Disclaimer: -Tumbleweed rolls over disclaimer-
-reader forced to fill in the blanks all by themselves-
10 GOLDEN RULES FOR SLYTHERIN STUDENTS
1. If male, possess a vaguely sinister or deeply unusual surname. "Macdonald" just doesn't cut it round here.
2. As a Slytherin student you must lead the pack in smirking and sneering. These two expressions, while similar, are innately different and require separate, in depth practise and review. Remember, it takes twice as many muscles to frown as it does to smile. By smirking you are, in effect, doing both. SO PRACTISE!
3. Try not to make 'inbred' jokes. After all, you're Slytherin. And people in glass houses…
4. You have been sorted into Slytherin. If, after this, you find yourself unable to make a first year Hufflepuff cry like a baby, leave school immediately and don't return. You have to think of your House. You have to maintain their standards. It's your duty. Your duty as a complete and total… never mind.
5. The Shadows are your friend, use them to the best of your ability. They serve the purpose of offering you a dramatic entrance, slinking away, hiding your presence, hiding your illegal activities and making your face look all ominous when badly lit. All these are good things.
6. Practice use of the word "Mudblood." Not everyone can pull it off, so if your can't then take lessons. Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson are all available for training, and for a moderate fee will educate you. They also offer lessons in reciting "Weasley is our King" at the top of your lungs while still appearing civilised: These lessons cost more.
7. Feel free to break rules, break hearts, and break promises. But never get caught.
8. Knowledge is power, so learn all you can about everyone and file it away for later. This comes in useful, not only for blackmailing purposes, but also when convincing people you can hardly tolerate that you are their best friend. It also never hurts to have a teacher on your side. Bribes are also recommended, though blackmail and preferential treatment are both cheaper.
9. You are not Gryffindors. Unless you feel your plan is utterly foolproof -which it almost certainly isn't-, then you should have a valid and viable excuse on hand at all times, to account for your actions. You should also have the antidote to truth serum and perhaps some method of invisibility, disguised on your person at all times. You are devious and ambitious: Act like it. And remember, your house mates will sell you out as soon as look at you. If your "foolproof" plan is dependant on them, you're screwed.
10. The Potions classroom is sacred. It the only lesson which takes place in Slytherin territory, the dungeons. It is also the only class where in Slytherins are given the benefit of the doubt; this should be used to your full advantage. While messing around in Potions in acceptable, nay, expected, if you overdo it and mess it up for the rest of Slytherin then you will be lynched by your own house. No one wants to be lynched, so don't be an idiot.
