Me no own-y. JK Rowling own-y. Me but a lowly minion with terrible grammar. (Flames readily accepted by the way. I've never been flamed before… Come on, you know you wanna)
10 GOLDEN RULES FOR GRYFFINDORS
1. If you have an inkling that evil is afoot, or that you are being manipulated by an infamous Dark Wizard, or that 1000 nuns and orphans will be wiped out by a flaming meteor in the near future, or even that there's no mint choc-chip ice cream left in the kitchens… tell no one. Sneak out in the middle of the night with limited magical training, hardly any experience under pressure and levels of self-righteousness that would leave Dubya in the dust. If at all possible, do so after a hearty breakfast of brain tumour.
2. While sneaking around in the middle of the night, be sure to go without thinking of a valid excuse should you be caught by teachers e.g. "Sorry Professor I was just coming to see you, you know I had the most awful dream about my mother being attacked by killer carpe, and was wondering if I might be able to contact her?" "Then why are you standing in a haunted bathroom with a trembling Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?" "I thought I'd see what sort of accommodations mum would be living in if she did snuff it.". Waiting until you are actively caught to think of an excuse is more daring and brave: You will earn more points for your house by doing it this way.
3. Slytherins are not people too, no exceptions. Each and every one of them is out to get you and you in particular. Get them first. The arsenic's over there…
4. If you mess up royally in Potions and are punished for it, rant and rave about how unfair that is for at least two weeks. Under no circumstances should you acknowledge that you made a mistake and under no circumstances should you acknowledge that you may have been punished because of your own stupidity rather than the teacher's ingrained bias against you. Just a reminder that the arsenic is over there.
5. In your position as Gryffindor, you have certain standards to maintain. One of these standards is to be loud and 'hearty'. Should you ever find yourself feeling apathetic or disinterested, seek medical attention immediately. You, as Gryffindor student, must find yourself in one of the following states of being at all times: Angry, victorious, outraged, stubborn, cheerful, delighted, concerned for a friend, contrary, heroic, righteous, disgusted or smug. To a Gryffindor, apathetic is a word used only when referring to someone as 'a lamentable such-and-such' while lackadaisical is a word used only when there is a nation wide flower shortage.
6. Wherever possible, swagger.
7. You have 'daring nerve'. This means that you should be more than prepared to carry out moronic and dangerous schemes on a whim. Classic examples include adding love potion to chocolates which may or may not reach the object of your affection and will become more potent with time, running off into a secret chamber nobody knows exists with a wussy DADA teacher and a schmuck with a broken wand after an almost indestructible serpent and it's evil Overlord, and, naturally, hopping on a cleaning appliance to soar a hundred feet in the air after an expert flier who nicked someone's paperweight. Go Gryffindor Go. Brains are for those idiot Ravenclaws after all.
8. Your house animal and mascot is a lion. There have not been enough jokes, references and funny signs made about this fact in the past thousand years so please, PLEASE, make more.
9. Try your very best not to mingle with the other houses. Slytherin, being evil and all that, is obviously off limits. But for reasons that no one quite understands, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are also big no-no's. After all, they are in a different house to you. This is not to say that they are bad people necessarily, or even that they aren't brave, it's merely a fact which cannot be overcome. It's like Slytherins and Muggleborns. Gryffindors and other houses are un-mix-y things.
10. When in doubt, wear red. It's your house colour so you'll never look like an idiot, not even if it combines with your hair to make you look like a human flare.
