Disclaimer: Despite ardent and repeated requests, JK Rowling has still refused to give me the rights to Harry Potter.
Shocking, I know.
Oh, and do you know that at the end of this post I will have made 176 Golden Rules? And that I'm not even half done yet? It's scary.
10 GOLDEN RULES FOR SEVENTH YEARS
1. "You're the Kings of the Castle, and we're just Dirty Wee Rascals…" Yes, that's right. You rule this school now. Teachers are unimportant and the Headmaster has nothing on you. You. Rule. All. Never let anyone forget it, even for a moment.
2. Your time is precious, and so you must appear to be deeply exasperated if, and when, someone who is not in Seventh year makes any attempt to speak with you.
3. Despite your precious time, you are not allowed to rush anywhere. You walk at a leisurely pace. You do not hurry your meals. While in class you must appear idle at all points in time, even when taking frantic notes in the fervent hope that they will somehow get you through your exams unscathed. Which brings me to the next rule…
4. You must be constantly terrified about your exams. And about your life after school, and about your love life, and about your hair. Though you may never allow younger students to see this aspect of Seventh year. This way you can set them up so that when THEY go into Seventh year, they will be stunned and disappointed, thereby insuring that you do in fact have the last laugh.
5. At this stage in proceedings, if you still can't do Non-Verbal Spells then you never will. Stop trying. The other years are all making fun of you and you are giving your entire year group a bad name.
6. If on the Quidditch team, speak incessantly about which qualities your replacement should have. Even if you yourself possess none of these qualities.
7. Feign camaraderie with your Professors. This will leave First, Second and Third Years in awe of your maturity and easy-going sociability. Fourth year, Fifth years and Sixth years are all too preoccupied with actual work to care what your relationship with your teachers is like however, so don't expect a response from them. NOTE: Feigning camaraderie with Professors Snape or McGonagall is not recommended to those who wish to retain their extremities. ADDITIONAL NOTE: Any form of association with Professor Trelawney is not recommended to those who wish to retain their faculties.
8. If you have not yet had at least one conversation with the Headmaster, in his office, then now is the time to do so. In order to be immediately escorted to his office, this Sarcastic Git enthusiastically advocates feeding Hufflepuffs to the Giant Squid. Risible and effectual. (Once in Headmaster's office, demand to know why you've never been in there while Harry Potter practically has a standing appointment. Act offended.)
9. Upon entering the last month of your education, you must have a nervous breakdown. The fears you have about the outside world, your place in it, the doors that will be closed to you if you don't get the results you need, etc, etc, must all catch up with you. When they do, you must be reduced to a wreck of a human being for at least two days, preferably longer. This break down is mandatory.
10. Accept the fact that your exit from the school will not be as impressive as the Weasley twins'. No one's exit from the school will be as impressive as the Weasley twins'.
