Disclaimer: -petulant expression- Right, that's it. I'm not doing any more of these. Everybody is nice and clear on the fact that I don't own Harry Potter? Everyone will remember this for the following chapters? Good. Because I'm sick of repeating it and trying to be amusing. It doesn't work.
-Grin-: This is actively being written for CAP. L who keeps reviewing like three seconds after I post. It cheers me up. This is the last one tonight though. I have a new book I want to read sometime this month…
10 GOLDEN RULES FOR HARRY POTTER DEVOTEES AT HOGWARTS
1. The fact that Harry Potter has shown little to no interest in dating over the past six years, and is (according to some very catchy limericks on certain bathroom cubicles) of questionable orientation, should in no way affect your belief that he spends his nights dreaming about going out with you. Nor should the fact that he has no idea who you are and has consistently neglected to notice your existence for six years, in any way dwindle your enthusiasm.
2. Though you are not in his house, you should feel more than within your rights to arrive at his Quidditch practises and swoon. You should also sigh dreamily, fan yourself down and imagine what your children would look like at every available opportunity. No one will mock you for this.
3. Conveniently forget the fact that, less than a year ago, you thought he was a nutcase and repeatedly did impressions of him experiencing syncope in the middle of the hallway, screaming that "the Dark Lord was going to beat him to death with a halibut". Accuse anyone who does not have a selective memory of spreading vicious rumours to "harm your chances with Harry Potter."
4. Constantly regale us all with details of his "big green eyes" and "adorably untidy jet-black hair". The fact that he's a goggly-eyed midget with scruffy hair has honestly escaped our notice all these years.
5. The attempted use of love potion on Harry Potter is in no way immoral or irresponsible and couldn't possibly end badly for anyone. And no one notices when one of their friends or classmates suddenly becomes unnaturally obsessed with someone they didn't know existed ten minutes previously. Ergo no one is capable of taking him to see the Potions Master and having an antidote shoved down his throat. And of course, he wouldn't be outraged or offended that you would attempt such a thing, because the guy hasn't had enough people trying to brainwash him over the years.
6. Mistletoe is your friend. As is the "New Year's Kiss" tradition. Should we have a raving lunatic as our Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher, you have no option but to grab one of the many surly-looking dwarves dressed up as Cupid and send them after Harry Potter, complete with nauseating poetry.
7. If you have a friend or friends who do not share your obsession with the Boy-Who-Won't-Bloody-Die, then you must abandon them at once. They do not know of what they speak. They are clearly delusional and unable to think straight. If they assure you that they DO hold him in high regard, but they are not quite as obsessed as you then they must still be cut loose. You are not obsessed. And don't let any restraining orders taken out against you, tell you differently.
8. Begin to become obsessed with his red-haired sidekick as well. Do so for reasons known only to yourself, and reasons which will hopefully remain that way.
9. Ignore any suggestion that your behaviour will cause you embarrassment in the future. No one has ever looked back on childhood fixations like that and cringed. The person who is suggesting it to you is simply trying to get you out of the picture, so they can have Potter all to themselves.
10. No other males exist inside Hogwarts. Don't forget this fact.
