A/N: Well, here it is, the next chapter. I hope you guys enjoy. Once again, one thing led to another and here we are. I wish I knew what my ending result is going to be with this story, but I have no idea. About anything. At all. I'm like Toby, I guess.
Thanks to those of you who reviewed! Especially the few of you (you know who you are) who have reviewed every chapter :) It really makes me happy and I write faster because of it. Hope you enjoy this one!
They sat on the couch eating Chinese food and watching what had to be the quintessential romantic comedy of the century. Everyone knew the movie. Even young children who hadn't heard of Jerry Maguire could quote it at ease. He knew she loved this movie; he'd bought it for her a few years ago when she'd asked to come over one night. He'd thought she'd broken up with Roy, and his plan had been to woo her into falling in love with him through Tom Cruise and Renee Zellwegger. But she hadn't. She'd just wanted to spend an hour with him. So he'd kept it.
They'd whipped it out tonight when they'd gotten home from work. Pam wasn't as shaken up about the incident at work as he'd thought she would have been, so they'd been alright to run by Kung Foo's Chinese Palace and pick up some cartons of random Chinese food. They'd come home, gotten in their pajamas, and settled down in front of the TV for a quiet dinner and a relaxing movie. Jim didn't want to admit that the slumber party he was attending was fun, but it was.
Three hours into the movie and they still hadn't seen the famous line. Apparently, Pam liked this movie so much she liked to rewind and replay parts of it, claiming that she needed to see the facial expressions, hear the tone of voice, search the background. She was such an artist, looking at every single detail about a movie that was a Blockbuster hit, but he honestly couldn't stand the constant replaying of what he thought was the worst movie in history.
And then, around 9:30, they got to the part. Renee Zellwegger in her men-bashing group and Tom Cruise bolted in, stopped everything and looked around like he has no idea what was going on or what he was doing. And then he said it, and Jim could feel his entire body cringe.
"You complete me," he heard the voice, and it felt like it was going to eat him up, it was so horrible. He couldn't stifle the laughter that was permeating up his throat, about to fall out of his mouth like rain falls from the sky. It came out as more of a howl, and suddenly, he was clutching his stomach, so aware that he was making a scene. So aware that he was laughing over something that Tom Cruise said. He knew everyone did that now, but it hit him how ahead of the game he was.
He looked over at her, and she was staring at him, tears in her eyes. He couldn't stand the look on her face. The 'oh that's so sweet' look that caused tears to form. He couldn't believe she'd bought the line; he couldn't believe he was going to have to explain why he was laughing so hard. Why he doesn't like this movie. Why it's so hard for him to believe that she likes it.
The movie ended, and just like any other romantic comedy, the guy gets the girl and the audience gets the laughs. She turned to him abruptly, "What was that all about?"
"You really don't see the problem with that line, Beesly?" he asked, staring at her. She shook her head no.
"It's a beautiful line."
"It's a fake line." He replied, shaking his head. "You would want someone to tell you they complete you?"
"Yeah," she replied, not thinking about the issue as she pops another egg roll into her mouth. "It's cute and sweet," she said through a full mouth.
"No, it's completely wrong."
"Okay, then you tell me your side of it."
Jim turned to look at her and opened his mouth, unsure of how to phrase what he was about to say. "You shouldn't need someone else to complete you. That's not a good relationship. You should be one complete person already, add another complete person into the mix, and then you have two complete people in one complete relationship, neither of them needing the other person to survive. Do you really want to give someone else the job of completing you? And for that matter, do you want the job of completing someone else?"
She stared at him, her expression blank. He couldn't read it. He knew she was thinking about it. Thinking hard about what he'd just said. When she opened her mouth, he knew it wouldn't be good. She was mad. She was angry. She was upset.
"You don't need to tell me I was wrong, Jim. I figured it out." She pointed to her face, as if to say, 'look, here are my medals of bravery'. He shook his head; she'd completely misunderstood him.
"Pam, I wasn't talking about you. I'm just saying in general…"
"Oh." Her voice softened and she settled back against the couch some more, as if to be thinking. Then her voice was timid and shy, and she asked, "Jim, do you believe there is a 'one' for everybody?"
He knew his answer would upset her. He knew this was their bad night. This was the one where everything was going to sink in. But he wasn't going to lie to her. He hadn't lied to her since he'd picked her up on Thursday morning and he knew he wasn't going to start now. Any good relationship had honest communication, and he'd seen that these past few days. Pam had been honest with him with what she could, and he'd been honest with her about everything. Now wasn't the time to break that streak, especially over something that he believed was big.
"No, I don't." He said, looking at her. He reached his hand out for hers, but she pulled it away. He didn't completely understand why she was so upset. He thought she would be upset, what with his direct disagreement with her ideas. But could it be she was actually hoping he would say yes? Maybe she was hoping that she was it.
"Can I tell you why before you get way upset with me?" he asked, and she looked up at him and nodded slightly, as if she was trying to push all of those feelings of upset away. He continued, "I think it's just a little… I don't know, heartbreaking to believe in the one. It's like saying that you have to meet, fall in love with, and marry the one person that was made for you, or else you'll never amount to anything and you'll never be loved… I mean, what if someone else is stupid enough to take your one? Then you're stuck… I believe there is a right one… I mean, I believe you can fall in love, get married, have babies and grow old with a variety of different people, some who are right, some who are wrong… I just think the aspect of having a 'the one' is a little too much."
She nodded slightly. "Have you ever um, thought you found a right one? I think that's what you called it."
"Yeah." He said softly, reaching for her hand once more. She didn't flinch or pull back this time, she just kept it where it was. When he held it, she looked up at him and smiled softly. "You're having a hard time understanding why anyone would ever want to love you, aren't you?" He asked.
She stammered. He knew he'd hit her right on. She was obviously doubting. Doubting herself. Doubting him. Doubting the decisions she'd made with Roy. He touched her face softly. "Pam."
She smiled. "You're going to tell me, aren't you?"
He laughed. "I wasn't planning on it… I was just going to tell you that while there are a lot of reasons for someone to love you, true love doesn't need a reason."
She paused, taking the statement in. He could see the wheels turning in her mind. "So, what's you reason?" She asked, smiling.
"I don't have one," he replied, as if he'd known the answer forever. She looked up at him and smiled, before scooting closer to him and letting him wrap his arms around her.
"So, you don't believe that anyone can complete anyone else, you don't believe in the one, but you believe you've found your true love."
"Sounds kind of hypocritical, doesn't it?" He asked, laughing. She nodded and laughed into his chest. "Well, I chose for you to be my one true love. That wasn't fate or destiny; that was choice."
"And yet, you've hardly made a move on me since I got here." She said softly.
He smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. "I've been putting the moves on you. They're just a different kind of moves."
She smiled, "Oh?"
"You're not ready to go have sex with me, are you?" He asked, in mock seriousness.
"Wh.. What? No… Not really." She answered, embarrassed and looking down.
"Exactly." He said softly. "I don't want to pressure you. I don't want you to feel like that's all I want because it is not. So my moves have more been trying to knock it into your hard-headed skull just how much I'm in love with you."
"Just how much are you in love with me?" She asked playfully.
"I don't really know how to answer that," he replied, intertwining his fingers with hers. "I just don't know where in love stops and where it begins with you."
She smiled. "Jim."
"Pam," she could hear the smile in his voice as he said her name.
"I know I said I don't want sex… And I really don't want to be… physical, I guess… But, I don't want to lose you…" He cut her off with a finger to her lips.
"Hey." He said softly. "You can't lose me. We're going to give you time to get okay with everything, then we're going to date, and kiss, and get married, and have babies, and grow old together and die in each others arms."
She smiled up at him. "That sounds…. amazing."
He smiled back at her, kissing the top of her head. It was silent for a few minutes, before he heard her voice again. "I really need to call my mom, I think."
He nodded. "I think you probably do too. The phone is in the kitchen. You can take it up to our room if you want, or I can go up there and you can take the call down here." It hit him all of a sudden how effortlessly he'd said our room. Their room. His and hers. Both of them. He hoped he hadn't freaked her out.
"I think I'll take it in our room," she winked, smiling. She got up and kissed his cheek, walking away as her fingers slowly slid out of his grip. He watched her walk away, and for the thousandth time this week thought to himself how perfect this was. How right this seemed. How much everything just seemed to fit when it was with her.
She sat on the bed, phone cradled in her hand, the bedspread up around her knees, waiting for her mother to pick up on the other end. She looked around the room, taking in the blue and green striped décor Jim had apparently become fond of. She could feel her head shaking as she took in all of the "decorations" he'd put up, such as Phyllis' penguin and a collage of other artifacts, including her prize-worthy yogurt lid. They would have to redecorate. Their room was such a bachelor pad. She gasped as she caught herself thinking these things. This wasn't her room; it was Jim's. She didn't live here. She had her own house, her own room.
She was interrupted by the click on the other line and her mother's voice, "Hello?"
"Hi Mom, it's me," her voice seemed shaky, even to her.
"Pam! How are you, honey?" her mother's voice, although a bit groggy at first, seemed to lighten when she recognized who she was speaking to. Pam couldn't help but smile at the realization that her mom wanted to talk with her. It was as if she'd come to the realization that her mom loved her in that one instance.
"Mom, I love you." She said softly, curling up in the bed and smiling. They hadn't done this before. Pam hadn't realized how much she loved her mom before.
"I love you too." The words seemed so effortless to Pam, just as they had when Jim had spoken them earlier. They weren't some sort of revelation, or some sort of placeholder in conversation, they were just there. They were as sure to her as her name was. She just knew it was true. The words were everyday conversation, and although they meant a lot and their meaning changed their relationship entirely, there was no thought before uttering them. No nervousness. She realized how much she'd missed out on.
"I have some news," Pam started. She didn't wait for her mom to reply before she divulged into the conversation. "I'm not really sure how to start it, but I broke up with Roy. He'd been treating me horribly… How Dad used to treat you… and then the other night he just took it too far, Mom. And I was lying there beat up and broken and then Jim showed up."
"Jim." Her mom said, a little bit of a crack in her voice. "Jim from work? The one who was in love with you."
Pam nodded, knowing that the nod couldn't transfer through the phone lines, but at the same time, knowing her mom knew her actions, what she'd been doing. "Is, Mom. The one who is in love with me. I've been staying at his house so I wouldn't have to see Roy, and we've been talking, a lot… I told him about Dad."
She could hear her mother take a deep breath and she waited, unsure of whether or not something was going to come out. "Pam…"
"No, Mom, I needed to tell him. I've kept it inside for so long, and it's been eating up at me, and it's really screwed me up… And my relationships and what I expect out of them, and I just needed to tell him… You have no idea how amazing he's been the past few days… I felt like he deserved to know… No… I felt like I deserved to tell him."
"Pam…." Her mom said again.
"Mom." Pam said, cutting her off. "He really, he's just been amazing… I mean, the guy has been in love with me for five years, and I've put him through so much hell… He sits here and tells me he's okay, he loves me, he doesn't want anything more for me than what I can give him… Do you know how strange and foreign that is to me? Roy was never… He was very take, take, take… It was all about him… With Jim, it's different. He cares about me.. For me… And not just because of sex or hot wings or any of that. Because of me…"
"Pam…"
"Do you know what he said to me today, Mom? I asked him why he would ever love me, and do you know what he said? He said that real love doesn't need reasons. Reasons cheapen real love… And he didn't have any reasons. He just loved me. That's what he said, Mom…"
"Pam…" Her mom waited for her to finish gushing. When she finally felt like Pam had stopped, Pam heard her say softly, "I'm glad you finally told someone, sweetheart. There's no reason for you to have to carry that by yourself."
"Really?" Pam could feel the tears in her eyes forming.
"Yes, honey… We all need someone to help take away our pain. Even you. You've always been my stubborn, sarcastic little fighter. But you still need somebody to help you sometimes." Her voice softened. "Why didn't you tell anyone what Roy was doing to you, baby girl? We could have come and kicked his ass. You didn't need to wait for him to kick yours…"
"I guess I just thought it was a sign of weakness…" Pam trailed off. "And I didn't realize it wasn't normal… After you and Dad."
"Sweetheart, it's not normal. Not at all. It's horrible and completely degrading. Your Dad and I… Well, I was stupid. I should have left the first time he raised a hand to me, but I had four beautiful daughters with him. And I loved him because he gave me you girls. I'd made a vow to him, and back then, a vow was something you couldn't break, no matter what he was doing to you. The day I saw him hurt you like he did, that's when it was over. It might have been something we were all accustomed to, but it wasn't normal, Pam. It's never been normal… I'm sorry I never told you that."
Pam could feel the tears falling down her cheek again. "It's okay, Mom," she said softly. "I look a little rough, and I feel horrible, but I'll be okay… Some good will come out of it."
"It has," Pam corrected herself. "Mom, I really think I'm in love with him… It's not just the pain talking or the past few days. I've been in love with him for a long time."
"I know you have, baby. You never talked about anybody the way you talked about him. Just be careful. Don't jump into things too fast."
"Mom, he's not going to hurt me," Pam said, somewhat annoyed her mother would even suggest that, even though she knew it wasn't ludicrous of her to do so.
"That's not what I was worried about. I don't want you to hurt him." Pam could feel her heart stop as she thought about the prospect of possibly hurting Jim. That's not something she wanted. That's not something she ever wanted. She would gladly go back to Thursday morning's fight if it meant Jim would never be hurt again. She would take that over and over again for him, no question about it. "Just, wait until you're ready to be in a relationship with him. You don't want to have to back out while you're in it when you could have waited. It's much more painful."
Pam nodded, "okay Mom." As her mom turned the conversation to Christmas and her sisters, Pam thought about all that had transpired in the past few days. She'd let go of so many things, been broken down to her core. All of the dark parts of her soul were slowly being shed; the feelings of doubt, guilt, and insecurity were disintegrating with every conversation she had.
She thought about a project she'd done in eighth grade. There had been a huge project on cells in her biology class. It was a three-part project—the first part was to dress up like a part of a cell on Halloween, the second part was to create an edible cell, and the third was to create a model of a cell. Her model had been made out of Legos left over from her childhood. She'd spent three days on it, but the morning of her project, as she was walking out the door, she'd accidentally ran into the garage freezer; her project had crashed in pieces. She'd had to rebuild it that morning on the bus and in all of her classes, and finally when it was time for her to present, her Lego cell was taller, stronger, and more true than it had been before.
Right now, sitting on Jim's bed, she felt like that project the moment it hit the freezer. All of the pieces had been scattered and she'd been leveled, but she could feel the pieces coming back together as she realized the truths about love. As she let go of the misconceptions she'd had and focused on the accuracy of the situation. Slowly, but surely, the pieces were being placed in the right locations. She knew she wasn't there yet, but soon enough, it would be time to present herself to those around her. And when she did, she knew she would be taller, stronger, and more true than she'd ever been before.
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