Sorry that this chapter took awhile and it's a little shorter than normal, but I needed to divide it this way. Hopefully I'll have the next one up soon!

Thanks so much for reading and for all of the wonderful reviews!


Chapter 16: Wait

Here I am at the edge of the road
One hand on the end of the rope
One crack and it breaks alone

The many doctors and nurses began to fill the operating room as the little boy was wheeled in on a gurney. Meredith watched from the scrub room window, trying to separate herself from the case.

She could do this. She had done this a million times. She had done it successfully on kids far worse off and much younger. She could do this.

"You okay?"

Meredith pulled herself out of her reverie and looked back as Derek's voice filled the scrub room. "Yeah, I'm fine," she answered quietly as she brushed a few strands of hair out of her face.

"You know you can do this, right?" Derek asked as he walked over to her, standing directly behind her. "I believe you can do this."

Meredith nodded, trying to not realize how close Derek was actually standing behind her. They didn't say anything at first, letting a few moments pass before he finally pulled away. He turned on the sink and began washing his hands, not surprised when she followed suit.

"I reviewed the case closer," Derek began breaking the silence he hated, "This kid seems to have a better chance than I originally thought. His latest tests are promising."

Meredith just nodded, not looking up to meet Derek's eyes. When he finally finished washing his hands, he grabbed a few paper towels and handed some to Meredith. She took them silently and dried off her hands as he dried off his own.

"Brandon. His name is Brandon," Meredith finally said, stopping Derek from passing through the doors that led to the operating room.

Derek looked back at Meredith, intrigued and confused by the way she was acting. He couldn't figure her out and it was driving him nuts. He smiled slightly, finding it amusing how interested he was in this woman whom he actually knew so little about. "Okay," he finally said, "Let's go save Brandon's life."

He opened the door for Meredith and waited as she took a deep breath before stepping inside. The nurses began placing their gloves and gowns on immediately. Before Derek knew it, Meredith switched into surgeon mode, leaving all feelings and insecurities behind.


"We're ready whenever you are," the anesthesiologist said as soon as Brandon was completely under.

"Okay," Meredith said, nodding to herself. "Drill please."

Derek watched as Meredith took the drill and began to cut through the young boy's skull. She was skilled and precise. She was exactly what he had expected her to be and still so much more.

After Meredith had gained her access to the young boy's brain, her eyes glanced up at the monitor. He was breathing. He had a steady pulse, good blood pressure. She could relax. She knew everyone in this room thought she was perfectly fine, even Derek. The OR is supposed to be the place that your feelings can fade away. And for Meredith, it used to be that place. Now things were different.

"Suction," she said absentmindedly, her body on automatic when it came to the surgery. She really didn't even know why she was doing this anymore. She didn't know why she was still a surgeon. Part of her had decided to put down her scalpel and never pick it up, but that was a long time ago and now she was in Seattle. She knew something inside of her had made her take this job and it was probably the same thing that continued to make her get up every morning, despite her desire to forget the whole world, but she didn't understand it. She couldn't pinpoint one real reason that she was still doing this; she could only find a million reasons why she shouldn't. Only a million reasons to let go.

"Clamp," Meredith continued, looking up long enough to notice that Derek hadn't moved in the hour that the surgery had already endured. His eyes weren't even focused on the brain or the screen. They were focused on her. Normally if some guy was staring at her, she would be a little freaked out, even if she were spending the night in his bed every night. She wasn't used to men like him staring at her like that. Still, despite the rareness of a new man staring intensely at her, she was almost comforted by it. Honestly, she almost wanted to stare right back and get lost in those eyes.


Cristina just watched from the gallery at the amazing surgery. She knew she was in cardio and all, but she still wanted to be scrubbed in on this surgery. The fact that Dr. Shepherd was scrubbed in, but not doing anything told her a few things, though.

She may not know this Meredith Grey and frankly, she doesn't really know Shepherd either, but she was smart enough to see something between them. Not that she cared. Because she didn't. She doesn't care about feelings or emotional crap. Besides, she knows better than most that these hospital relationships don't work out outside the hospital. They only last when you're in the confines of these closed walls, surrounded by sick people and sleep deprived doctors. Once you get in the real world, that connection fails.

In fact, it was probably the only thing in Cristina Yang's life that she hadn't been able to save from failure. And from what she knew, this Meredith Grey couldn't handle any failure at all right now.


Meredith stretched her back a little, beginning to feel the pains of a long surgery. The damage was extensive, but so far this boy had lasted. He was a fighter. He should be a survivor. More than anything, Meredith wanted him to be a survivor. She needed him to be a survivor.

Derek watched as her expression changed. In the few moments that she tried to release the pent-up tension in her body, her vulnerability showed through. She wasn't all right. It was something about this surgery, something about her past that had been bearing down on her since the moment he had met her, only a few days ago.

And the second she slipped back into her hunched over position with her tools in hand, she focused and became serious again. She became lost in the fourth dimension of surgery, a place that no one seems to completely understand.

Despite the mysterious serenity that lasted for hours, reality broke through the second the beeping sound of a straight line between life and death shattered any type of certainty in any of their minds.