickly, "We tried being together, but we're not. He's into emotions and spiritual crap and religions. I'm not. We're not together."
"Except in random on-call rooms," Izzie sneaked in, receiving a death glare from Cristina.
"At least I'm not sleeping with Alex," Cristina shot back, slightly happy that she brought that up.
Izzie's oh-so-happy attitude fell immediately, "No, not at all. That was a one-time lapse in judgment."
"Actually, it was a four-time lapse in judgment," Alex said as he sat down on the empty barstool next to Izzie, grabbing a beer from Joe.
Izzie eyed him carefully, glaring at his proud smirk, "Okay, fine, a four-time lapse in judgment. Still, it will never happen again."
Meredith took another shot of tequila, finishing up the second group of shot glasses that Joe had prepared for her, "So, what, do you guys hang out here every night?"
"Basically," Cristina said taking a drink of her beer. Apparently she doesn't enjoy tequila just as much as Meredith does. "Most of the doctors hang out here."
"Really?" Meredith asked as she turned around and saw a few familiar faces from the hospital at a few of the tables.
"Yes, and it seems that one surgeon happens to have taken a liking to watching you and your tequila," Cristina said as she leaned the tip of her bottle in the direction of the booth in the back corner of the bar.
Meredith followed Cristina's hint and met Derek's eyes. She immediately looked away and called for Joe, "Can I get a few more shots?"
"Aren't you going to be cutting open a few brains tomorrow?" Joe asked as he took away the empty glasses.
"Maybe," Meredith said as she shrugged it off her shoulders.
"That isn't something that should be taken lightly," he said as he shook his head and poured three more shots. "I think this should be all for you tonight, Dr. Grey."
Meredith ignored his last comment and took her first shot quickly. She figured that Cristina was the kind of person who would get suspicious if she didn't respond to that comment about Derek, but she didn't know what to say. She really didn't want them to know that she had slept with him last night. Well, she didn't really sleep with him. They slept in the same bed. No big deal, right?
Right.
"Excuse me, Dr. Yang," Derek said as he stepped in between Meredith and Cristina and placed his empty glass on the bar, "Joe? Can I get another drink?"
"Sure thing, Doc," Joe replied quickly.
"How are you all doing tonight?" Derek asked, purposely not looking or personally acknowledging Meredith.
"Just fine, Dr. Shepherd," Izzie answered happily.
Cristina looked at her bubbly voice and rolled her eyes, completely ignoring Derek all together.
"So, Burke says you two are back together," Derek commented.
"Oh, he does?" Cristina said as she turned to Derek, receiving a nod from him, "Well, your eyes say you want to sleep with Dr. Grey."
Meredith took another shot and slammed the empty glass on the bar, "I think it's time I should get going," she said as she stood up and put her jacket around. "Thanks for the drinks, Joe," she said as she placed down the money she owed.
"Dr. Grey?" Derek finally called out after she had turned to leave already.
She stopped and turned on her heel, noticing that they all had their eyes on her and Derek now, "Yes, Dr. Shepherd?"
"Well, I was just wondering if you were heading home. I don't think your house is ready yet, but I thought I should offer to give you the clothes and things you left," he said smartly, with a smirk on his face.
Her cheeks flush with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. She didn't respond, only turning around and walking out of the bar. She heard Derek's footsteps behind her, but she didn't acknowledge him until he grabbed her arm and stopped her in the middle of the parking lot.
"You're an ass," she spit out quickly.
"Well, you're blunt tonight," Derek responded.
"And you're an ass," she repeated, turning around and heading to her car again.
Once again, Derek placed his arm out and stopped her, "Meredith, you can't go home. We both know that."
She turned around and faced him again, "If you really wanted me to go back to your trailer or even stay in Seattle, you would not have just done that in there. I really do not need a bunch of residents and an attending thinking that I'm sleeping with you. I'm not sleeping with you now and I'm not going to start."
"So, what do you want Meredith?" Derek finally said, dropping his grip on her arm and his charming smile.
"What?" Meredith asked, surprised by his tone.
"This morning we were perfectly fine. I tell you that I want you to stay in Seattle and you freak out and avoid me all day. I mention you staying with me and you get pissed off. I tried being nice and I even tried being a little rude. Either way, you're pissed off. What do you want?"
"I wasn't pissed off this morning," Meredith said, dodging his question completely.
Derek sighed, "Then what was that?"
"I just- Never mind. Pretend this whole thing didn't happen, okay? I'll just go stay at a hotel," she said as she turned around again and walked over to her Jeep, pulling out her keys.
Derek followed her as she but her keys in the car door. He placed his hand over hers, stopping her. "Stop it. We already had this conversation. You're not staying at a hotel or in the on-call room. Come on," he said as he wrapped his fingers around her hand and led her to his car.
He opened the passenger door and motioned for her to get in. She hesitated at first, but she gave in a followed his direction. He took his own seat and put his keys in the ignition, starting the car and pulling out of the driveway.
"What, so we're pretending that that whole thing didn't just happen?" Meredith finally said, breaking the silence once they were five minutes down the road.
"We're going back to when you were joking me about the trailer and I was teasing your eat habits," he answered, "So, yeah, we're going to pretend that that whole thing didn't just happen."
"Okay," Meredith said with a small nod, surprised that he was going to do that.
"Okay," she echoed.
After they reached the trailer, their night was not nearly as eventful as the night before. Derek allowed Meredith to change in the bedroom while he slipped into a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt in the living room area. By the time he was ready, she was already lying in his bed just as she had the night before.
As Derek stood in the dark doorway, he wasn't sure if she noticed him or not. She seemed to be looking off into space, her mind clearly not with them. He could easily admit that their relationship was nothing close to normal. He'd only known this woman for a few days and he'd opened his home completely to her without knowing a single thing about her. They'd already had their first fight and he really didn't even know what it was about. There was something strange about Meredith Grey, but he was hoping that she was going to let him in.
"Are you staring at me?"
"What?" Derek asked as he snapped out of his thoughts and walked into the room.
"You were staring at me," she said as she laid down on her back and watched him cross the room to his side of the bed.
"I was not," he said, not completely sure why he was denying it.
"Sure," she said sarcastically as she rolled back over to his side.
Derek turned off the small bedside lamp and climbed into the bed, wrapping the blankets around him as he adjusted to the mattress. He looked back over at Meredith and she was completely face away from him.
"Why are you looking at me again?" she asked.
"How do you know if I'm looking at you?"
She turned around and met his face, "That's how I know," she said with a little giggle.
Derek smiled solely in response to her smile. It was gorgeous and it very contagious. "There's the Meredith I found last night."
"What?" she asked, not completely following.
"The happy Meredith. The one who is light, smiley, and giggly. The one who opens up a little," Derek explained.
She shied away a little his words, her eyes following down to the small space of sheets between them.
"Tell me something no one knows about you," Derek whispered. He felt like a stupid teenager, but he didn't care. He had this overwhelming desire to know her. To know the real her; the her that no one else seemed to know.
She didn't move at first, not even looking up at him. He waited, figuring that she was thinking. Then her eyes met his, "I take photos," she whispered, an embarrassed look on her face.
"Photos?"
"I love to take my camera and go take pictures," she whispered, not even completely sure why they were whispering.
"How come people don't know that about you?" Derek asked.
She just shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know." She rolled back over on her side, turned away from Derek.
Derek situated himself again and then a small silence enfolded between them again. Derek waited and then finally spoke, "I bet you take amazing pictures, Mer."
Derek waited a little while for a response, but when he didn't get any, he figured she'd already fallen asleep. He closed his eyes and pulled the blanket up closed to him as he tried to fall to sleep.
"Goodnight, Derek," she finally whispered.
"Night, Mer."
