Hello, again. If you've made it this far, I love you for life. c.h.i.c.a.g.o. x pillows doesn't have any stories, else I'd pimp her for being such a great reviewer.
So, this is flashback. Yep. About time Axel got his spotlight, yeah? Eek, not so happy with the chapter itself though.
Carry this Picture for Luck
Chapter the Fourth
After Roxas and Sora's parents split, the twins moved with their mom down to Orange County. They never called or wrote, but Axel didn't worry about it. They always came back.
Every winter they came to spend time with their dad and to snowboard. Mr. Hikari was a nice guy, but his ex-wife had complained him too boring, too safe, whatever that meant. In the end it had been a mutual agreement that they'd be better off without each other, and the twins were all the better off for it. They loved where they lived; they loved the beaches and the boardwalk and the sociality of it all; in Big Bear, there was only Axel and Marluxia and Larxene.
Sora came with pictures of the beach and the sunsets and the busy boardwalk lives. His favorite model was Roxas, Roxas surfing, Roxas skating, Roxas flipping the bird at the camera with a sour expression on his face. Axel particularly liked the last one; Roxas looked really cute when he was angry.
In a small mountain town like theirs, Axel was always bored. He either studied his home schooling material or hung out with Marluxia and Larxene or spent hours studying the finer points of Sora's photographs. He eventually realized that it wasn't Sora's photography he was looking at (the pictures of the sunset and random strangers never appealed to him,) but Roxas. It was Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, no one else. There'd never be anyone else but Roxas.
He didn't know why; as far as he knew, he wasn't attracted to anyone else. Roxas was just a friend he saw once a year, but when Roxas came, they didn't even have to talk. They were just that comfortable with each other. When he was with Roxas, he couldn't even remember the other three hundred and fifty days of the year that Roxas wasn't there. Roxas was surly and quiet and thought too much, but Axel knew he was the one for him.
No one but Roxas.
The year he figured it out, the twins came back, Sora waving pictures of a light haired kid. Riku, Sora told them, was his new best friend. There were a lot of pictures of Riku, and some of Riku and Roxas doing everything from walking hand in hand looking away from each other and the camera, to sharing ice cream and smiles. "Riku likes posing," Sora told Axel and the others. "He somehow convinced Roxas to play along. I don't even know who suggested the whole couples theme, but it was fun."
Axel felt a stab in his gut, and he could tell Sora was completely oblivious to what these pictures meant. In one picture, Riku grinned saucily at the camera, and a later picture from the same set showed Roxas holding the other boy's gaze. It wasn't just posing.
Axel glanced at the blond, who stood a ways off, more sour than usual.
"What," Axel asked Sora later, when no one else was there, "Is up with Roxas' attitude towards this Riku?"
Sora frowned, and looked to make sure Roxas couldn't hear them, even if he was in the bathroom. "Roxas had a crush on Riku. A big one. I think he even told him, but Riku turned him down."
"Then why do you still talk about him so much? Don't you think about hurting Roxas' feelings?" Axel wanted to know.
"Roxas has a boyfriend now," Sora explained. "And Roxas knows that Riku's one of my best friends. He's not bothered about it, really."
Axel's stomach hurt, like he was going to bleed out through it.
--
"Are you going to college?" Axel asked Roxas on the ski lift.
"I got accepted to Hallow Bastion University," Roxas told him, fixing the gloves on his hands. "Sora and Riku too."
"Is it close to where you live?" Axel wanted to know.
"Kind of," Roxas shrugged. "Far enough away we can't live at home, close enough to visit Mom every weekend. Dad's moving in with her. They want another shot at making it work." Roxas snorted as they approached the top of the expert slope and got off. "After eight years? Freaking insanity, man." He attached his other foot to his snowboard and slid down a few feet in front of Axel as he did the same.
"So… you're not coming back here?" Axel's insides couldn't take it. "Ever?"
"Maybe for the slopes, but I'm going to be busy with studies and the like." Roxas adjusted the goggles on his face. "Come on Axel," he challenged, starting down the slope. "First one to the bottom treats to coffee."
--
For Christmas last year, he'd given Roxas one of his favorite sweatshirts, a large red one with Big Bear printed across the front. He was glad to see Roxas wearing it this year. "Roxy," he smirked, drawing his words out. "I like how that looks on you." Roxas blushed and threw a marshmallow at Axel.
Axel preferred spending holidays with the Hikari's. He was raised single handedly by his half-drunk father, unless one counted Reno, who'd left as soon as he turned eighteen. Axel would have left last month for the same reasons, except that he wanted to see Roxas again. It was Christmas Eve tradition to roast marshmallows and sing carols into the night. Axel thought of everything but that this would be their last Christmas Eve like this.
Roxas leaned on the railing of the patio, looking out to the stars. "We're going home in the morning," Roxas told Axel when the redhead came outside, seeking his friend. "We're leaving around ten, I think. Just so you know."
"You miss your boyfriend, huh?" Axel prodded.
Roxas barely flinched and nodded. "We made plans for New Years, so…"
"Can't you leave tomorrow?" asked Axel. "When it's not Christmas Day?"
"There's things we need to do," Roxas told him. "Well, things I have to do. I'll see you next year, though, right?"
"I'm moving out," Axel informed him. "After the new year, I'm going to LA with my brother. You know, Reno?"
"So I guess this is goodbye." Roxas sighed, breath frosting in the cold air. He turned to go back inside, only to be stopped by Axel. "Axel, what are you-?"
"Sh. Look up." Roxas did, and dangling above him, past Axel's head, was a sprig of green leaves. The mistletoe hung from the overhang, swinging in the wind. Before he could say a word, the redhead bent down to plant a kiss on Roxas' lips.
Roxas froze at first, but Axel's lips were slow and steady in moving against his, as the taller boy pressed his body closer. Axel's hands touched his arms and slid up to cup his face. Their lips weren't so mashed together that Roxas couldn't get air, but the kiss was stealing his breath anyway. Roxas kissed him back.
When they finally broke apart, Roxas' eyes were shining as Axel searched them. "I like you," Axel breathed. "No, I freaking love you. Got it memorized?"
Roxas mutely pushed him back, before struggling to speak. "You—I—can't—" he choked. He brushed past Axel swiftly, bidding Sora and his father a goodnight, heading straight for his bedroom. Axel sighed.
"There is definitely no one else for me."
--
--
Axel met Sora again first, when he started writing for Hollow Bastion University's campus newsletter. He was a year behind Sora, having taken a year after getting his high school diploma to raise money for college. Sora took pictures for the newsletter, and seemed pleased enough to see him. "Hey Axel," Sora let him know energetically, "I'll show you around after class." Sora grinned and snapped a shot of Axel. "It's so great to see you. I'm sure Roxas can't wait."
"How about," suggested Axel, "You give me Roxy's phone number? Is he staying in the dorms?"
"Naw, he's living in a student apartment over down…" Sora waved his hand vaguely in one direction, but it didn't really help, seeing as they were inside a room. "But yeah sure. Here…"
So, while walking to his car, Axel called the number Sora gave him.
"Hello?" someone asked groggily. Axel checked his watch; it was ten in the morning, and Roxas still wasn't up?"
"Hey Roxy-bear," Axel purred into the phone.
"What the—who the hell is this?"
"Who are you?" Axel demanded back.
"I'm Roxas' boyfriend. Now tell me who the fuck you are." Roxas had a boyfriend? Well shit, that put a damper on his plans.
"I'm Axel. A-X-E-L. Axel Kaze. I'm Roxas' best friend. Got it memorized?"
"No you're not," the boyfriend told him. "I am."
"I thought you were his boyfriend?" Axel questioned.
"I can be both." Axel heard clearly a door slamming on the other end, and someone calling out a greeting.
"Who's that?" Axel knew instantly it was Roxas. Only one person could make his heart beat faster in two words.
"Some asshat who says he knows you."
"I know lots of asshats. Which one?"
"Some guy name Axel…"
"Axel?!" Roxas' voice was suddenly in his ear, and Axel grinned in triumph. "How'd you get my number?"
"Sora gave it to me," said Axel. "Is that the Riku guy I heard about?"
"No! Riku shares an apartment with Sora."
Axel whistled. "Two separate apartments Damn, you kids are rich. And I always knew Sora'd turn out that way."
"It's not that way," Roxas insisted. "Sora has a girlfriend now, for a month. He's head over heels for her; you should see them together. They're fantastic."
"Roxas, you're evading." The blond went silent on the other end. "Roxas, I still love you."
"Axel," Roxas pleaded. "You can't. You just can't. Because I'm already attached and in love and I swear to God if you stalk me…"
"Too bad," Axel sighed. "I'm going to have to resort to that. Just because you love him doesn't mean you can't love me. And I'm going to make you."
"That… is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Bye Axel."
--
Axel got nowhere with Roxas. First he tried calling everyday. Then he tried not calling, but he couldn't stand it. Then he asked Sora where Roxas lived so he could go see him.
None of this helped. Sora, while becoming a closer friend than ever, was under instructions not to tell Axel anything about Roxas, although he let it slip once that Roxas liked Leon's Coffeehouse, being close friends with the owner. Axel got a job there, and was pleased when Roxas walked into the coffeehouse and seated himself at a table.
Axel sauntered over with a notepad in hand. "Welcome to Leon's Coffeehouse," he greeted happily. "How may I serve you?"
Roxas, whose attention had been focused on a novel he was halfway through, froze. "Axel…"
"Hey Roxy!" a dirty blond boy plopped into the seat across from Roxas. "I missed you this morning," he said, leaning in and kissing Roxas on the nose; he was aiming for the lips, but Roxas didn't move any more forward. So this was Roxas' boyfriend? Hayner (Sora had let the name slip) was good looking enough, but Axel didn't like him. No surprise there.
He cleared his throat. "What can I get for you?" he voiced in monotone.
Hayner didn't think about it; "Two lattes, one mocha, one white chocolate and whipped cream." Axel jotted it down.
"So…" he said. "You're the boyfriend, huh? How long have you two been together?"
"A few months, actually… wait…" Hayner quickly glanced at the nametag and almost jumped. "You!"
"Yes," Axel grinned. "Me."
"Roxas, let's get out of here." Hayner stood to leave.
"No, please. Sit, stay. Don't leave your favorite haunt on account of me." Axel smiled pleasantly, even as Roxas, halfway out of his chair, froze again.
"Kaze, I've had enough of your crap," Hayner spat. "I could slap a restraining order on you, you know."
"Then why don't you, loverboy?" Axel taunted. Hayner's cheeks reddened in anger.
"You're Roxas' best friend, you say?" Hayner started, breathing deep to keep from blowing his top.
"I don't just say," Axel replied.
"Well, tell me then, what's Roxas' favorite color?"
"Red," Axel answered automatically.
"Wrong," Hayner told him with a smirk. "It's blue."
Axel looked at Roxas for confirmation. The blond nodded.
"Listen Axel," he told the taller boy. "You don't know anything about me. So you can just drop this whole destined love thing. If we were destined for each other, why didn't you realize sooner? Before I was snatched away?"
"He's not even the same guy you were with when I first kissed you!" Axel exclaimed. "You've been together mere months, I've been pining for years!"
"I'm with Hayner! Does that not mean anything to you? Do my feelings not mean anything to you?" Roxas was absolutely livid. "Damn it, Axel. If you had just dropped this ridiculous love thing the first time around, I wouldn't have to be doing this right now."
"I couldn't drop it the first time around; you kissed me back. You cried. And I know why; you wanted me too, didn't you? And you still do. That's why you're avoiding me now."
Axel was on the ground in an instant with an aching jaw. Hayner unclenched his fist. "That oughta teach you," he growled. "Come on, Roxas." He grabbed Roxas' hand and dragged him out of there.
("Kaze," Leonheart said later. "If you don't stop harassing my customers, I'm going to have to fire you."
"He's the one who punched me," Axel whined back.
"If you weren't stalking Roxas, he wouldn't have to punch you.")
--
Maybe, Axel thought once, there wasn't such thing as a one true love. If Roxas could be with Riku or Hayner or whatever other boys he'd been with, there wasn't a one true love for him. Logically, that would throw the whole one true love theory out the window. He tried a few times, to let Roxas go. Sora's girl set him up with her roommate once, but Selphie was too curvy and too loud and too female. He found himself more attracted to the blond boy who escorted the same girl to a party the next weekend.
Tidus, being straight, was out of the question. So Axel found himself searching where gay men could be found, primarily gay friendly bars and clubs. Oh sure, he was attracted to some. He lost his virginity to a blond man he recognized as a patron of Leon's Coffeehouse. The blond was too quiet and level and somber. When Axel thought about it, he remembered Leon referring to the blond customer reading psychology texts in the corner as "Strife." It was a fitting name. But that man hadn't tugged at Axel's heartstrings or made him feel like more than a replacement. But that was okay, because Axel had ended up imagining him to be younger and sassier with hair spiked in a different mess any way.
Then there was the kid from his English class, silver haired and proud. There wasn't an immediate attraction, but he liked the boy's spirit. And there was this nagging feeling Axel got whenever he saw that silver hair and that haughty expression on his face. He chalked it up to attraction, until the morning after they hooked up. His name was Riku, and there was a picture of him and the Hikari twins sitting on his desk. It must have been from senior year, what with their caps and gowns and tassels on. Riku's arms were thrown around each twin's shoulder, and Axel didn't like how Roxas' expression looked strained, but his body leaned into Riku's touch so willingly. Riku, in turn, had his eyes shifting slightly towards Sora, pulling the other twin the slightest bit closer. Sora was laughing, oblivious to the world.
Something boiled in Axel's stomach, giving him the urge to throw up and laugh all at once. How ironic.
Axel left before Riku woke up, afraid he'd do something drastic to the bastard who had plucked his Roxas' heartstrings.
chapter end
